by Sean Michael
“That doesn’t mean we can’t snack on popcorn. There’s no calories in it. Especially if you eat it curled up with your Master.”
“There are, too.” He let Matt move him into the living room.
“Not enough to make you fat.”
“I worry about it. Gaining weight.”
“I know you do, but I’m worrying about your intake and calorie burning for now, so you don’t need to think about it.”
“You swear? You’re really paying attention for me?” That was a huge pressure on his shoulders.
“I promise you that you will stay in your five-pound zone.”
His knees buckled, and he headed for the couch.
“Easy, easy.” Matt guided him down.
“Sorry.” It was such a weight.
“It’s okay, lovely.” Matt rubbed his belly. “Are you okay?”
“I. No. No. No, I’m not okay.” He wasn’t okay. He was tired of saying he was okay.
“Tell me what’s not okay, lovely.” There was a hint of command in Matt’s tone.
“I don’t know! How can so much be wrong when so much is right?” His chest was going to crack open.
“Because you’re focusing on what’s wrong. We’ll make it right. Together.”
“I can’t. I can’t make anything right, right now.”
“But you don’t have to, Adam. Leave everything with me and heal and enjoy every day we have together.”
He nodded, knowing that he couldn’t do what Matt asked, but willing to try, to submit. Matt gave him an approving kiss.
He kissed Matt back, then settled in to pretend to watch a movie, to listen to the madness in the back of his mind.
Chapter Fifteen
Adam’s back was healing nicely, though Matt was pretty sure his lovely’s spirit was an entirely different matter. Dan had been coming in every morning around eight to help Adam stretch and go through some poses, fifteen minutes stretching over the days to just about an hour now. He and Adam were going walking in the afternoons along the beach. They were up to nearly two hours of that. Adam was also letting him worry about calorie intake, letting him feed his lovely. High protein, low fat, and lots of fruits and vegetables were what he was concentrating on.
He was trying to make the food as interesting as possible, as well, bringing home lots of different spices and adding them to the dishes he prepared. So far the scale had proved him right -- Adam wasn’t putting on weight. What he was doing was getting the nutrients he needed to work and heal.
“Lovely, let’s go have dinner at the Hammer. They usually do something yummy with seafood on Friday nights.”
Adam looked at him, the stillness less control and more depression. “Okay.”
“You don’t have to talk to anyone, lovely, if you don’t want to.” Even if all Adam did was sit there and eat a bit of shrimp, at least it would be getting out, going into the world again.
Adam nodded. “I’ll get dressed. Give me five.”
“Take your time; we don’t have a reservation.” If there were no tables for two, they both knew enough people that they would be invited to sit. The invitations might come anyway.
Adam disappeared like a puff of skinny smoke. Matt shook his head and settled on the couch, waiting for his lovely’s return. He had to come up with something. Some solution for them that would work.
Adam’s subbing for other masters bothered him a lot less than it had at the beginning, less than he’d thought it would. Him providing aftercare and knowing in his heart that Adam was his had made all the difference. He was uncomfortable now, though, even contemplating letting Adam go to a job with a master he hadn’t met himself. No matter how well Adam already knew them.
He wasn’t even sure he wanted Adam doing a scene without him there to supervise, to assure his sub’s safety. He was honest enough to admit that he needed to get some of that control back. What would Adam think of that? He would have to ask.
Adam came back in, neatly dressed, face carefully controlled. He stood and held open his arms. “You look nice.”
“Thank you.” Adam came to him, leaned against him.
“I have you,” he promised, wrapping Adam in his arms.
“I know.” Adam kissed his jaw.
“Good.” He put Adam’s hand in the crook of his arm and headed them out. Adam’s head was down, his lover quiet beside him. He waited until they were in the car and on the road. “Talk to me, lovely?”
“What about, Master?”
“About how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking.”
“I’m trying not to. I’m trying to just sit.”
“I don’t want an automaton, lovely. I want you.”
“I know. I just... I’m very tired, very down.”
“I know. How do I help?”
“If I knew, I would ask you.” Adam offered him a smile, visibly trying. “I’ll be happier.”
He reached over and touched Adam’s hand. “I don’t want an act, lovely.”
Adam’s fingers twined with his. “I can’t stop worrying about things, Master.”
“Share them with me.”
“They’re ridiculous and not worth your time.”
Matt thought that was the closest Adam had come to refusing him as he ever had.
“Nothing about you is ridiculous or not worthy of my time.”
“We’re almost at the club.”
“I can pull over if you’d like.”
“No. No, I’ll be fine. Are you looking forward to supper?”
“I am. I love seafood, but I can’t cook it. It always comes out overdone and rubbery.”
Adam nodded. “I don’t cook it.”
“You eat it, though, right?”
“I haven’t since I became a vegetarian, but I used to crave it.”
“Why did you become a vegetarian?”
“Honestly? It was easier to watch my weight.”
Matt could see that, could see how Adam would come up with something like that. “But seafood has very few calories, lots of protein. It’s great.”
