Susan opened the back door and pulled Tess into an urgent embrace. She whispered, “I suppose you’ve already heard all the disastrous details of my day.”
“Parker called.”
“I figured she would,” Susan said. She held Tess at arm’s length and looked her straight in the eye. “But I’m all right. I want you to know that.”
“Let’s have a drink and sit on the porch. A glass of wine and a nice sunset always work wonders.”
“What about dinner?”
“It’ll keep,” Tess said.
They went out on the porch and sat on the swing. They sipped their wine, content to not speak.
Susan finally said, “You and this house are my refuge. I don’t know what I’d do without you and our lovely home.”
Tess took her hand. “I’m glad.” Her heart swam with glee. Susan had said, “our home.” It was the first time Susan had said such a thing. Usually, she referred to the house as Tess’s.
They held hands and watched as the sun became a giant orange fireball slipping into the blue-gray of the horizon.
“I want you to know I love you,” Susan said.
“Usually, when people say that there is a ‘but’ attached.” Tess felt her heartbeat quicken.
“Not this time,” Susan said, squeezing Tess’s hand. “When I saw Carrie, I was so confused and dumbstruck I couldn’t come up with words. All the things I had dreamed of saying if I ever saw her again flew right out of my head.”
“From the sounds of it, Luke did that for you,” Tess said.
“So I heard,” Susan said with a chuckle. “But I think it needs to come from me. I’m meeting Carrie for lunch tomorrow.”
Tess couldn’t believe she was hearing this. She released Susan’s hand and took a deep drink of her wine. “You want a refill?” she asked. She needed time to digest this new development.
Susan finished off her wine and handed the glass to Tess. “I’d love one.”
Tess carried the two glasses to the kitchen. Her hands were shaking so badly she could hardly pour. She could not understand, under any circumstances, why Susan would want to talk to Carrie. Whatever needed to be said could be done through an emissary. Or a text. Or email. Facebook even.
Tess returned to the porch. She handed Susan her glass.
“How do you feel about my meeting with Carrie?” Susan asked.
Tess sat and took a deep breath. “To be honest, I’m not comfortable with it. Going to lunch just seems… a little too conciliatory.”
“I don’t want reconciliation. I want closure,” Susan said. She sipped her wine.
“I would think getting jilted at the altar was damned good closure,” Tess said, tersely. She hadn’t meant for it to come out that way. “I’m sorry. That was mean.”
“No, I probably deserved that,” Susan said. “I cannot believe she came back. I mean, why would she do it?”
“I can come up with a few reasons,” Tess said.
“Such as?”
“For starters, her relationship with the wedding planner failed. Or she didn’t like living in Belize. Or she wants you back,” Tess said. The last reason made her chest constrict.
“That’s not happening,” Susan said.
“Are you sure?”
“Of course I’m sure. She broke my heart, shamed me in front of half the town, and I couldn’t even return the wedding dress. I thought about burning it, but it cost so much money that I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’m not about to have a change of heart now.”
“You still have your dress?”
Susan shrugged. “Packed away in mothballs somewhere.”
Tess looked away. She didn’t want Susan to see her face. The fact that Susan kept the dress… it hurt. Badly. It was like a stab directly to her heart.
“Hey,” Susan said gently. “I love you. Only you. I will go tell that directly to Carrie tomorrow, okay?”
Tess nodded.
Susan placed two fingers under Tess’s chin and turned her head. She gazed into Tess’s lovely green eyes. “You are the only woman for me. You have to believe me.”
Tess breathed a sigh of relief. She leaned in and gently kissed Susan’s lips. She loved this woman so much, she couldn’t bear to lose her. Their soft kisses grew more urgent.
“Do you think dinner can wait a little longer?” Susan asked, her voice hoarse with need.
“Mmmm… What did you have in mind?” Tess said, teasing.
Susan stood up and pulled Tess to her feet. She took the wine glass out of Tess’s hand and set it on the table next to her own. “Come with me,” Susan said. “I’ll show you what I have in mind.”
