Maura was the only person he’d ever wanted those things with. She was the only woman he’d ever envisioned himself building that kind of life with. He’d been with other women, he’d tried, he’d given them a chance… but as it turned out, he was a one-woman man. He’d only loved Maura Callahan, and he knew he always would. And now she was his? And starting to show signs that her platonic love for him was actually morphing into something more romantic, something like what he felt for her? It was all a dream come true.
By the first week of August, they’d slipped into a comfortable, lovely routine. Aidan went to Maura’s house after work twice during the week to spend time with her and Chloe, and on Saturday evenings, her mum would watch Chloe and he’d pick Maura up to take her out in Dublin. They went to the cinema, to pubs, for walks around the city, anything and everything. But for him, the best part of their regular Saturday night date was that Peggy gladly agreed to let them have some alone time, and Maura would stay overnight at his flat. They’d make love all night, and enjoy a lazy Sunday morning, with Maura not going back home until noon.
They explored a few neighborhoods in Dublin to see what they were like; Maura had been doing her research about possible places for the three of them to live, but didn’t seem to be in a rush despite the fact that school for Chloe would be starting in a few weeks. He didn’t want to push. It was her decision; he’d left it up to her to decide what was best for Chloe and he’d agree to it. But he couldn’t ignore the little nagging warning siren in his head. Whenever he brought up moving, she seemed hesitant, like she was putting him off.
But they were happy together. What had started as a specifically crafted plan was slowly blooming into the romantic relationship he’d always dreamed they could have. They were easing into life as a real couple, and it felt stronger and more real every day. At least, to Aidan. He thought Maura had finally adjusted to their being a true couple and was happy, too. So why was she dragging her feet on the living situation? It bothered him more than he wanted to admit.
Two weeks before Gavin and Toni’s wedding, after a sublimely passionate round of Saturday night lovemaking, they lay sweaty and sated in each other’s arms, tangled in his pale blue sheets. She lay on her belly and he on his side, lazily tracing up and down her spine with his fingertips.
“I have to tell you…” she murmured, eyes at half-mast as she gazed at him, “I’m getting used to this. To you. And it’s amazing.”
“You’re happy, then?” He smiled at her.
“Aye. I am. It still scares me a bit sometimes, but I am happy.”
His fingers skimmed over her, her velvety skin a work of art to him. “Sometimes, I want to touch every single freckle on your body.”
She laughed wryly and quipped, “You’ll be at it all night, then.”
“I’ve no problem with that.” He kissed her shoulder, then ventured, “What are you still scared of? I thought you’d gotten past that. Talk to me.”
She shrugged and her eyes slipped closed, but he felt her muscles go slightly rigid beneath his hand. “I dunno. Basic wedding jitters, I suppose.”
“Nah, that can’t be. We’ve been at this for almost two months now. The plan’s solid, and so are we, really.” He paused. “Tell me, Em. Maybe I can help.” His fingers lifted to touch her cheek, and her eyes opened to meet his. “Can’t help ya if I don’t know what’s botherin’ ya.”
“I’ve just never been great with change, that’s all,” she said in a small voice.
He nodded slowly, taking that in. It was true, he knew that about her. But he couldn’t help feeling there was more, and told her so.
“I’m fine, Aidan,” she said, a note of annoyance in her tone. “It’s all fine.”
“Okay.” He tried another way in. “While we’re talkin’ about change, I’ve been thinking… doesn’t Chloe start school next week?”
“Aye, she does. Why?”
“Well… we’re getting married in six weeks. The wedding seemed easier to plan than this moving thing.” He kept stroking her back in long, slow sweeps. “We need to decide where we’re going to live, Em. I’ve left the choice up to you, but you’re not givin’ me any hints. Where are we going to live? Once we’re married, I don’t want to live separately from you and Chloe. We should be together.”