“I liked it.”
Matt had to wonder if that was why Adam didn’t eat it. “Then we can enjoy it together this evening.”
“Maybe...”
He parked the car in the back lot for the Hammer and turned to look at Adam, one eyebrow raised. Adam wouldn’t look at him.
“You ceded control of this to me, Adam. And you’ve done so well with that -- keep trusting me.”
“I’m trying.” The words were barely controlled.
He reached for Adam’s hand and squeezed gently. “I know you are. And you’ve done very well. You need to continue to do so, though. I have promised not to lead you astray. And being able to eat things you enjoy in moderation is very healthy.”
“I don’t want to eat anymore.”
“Ever again, you mean?”
“Sometimes.” There was a storm raging behind the shadow of his lover.
“We need to talk about where this is coming from, lovely.”
“Let’s just have our supper.”
“All right. But, I’m not dropping this.”
Adam nodded, slipped out of the car, not waiting for him to open the door. Matt growled. His sub needed to be reminded who was Master here. Getting out, he walked around and held his arm out for Adam. Adam took his arm, but his lovely one was a million miles away.
He led his lover into the Hammer, hoping Adam’s friends would help bring him back. Everyone greeted Adam fondly, the subs giving Adam gentle hugs, all the Doms respectful, warm. They were shown to a table for two in a quiet corner. Adam sat, eyes down, face carefully still.
Matt considered his lover, his sub, for a long moment.
Adam’s eyes met his. “Master?”
“I’m worr
ied about you, lovely.”
“I’ll be fine. I promise.”
“You will be. I promise.”
Adam blinked, looked confused. “You promise?”
“That you’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it.” He’d figure out what his lovely man needed.
Adam’s smile seemed sad, worried.
Matt waved to Xavier. When he came over, Matt smiled. “Is there a private room available?”
“Let me make sure. Give me two minutes.”
When Xavier walked away, Adam looked at him, obviously confused. “Master?”
“We need a scene, lovely. You need your Master.”
Adam’s eyes went wide.
“I won’t have you fade away to nothing, like a shadow.”
“I won’t. I’m eating. You saw.”
“And I see the sadness in your eyes, the worry. The withdrawal.”
“I’m fine. I will be fine.”
Xavier handed him a key. “Room four.”
“Thank you, Xavier. Come on, lovely. It’s time for your scene.”
Adam stood, the act automatic. Matt could tell his lovely simply didn’t quite understand. His sub, the professional sub, had never had a scene here for himself. A scene with his Master because his sub needed attention, care.
“I love you,” he told Adam as they arrived at room four.
“I love you, Master.”
“Good.” Matt kissed Adam lightly and drew him into the room.
He could see Adam go into what he thought of as ‘work mode’ -- dimming the lights, checking the temperature so the client would be happy.
“Stop. Right there. Stop.”
“What? Do you want more lighting?”
“What I want is for you to strip and kneel on the floor. I will prepare the room how I want it for my sub.”
Adam stared at him for half a second, then blinked. “Yes, S...” Adam’s eyes closed and his lovely took a long, deep breath. “Yes, Master.”
“That’s right, lovely. I’m not a client. It’s me -- Matt.”
Adam nodded for him, smiled. “I’m sorry. I was on auto-pilot.”
“I know. Now that you’re not, get ready for me.”
He went around the room himself, deliberately changing the lighting somewhat, upping the temperature just a touch, arranging the pillows on the chaise lounge. His lover stripped, folding his clothes carefully before kneeling.
Matt moved to where Adam was, slowly walking around his lovely, examining every inch. Adam was seen by him, and he needed his lover to know that. The swelling was gone, the bruises mostly faded. His lover was there, lovely. Solid.
He moaned softly, let his pleasure in Adam be known. Adam’s prick jerked at the sound, began to fill a bit.
He slid his hand along Adam’s right shoulder. “You’re so lovely -- you make me hard, make me want.”
“Thank you, Master.”
Bending, he kissed the shoulder he’d touched. Then he touched the other one, kissed it, too. “You make me want to do perverse things to you, my lovely.”
He felt Adam shiver.
“First, I’m going to use a flogger on you.” It was what Isaac had used to beat Adam so badly. Matt needed to show Adam it was still safe. Adam paled, but didn’t argue.
Matt went to the little cabinet and pulled out a good, heavy flogger. This wasn’t going to work with something light, something toy-like. He brought it back over, showing Adam. “There will be no punishment for safewording should you need to, lovely. And you will safeword if it becomes too much. Or even if it begins and you can’t bear it.”
Adam was pale as snow, red spots on the man’s cheeks, but all Adam did was nod.
“I love you.” It was important that Adam know who was wielding the flogger, that Adam remember that Matt loved and cared for him.
He snapped the flogger gently, the tails thudding softly over Adam’s left shoulder. Adam didn’t move, didn’t shift. Matt wasn’t sure Adam was breathing.