They were barely inside the door when Susan kissed her deeply. Tess’s blood turned to melted butter as Susan pulled Tess’s T-shirt over her head, unclasped her bra, and eagerly took a nipple into her mouth.
Tess pulled Susan toward the bedroom. Susan unbuttoned her own blouse along the way and kicked off her shoes. By the time they got to the bedroom, they’d removed most of their clothes. They fell onto the bed, kissing and stroking each other like teenagers who find themselves alone in their parent’s house.
Susan slid her tongue down Tess’s bare stomach. She slipped off the bed and onto her knees on the floor. She pulled Tess’s panties off and tossed them behind her. She pulled Tess toward her until she sat on the edge of the bed. She pushed Tess’s knees apart and kissed her way up Tess’s silky thighs.
“You’re so…eager,” Tess said.
“Sorry,” Susan mumbled. Her hot breath panted over Tess’s aching center. “Am I too rough?”
“No,” Tess said. Her voice was shaking. She was losing control and fast. “Not at all.”
Susan nuzzled. Tess couldn’t wait any longer. She wrapped her hand around Susan’s head and pulled her closer. “Now. I need you now.”
Susan’s tongue explored Tess’s folds and then dipped inside her. Tess’s hips bucked in rhythm with Susan’s tongue. They moved together, in unison.
Susan quickly flicked her tongue over Tess’s sweet spot and Tess gasped. Tess’s hips moved against Susan’s tongue, increasing in tempo, urging Susan faster, harder.
Susan matched Tess’s pace and sensing Tess was close to orgasm, she slipped her fingers inside, curling them upward against the spot that she knew always drove Tess over the edge. Tess bucked against Susan, getting closer and closer, until, like an arrow released from its bow, she came, crying out Susan’s name.
Susan looked up at her and smiled like a well-fed cat. “You liked that?”
“You know I did. Now get up here,” Tess said, pulling Susan on top of her. “Your turn.”
Susan didn’t argue.
***
Susan lay in the darkness with her arms wrapped around Tess. Here she was, sated from their lovemaking, thinking about her ex-girlfriend, the one who was supposed to have been her wife. Susan knew she loved Tess. Tess was an amazing woman. She was a social worker, caring for the lives of unfortunate children, completely dedicated to them. She was dedicated to making Susan happy, too. Tess did those small things that show love, like when Susan got dressed for work and Tess straightened her collar and told her how beautiful she was. Susan could count the number of times Carrie had said that. It had always been Susan shoring up Carrie’s fragile self-image.
Still, she couldn’t get Carrie out of her head. She remembered the day she’d gone into Molly’s Cafe to find the woman she would fall in love with pouring her coffee. Susan hadn’t been born and raised in Fenton, so she’d hadn’t known Carrie. Parker knew her from high school, but the rest of Susan’s friends were transplants themselves.
Susan drank more coffee than usual just to be next to Carrie for a few moments. When Susan had asked her friends about Carrie after they’d spent a week flirting with each other between cups of coffee, Parker told her Carrie had left town after high school to go to college and med school. She had finished, but never practiced, deciding that she wanted to fulfill her dream of se
eing the world first before settling down. Every now and then Carrie would return home, spend some time bragging about her travels, then she’d be off again. It was between her travels that Carrie had snagged Susan. It was only later that Susan discovered Carrie’s travels were not what they appeared to be.
Wanderlust was Carrie’s reasoning for wanting their honeymoon to be in Belize. Carrie wanted Susan to see about living in Belize, telling her they always needed doctors in foreign lands. Why stay in Fenton when you could live anywhere in the world, Carrie had asked her. Susan loved living in Fenton. She was like Amy, she had lived in a big city and always dreamed of a Norman Rockwell kind of life in a small town. She’d found Fenton and made it her home. She should’ve known that when two people’s life plans were so opposite, their love was doomed.
