by Sara Orwig
“Yep. But I went through my desk.”
Rake looked around, moving around the desk to go back to the jail, returning in a minute. He shrugged. “Who knows. He may have just stepped in ahead of you.”
“No, he didn’t because I was only in the saloon a short bit and then started back here, but Buford Crane stopped me to talk, and we stood in the street almost fifteen minutes. McCloud was in here a long time, and he was standing when I came in.”
“Fifteen minutes. That’s a long time for McCloud to wait in an empty office.” Rake looked around again, touching the wanted posters on the wall. He looked through a few of them and let them fall. “I’ll see you Saturday night.” He placed his hand on the knob. “Think about getting McCloud out of the way.”
“When he travels now, he has two to four men with him.”
“I caught him alone once. Only a fool would let me do that twice.” Rake strode outside and mounted his horse, his thoughts shifting to Honor Roth.
Eighteen
As Christmas approached, Luke was busy with the weather and straying cattle. There were days of rain when the creeks were swollen and animals got bogged down. Honor stopped riding with the men and stayed at the house with Dolorita, baking cakes and pies as well as pies for Christmas dinner.
All the hands were invited to eat with them Christmas Day, and neighbors were coming to visit, but Christmas Eve Luke would be alone with Jeddy and Honor, and, as the time drew closer, he felt tense and nervous because it wasn’t going to be the kind of Christmas he wanted to celebrate. Honor was solemn, too quiet around him, still aloof and withdrawn, and he left her alone, yet each day became more difficult. Trying to make it easier for her, as well as himself, he worked late, leaving the house early in the morning, seldom seeing her.
Two days before Christmas, Luke cut down a cedar and pulled it home behind his horse. At the house he untied the ropes and hauled the tree up to lean it against the back wall. Honor stepped outside, her arms wrapped around her waist as she shivered in the cold.
“What are you doing?” she asked him, moving close to look at the tree.
“I thought we should have a tree in the house. You and Jeddy can decorate it.”
She touched the tip of a branch gingerly. “A Christmas tree,” she said quietly, and turned to study him. Luke felt ensnared, wanting her badly, wanting this Christmas to be so much more than it was going to be.
He couldn’t resist reaching out to touch her cheek. “I’ll come home early tomorrow if I can.” The statement sounded inane because they barely spoke when they were both home, yet he didn’t want to walk away from her, and he felt compelled to fill the silence stretching between them. And if she stood there looking at him much longer with her big dark eyes, he was going to pull her into his arms.
Honor nodded and turned away, hurrying to the house. At the door she paused and slanted him a look over her shoulder. “Thank you, Luke, for the tree.”
He nodded, standing as if his feet had rooted in the ground. She studied him, then disappeared into the house.
He swore under his breath and turned to mount up again, throwing himself into work until it was dark.
When he returned to the house, Jeddy and Honor had already eaten and he sat alone, but after supper he heard their voices in the front parlor. Jeddy was pushing aside a desk, and Honor turned at his entrance. She wore a pink muslin, and her hair was in one long braid. “We’re making room for the tree. Jeddy’s going to bring it in now.”
“I’ll help you,” Luke said, going outside to nail the tree to boards. He and Jeddy set it in a corner of the parlor, and Luke sprawled on the floor, turning it as Honor directed until she decided the best side of the tree faced the room.
“Now it’s yours to decorate,” Luke said, crawling out from under the prickly cedar and standing. The pungent scent of cedar filled the large parlor
“You have to put a star on top,” Jeddy said, hurrying to a large box of shiny tin decorations and wooden beads. He handed Luke a box. “Papa brought this star from a trip he took back East. He said it came from England, and it’s made of glass.”
Luke opened the box to find a delicate golden star that would fit down over the top branch of a tree. He pulled off his boots and moved a chair near the tree to climb up to place the star at the top.
Honor stood and watched as Luke stretched out his long arms. As he worked, his blue woolen shirt pulled tautly across his shoulders. Her gaze ran down the length of him, over his firm buttocks, down his long legs, and she remembered the magical moments of love they had shared.
