by Mel Odom
He just knew he couldn’t stay in the hospital any longer. So he’d hobbled from his room and out of the hospital without the duty nurse catching him.
Now that he was out, he didn’t know where to go.
The throbbing pain in his knee increased, and he wondered if he could make it back to his room without falling on his face. Needing help to get back to his bed would be embarrassing.
The early morning light was just beginning to lift the shadows night had draped over the beleaguered city. Several of the sandbags stacked against the building to reinforce the walls had been blown open by explosions. Deep craters scarred the street. Hummers and other military vehicles whizzed past, resupplying men and ammo.
Watching them, Goose felt guilty and useless. Lord, he thought, I never thought I’d finish my career up like this. I signed on to be a soldier, to be a man who made changes in the world.
As he thought that, he wondered if that very desire had been the thing keeping him from having a closer relationship with God.
He’d never considered that before. But he remembered the talks with Bill Townsend when they’d discussed church and faith. Bill had been a consummate soldier, but that wasn’t all he’d wanted to be, wasn’t all he’d worked at. There wasn’t a day that went by that Bill hadn’t ministered to someone, even if it was for five minutes over a cup of coffee at a diner. He’d carried his message to every country they’d ever served in together.
Goose had listened to it all, but he’d never really taken it in. Bill had seemed able to serve God and the military at the same time. But Goose knew that he’d given God short shrift over the years.
Was his commitment to the army the reason he was still here in this world when Chris was in the next? Thoughts of his son nearly overwhelmed him.
Is my boy alone, God? Is he scared? Please, I don’t care what You do to me, but please take care of that boy.
Goose’s eyes burned with unshed tears. When Megan had started talking so hopefully about what was taking place and that they would soon be reunited with Chris, Goose had felt angry toward her. That surprised him. In all the years he’d been married to her, he seldom felt that way.
Somehow, though, for the first time in their marriage, Goose knew Megan had moved on without him. He resented her for that. And he resented the fact that she could so quickly adjust to Chris being gone.
Even more, he resented the fact that she would soon be in Sanliurfa while he was going to be shipped out.
You’re being unfair, Goose told himself. But he couldn’t help it. The feelings were strong within him.
He kept thinking about the offer Remington had made to bring him along into the new army Nicolae Carpathia was putting together. Even with his physical disability, Remington would keep him close to hand. He could be there with Megan.
Except it would-to Goose’s way of thinking, at least-compromise the oath and promise he’d made to his country and to the Rangers. Stepping away from that wasn’t as easy for him as it had obviously been for Remington.
Goose checked himself, wondering if he was being unfair to the captain. He’d known the man a long time. Down deep inside, Goose refused to believe that Remington was anything less than a good man. The captain was just confused these days. With everything that had gone on, that was understandable.
And if that one-world army was coming, as Remington seemed to believe so fervently and the news channels were only now starting to talk up, then Goose was going to end up among their ranks anyway. Wasn’t he?
Even trying to think it through logically didn’t help. Goose knew it still felt wrong. He just didn’t know why.
Icarus’s stories about Carpathia kept cycling through Goose’s head.
A tank passed by on the street. The vibrations of its passage were almost enough to make Goose fall off the crutches. He repositioned himself and leaned against the sandbags.
So where are you going to go, Sergeant? Goose asked himself. Just what exactly is it you’re doing out here?
A jeep passed him, then braked to a halt and reversed to pull up in front of him. Danielle Vinchenzo sat behind the steering wheel. Her cameraman sat in the passenger seat.
45
Downtown Sanliurfa
Sanliurfa Province, Turkey
Local Time 0453 Hours
Danielle looked at Goose. “Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?”
“Got tired of lying around,” Goose replied. “Thought I’d get a breath of fresh air.”
Concern tightened the lines of her face. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and Goose would have bet his last dollar she hadn’t slept all night. “You look like you’re ready to fall over,” she said.
“Ma’am,” Goose said with a smile, “I’d say that’s a case of the pot calling the kettle black.”
Danielle grinned in return. “I guess neither one of us was meant for the life of a spectator, First Sergeant.”
“No, ma’am.”
“Want to go anywhere?”
Goose thought about it. “I don’t know. I just knew I couldn’t stay laid up in that bed anymore.”
“Gary and I were heading out to breakfast. If we can find a place. If I eat another MRE, I’m going to barf.”
Goose grinned. “Yes, ma’am. But like my first sergeant told me back in the day, if you find yourself turning your nose up at an MRE, you just ain’t gone hungry long enough.”
Danielle laughed. “I think it’s more likely an acquired taste. But the offer stands. If you stand out here much longer, one of those nurses is going to find you.”
“Yes, ma’am. You’re probably right about that.”
“Then get in.”
“You don’t mind?”
“First Sergeant, I insist.”
“Yes, ma’am.” As Goose hobbled over, the cameraman abandoned the passenger seat and sat on the rear deck. With difficulty and considerable pain, Goose managed to lever his bad leg into the jeep. A fine sheen of perspiration covered him by the time he was in.
“Are you sure you’re up to this?” Danielle asked.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“These streets aren’t smooth anymore.”
