by R. Mason
Kamini ignored her, leaving her mark, tasting blood.
She blinked. The burning in her stomach grew and it wasn’t just lust.
Ayita must’ve noticed her freeze, and took the opportunity to pull Kamini back up so their eyes could meet. She kissed her gently on both cheeks before pulling her dress back down and staring.
“Are you okay?” She asked hesitantly, “You usually listen to me when I tell you I don’t like something.”
“Yes,” Kamini shook herself, blinking rapidly, trying to push the turn back, “I am fine.”
Ayita tilted her head, her constant eye contact slightly unnerving.
“Just-” She whispered against Kamini’s lips- “relax.”
It was easy to lose herself. All she could think about was Ayita’s lips on her own, the soft skin under her hands, the warmth of the girl compared to the cold of the night.
She pulled away slightly, but before she said anything, Kamini just stared at her, the messy hair, the tan skin, the small smirk.
“I love you. You know that, don’t you?”
“Of course,” Ayita grinned, making the corners of her eyes crinkle.
Forgetting was easy, but it wasn’t good. Another few minutes, and she became rough again, careless, but even Ayita was so lost in the moment that she didn’t care. Even when Kamini bit down on her stomach, the same place as before, Ayita did nothing to stop her.
The taste was intoxicating, the moon was so bright, and Kamini started to slip.
“Did you just-” Ayita made a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a moan- “growl?”
Kamini didn’t bother replying, simply kissing Ayita again.
“You’re-” Ayita said between kisses- “so-” Kamini made the next kiss longer- “weird tonight.”
“Sh,” Kamini ran her hand up Ayita’s thigh, biting down on her bottom lip so hard it drew blood, but Ayita didn’t seem to mind.
Her control was slipping, and she knew that growls were coming out more often than anything close to human. She knew it was bad when she felt her nails break skin on the back of Ayita’s thigh.
“Kami!” Ayita yelled, but Kamini assumed it was in pleasure and continued to press in, kissing the girl’s chest now, intoxicated by the smells of lust, pain, and blood.
The turn was coming, she knew it was, but nothing would stop her from getting what she wanted now. She had to claim, mark, take Ayita for everything she had and then take more. It was overwhelming, like if she didn’t get it she would perish. Like Kamini was starving and Ayita was an entire buffet.
Then she was on the floor.
“Kami!” Ayita swiftly followed, “God, I’m sorry, you were just getting a little too rough and then you weren’t listening to me and I just-” Her hand reached out, but Kamini reeled back.
“I-” She blinked, shaking her head- “I don’t.”
She could feel Ayita coming closer, slowly, like she was scared. She couldn’t see Kamini like this. No one could see this monster, not even her.
“Stop! Don’t come any closer.”
“Oh, come on,” Ayita said, exasperated, “You were the one that was getting too rough with me! Why are you mad?”
Kamini shook her head again, at a loss for words. She was overcome with guilt. Without even looking at Ayita, she ran. It didn’t take werewolf powers to know that the girl ran after her.
She stopped in a clearing, surrounded by trees, the full moon looming over her, just visible through the leaves.
Before she could even think about going further, before she could save Ayita, the world went black.
◆◆◆
Kamini woke with a start, taking in a deep, shocked breath when she saw it was daylight. She looked around herself, expecting to see blood, a body, so ready to cry over the loss of the only person who believed in her. Instead, what she saw was Ayita sleeping soundly, unharmed, by a tree on the other side of the clearing.
She couldn’t believe her eyes.
Slowly, Kamini crawled over and looked at the girl, her eyes flicking around under her eyelids, clearly in wonderment at some kind of dream.
“Yita,” Kamini whispered, touching her shoulder gently, “Little one?”
Ayita turned onto her side and blinked her eyes open. She saw Kamini and smiled.
“Isn’t that a sight for sore eyes.”
It was then Kamini realised she was naked. She was about to cover herself up, but remembered that Ayita had seen it all before, and that there was no need to. She couldn’t return the smile, though.
