‘That’s understandable, Josh,’ Lexie said softly, as if it was an effort to say anything at all. ‘No one likes to think they’re second-best.’
Josh watched Lexie’s face, wondering if there was hidden meaning in her words, but he didn’t pick up any undercurrent of innuendo. Josh dropped his head towards the floor and shook it in disgust.
‘I know it’s taken me a while to realise that I was wrong. I’m embarrassed that I acted so cowardly. I know my actions hurt you and that was one thing I never wanted to do. I just . . . I don’t know what I was thinking; if I was thinking at all.’
It seemed now he had opened his mouth he couldn’t stop.
‘If I could take everything back I would, but I can’t. I can only try to make it up to you.’
Lexie was still staring at him, resentment etched into every corner of her face. She said nothing, so he continued. There was nothing else he could do.
‘Please tell me you still feel something for me? I don’t know what I’ll do if you really hate me that much.’
Tell her . . .
Josh thought he saw her face soften, and with that tiny hint of hope, the words were out of his mouth with no effort or reluctance whatsoever.
‘I love you, Lexie.’
He watched her big brown eyes widen. Her head tilted to one side, as if trying to decipher whether she had heard him properly. Then, the arms that had been folded across her body like a shield fell limply beside her.
‘You know how hard those words are for me to say. In fact I’ve never said them before. Ever! But I love you more than anything in the world and even if you can never forgive me, you need to know that.’
Lexie was still staring at him but there was no reaction. Josh’s heart sank down to his toes. Maybe he had done so much damage she couldn’t, or wouldn’t, allow herself to trust him again. Or had she lost her heart to Batman in such a short space of time? No, he couldn’t consider entertaining that possibility.
Right now he had done all he could do. Josh had laid his heart on the line and he could only hope that, in time, it might make a difference.
CHAPTER 32
The guilt and misery reflected in Josh’s eyes stabbed at Lexie’s insides and played turmoil with her internal resolve. She could feel his pain. It was like a raw open wound. And although she wanted to eradicate it, make it disappear, Lexie also wished she didn’t know what it felt like.
He left you.
Her mind was conflicted; her emotions pinballed back and forth between anger and affection.
Lexie was drawn to him as always. So she reminded herself to stay angry to prevent herself from launching her body into his arms, to feel the familiar comfort of his embrace, the passion of his kiss, the heat of his lips on her skin.
Is your memory that short? He left you.
The internal struggle continued.
Then Josh said the words Lexie had been waiting to hear for the past six months.
‘I love you, Lexie.’
Josh loved her . . .
Time reduced to slow motion as the air was sucked from her lungs. Frozen with shock, Lexie sat paralysed, staring at him, unable to respond.
The look on Josh’s face, the tone of his voice, revealed a depth of feeling she couldn’t deny. Instantly the defensive wall she had erected to keep him out started to splinter. Lexie had no immunity against his bruised expression.
And then, all at once, it hit her.
Josh’s reaction to Jenna’s death was not about her. She had been a casualty of his grief and depression, but not the cause. And although Lexie would never condone Josh running away, having suffered through her own brother’s death, she could empathise and appreciate the desolation he must have been feeling – the isolation, the feeling that no one understood. That was bad enough. But then, on top of all that, Josh also had to deal with the added burden of a contemptuous father, who had laid blame and guilt on his son to absolve himself.
Lexie let out a breath she felt she’d been holding for a very long time. A rush of happiness shot through her, a sense of weightlessness that evicted the heavy despair she had become accustomed to. She acknowledged it would still take time to get past some things, to learn to trust Josh completely again. But if time was what it took to resurrect their relationship, she was more than willing to make that investment.
Josh was still watching her – really watching her – waiting for a reaction.
Lexie was overcome with a wave of longing so strong in its intensity, that before she knew what was happening, she rocketed out of her seat and was in his arms in an instant. His lips found hers and they kissed like a pair of love-starved teenagers. All Lexie could hear in the relative silence of her flat was the sound of their ragged breathing and the hammering of her heart.