Susan remembered the first time Carrie had kissed her. She remembered every minute of their lovemaking the first time Carrie took her to bed. She remembered the crisscross pattern of moles that began at Carrie’s hip and up the small of her back, her silky nipples, her belly button shaped like an Egyptian eye. She knew Carrie’s body so well that when she closed her eyes and thought about her, the image was burned on the inside of her eyelids. Did she know Tess’s body that well? Or had Carrie taken away her ability to memorize her lover’s body like it was a map of the continent of love?
Susan decided right then that Tess would be her new map. Tess would be her everything and she would banish Carrie from her memory. She would pretend she’d never met Carrie, never loved her. Carrie would move on once she realized that Susan was lost from her forever. She didn’t have the attention span to pursue Susan. She had come back to check and see if Susan still pined for her. And to see if Susan had taken another lover. In the back of Susan’s mind she knew Carrie was here to hurt her one more time by wrecking what she had with Tess. Susan vowed to not let that happen.
Tess opened her eyes and smiled dreamily. “What are you thinking about?”
Susan leaned in and brushed her lips against Tess’s ear. “I was thinking about you and how much I love you.”
Susan’s stomach growled.
“You hungry?”
“Yes,” Susan said, running her hand between Tess’s inviting thighs.
***
“So, you want me to do it?” Parker said into her phone. “You’re sure?”
“Absolutely,” Susan replied. She’d called Parker as soon as she’d gotten to work. She had walked the hospital’s halls, not even waiting to get to her office before dialing.
“You think she’ll listen to me?” Parker asked.
“Yes… Well, no, probably not, but I can’t deal with her. I told her that I’d meet with her, but I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to hurt Tess. If I stay away, maybe Carrie will go away. You know her, at heart she’s not a small town girl. Maybe she can join the Peace Corps or something.”
“Not her style. She’s too self-centered.”
“And narcissistic.”
“And a sore loser,” Parker said.
“Exactly,” Susan said. “She won’t stay if she doesn’t get what she wants.”
“And she wants you back.”
“How can she even imagine I’d take her back?” Susan asked. She watched as a nurse helped an elderly woman with a bloody dishrag pressed up against her forehead into a wheelchair. “I better go. I have a head wound.”
“Not yours, I hope.”
Susan ignored Parker’s stab at levity. “Will you do it? Please say yes.”
“All right. I’ll do it. Do you just want me to tell her to piss off?”
“Yes. We were meeting at Kate’s Deli at twelve-thirty.”
“Should I bring Kleenex?”
“I wouldn’t bother. I’ve never seen her cry. I can’t imagine she’ll start now.”
***
Carrie sat outside Kate’s Deli waiting for Susan. She’d come early so she’d be sure to get one of the limited outside tables. Her reason for wanting to sit outside was twofold. First and foremost, she wanted an excuse to wear sunglasses. Her sunglasses mostly covered up the black eye she was sporting, courtesy of Steph.
The second reason was that it was a fine, warm day and nothing said romance more than spring. The baskets of petunias the city put out each year were swinging in the slight breeze. Carrie took in her hometown and wondered why she’d disdained it for so long. Was getting older making her nostalgic? Or was it a simple case of spring fever? Maybe she really was ready to settle down, go back to school, find another profession since she’d screwed up her medical degree, and then get a proper job. Fenton had a decent state college nearby. She could work during the day and take night classes. Or maybe Susan was the real reason she was back? Of course, Susan was the reason she was back. If she were going to get anywhere, she needed to stop lying to herself first.
She should never have gotten involved with Monica. Carrie hadn’t figured on her being such a bitch. Monica had flattered her and made her think that life in Fenton was boring, that being married to a doctor was a life of missed social opportunities. How many holidays and parties and even romantic evenings would Carrie find herself alone, waiting for her doctor wife who was busy with old crazy people and drug addicts with gunshot wounds?
