by Mia Carson
"Mm…'kay," I muttered and watched him climb over me and off the bed. He stretched, the sunlight making the sweat on his back glisten, and grabbed his shorts and boxers. He peeked out my door into the hallway to check, smiled at me, and slipped out. I heard his bedroom door close a second later. I lay where I was for a bit longer, sighed, and got up to dress and clean myself up before heading downstairs to pretend like nothing happened.
MASON
Ali and I kept our relationship as much of a secret from everyone as we could. I was happy we were in the same boat on that, and neither of us even knew where to start when it came to telling Tyler. It was good that we had been affectionate before this weird relationship had started. I could cuddle with her on the sofa, lift her up and spin her around, and hug her whenever I wanted without having to worry about drawing questions.
The most intimate aspects of our relationship had to be carefully concealed, which almost made me resent the job I had. Tyler's schedule was all over the place, but sometimes, he would be out during the day, and Ali was at home alone while I was stuck in the office, putting numbers into a computer when all I really wanted to do was carry her to my bed and show her how deep my feelings for her ran. I couldn't tell if she felt exactly the same or not, but she had always been a bit more reserved when it came to her romantic feelings, and I didn't blame her for wanting to be extra careful.
It was best on the weekends when her parents were out working or running errands and Tyler was at his job. Ali and I would be alone in the house, not having to worry about how much noise we made or whether or not someone would walk in on us. After our first time, we usually met up in my room. It seemed less suspicious than me always being in hers.
The thing that bothered me the most, though, was that we could never really let our guard down. We always had to be cautious about how loud we were and always had to be wary of the time. We could never, ever fall asleep in the same bed. I couldn't count the number of nights I had lain awake at night, wishing Ali would sneak into my room and climb in with me or that I could get away with doing the same, but it was just too risky. We could never account for someone waking up in the middle of the night to get a snack or use the bathroom and wondering what the hell one of us was doing coming out of the other's room.
But other than that, things were fine as far as I was aware. Until one day, they weren't.
I woke up early to get ready for work. Ali shuffled out of the bathroom, looking white as a sheet except for the dark circles under her eyes and holding a hand over her stomach. She didn't look surprised when she saw me, but there was something else in her eyes I couldn't put my finger on. My nerves jangled.
“Are you okay?” I asked softly, moving close to her so I could feel her brow with the back of my hand. Her skin was clammy, but she didn’t have a fever. She sighed and leaned forward to press her face against my chest. I glanced automatically over my shoulder before wrapping my arms around her. She was shaking. I rubbed her back and put my chin on top of her head, wishing I could just stand there and hold her forever instead of having to go to work or risking her family catching us.
“I think I ate something my stomach didn't like,” she mumbled. I accepted her explanation at face value, seeing no reason why she would lie to me. I wanted to hold her longer, but she turned her shoulder towards my chest and wriggled out of my embrace. “I'm just gonna go back to bed,” she said, her voice quiet and weak. “Have a good day at work.”
I let her go, and as much as I wanted to go after her and hold her while she slept, I needed to shower and shave and get ready to leave. I thought about checking on her before I left, but her door was shut, and when I didn't hear any noise from inside, I assumed she had fallen asleep.
When I got back after a long, drawn-out work day, I had the distinct feeling that Ali hadn't left her room all day. Julie went up to check on her after she and Dave got home from work but didn't seem all that concerned, so I tried to push aside my own anxiety and accept that Ali had caught a little summer bug. Still, it didn't sit right with me. I had seen Ali sick before, really sick, and this felt different. I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was. I left Ali alone and hung out with Tyler instead, playing a couple rounds of co-op in a video game with him until, after two beers and a lot of junk food, I was tired and it was late enough for me to justify going upstairs.
“Night, dude,” Tyler said and switched over to a different game. He would probably be up late, but I didn't really have that luxury when I had to be awake so early. I stopped outside Ali's room. She probably hadn't stayed in there all day, but she hadn't come downstairs, not since I had been home. I lingered, hesitating for a moment before sighing harshly and rapping my knuckles against the wood.
“Ali?” I called softly. “You awake?” I waited for a reply, but none came. I was tempted to knock again or open the door and check on her to be sure she was in there and okay. Instead, I dropped my hand and went into my own room, shutting the door quietly behind me.
If it was just a sickness, it was a bad one. Every time I saw Ali, she looked pale and tired, like she wasn't sleeping well, or enough, or even at all, but she deflected all my questions. It was like what we had shared had never happened. I didn't dare go to her bedroom without her inviting me, and she stopped coming to mine. I didn't know what to do. Everything else seemed normal. She acted fine around her parents and around Tyler, and me if I was with them. But if it was just the two of us? It was completely different, and I felt like I was walking on eggshells.
I managed to catch her alone a couple weeks later and grabbed her arm as she passed by my room. I yanked her in and shut the door behind her. I had startled her, and she pulled her arm away the second she could. She didn't cry out or shout at me but looked tired and distant. She rubbed her eyes, ran a hand over her face, and tilted her head back to look at me properly.