Without breaking the kiss, they slipped from the lounge and tumbled onto the plush-pile rug, their bodies aligning side by side like magnets, two halves of a whole, irresistibly drawn to each other. Rolling Lexie onto her back, Josh all of a sudden broke the contact. Pulling back, he leaned over her and cupped her face with his hands, looking deeply, lovingly, into her eyes.
‘Do you believe me when I say I love you, Lexie?’
His voice was as soft as a caress.
Lexie nodded, unable to speak or break her gaze from those piercing green eyes. They stared at each other for a long moment. This time, when Josh kissed her, it was gentle, unhurried and full of such tenderness it took her breath away.
As the kiss deepened naturally, Lexie trailed her hands across his broad back, then down to his waist, to finally cup his firm butt. Josh groaned.
The gown she was wearing began to gape open. She was naked underneath and when Josh saw the exposed skin of her shoulders, he nibbled a line of kisses down her throat, over the scar on her neck. Lexie could smell the masculine scent of him, taste the saltiness of his skin as she, too, kissed the side of his neck. His mouth came back to reclaim hers and the kiss continued, hot and heavy. Their lips devoured each other’s, his heavy breathing mingling with her own as their hands travelled across feverish skin, touching everywhere at once, unable to get enough of each other.
They were both breathing too hard and too fast.
‘Bedroom,’ Lexie panted.
Josh carried Lexie to her bed. They fell onto the mattress together, legs and arms entwined, the desire – the hunger between them – almost unbearable. The only way she could possibly stop the inevitable right now was to stop breathing, Lexie thought.
She should hold back. Not let this happen so easily.
But Josh loved her. He loved her, despite knowing she was flawed, damaged by the path her life had taken, just as he was terrorised by his own demons. Maybe that was why they connected? Perhaps they were the perfect match, after all?
Josh was opening her robe, pushing the material to the side, sliding it down her body. Lowering his head, he nibbled his way to her breast. Covering the nipple with his mouth, his tongue lapped at it gently. The sensation was like a lightning bolt shot straight to her groin.
‘Oh, Josh,’ Lexie moaned.
At the sound of his name Josh hesitated. He looked deep into her eyes. In the dim light cast by the lamp in the corner of the room, Lexie could see him smile.
You are so gorgeous, Josh Harrison.
‘I love you, Lexie. I love you so much. I’m yours. I’m totally yours forever.’
Touched beyond anything she could describe, Lexie let the tears roll freely down her cheeks. Josh kissed them away and for a split second she saw his eyes glisten. He held her gaze. It felt like the world stopped spinning. The look in his eyes seemed to implore her to know how sorry he was.
Or was he waiting for her to return the sentiment? Declare her feelings for him?
Tell him you love him . . .
‘Take it off,’ Josh commanded.
Lexie obliged, slipping out of the robe. Propped on one elbow, taking deep steady breaths, Josh traced the outline of her hips, her flat stomach, down
her legs, all the way to her knees, then back up to where his fingers skimmed across her breasts. She felt the tingle. Then he did it again. This time his hand stopped at the junction of her thighs. Lexie gasped.
‘I want to go slow,’ he told her teasingly. ‘It has been a long time. I want to show you how much—’
Lexie interrupted his words by pulling him down to her. Attacking his neck like a hungry vampire, she nipped at the skin of his throat, licking behind his ear, something she knew from past experience drove him wild.
‘Just get your clothes off, Josh.’
As it turned out, she didn’t need to ask him twice. In seconds Josh was naked and pulling her towards him. Taking him by surprise, Lexie rolled out of his grasp, pushed him onto his back and in one fluid motion straddled his hips, making sure to stay just out of reach of his impressive erection.
‘Oh God, I’ve missed this . . .’
Josh’s voice was deep, husky, and it sent a tingle right through her.