She sighed and said, “I know. You’re right. I just…” She rolled away to sit up, wrapping the sheet around her chest and tucking it beneath her arms. “Part of me wants to play it safe and ask you to come to the suburbs, and we keep Chloe in our town. More of me wants to start fresh and move to Dublin. I’ve found some good neighborhoods, with good schools, but…” She shrugged again and looked down at her hands, which were now twisting in her lap.
“Just say it, Em.”
“Say what?”
“Whatever you’re holding back. I can feel it, like a weight on ya.” He leaned up on one elbow and rubbed her covered knee. “Say it,” he coaxed gently.
She snorted out a laugh and said, “Damn you for knowing me so well. Too well.”
“Thank God I do,” he grinned.
She drew a deep breath and met his eyes. “Either way, it’s going to cost money I don’t really have. I mean, I’ve a small savings, but—”
“We’re in this together.” He reminded her. “If we rent a flat, buy a flat, or buy a house, we do it together. Married and all, remember?”
“You’d be contributing more than me to start off with,” she said, her voice quiet. “And it doesn’t feel fair. Or right.”
“Oh, stop that!” He sat up to face her. “I’ve always made more money than you. So what. If we’re married, what’s mine is yours, love. C’mon now.”
“I’m used to fending for myself,” she said. “Even with my mum taking in Chloe and me, I carry my share. So I hate asking…”
“You’re not asking. I’m giving.”
“You’ve given me—us—so much already.”
“That’s right. Given. Freely.” He tipped up her chin to make her meet his eyes. “We’re a team. If it were the other way around, you’d do it. Why can’t I?”
She nodded, but her fingers twisted in the edge of the sheet. “So… what do you want to do? Where do you want to live? I feel like it can’t all be up to me, you have to have a say. Married and all, remember?”
He quirked a grin at her echoing his own words, but gazed at her as realization sank in. “I thought I was doing right by you to let you make that decision, since whatever we do is ultimately for Chloe’s best interests. But if the weight of making that decision on your own is givin’ ya grief, I’m sorry for that.”
She opened her mouth as if in rebuttal, but stopped and clamped her lips shut.
“That’s a big part of it, isn’t it,” he murmured.
She nodded and admitted, “I hadn’t realized it that fully ’til you just laid it out so plain. Aye… I need your input. This is too important; it should be our decision. Together.”
He leaned in and kissed her lips with tenderness. “Okay. So we will.”
On the night stand, her phone buzzed with a text. She always had it near her in case it was a call or text about Chloe.
But Aidan frowned as his eyes flicked to the small digital clock beside her phone. The glowing blue numbers showed it was half past midnight. “Who’d be messaging you at this time of night?”
“Better check,” Maura said. She reached to the night stand, looked at the phone… her eyes widened a bit. She blinked, but she put it back down and turned back to him. “It’s nothing.”
“Really?” He hadn’t missed the spark of something in her eyes… shock? Unease? His brow lifted. “Who was it?”
“Ehm, Kathleen. Drunk texting. I’ll answer her tomorrow.” She wouldn’t meet his eyes, staring down at his hands as she squeezed them with her own. “So, what were we talking about?”
“Maura,” he said softly. “Who texted you?”
Her eyes snapped up to his. “What? I told you.”
He swallowed hard. He hated how he was about to sound, but his gut was blazing with something he didn’t like. “Your face changed when ya looked at the screen. Not in a good way. Was that really Kathleen?”
Maura paled and pulled back from him. “Are you accusing me of lying?”
“No, but I—”
“Sounds like it.”
“No.”
“Are you trying to breach my privacy, then?”
“No! I just…” Aidan swore under his breath. “My gut’s telling me that wasn’t Kathleen from the look on your face, that’s all.”
She moved to get out of bed and he grasped her wrist.
“Let go.” She spat, spots of high color blooming on her cheeks. “Never took ya for a control freak, Aidan. I don’t like it.”
“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “It’s not my business, I won’t do that again.”