It had seemed like a valid point at the time. And Carrie had been scared of the commitment that marriage meant. She knew Susan had loved her, but she wasn’t sure she could live up to the expectations that Susan had of her. She wasn’t good wife material. The affair with Monica proved that.
Belize had been a royal disaster. Monica’s dream of being a wedding planner in Belize was dashed. She discovered that most people had already planned their wedding while in the states. They couldn’t risk going to a foreign country and then setting up their wedding. Monica had tried to get a job as a concierge after that, but she wasn’t bilingual. That job market was a no-go, and she refused to demean herself by working in a restaurant or a bar like Carrie was doing.
They’d barely lasted six months before Monica left to return to the states. Carrie had spent the rest of the year pulling as many shifts as she could to pay off her credit card bills from the wedding and get enough money together to go back home. She’d had a few dalliances with divorced women sowing wild oats, but none of those panned out. Besides, she could only stand being an ex-pat for so long before the shine wore off and she found herself homesick. Now, she was back in Fenton intent on winning Susan back. The only problem was Carrie hadn’t planned on Susan falling in love with another woman.
When Carrie saw Parker walk up, her heart sank, but then she rallied. Susan might have needed moral support so she sent Parker. Or Parker might just be coming in for a sandwich. It was lunch hour, after all.
“May I?” Parker said, indicating the empty chair across from Carrie.
“Sure.”
“Susan’s not coming. She sent me instead.”
Carrie deflated like a week-old balloon. “Any particular reason?” she asked, trying not to sound depressed. Or bitchy. Alienating Parker would not help her case.
“Do you want a Snapple or coffee or something?” Parker replied. “I’ll get you one if you do.”
“A sweet tea, please. That would be…,” She didn’t finish her thought. She didn’t really want a tea. She just needed time to cover up her disappointment.
Parker walked into the deli. Carrie bit the inside of her mouth so she wouldn’t cry. She had been cocky when Susan first came into The Perk, but that had been pure bravado. Carrie knew that Susan would not be swayed easily. She knew the hurt went deep. She should’ve broken it off with Susan before the wedding instead of running off without a word. The truth of the matter was that it had been a last-minute decision. She didn’t know herself that she was going to leave Susan standing at the altar until she had done it.
Now, she really needed to talk to Susan. She wanted to apologize. Make things right. But Susan had sent an envoy instead.
Maybe that was a good sign? Susan sending
Parker in her place meant that Susan still had feelings for her. Susan couldn’t risk meeting with her because she didn’t trust her own heart. Carrie brightened at that thought.
Returning with the two iced teas, Parker took a seat across the table. “Nice day,” she said.
“I’d forgotten how pretty Fenton is in the spring.”
“How’s the eye?” Parker asked.
“Aside from its gruesome color and all the stares I’m getting, it’s doing all right.”
They sipped their drinks.
“You need to step back from Susan,” Parker said.
“Boy, you don’t beat around the bush. I thought you were my friend.”
“I am your friend, Carrie. That’s why I agreed to come talk to you.”
“Some friend.”
“Look,” Parker said, “You’re going to hurt yourself by continuing this way. And you’ll hurt other people, too. I don’t think you want that.”
“Oh, please tell me more about what I want,” Carrie said sarcastically.
Parker sighed. “You know I don’t mince words. It took Susan a long time to get over you. Now that she has, she wants you to leave her alone.”
“This is my town, too, you know. I grew up here. I have as much right to be here as she does.”
“Carrie…”
“I’m not leaving, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I don’t want you to leave,” Parker said. “I just want you to leave Susan alone.”
“Fuck you, Parker,” Carrie said, getting up so abruptly that she knocked over her chair. She walked quickly away, oblivious to the stares of the other customers.
“That went well,” Parker muttered.
***
Parker went to see Susan at Brookside where Susan worked part-time as one of the rotating physicians. In a town the size of Fenton, people wore many hats and this was one of Susan’s. She’d studied geriatric medicine which made her a good fit for the place.
Change of Heart (The True Heart Series Book 3) Page 3