Kneeling above him, one leg on either side of his thighs, Lexie hovered, her body swaying gently, teasing, holding out for a long as she could, yet promising the pleasures to come. Josh reached for her hips, coaxing her forward, closer.
‘God, you are so beautiful,’ Josh panted softly. ‘I will never leave you again, I promise. I want you so badly, Lex.’
Any residual anger and resentment she had been harbouring deep inside drained away. A greater intimacy – stronger than the affection they had previously shared – was weaving its magic around them, binding them together.
Lexie could wait no longer.
Eyes locked on his, she moved over him. Josh squeezed his fingers into her hips and raised his own in an urgent attempt to make contact. She resisted his hold, enjoying the control, the power, until he groaned her name.
‘Lexie, please . . .’
The words hissed from between clenched teeth.
Lexie laughed softly and began to lower herself onto him, painstakingly slowly at first, then, just past the point of penetration, she slammed down hard.
Josh threw back his head and cried out.
‘Oh God. Oh my God, Lexie!’
The sensation was exquisite. As they moulded together, his length filled every part of her and she stilled, wanting to bottle that feeling. Joining hands, fingers locking together, she began to move. Grinding her hips against his, she moved back and forth, up and down. Never losing eye contact, Lexie rode him slowly, still teasing, testing, and wondering how long they could restrain themselves from upping the tempo.
Josh pulled her down towards him, capturing her lips in his. Her hair came loose from the bun on top of her head and fell across his face as they kissed deeply, lustfully. Breathing hard, she rocked back and forth, the friction between them building. Their desire grew fierce.
‘Oh God, Lexie, don’t stop,’ Josh begged, holding her hips, driving them to move faster, as he arched and bucked beneath her.
Lexie rose suddenly. Straightening her back, she sat astride him. Keeping Josh inside her, she manoeuvred into a squatting position. Watching his face, she rose on her haunches, hovered for a moment, then, in one fluid motion plummeted back down onto him. The response she got was exactly what she had wanted.
‘Oh fuck . . .’ Josh cried out, grabbing her behind, encouraging her to keep moving. ‘I’m not going to last long if you keep . . .’
She did it again. Slid up, then back down the length of him. Hard. Then grinding against him she repeated the process over and over. Her strong thighs pumped up and down of their own accord, building the pace, the momentum, as the hunger grew. Josh’s breathing got faster, heavier. A fine film of perspiration covered his darkly tanned skin. His body started to shake. His head thrashed to the side and a low groan rumbled from deep in his throat. The sensation of having Josh powerless beneath her made her head spin.
This is magic.
Then suddenly Josh placed his hands around Lexie’s hips and pulled her down onto him to still her movements. Staring deep into her eyes, he dragged in a lungful of air.
‘Wait. Don’t move. I’m not ready for this to end yet.’
Lexie could feel him throbbing inside her, knew that if she moved even slightly it would tip him over the edge. He held her gaze as he slipped his hand between them, finding her most sensitive spot. She gasped. His fingers were so practised, so well placed, ripples of pleasure surged through every part of her body.
She moaned, ‘Oh, Josh.’
Spontaneously, Lexie readjusted her hips ever so slightly to accommodate his caress. A heavy ache began in her groin, so intense it was like a physical pain. The urge to move against him became extreme. Her hips began to undulate of their own accord, driven by a primal hunger she was unable to suppress.
‘Don’t move.’
It wasn’t a request, it was a demand.
Lexie let out a little cry of protest as his fingers froze.
She was breathing hard when she looked down at him in confusion. Josh smiled. Now he had the power and was enjoying it.
‘Want me to keep going?’
Lexie whimpered, ‘Yes!’
Yes, yes, yes!
Instantly Josh’s fingers resumed working their magic. Waves of sensation spiralled from her core outwards. Lexie felt her stomach tighten as she clenched around him. It felt too good; the pressure of his fingers, the feel of him inside her. She began to thrash and grind against him as the sexual energy building inside her screamed for release.