“Why did you come after me?” She said, “You could have been killed. I could have killed you.”
Ayita sat up, rubbing her eyes. She sighed, and looked around. Kamini assessed the damage, trying to see if she had hurt her at all. There were love bites all over her neck and chest, and when she moved her leg there were clear crescent moon shaped marks on the back of her thigh. She brushed her fingers over them, and a tear slipped down her face.
“Hey,” Ayita was suddenly in front of her face, “Why are you crying? I’m okay. We’re okay.”
“Always okay.”
Ayita stroked her thumb across Kamini’s cheek.
“I mean, I kind of liked it,” She didn’t look guilty at all, not even bashful, “Just maybe try not to draw blood next time?”
Why wasn’t she scared?
“You could have told me,” Ayita interrupted her thought, “It’s only taken me a night to get over the fact that the love of my life is a werewolf.”
“Love of your-” Kamini cut herself off, her mouth hanging open.
“Is there anyone else I would come running after in the middle of the night without any underwear on?”
Kamini couldn’t help but laugh. This whole situation was ridiculous, but Ayita somehow made it feel normal. She made Kamini feel human. Only when a thumb brushed away the wetness on Kamini’s cheek did she notice she was still crying.
“I love you, Kami,” Ayita said, “Fur and all.”
“Fur and all,” Kamini repeated, laughter in her voice. They stared at each other for a moment, and Kamini was so overwhelmed with relief that she couldn’t keep the crack out of her voice when she said, “So, you’re not wearing underwear right now?”
“Nope,” Ayita tilted her head, like a challenge, “You’re not wearing anything. It’s very-” Ayita took in a deep breath, her eyes moving down Kamini’s body hungrily- “Distracting.”
Kamini didn’t need any more prompting. She pushed Ayita down into the leaves and buried her nose in her hair, something she had wanted to do for so long but never felt like she could.
Stroking the crescent moon marks she had left on the girl’s thigh, and feeling lust run through her as Ayita shivered at the touch, she whispered in her ear, “I love you too. So much.”
◆◆◆
“Research!” Ayita shouted, dropping endless papers on Kamini’s kitchen counter. She grinned at Kamini’s confused expression, “If I’m going to be with a werewolf for the rest of my life I need to know my stuff.”
“I don’t even know anything. Where did you get all of this?”
Ayita proudly brandished her phone.
“I found people on the internet who claim to be werewolves. All the information matches up with what you’ve told me, and I’ve got even more.”
Kamini gestured for Ayita to go on while she made them some coffee. Most of it was things that Kamini would never care about, but one thing Ayita said caught her attention.
“So apparently that’ll seal the deal, you know? Like werewolf marriage.”
“But you said then,” Kamini waved a hand, “That once a wolf does this they cannot change their mind. That isn’t marriage, it is a mating ritual. A mate-bond.”
“Yeah,” Ayita scanned the page she was looking at, nodding excitedly, “Exactly.”
Kamini stared at her. Her long fingers, the excitement in her eyes that was visible from across the kitchen, the cracked nail varnish on her fingertips and
glitter in her hair. This was it. This was her mate. If werewolves knew, had some kind of sixth sense about it, everything was screaming at Kamini in this moment. All the signs pointed to the obvious.
“What if the person the werewolf wants to mate with doesn’t want it?” She asked, aiming for subtle and missing completely.
“Then they clearly don’t have someone as amazing as you,” Ayita said simply, a smile growing on her face. She watched Kamini for a moment, as if expecting something. When Kamini didn’t do anything, she raised her eyebrow, her expression turning a little sour.
Oh.
Kamini rushed around the counter. Screw the coffee.
She held both of Ayita’s hands in her own, and got down on one knee.
“Ayita Dixon,” She said, and could feel the grin making her cheeks ache, “Will you do me the honours of getting werewolf married?”
“Yes!” Ayita pulled her to her feet and pressed a bruising kiss to her lips, “Of course, I’ll be your mate.”
They both smiled at each other for a solid minute before Kamini realised something.