“I’ve always found the flogger to be a very solid tool.” He hit Adam again while he was speaking, across the shoulder blades this time, still not putting very much force behind the hit. The words themselves were just words, just something so Adam would hear his voice.
One tear left Adam’s eyes, slipped down the lean cheek.
“You can cause a lot of damage with it, but wield it properly and you can make magic.” His voice was thick with emotion, but he kept talking, even as he sent the flogger across Adam’s ass, then over his right shoulder.
Adam shuddered, sucking in air, trying so hard.
Matt didn’t think it would take long for Adam to safeword; then his lovely would know that was still safe, that everything would stop. “A few more, lovely.”
The tears came faster. “Master...”
“I’m right here, lovely.” The hits barely touched Adam’s skin now, more brushing him.
Still, the safeword came, not a second before Adam broke, stumbling away.
He tossed the flogger aside and followed Adam, wrapping his arms around his sub from behind. “It’s okay, lovely. I have you. You’re safe.”
“Leave me alone. Please. I need time. I can’t...”
“No, lovely. I stopped the scene when you safeworded, now we deal with the aftermath -- like we’re supposed to.”
“Please...” Adam shook like a leaf in a tree.
He picked Adam up and took him over the lounger, sitting down and holding his lover close. Adam only fought a moment, the little rebellion more than he’d ever seen before, then his lovely one gave in.
He stroked Adam’s skin, touching his lover’s back, shoulders, ass. “I have you. You’re safe.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“You let me hold you and comfort you. You believe me when I promise you that no one will ever hurt you like that again.”
“You can’t know that. I can’t know that.”
“Yes, I can know that. From now on, I’m going to your clients with you.” He hadn’t meant to let that just pop out, to lay it on the line like that, but now that he’d said it, he had no intension of taking it back.
“What?”
“I don’t mean to be controlling, and they’re your clients, but I won’t risk this happening to you again. I won’t risk you again. Any master with legitimate intentions will not have a problem with you having a chaperone along.”
Adam searched his eyes, and he steeled himself for a fight.
“Yes, lovely?” At least a fight on this matter would be something other than the dull quiet of late.
“I... You have a job.”
“We’ll work something out. Or... change my job.”
“I can’t do that to you. What kind of person would I be if I did that?”
“You’re not doing anything to me. I think I could get into, well, being your Master for hire.” He wasn’t sure how to put it. “Helping teach others, you know? Leading by example. A master wants to learn to use the flogger properly, they hire us. I demonstrate on you, they practice on you, they do it on their sub while we’re still there so we can help them through it.” He was making it up as he went, but the more he talked about it, the more sense it made.
“I...” There was a glimmer of excitement in Adam’s eyes.
He nodded. “It would work. Instead of just a sub for hire, we’ll be a team.”
“Maybe. Maybe, I don’t know.”
“Think about it.”
“Okay. I can, maybe. I can.”
“Nothing is set in stone. We can try it out and see if it works for us.”
Adam nodded. “We can plan, maybe. Talk about things.”
“Yes. I’d like that.”
Adam looked... more there than he’d been since this had happened. “I don’t. I was worrying. W
orrying.”
“You can always share your worries with me, lovely.”
“I don’t know if I can do it again.”
“Do you want to try or do you want to retire?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now.”
“Adam, we don’t have to decide anything right now. No one is going to force you to go back to it. And I’m not going to ask you to decide before you’re ready.”
Adam nodded, sighed. “Okay. Okay, thank you.”
“You are the most important thing to me, lovely. I want you to be happy. I need you to be happy.”
“I just... I need to get up. I need to run.”
“Then let’s go run.”
Adam stood up, nodded, but didn’t leave, just paced the room.
“We can go to the gym or to the beach.” He grabbed his clothes and began to get dressed.
“Master.”
He stopped and turned to Adam. “Yes, lovely?”
“I need you.” Adam sighed, looked at him. “Our first night, you spanked me, and I was hard for you, wanting so bad. I want that back.”
He dropped his clothes and opened his arms. Adam came to him, relaxed. Easy as pie. He ran his hand over Adam’s body, touching every inch of skin that he could. Adam’s forehead rested on his shoulder, heavy, solid.
“I’m going to put you over my knee and spank you, lovely. Ground you.”
“Thank you, Master. I want you to make this yours.”
“It is mine. You and me, whatever we do together, it belongs to us.” He sat and drew Adam down with him. Adam was warm, solid against him. “You’re going to lie over my lap with your prick between my legs while I spank you. Remind you who your Master is.”
“Yes, Master. I do know, I promise.”
“I know you know here.” He touched Adam’s head. “I think you need to know here.” He touched Adam’s back where his heart was, and then that fine ass.
Adam nodded, heart in those pretty eyes.
Matt fell in love all over again. He cupped Adam’s cheeks and slowly kissed his lovely. When the kiss ended, he moved his sub, his lover, putting that sweet cock between his thighs. He rubbed Adam’s ass, fingers sliding over it. Adam didn’t tense, didn’t respond, but he imagined he could feel Adam’s heartbeat speed.