“I’m allowed to have privacy.”
“Never said you weren’t. And I never would.”
She frowned at him. “So why do I feel all of a sudden like you’re asserting yourself over me? Or ya don’t totally trust me?”
“I trust ya with my life,” he said, his tone harder. “I just had a weird gut feeling and went stupid, that’s all. I won’t do it again.”
“I don’t ask who texts you.” She pointed out. “How do I know you’re not still getting and answering texts from some of the women you’ve dated? I don’t, do I? You could be, I don’t know. And I don’t say anything, because I trust you.”
He blinked, her words surprising him. She’d never even hinted at being jealous of all the women he’d dated… maybe he was acting a bit jealous now. “I’m sorry, Em,” he said again. “I really am. You just looked… scared.”
She stopped cold. “I did?”
“Aye.” He tried to grin, but it felt brittle on his features. “I know you too well, remember?”
She nodded and said, “I’m fine, Aidan.”
He took a long, deep breath. His gut rarely steered him wrong, but he had to drop this and he knew it. “Okay.”
“Ya know, Aidan… I agreed to marry you. And we’re going to share our lives. But maybe…” She gazed at him now, as if answers were unfolding on his face. “You’ve been in love with me for a long time. You’ve finally got what you wanted. Maybe you’re the one who’s a little scared. That it’s going to actually happen, and you want it so much. So you’re starting to hold on a bit too tight. Am I making sense?”
His brows furrowed as he stared back at her. “I think you might be overthinking this. I overreacted because I thought I saw something on your face that I didn’t like and it concerned me. That’s all. All right?” He lay back down, pulling her down to lie with him. “Let’s talk about which neighborhood in Dublin we’ll move to. Tell me which ones you’re thinking about. We can rent a flat for a year, see how we like it, how Chloe likes it, before buying anything. Sound reasonable?”
She nodded against his chest but didn’t say anything.
His stomach churned. “I’m not a control freak.” He assured her gently.
“You’re not going to change on me now, are ya?” she asked. The note of uncertainty in her voice lanced him. “Once I’m your wife, you won’t start demanding to know where I’m goin’ all the time, who I’m talking to, all of that?”
“What?” He sputtered. “Where is this coming from? Because I pressed you to tell me who texted you after midnight on a Saturday?” He stopped as it hit him, a punch to the gut. “Maura. I’m not Niall.”
“I know that,” she said, but shivered.
“Ah hell. Hey…” He ran his hand over her hair. “I’m not going to morph into some demanding, awful goon. I’m not possessive, I’m not controlling. I thought you knew me so well, enough to know that.” He sighed and added, “It’s… a little insulting, really.”
“I know. You’re right.” She stiffened in his arms. “It’s on me, not you. I’m sorry.”
They held each other in tense silence for a minute before she said, “Toilet break. Be right back.” She slipped out of his embrace and left the bed.
He sighed and pillowed his arms beneath his head. That she would think he’d act like Niall made him too sad to be angry. Damn, what that bastard had done to her that it still echoed years later.
But that wasn’t all that ate at him. Was she right, was he being an arse? Was it insecurity talking, which he hadn’t even been aware existed when it came to her? Was he starting to hold on a little too tight? It was possible she’d touched on something there. He had to give that some worth. Or… even worse… was his gut not wrong? Was she hiding something from him? If she had nothing to hide, why hadn’t she just shown him the phone, and the text?
I’m not going to be that guy. He hissed at himself. Stop this madness, before it turns into something you can’t take back. He yawned and let his eyes slide shut.
*
In the restroom, Maura relieved herself, washed her hands, then stared at herself in the mirror. Damn you for being a liar, Maura Callahan.