He shifted, and she looked up to find him watching her, a smoldering look in his eyes that denied his polite coolness, and her pulse jumped.
He dropped down from the chair easily, landing with the grace of a cat, and Jeddy motioned to him.
“Luke, you stay up there and put some decorations near the top. Honor and I can’t reach that high.”
“It won’t be long until you can,” Luke said, stepping back up on the chair. Honor picked up a long string of wooden beads from the box.
“Wait a minute, Jeddy,” she said, “let’s get the beads wound around the tree first. She handed one end of the string to Luke, her fingers brushing his, and she glanced up to see him watching her again. For an instant neither one of them moved.
“Here’s the paper chain,” Jeddy said, and Luke took the wooden beads and began to wind them around the tree.
For the next two hours they worked, Luke brushing against her or touching her hands, and each contact was fiery, building the need that had kept her awake most nights.
Finally they stood back to admire their work, gazing at the seven-foot bushy cedar that was now laden with glittering tin ornaments, paper chains, wooden beads, and small decorations of crocheted stars and clothespin wooden soldiers that Jeddy and Honor had made over the years.
Luke draped his arm around her shoulders. She knew if she had good sense, she would move away from him and not make it even more agonizing for herself, yet how marvelous it felt to have his arm around her!
“It looks grand,” he said in a deep voice, and she looked up to find him watching her.
“I think it’s the best tree ever!” Jeddy said in satisfaction. “I’m hungry. I want a piece of pie. Anyone else want some?”
“No, thanks,” Luke said without taking his gaze from Honor.
“No, thanks, Jeddy,” she replied. With an effort she moved away from Luke and began closing the box that had held the decorations.
“I’ll carry that to the storeroom for you,” Luke said, taking it from her. Pausing, he looked at her solemnly over the box. “Tonight was nice, Honor.”
She didn’t trust herself to speak. He was the one keeping them from nights of warm companionship, nights of love. She nodded and, while he was gone, went to her room.
The next day, Christmas Eve, Luke quit work early in the afternoon and returned home. He dismounted and removed his saddle, then watered his horse. When he left the barn, he went to the bunkhouse. His feet were loud on the cottonwood plank flooring as he entered and closed the door. The men were out, and he was alone. His gaze swung past the walls pinned with pictures, the clothes strewn over beds, muddy boots on the floor. Across the room, in a corner, was a large crate.
Luke crossed the room to the crate, taking out his knife and prying loose a board. He yanked more boards loose and finally lifted away the top of the crate. He ran his hands over the polished wood, wondering if he had bought the gift for Honor or himself.
Secure in the crate was a rosewood piano. Luke could remember his mother playing a piano at his grandmother’s house when he was a child, and a piano meant home to him. He didn’t know if Honor would have any interest in it, but he wanted her to have one and had ordered it for her months earlier. Three weeks ago, the piano had arrived in San Antonio from Baltimore.
He continued peeling away the crate, careful not to let anything scratch the satiny finish, and finally he stood back an
d looked at the piano, suddenly feeling nervous about giving it to Honor. This was Honor’s first Christmas without her pa, and Luke wanted to do all he could to ease her hurt. He had Jeddy’s present hidden away beneath his bed in his room. He gathered up the pieces of crate to carry them outside, where he would throw them on a fire later.
He had talked to Dusty, and four of the men had gone to San Antonio with him to pick up the piano, so all of them knew about his gift to her. Tonight, when it was late, Dusty and a couple of the other men would help Luke carry the piano into the house, so he could surprise Honor on Christmas morning.
Luke turned to stride to the house to wash and change for dinner. As he walked down the hall to join Honor and Jeddy, he heard a rumble of thunder. Luke stopped in the parlor doorway; Honor stood across the room, her back to him. She wore a deep blue velvet dress that he had never seen before, and everything inside him seemed to tighten as if he were being crushed by a giant fist. He felt as if he couldn’t breathe, and he ached to cross the room to her and wrap her in his arms. Her black hair was tied behind her head with a blue ribbon and the short sleeves of the dress left her arms bare.