“Wait, what does this ritual involve, exactly?”
Ayita looked down at the page, briefly, not moving her arms from where they were wound around the back of Kamini’s neck.
“We just have to get ingredients for a solution, then-” She leant further down towards the counter, then snapped back up with a smirk in place of her smile- “Make luuurve with it all over both our bodies.”
“Easy-peasy.”
Kamini knew it seemed sudden, having only just found out that the ritual even existed, but they had been together for years now, and wasn’t getting married the same commitment?
If she could have this, she’d grab it with both hands.
◆◆◆
Kamini opened the door to a rain soaked Ayita with a bruise forming on her cheek and a bag over her shoulder.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” She walked past Kamini, and made her way into the bathroom. Kamini didn’t stop her.
◆◆◆
There was another incident, then another just the same. Each time Ayita said she didn’t want to talk about it and Kamini let her. She could almost feel what Ayita felt, their mate bond changing the relationship, so more was unspoken. Yet Kamini still couldn’t read her mind.
All she could do was hold the girl, stroke her hair, and hope she would turn out alright.
“It’ll be okay, you know.”
“That’s my line,” Ayita grinned at her from her place in Kamini’s lap, and there was peace once more.
◆◆◆
Kamini noticed Ayita wandering more, her mind someplace else when they were together. It made Kamini feel weaker, somehow, but not in the physical sense.
“Yita?”
Ayita snapped out of whatever thought process she was going through and met Kamini’s eyes with a forced smile.
“Sorry, Kami, what were you saying?”
She wanted to pursue it further, ask what was eating at her as it felt like it was eating at Kamini too, but instead she just repeated what she had already said, hoping it was nothing.
◆◆◆
Another year passed by, and Ayita was gone. Someone else was in her place, someone who smiled less, shouted more, and didn’t trust anyone. Kamini couldn’t count the amount of times a conversation ended with a heated kiss in the middle of a sentence. It was a distraction technique, and it was working. One night, Kamini refused. That was the night where nothing would ever be the same.
“You can’t say things like that,” Kamini tried to hold Ayita’s gaze but it kept wondering, “That isn’t fair.”
“It isn’t my fault.”
“No,” Kamini agreed, “It is not.”
Ayita looked at her, the eyes that once shone with life closed off and unfeeling. She didn’t see Kamini anymore. Kamini wasn’t sure what she saw.
“I’m sick of talking about flippant comments and horrible people,” Ayita stated, and climbed into Kamini’s lap. She had stayed at Kamini’s flat for the last few days, things having worsened in her own home. Kamini didn’t understand why she stayed. Ayita got nothing but abuse from her family, and was twenty-one, so wasn’t dependant. She insisted on staying, though, and Kamini could never understand why.
“We have to talk at some point.”
Ayita stopped a few inches from Kamini’s face, and there was something softer in her eyes, something real. Then it disappeared.
“No.”
The kiss was burning, insistent, and Kamini almost got lost in it, the taste of Ayita’s mouth and the hands cupping her face. The girl on top of her guided Kamini’s hands to her waist.
“Dig your nails in,” She said, and Kamini obeyed, unthinking, “Harder. Like you want to hurt me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I want you to,” Ayita said, and it wasn’t lust in her voice, it was something worse, something darker. She pressed down on Kamini’s lap and pushed her hands into Kamini’s, a silent plea for her to dig in harder, to hurt her, maim her. It was so tempting to leave her mark like she had done so many times before, but this was different. It was wrong.
“Yita.”
“Please,” There were tears in her voice, and when Kamini opened her eyes, there were tears streaming down her love’s face. Hot, and wet, “Just- just ignore it. Please,” She pressed harder into Kamini’s hands, “Kami.”
“This is wrong, Yita,” Kamini said gently, “Why do you want me to hurt you?”
“Don’t,” Ayita shook her head, “Just- just do what I’m asking it’s so easy. Please.”