The text had been from Niall. Three or four times a week, since the day he’d shown up at Chloe’s day care center, he’d done this. He liked to text her late at night, so she’d wake up to it and it’d darken her morning from the start. Since she usually went to bed around eleven, he hadn’t known she’d actually be awake to see his latest incoming text. Though she’d only glanced at them quickly, the words were seared in her brain. “I know you’re with him. You always spread your legs for him on Saturday nights, then stay ’til Sunday afternoon. Maybe I’ll go over to your house in the morning and pay my daughter a visit, since you won’t be there to interfere.”
He’d been harassing her all summer. She hadn’t told Aidan, wanting to handle Niall herself. She didn’t want Aidan worried about her and Chloe more than he already was with her ex hanging around, so she’d underplayed the amount of contact Niall had with her. She’d wanted to take care of this problem on her own; she always had taken care of her own problems before, and didn’t want to forfeit her independence on that. But her action… had been more of a non-action, hadn’t it? Because it still went on.
Tell him, you eejit. She seethed at herself. Tell Aidan that Niall’s still hovering. You’re going to be married. You’re supposed to have each other’s back. Let him do that for you. You’d be furious if it was the other way around, and he didn’t tell you something like this.
For over two months, Maura had brushed off Niall and his texts. Some were friendly, which she knew was a pathetic ruse. Some were nasty. Some were threatening, like tonight’s text. But he hadn’t done anything he’d threatened, like try to see Chloe when Maura wasn’t around, so she’d dismissed him for a mouthy coward and had been determined not to let him upset her, which was obviously his goal. She’d kept him away from Chloe, and that was what mattered most. If he was buzzing around like a gnat and bothering her, it was a small price to pay. Surely he’d get bored eventually and stop. That was what she kept telling herself.
Tonight’s text was different, though. The threat was different; rawer, more of a jab, and with a flat out threat he’d do something he knew he shouldn’t, like go see Chloe when Maura was far from home. Maybe he was drunk, out on a Saturday night, and it was more shite talk… but she couldn’t shake the fear. If Aidan had seen fear on her face, he wasn’t imagining it.
She went back out to Aidan’s bedroom. He looked like he’d fallen asleep waiting for her, his arms behind his head. His eyes were closed, his breathing deep and slow. She stood beside the bed for a moment, gazing down at her gorgeous fiancé. The sheet was only covering his bottom half; his broad chest, lean midriff, and strong arms, smooth and muscled, called to her to lay her head on his sexy body and forget her anxieties. But she took her phone and went out to the small living room. Naked, she didn’t want to sit on his furniture, so she stood in the dark corner, away from the windows, to text her mother. She just wanted to be sure Chloe would be watched and safe in the morning.
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When she slipped back into bed, the feel of Aidan’s warm body against hers was assuring and comforting. She wrapped herself around him and dropped a kiss on his chest, then willed herself to relax. Even in sleep, his arms banded around her and held her close. Things are good with Aidan. She reminded herself. Niall’s just a bully looking for a reaction. You’ve put him off all summer… you’ll keep him away from Chloe and from Aidan, and you’ll get married and he’ll adopt her and the law will protect her and everything will be all right… But despite how tired she was, it took her a while to fall asleep. Worry made her stomach twist and churn. Even with the solid feel of her best friend beside her, she couldn’t shake the anxiety over what Niall might or might not do, as well as knowing she was keeping something important from the man she’d promised to trust with everything in her world.
Chapter Fifteen
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On the last Sunday in August, Maura sat with Chloe in a grand, old stone church in the heart of Dublin, happily watching as Gavin and Toni became Doctor and Mrs. McKinnon. Over two hundred people filled the wooden pews, and Maura guessed that eighty percent of them were Gavin and Aidan’s tremendous family. Both Gavin and Toni were Catholic, and their traditional ceremony was quiet and meaningful.
And, for a four-year-old girl, a bit long. “I’m getting hungry, Mummy,” Chloe whispered halfway through.
“Me too,” Maura whispered back. “Try to be patient, it’ll be done soon.” Then, as a distraction tactic, she added, “Doesn’t Toni look absolutely beautiful?”
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