by Nikki Landis
Kellen still owned my heart.
Not that the arrogant bastard would ever know.
He was the most pompous, prideful, spoiled man I had ever met. Coddled and brought up in a life of ease and comfort, he knew nothing of hardship. Perhaps that was the reason we never worked out. Maybe it was the reason we were destined for failure. Two people from opposite ends of the spectrum. I was poor, brought up to fend for myself, and struggled my entire life for acceptance and love.
Seasnan understood this. He always understood me, from the moment we met. That was the biggest difference between the two men. Seasnan had a big heart and while Kellen was compassionate he did not understand true suffering. Too bad I screwed that up. By the time I figured out my own heart and desires, the irreparable damage had been done, and the contract was signed.
It was for the best.
None of this mattered now. I had to live with my choices. In the end, all my cards lie with the team I considered who could win. The enemy. The Darkness. Claimed by the Death Dealer, I was forever in debt, and one day he would claim his prize. One day he would seek payment.
I knew it would be soon.
My existence was forged on borrowed time. None escaped death when their time came.
My eyes scanned the room. Wynne, the spoiled chit, was watching me. I smiled, taunting her. Wynne left the dais where the Council presided and made her way to the back of the crowded room. I chuckled lightly and disappeared, enjoying the dark magic that now flowed through my body.
Selling your soul to the devil certainly had its perks.
AEDAN HAD DISAPPEARED. I knew nothing of his whereabouts and was left to worry for weeks. No information could be found. Stressed beyond my limits, I returned to Hell. The darkness seemed to call to me now more than ever. I felt a connection that terrified me, a false feeling of safety and security. Lulling me onward, I braced against the walls to keep from stumbling.
What was happening to me?
I slipped through the darkened passages, not daring to light a lamp or even a match. I knew what hunted in these chambers, deep in the belly of the Underworld. Although I was gifted with the dark ability of transference, allowing my soul to pass unseen and unscathed through all five realms, I was still in danger. The Underworld was a maze of darkness and cloaked evil. Venture too far...and you wouldn’t return.
I didn’t fully understand how this enabled me to pass like demons and angels through the fade, but it did. I only knew the Taint cost a portion of my soul and in its place I was given dark energy, as in the form of a demon. Was I possessed? No. Was I no longer entirely human? Yes. Was I still a descendent? Of course.
What did this mean?
The logistics were never explained. I only knew that I was changing. My body was no longer a descendant alone but a form that was unique and decidedly sinister in many of its aspects. If Aedan saw me, he would be furious. I never told him how my spirit continued to darken and my abilities grew.
As I approached Death I had the feeling I was being duped. He knew where my brother was and toyed with me like a cat with a mouse. He could do whatever he wanted and I was unable to stop him.
My contract was sealed. My blood obtained. My oath given.
I belonged to the Darkness and I would never escape.
If Aedan fell into the same trap, it would destroy us both.
“BALROC?” I LEANED CLOSE to his ear. “Isn’t that convenient?”
He was always around lately.
I plopped down next to him and stole his beer, draining it before he had a chance to snatch it away. He growled low in his throat. I knew what he was thinking.
“Not in that body. No way.”
Balroc leaned back and laughed, loud. “If I want you, you’ll come.” He winked suggestively.
I huffed and turned away, focusing on Domhnall instead. “Milord, I have come for information about Aedan. The Death Dealer suggested you may have what I need.”
Dom narrowed his eyes and stood, ticking his head towards the stairs. There was no mistaking what he wanted in exchange. An hour later, pulling on my clothes and boots, I finally brought up my brother again. “Aedan –”
“I know what you wish to ask. At present the only information I can disclose is he is alive and unharmed. You are still unable to see him. No contact. You agreed when you signed the contract.”
I did but it had never been an issue before now.
Tears filled my eyes but I blinked them back. “Thank you.” Domhnall snorted in disgust but I grabbed his arm and pulled him close, placing a kiss on his cheek. “I know you can’t love me or care about me, but I do care about you.” I took a deep breath, awaiting his anger.
He frowned. “I know this.”
“You should hold onto the people you love, at least the ones you care about Dom.”
“Some are lost,” he sneered.
“Like Baethan?”
“He’ll always be his normal hateful self.”
“You don’t hate him though, do you?”
Dom growled and I knew I pressed my luck. “I know his death would haunt you.”
He roared as I scrambled from the room. I didn’t have a death wish.
Chapter 10
I leaned back against the trunk of the tree, hidden by my dark cloak and steeped in the shadow world of the fade. For weeks now I had been watching the pure little princess Rhiannon at the request of my employer. Dom was not a man to be refused and anyway, I didn’t have a choice.
All these stupid decisions I made were for Aedan.
Nobody understood that like the Death Dealer and Domhnall. They claimed my sacrifice was the only way to save him from a terrible fate like the one I was forced into but I was becoming suspicious. He better surface soon.
If only we could both be free, then maybe we could begin to heal from our broken past. I was never going to give up hope on my little brother or the possibility of making things right between us. Too many unspoken words. Too many arguments. Too much regret.