Kamini growled, pushing Ayita so her back was in the sofa cushions and Kamini’s hand was around her throat. There was more life in her eyes than there had been in weeks.
“You want me to do this? To hurt you? Is that what you want?”
“Yes,” Ayita was still crying, not trying to move Kamini’s hand or escape, “I know you want to see what’s inside me just do it already.”
“What’s insi- that would kill you.” Kamini removed her hand and knelt up, watching as Ayita quickly wiped her eyes and sat up too, looking embarrassed.
“So?” It was almost under her breath, like she didn’t mean for Kamini to hear, “Too kinky for you, huh?”
“No,” Kamini pulled back completely when Ayita tried to end the conversation by kissing her again, “What you just wanted me to do? That was something else. Tell me.”
Ayita considered her for a moment, clearly deciding whether to tell the truth or lie. Kamini prayed it was the former.
“I- I want to feel. Something.”
Kamini just stared, waiting for more, for an explanation. Eventually, Ayita sighed and elaborated, staring out of the window instead of at Kamini.
“For months now, I’ve felt nothing apart from pain and- and pleasure. It sounds cliché and stupid but- but it’s how it’s been,” She swallowed, her gaze dropping to the floor. They were still sat close, legs entwined, but Kamini had never felt so far away from Ayita, “There are rare moments when I look at you and I feel the love I’ve always felt. It isn’t gone. It’s there and it’s so strong. I’m just- I’m numb to everything apart from what I can’t ignore.”
“I won’t hurt you,” Kamini stated, trying to process, “I want you to feel all the pleasure and none of the pain.”
Ayita stared at her. That dead look was in her eyes again, like she was calculating rather than feeling.
“Then make me feel good, and we can forget this ever happened.”
Stupidly, Kamini agreed.
A few hours later, Ayita had to leave, her mum having shown up to pick her up no matter how much she argued. She stepped out the front door, and stared at the blacked-out windows of her mum’s Mercedes.
“I’ll see you later, Kami,” She said, then turned to face her, “Okay?”
“Yeah,” Kamini watched her, unable to read whatever expression was on her face.
“You’ll come
with me, yeah? Join me later?”
“I don’t-”
Ayita made her forget the second half of her sentence with a hand on her cheek.
“Just promise you’ll come with me?”
“I promise,” The words were out of Kamini’s mouth before she could even think about it. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for Ayita. It was probably a surprise, some kind of road trip, or romantic picnic. Either way, Kamini would follow her anywhere.
With the most genuine smile in weeks, Ayita kissed Kamini’s cheek and whispered something in her ear before leaving.
“It’ll be okay.”
◆◆◆
Ayita wasn’t responding to her texts. It had been a week. No one had seen her, not even her parents who suspected Kamini of taking her somewhere. All they did was give her accusing looks and tell her that she couldn’t come back unless she had their daughter with her. It sounded like a threat, but Kamini wasn’t scared of them. She would’ve ripped them to shreds years ago if it wouldn’t have broken Ayita’s heart.
All she had in her head was that it would all be okay. That was what Ayita had said.
It’ll all be okay. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day, somehow, she and Kamini would find their way and be okay. They’d be together.
It was nearing the full moon again, the first one Kamini would have to spend without Ayita.
The air was cold, crisp, the start of autumn once again. It made Kamini think back to their first full moon together. The excitement, the lust, the chaos, the fear.
But still, like Ayita always said, it turned out okay. It turned out better than okay. It had made them closer than ever.
Something a few days ago had made Kamini restless. She felt uneasy, incomplete, skittish. She went for more walks, like she had been expecting to find something. Maybe it was Ayita, or something else, but she never went anywhere that made sense. It was just aimless wandering.
Today she was skirting the woods, a gut feeling and certain emptiness guiding her. She was just about to consider stopping at a shop to get a drink when she was shocked out of her thoughts by a strong smell.
It was salty, metallic. It smelt like blood. It wasn’t close, but Kamini could still smell it. Not even the full moon could make her scenting that powerful. The only explanation was that it was more than just a paper cut.