“No, ma’am. I can see that. It’ll be all right. But thank you for asking.”
Danielle put the jeep in gear and pulled out onto the street behind a convoy of United Nations vehicles. “I suppose you’re aware of what Carpathia is doing with the military?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I’ve heard that Captain Remington is accepting a position with them.”
“You’d have to talk to the captain about that, ma’am.”
“I don’t think I’m one of the captain’s favorite people these days. Not only that, but I’ve heard a lot of Rangers aren’t happy about it either. Several of them plan to stay with the army.”
Goose didn’t say anything. He’d heard the same thing, and it weighed on his mind.
“Many of those Rangers,” Danielle added, “are the same men who were following Corporal Baker’s church. Before he was murdered.”
That statement gave Goose unpleasant thoughts about Alexander Cody. “Have you done any more follow-up on Cody?”
“Enough to get myself in trouble with the network.”
“They tell you to stay away from him?”
“Not in so many words.”
“It appears to me, ma’am, that you’re working for the man you’re wanting to declare as an enemy.”
Danielle smiled. “For the moment, yes. But Nicolae Carpathia, and especially OneWorld NewsNet, can’t control me.”
Seeing the fiery independence in the woman, Goose nodded. “I reckon not, ma’am.”
“I’m going to stay until they force me out. And I’m going to use my position to ferret out everything I can.”
“Given what you’ve found, ma’am, that might not be the smartest thing you could do.”
“You’re out here wandering around on crutches when you can’t even stand up, First Sergeant. I don’t think
I’d be talking about smart things to do.”
“No, ma’am. I suppose not.”
“What about you, Goose?” she asked.
“Ma’am?”
“Are you going to join Carpathia’s army?”
Goose chose his words carefully. “The docs tell me I’ll be doing good to walk again after this. I get back stateside, I’ll talk to a few specialists. But I don’t think their diagnosis is gonna be much different. Me and this knee, we been through a lot. Got a lot of miles on us. A lot of pain.” But Goose couldn’t stop thinking about Megan and how she was coming to Sanliurfa.
“And if your knee wasn’t hurt?”
“I try not to deal in guesswork like that, ma’am. I’m a U.S. Army Ranger. I was trained to deal in realistic situations.”
“I think we left behind the kind of realistic situations you were trained for weeks ago,” Danielle said.
“Maybe so, ma’am.” Goose shifted and tried in vain to find a comfortable position. Even if he managed that, the bumpy street guaranteed a lot of pain. Some of his discomfort must have shown on his face.
“Sorry,” Danielle said. “If I go much slower, the engine stalls out.”
“I’ll be okay, ma’am.” Goose stared at the blocks lined with bombed-out and wrecked shops. Only a few days ago, many of them had still been open.
“Do you think Remington, as a captain or a colonel, is going to be able to hold this city?”
“If it can be done, I’m sure he’s just the man to do it.”
“You put a lot of faith in him.”
“He’s been a friend for a long time, ma’am.”
“He hasn’t seemed like much of a friend lately.”
Goose didn’t answer for a moment. “The captain’s got a lot on his mind lately, ma’am, but when push comes to shove, I’ve never known him not to do the right thing.” He tried not to pay attention to the doubts he felt as soon as he spoke.
Silence stretched out between them for a time. Goose shoved the pain to the back of his mind, but he didn’t know how much longer he could stand the drive.
Danielle said, “Maybe you’ve still got faith in your boss, but I’m losing faith in mine.”
Goose wondered at the word choice. Faith seemed like an awfully big word to throw around these days. Especially when you weren’t sure what you were supposed to have faith in.
“Goose.”
The voice echoed in Goose’s head and it was so familiar that he started and stared over his shoulder.
“Something wrong?” Danielle asked.
“No,” Goose answered automatically. “Thought I heard something.”
“I don’t see how you could hear anything over the noise this jeep makes.”
“I must not have.” But Goose was sure that he did.
“Street’s blocked,” the cameraman said. “You can’t go that way.”
Goose looked forward and saw that the statement was true. One of the cargo trucks had broken down in the intersection. A ruined tank occupied one of the side streets. Danielle turned left and crept by the sawhorses the military had put out.
“Goose.”
The voice sounded so uncannily like Bill Townsend’s that Goose’s nape prickled. Gotta be more out of it than I thought. Shoulda stayed in bed.
Only a couple of blocks later, Danielle approached a bridge stretching across the river that ran through the city.
“Stop.”
“Stop here.” Goose spoke before he knew he was going to.
Danielle braked the jeep to the side of the street and looked over at him. “Is something wrong?”
“I don’t know.” Goose searched the thinning darkness that clung to the riverbanks and couldn’t find anything that stood out. A few boats sailed sedately across the smooth surface. Judging from the amount of boxes and people aboard, a lot more of the citizens had finally decided to throw in the towel and abandon the city.
Goose stared at the river, following it with his gaze as it wound through Sanliurfa. Then, only a short distance off the road, down the gentle hillside, he spotted a group of Rangers lining the riverbank.