Yeah, I was full of regrets. Lies. Bad choices. Mistakes.
Especially where Kellen was concerned. Maybe someday I could tell him the truth. Maybe someday I could reveal why I had to hurt him, why I had to make it convincing, why my heart never got over him. If the fates would give me just one chance, I could set all my wrongs to right.
I was never going to stop praying for that opportunity,
Even if it never came to pass.
On my way back to Carden Castle I was joined by Sam.
“Renee!”
He never ran at me like that. I knew instantly something was wrong. “What is it?”
“Brace yourself.”
Oh no...
“Kellen has been captured and is being held in Carden’s dungeons.”
I think I was going to pass out. “How do you know?”
“I saw it through the fade. Domhnall will torture him Renee. He’ll weaken him and then he’ll kill him once he’s had enough but that won’t be for a long time.”
I felt physically ill. This couldn’t be happening.
“I have to get him out of there.”
“Agreed, but not tonight. It’s too risky. You’ll have to wait until Domhnall lets down his guard.”
“And allow Kellen to be tortured? I can’t do that.”
“You can. You must.”
Every day for a week I tried to slip passed the guards and sneak into Kellen’s cell. He was too heavily guarded. Two weeks passed. A month. Dom never lessened his security, not once.
I was nearly panicked. How much more could Kellen endure?
The next night I caught a break. The guards at their posts had fallen asleep. I slipped into the fade and out inside his cell, kneeling on the cold hard floor next to his bed. Kellen was mumbling in his sleep, in a state of distress. The cell was so dark neither of us could see, even if we wanted.
“Shhh,” I whispered, wiping his face with a clean rag and using my fingertips to feel along the swollen flesh.<
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“Who’s there?” He mumbled, his words garbled from pain and fatigue.
“A friend.”
He moaned with his pain. “So thirsty.”
“I have some water. Shhh, don’t wake the guards.”
He sipped on the water and coughed as I helped to angle his head. “Thank you.”
Silence stretched between us.
I continued to wipe his face until it was clean and placed the cool cloth against his swollen and busted lip. “I’m sorry you’re here.”
“Do I know you?”
“Once long ago.” I kept my voice low and raspy, hoping he wouldn’t recognize me.
“Tell me your name.”
“I can’t. We would both be killed.”
“Then I must live until I can repay your kindness.”
My heart leapt inside my chest. I placed a soft kiss on his cheek. “I give you the same kindness you once gave me.”
“I’m intrigued milady.”
“I am no one special. Focus on your strength. Rest. I have bread for you and more water.”
I helped him to eat and drink before he passed out. Once I was assured of his comfort, I left to my own chamber where I cried until I fell asleep.
Almost every night for the next three months I watched over him, helping heal his wounds, providing water and food and medication. Domhnall inflicted new torture upon him daily in the hopes of breaking Kellen’s spirit. He was delirious some nights and I would hold him, running my fingers through his hair and talking in a low soothing voice, whispering next to his ear. He seemed to calm the instant he heard me even if he was incoherent.
“Tell me your name,” he pleaded again, just three nights later.
“No, I can’t.”
“How will I ever thank you?”
“You don’t have to thank me. This is payment enough.”
“I don’t understand.”
The tears were harder to hold back now. I let them flow unhindered as his fingers found my cheek.
“You must think I’m silly.”
“For crying? Over me?” He asked, his voice catching.
“Yes.”
“Never. You remind me of someone I knew long ago.”
I stiffened and tried to pull away but he held my hand and wouldn’t let go. “Her name was Renee.”
Oh God. I was trembling. I didn’t think I could hear harsh words fall from his lips about me, not after all that we had been through.
“Good memories I hope.”
“The most precious of memories. Ones I have kept in my heart and never spoken until now.”
“Tell me about her.”
“She’s beautiful but it’s not her beauty that I remember most.”
“Oh?” Could this really be true?
“She’s the kindest person I know. She thinks I hate her but I don’t.”
“How was she kind?” I couldn’t believe he said those words. Maybe he was delirious again.
“She sacrificed everything for her only living relative, her brother. He finally told me what she did. If I knew a way to find her and make things right, I would.”
“And that makes her kind?”
“No, she was selfless.” He groaned as he adjusted his body on the thin mattress. “She helped me and my fellow Guardians, her brother, people in town. No one ever had a bad word to say of her. She’s the best kind of person because she didn’t try to convince everyone else who she was, Renee was herself. I loved her for being real and genuine. She gave her heart to me so easily, even with her painful past. I’ve never forgotten that.”
“You loved her then?”
“Yes, in truth I always will.”
“And now?” Hope blossomed in my heart.
“I don’t know. Nothing is as I thought. She carries secrets but then again so do I.”
“What kind of secrets?”
“I’m afraid I’m a coward.”
“That’s absurd!”
“Not really.”
“You’re the bravest man I ever met.”
“I wish you could see how that made me smile. Rhiannon doesn’t think so.”
“That you’re brave?”