‘Oh God,’ Lexie moaned, feeling her insides quiver. ‘Oh God, Josh . . .’
She tensed; squeezed him hard between her thighs. Then the explosion was upon her. Ripples of pleasure washed over her, so intense she was left shaking and gasping for air. Collapsing on top of him, Lexie shuddered. The aftershocks of release continued to rock through her body even as the pinnacle of blind sensation began to subside.
Josh brushed the damp hair off her face and kissed her forehead; breathing hard, he let her recover while whispering ‘I love you’ in her ear, over and over again.
Feeling the throbbing inside her again, Lexie rolled, pulling Josh on top of her without losing their intimate contact. Suspended on strong arms, he gazed down at her. In that instant, Lexie saw a mixture of undeniable love and passion reflected in his eyes, and everything seemed right in her world.
‘I love you, Josh.’
The words came surprisingly easily.
He smiled, let out a long breath and started to move. Instinctively Lexie pulled her knees back and tilted her hips to take more of him. There was no slow build this time. She met him thrust for thrust; wrapping her hands around his waist, she urged him on. Their cries of pleasure mingled with their ragged, erratic breathing as Josh pumped his hips in a frenzied burst of energy, driving hard and fast, over and over again.
‘Oh Lex, you feel sooooo good . . .’
Lexie, taking her pleasure from his, watched his face contort; his eyes squeezed shut almost as if he was in pain. His head tipped back. Josh flexed his hips, groaned loudly. Then with one final and powerful thrust, he cried out, shuddered and collapsed into her arms.
CHAPTER 33
SUNDAY
Lexie could hear the song ‘Brown-eyed Girl’ by Van Morrison playing in the back of her mind. Still groggy with sleep, it took her a long moment before she realised it was actually the ring tone of her mobile phone that she could hear. And then it stopped.
Prising her eyes open was a great effort. It took a while for her vision to adjust to the darkness of the room and the shape beside her in the bed. A flood of warm memories from last night sent tingles around her body. Lexie smiled to herself. Leaning closer to Josh, she inhaled the scent of him and listened to the sound of his steady breathing; he was still asleep.
She glanced at the illuminated numbers of the alarm clock on the bedside table: 6.42 am. The phone started ringing again. It must be work.
Creeping out of bed as quietly as possible, Lexie registered the chill in the air
and grabbed her robe that lay in a heap at the end of the bed. Closing the bedroom door behind her, she flicked on the light and heating switch and found her phone on the coffee table. Snatching it up, she checked the caller ID. It was Brad.
‘Good morning, Brad. What’s happened?’
‘How do you know something has happened?’ he teased.
‘Don’t be annoying. You wouldn’t be ringing me at this hour for no reason, I’d hope,’ Lexie shot back.
‘You are right. Rod Bream’s car has been located parked in the marina at Ulladulla. It has been there for a number of days. The wife of one of the local cops works in a restaurant there. She saw a man, fitting Bream’s description, around that area a few days ago. The local uniform guys are going to do a walk-around when the shops open and see if anyone has noticed him in the area. The detectives down there are also going to do a sweep of the local accommodation to check if he’s staying anywhere in the area.’
‘That’s great but we still haven’t got him,’ Lexie replied, a little disappointed with the news. She had been hoping Bream had been located and was in the process of being delivered to their door. Was that asking too much? Obviously!
‘No, we haven’t got him yet, but we are getting closer,’ Brad told her. ‘Grumpy also just rang to give me an update before he knocks off. He and Cakes came on duty at 10.00 pm last night and have worked through. Hopefully our workload will be a bit lighter when we get to the office this morning, because they have been updating the computer system. Grumpy managed to get his hands on the request for Bream’s banking information. His accounts have not been touched for three days. However, he took out one thousand dollars on Friday morning, the day after we bumped into him at the hospital.’
‘Interesting,’ Lexie said. ‘What about his phone? Has he used that at all?’
Brad grunted, ‘Unfortunately not.’
Lexie thought for a moment.
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