At first Goose thought they were part of a scouting expedition. But there were simply too many of them. Dozens of men sat along the riverbank with their weapons. One of them stood in the water and called out to another. The man walked down the hill and into the slow-moving river. When he reached the waiting man, they talked briefly; then the first man held the other, lowered him into the water, and brought him back up.
“They’re baptizing,” Danielle said. “Gary, get the camera on them.”
“No, ma’am,” Goose said, turning to her. “This is a private ceremony.”
Danielle’s gaze met his without flinching. “This is important.”
“If Captain Remington finds out this is going on, he’ll likely put a stop to it.” Goose didn’t have any doubts about that.
“Are you planning on not reporting them?”
Goose didn’t speak.
“Isn’t that a declaration of some sort about your loyalties?” Danielle pressed.
The question troubled Goose. He tried to find an answer.
“Goose.”
The nape of Goose’s neck prickled again. “My loyalties are to those men.”
“Even if what they’re doing flies in the face of what Remington wants?”
Goose watched the men. He was torn over the issue, but there was something greater at stake. He was certain of that now.
“If you’ll excuse me, ma’am, there’s something I gotta go do.” Goose swung his legs out of the jeep and set the crutches on the ground. His knee throbbed painfully, and his other leg almost buckled underneath him on the uneven ground.
“Goose.” Danielle ran up to him. “Let me help.”
“No, ma’am. I appreciate it, but this is something I gotta do on my own.” Slowly, with great difficulty, Goose made his way down the hillside to the gentle river.
The men caught sight of him and stopped what they were doing. Fear showed on their faces.
46
Downtown Sanliurfa
Sanliurfa Province, Turkey
Local Time 0517 Hours
“First Sergeant,” one of the young men said.
Goose looked around at them. “You boys on your own time?”
“Supposed to take our downtime as we can, First Sergeant.”
“Well then, carry on.” Goose waited, not knowing for certain what had drawn him down the hillside. Looking up it, he felt stupid. There was no way he was going up that hillside under his own power. Coming down had all but exhausted him. You’re gonna feel mighty foolish having to ask for help getting back up there.
“Have faith.”
That was Bill Townsend’s voice again. Goose was sure of it. He looked at the river and thought about Chris. Heaven has to exist, Goose told himself. There’s no other place my boy would be. Before he knew it, tears ran down his cheeks. Chris, I’m sorry I didn’t go with you. But I just didn’t know where I was going wrong then. I didn’t know that faith had to be that strong in you.
“You do now,” that familiar voice whispered. “ So what are you going to do about it, Sarge?”
Carefully Goose let the crutches fall from his hands. He was conscious of everyone’s eyes on him as he limped through the mud. The pain rushed at him, stronger than ever, and he didn’t know if he was going to give in to it or pass out from it first.
Instead, he did just what the military trained him to do. He kept putting one foot after another into the water. He walked until the river closed over his head, filled his ears, and drowned out all other noise. The river took his weight and buoyed him up, lifting some of the pain from him.
For a time, Goose hung there, afraid at any minute that one of the Rangers would come after him because they thought he might be trying to drown himself. Instead, Goose drank in the peace that he felt. It was like nothing he’d ever before experienced.
“It can be better.”
Goose believed that voice. More than that, he believed for certain that he knew where Chris was.
And most of all-he believed.
He let that belief wash over him, buoying him up even more. The pain receded, and he wasn’t at all surprised. He reached for the warmth and security that he knew would be there.
God, I’m at that point where there’s nothing left. The tears came then and he felt them slide hotly from his eyes despite the river’s embrace. I’m away from Megan and Joey. Chris is gone, though I guess he’s with You now. Please take care of him. Tell him I love him. He paused, trying to assemble his thoughts. I can’t walk, God. My knee is shot. Whatever was there, it’s gone now. I’m not even a soldier.
Bill always said You have a plan for everybody. He said You see every sparrow that falls. Well, God, I’ve fallen. I’m here, and I can’t even stand on my own two feet. The helplessness that filled Goose was almost overwhelming. If Bill was right, if I couldn’t come to You until there was nowhere else to go, then I’m here.
I’m just an old, broken-down soldier, God. Not much use to anybody. But I love my family, and I love my unit. It hurts me to think that I’m not going to be there for them.
But I’m not ready to give in, God. I’m not ready to stop fighting for them. I’ll crawl to the front line if I have to. Just give me the strength to do it. Please. Goose paused again. I don’t know if You can find a use for me, but if there’s something I can do for You, help me do it. Please. I pray in Jesus’ blessed name.
Exhausted, Goose couldn’t feel anything but the pain throbbing through him and the sickness twisting in his belly. The cold water pressed against him. He searched for God, then just dialed himself down and concentrated on the emptiness inside him.
I’m here, God. Take me as I am. This is as good as I’ll ever be.
Then Goose felt his pain ease. Floating there in the river, he didn’t feel alone anymore. A quiet, confident joy boiled away the fear and the uncertainty, filling him up and warming his heart.
In that instant, his tears turned from sadness to happiness. He looked up at the brightening sky through the water, blinking understanding that he’d never before felt, laughing out loud despite the fact that he was submerged. Silvery bubbles exploded from his lips.