“Then she is blind or a fool because only a brave man would endure what you have and keep going without falling apart.”
“Maybe it’s because of you.”
“Maybe it’s because you’re stronger than you know.” Did he really think he wasn’t brave and strong?
He squeezed my hand. “You’re a true friend. Someday you must let me repay you.”
“I will.”
It was another month before I found the right opportunity to help Kellen escape. The guards had binged on liquor and passed out early at their posts. Wearing my dark cloak low over my face, I helped him to safety. He was weak but I knew he would live.
My choices this night were reckless but I didn’t care.
Saving Kellen was all that mattered.
I RODE HARD FOR CARDEN Castle. Heavy rain poured in buckets from the sky, having soaked my cloak through hours ago. I never noticed. For the first time in my life I was thankful for the Prophecy, for the Chosen One, and for Rhiannon’s abilities.
Kellen was alive!
Rhiannon found him after one of her premonitions. She rescued him and took him home to his family in Karmelo where he was being cared for and would heal. My heart leapt inside my chest. Kellen may never be mine, he many never forgive me, and he may never love me but I was overjoyed with the fact that he made it. He survived.
No one knew I was the one that helped him escape from Carden Castle’s dungeons. I made it look like a blunder from Domhnall’s guards. Not that far of a stretch anyway. The lot were a bunch of bumbling idiots.
I had pumped Kellen full of medication, enough to keep him moving and let his Guardian abilities start the healing process, hoping he would be found. I had a feeling that Rhiannon would find him. They were deeply connected, sharing both love and affection, trust and a bond that would never be broken. As much as it broke my heart I knew it was this bond that helped save his life.
My only regret was that I couldn’t stay with him. Domhnall had me on a tight leash, Death an even shorter one. I was watched, followed, and my every move dictated by the dark lord who held my soul hostage. I would never be free.
Kellen must never know I was the one who helped him.
I approached the wide front gates of Carden Castle as the drawbridge lowered. My horse galloped across as the rain pelted my face in freezing drops. Little stings like needles pierced my chilled skin as I pulled by cloak tighter. I quickly stabled my horse and entered the main hall in search of Dom.
His eyes held an edge tonight, one I was afraid to pursue.
After dinner we drank ale in front of the fire, his favorite pastime. His mood had not improved much. Although he was never too rough with me I could sense his frustration. I asked him about how his plans were progressing against the Guardian army. His reply was a short grunt.
In frustration I blurted out, hating the fact that he could sleep with me and pretend that nothing existed between us. We hadn’t been intimate in a long time now but things were long passed simple friendship. I knew some affection existed. For the first time I wanted to know if he used me or if he really cared. “Do you care anything for me Dom or is this only a way to meet your needs?”
The grunt turned into a growl.
“Why do you ask such frivolous questions woman?” He faced me with a locked jaw.
I wouldn’t let him make me cry. The only love and affection I knew in this life came from the man before me. He wanted intimacy often but that didn’t mean I didn’t have feelings or needs of my own. I was tired of being a pawn, weary of being used. His eyes hardened and I knew he would never answer my questions the way I wanted.
He stalked toward me in long angry strides, yanking my body up. One hand rose to strike me but he didn’t go through with it. Instead he leaned in and kissed me, something he rarely did. “Run far aw
ay from me. Whatever you do, never make the mistake of falling in love with me Renee. I will only break your heart.”
“I know.” After the last few months of spending my evenings with Kellen I knew more than ever what I wanted, and it wasn’t Dom.
He shook me, not hard but enough that I understood. “You play in a game where you are the expendable piece. Someday you will die, your soul taken hostage by the Death to do with as he pleases. Don’t be more of a fool than you already are.”
I flinched as his cool blue eyes assessed me. “I think we are both fools Dom. And neither of us will escape our fate.”
He didn’t say another word but pulled me into his arms, and I was certain he agreed.
Chapter 11
I crossed over the fade and into Domhnall’s main hall. I had been summoned, most insistently, and was now a bundle of nerves as I approached him on his throne. I could count only a handful of times when Dom greeted me on his large red and bejeweled throne. Usually when he was conducting business and wanted me to attend.
A feeling of unease washed over my slender frame.
I approached and bowed slightly, a bright smile plastered on my face. “Why have you –”
“Silence!” He roared as his eyes narrowed, his thunderous frown drawing his brows together in anger. “What do you know of Kellen’s escape from this castle?”
I paled. “Milord?”
“Don’t play games with me. Answer the question.”
There was no reason to lie. He knew and if I tried to fool him, he would punish me more harshly. “I helped him.”
He shoved himself from the throne, striding forward and grabbing my arms roughly. “How could you do such a thing? How could you betray my trust?”
I shook my head, tears filling my eyes. “It wasn’t like that.”
“Then explain to me exactly how it was,” he insisted as he glared at me, “because my wrath is going to be swift and painful.”
“Dom –” I began but he cut me off.
“No, don’t use that familiar name with me. You are not who I thought you were. How long have you sought to deceive me?”