She turned around to look at him. “Evening, Luke,” she said softly, a note of wariness in her voice that increased the pain he felt.
He crossed the room to her, fighting the urge to slide his arms around her. “You look beautiful, Honor. I don’t remember that dress.”
“It’s new. I had it made for Christmas.” There was a strained moment of silence between them, and then Honor turned away. Luke clenched his fists while he stared at her back.
“It’s Christmas Eve!” Jeddy shouted from the hallway and burst into the room. “Whooo!” he exclaimed, his dark eyes shining, and Luke had to laugh.
“This is your favorite time of the year, isn’t it?”
“Yes, sir!”
The dinner bell rang and Jeddy raced from the room while Luke walked closer to Honor, turning her and placing his hands on her shoulders. “It’s almost Christmas, Honor.” He lifted her chin. “Let’s see a smile tonight.”
She gazed up at him solemnly, and he hurt, but he smiled at her. “If nothing else, we ought to both have some smiles for Jeddy.”
She nodded, and Luke brushed a tendril of hair away from her face. “You miss your pa, don’t you.”
She nodded, her lips thinning, and he wondered if she were grappling with her emotions. “I’ll be all right, Luke. And the tree is beautiful. Last night was nice.”
“I’m glad,” he said quietly, leaning forward to brush a kiss on her forehead, fighting everything in him that ached to pull her into his arms and forget dinner. “We better go, or Jeddy will be having fits.”
Honor was cheerful through dinner, and afterward they played a card game with Jeddy until Honor stood up. “I’m going to tell both of you good-night now. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Luke watched her leave the room, and he wondered if the hurt was going to continue to build inside him. He had thought if he left her alone and worked constantly, he wouldn’t hurt as badly, but he had been wrong. He hurt more each time he was with her, and he wanted her more. And he wondered if it was any better for her or if it had only gotten worse.
“Let’s play chess, Luke.”
Barely hearing Jeddy, Luke agreed. After two more hours, Luke wondered if Jeddy would go to sleep before dawn. When the next game ended, Luke leaned back against his chair.
“Can you keep a secret between now and dawn?”
“Yes! What is it?” Jeddy asked, his eyes round and full of curiosity.
“I have Honor’s present in the bunkhouse, and I want to bring it in here.”
“Are you going to get it now?”
“Yes, and you stand in the kitchen and hold the door open and watch for Honor. If she comes out of her room to see what’s happening, tell her she has to go back to her room for a few minutes because I want to surprise her with something.”
“What is it?”
“Let’s wait, and I’ll surprise you,” Luke said, seeing Jeddy wiggle in anticipation.
With a bound, Jeddy was out of his chair, dashing for the kitchen. Luke followed, crossing the kitchen to pull on his coat and hat. When he opened the door, a spray of fine rain hit him in the face. Pulling his buffalo coat collar high, he sprinted to the bunkhouse, where the men were singing, their deep voices blending while Hank played the fiddle, his toe tapping in time to the music.
“Boys, can some of you help me carry the piano to the house? I’ll need a canvas to cover it because of the rain.”
They soon had the piano in the front parlor where Jeddy ran his hands over it, and Luke followed the men to the kitchen to give them two of Dolorita’s pies and thank them. He closed the door and returned to the parlor.
“Gee, this is something!” Jeddy said, hitting a note and jumping back in alarm as he looked at Luke and then at the door.
Luke closed the door and smiled. “Careful or you’ll give away my surprise. I’m going to bed, and you should, too.”
“Honor’s going to be surprised,” Jeddy said, giving the piano a last touch and then crossing the room.
He looked up solemnly at Luke. “I miss Pa, but I’m glad you’re here. I think Honor misses Pa something awful.”
Luke squeezed Jeddy’s shoulder and to his amazement, Jeddy wrapped his arms around him and gave him a quick hug. “I’m glad you married my sister,” he said, his dark eyes inscrutable, and for once, Luke saw a streak of Horace Roth in Jeddy. Luke felt a knot in his throat because this was the family he wanted. He didn’t trust himself to speak for a moment, squeezing Jeddy’s shoulder and drawing a deep breath.
“I’m glad I married her, too, and I’m glad I have you for a brother-in-law.”
Jeddy nodded solemnly and waited while Luke put out the lights. They walked down the hall together. “Night, Luke.”
“Good night, Jeddy.” He heard Jeddy’s door close behind him and he looked at Honor’s closed door, wanting to knock, to go in and pick her up in his arms and hold and love her all through the night. Instead he went to his room where he built a fire, got out his presents for Jeddy, his hand drifting over the gold lettering on the leatherbound copy of Les Misérables. He picked up the rifle he had for Jeddy, holding it to his shoulder and sighting, then lowering it, suspecting Jeddy would be far more pleased with the book than with his new rifle.
He carried the gifts to the parlor, tucking them away beneath the Christmas tree along with a box for Dolorita. He placed another log on the fire and poured a glass of brandy, moving to the window to watch raindrops splash against the panes and run a watery course down the glass.
He thought about Jeddy’s hug and what he had said. A knot came in Luke’s throat and a pang of deep longing tore at him. He tried to dismiss it, telling himself the sentiment of the season was getting to him, but he knew better. This was the family he wanted, and the damnable past stood in his way as if there were prison bars surrounding him. He drew a deep breath, drinking the fiery brandy, wanting Honor, wanting his own family and seeing it denied to him because of the past.
A log fell in the fireplace, sending sparks up the chimney, and he moved restlessly around the room, wondering if he would spend each Christmas this way until Jeddy came of age. After Jeddy reached majority, Luke would have to release Honor.
He swore and wanted to smash his fist into the wall. Frustrated, Luke stared at the rain-spattered window, knowing tonight he couldn’t go out and ride until the pain passed and exhaustion overtook him. He turned to look at the piano, remembering his mother playing songs, hoping Honor would like her gift.
Long into the night, Luke sat before the tree, looking at the simple decorations of tin and paper that Honor and Jeddy had made and wishing he could wipe out his past.
Christmas morning, Luke waited in the kitchen while Dolorita bustled around with her cooking. He drank hot coffee and looked up when Honor entered the room. She wore a blue muslin and looked beautiful, her d
ark eyes sparkling.
“Happy Christmas, Luke!” she exclaimed. “Happy Christmas, Dolorita!”
“Happy Christmas, Honor,” Luke said, standing up.
“Happy Christmas!” Jeddy yelled from the hallway.
I think that means it’s time to look at some presents,” Luke said. “Come with us, Dolorita.”
“Mr. McCloud, I cook and get my present later,” she said. “That way you will have your breakfast, and I will have everything ready for company today.”
He smiled and shook his head. “Dolorita, you can wait a minute on breakfast. Come with us. I remember bringing something back from San Antonio that has your name on it.”
She laughed and wiped her hands and untied her apron. Luke took Honor’s hand and they went to the closed parlor doors. “Close your eyes, Honor. Let me lead you into the room and tell you when to look. I want to surprise you.”
She did as he asked and he opened the doors. Jeddy grinned and ran across the room while Dolorita gasped and moved to one side to watch Honor.
Suddenly nervous and afraid Honor wouldn’t be pleased, Luke wondered if he should have bought her a new saddle or something he knew she would like. He led her into the room and looked at her. “Happy Christmas, Honor.”
Honor opened her eyes and looked at the rosewood piano with its carved feet and fine, glossy finish. “Oh, Luke! A piano!” she gasped, and looked up at Luke. She flung her arms around his neck, startling him as she hugged him. Then she flew to the piano and touched the keys while Jeddy and Dolorita started talking and suddenly Luke was glad he had bought the piano.
He saw her wipe her eyes, then turn to look at him. “Pa promised me he would get me a piano, but he never got around to it …” Her voice trailed away, and she smiled at Luke. He smiled in return and felt a warm glow of gratitude that he had found something to give her joy.
For the next few minutes she tried to play and everyone crowded around, Luke’s hands on her shoulders while he stood behind her.