“What?” she asked. “I'm tired. And I'm busy.”
“Too busy to talk to me for five minutes?” I asked.
Ali looked away and blushed. “What?”
“What do you mean, what?” I echoed. “You're...you've been...what's been going on with you? Everything was...going fine and now...I mean, you barely even look at me.”
“You kept telling me if I wanted to stop, we would stop,” Ali said. “I want to stop.”
I felt like I'd been punched in the chest. “Were you planning on telling me this or were you just going to let me wonder what the hell happened?”
“I'm sorry, Mason,” Ali said quietly. “You just feel like too much of a brother to me. I can't do it. Not to myself and not to my family. It was a bad idea from the start, okay? We never should have fucked.”
“Are you saying you regret it?”
Ali shook her head. “I don't regret it, it just...shouldn't have happened. Okay?” She squeezed past me and slipped out the door and down the hall into her own room.
I was left stunned, staring at the spot where she had been. My head was reeling. How was it possible for someone to change their mind so quickly? I thought things had been going great. Maybe they weren't how we would like them, but we'd been managing, and we'd been managing fine. I shut my door again and sat on my bed, feeling numb. What was I supposed to do? Go beg her to change her mind? I had given her my word that I would stop if she told me to. That hadn't applied only to us sleeping together. I knew that. She knew that. That didn't make it hurt any less.
I flopped on my bed and folded my arms over my eyes. Thank fuck the summer was almost over, because it was going to be awkward as all hell between Ali and me for the rest of it, and God help us if anyone caught onto it.
On my last day at the office, Gina and a bunch of her friends threw me a party, complete with confetti, hats, and cake. It was a nice gesture, but I really just wanted to get home so I could see Ali and do my best to patch things up before I had to go back up north.
“If you ever come back down and need to make some extra cash, just let me know,” Gina
told me. “We're always in need of more lackeys.”
I rolled my eyes but wrapped her in a one-armed hug, pulling her in close to my chest. For the first time, I regretted never trying to take things further with her. Maybe my life would have been simpler if I had. She was pretty, funny, and nice, but she was no Ali, and it was becoming pretty clear that I was a lost cause.
“Thanks, babe,” I said and kissed the top of her head.
“We're all going out for drinks tonight, okay? No arguing.”
Her tone made me chuckle, but I put my hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay,” I said. “I give up.”
“Good,” Gina said. “Otherwise, I would just have to show up at your house and kidnap you. Now get out of here. Meet us at seven. Usual place.”
“You got it,” I said.
I made my rounds to say goodbye to the people I had met, shaking hands and giving hugs. I took my party hat and the rest of the cake and left. The little bit of happiness the party had given me faded quickly once I was away from its source. I would be leaving over the weekend, which meant I only had tonight and part of tomorrow with Ali. Tyler, too, of course, but in my mind, he really wasn't as important as her. My relationship with him was fine. It was the one with Ali that was on the rocks.
On the drive home, I tried to remember if I had done or said anything that would have upset her so badly, but nothing came to mind. I accepted her decision…mostly. I just didn't want to leave things the way they were.
Ali was home when I got there, sitting on the couch watching TV. Nothing unusual, except for the fact that she wore a hoodie. A thin one, but still. I kicked my shoes off and sat carefully on the far end of the sofa. Ali glanced at me and curled further into herself.
“Do you feel okay?” I asked.
“Just cold,” she said. “But Dad yells when I touch the thermostat.”
I wanted to wrap my arm around her shoulders, but I didn't. “Hey, look...I just...I'm sorry. For how I acted when you said...you know, that you didn't wanna do...whatever we were any more. I just, you know, I was worried, and I don't want to leave with us being on a bad note, you know? You're Tyler's sister, and I...you're really important to me.”
“It's okay,” Ali said. Her smile was weak but she sounded genuine, and I could see the honesty in her eyes. She reached across the space between us for my hand and squeezed it. “I promise.”
ALLISON
I was sad to see Mason leave, but there were more important things on my mind than my aching heart. The tiny little stick buried under a layer of crumpled papers and empty paint tubes in my trash can held the damning evidence of what had come from all the times Mason and I had managed to sleep together. A part of me knew it before I even went out to buy a test, paranoid that someone I knew would see me grabbing one from the drug store and probably looking shady as fuck as I crept around in a hoodie with the hood pulled as far over my face as I could get it. The clerk didn't give two shits and barely paid me any attention, but that didn't make the paranoia go away.
I almost got sick again when I saw the plus sign staring up at me. I thought about going back to buy another test, just to double-check, but that would just be a waste of money. The signs were all there, and the timing was right. I was pregnant. With Mason's child.
Him being gone made it a little bit easier, but I still had to deal with my family. When the worst of the morning sickness finally passed, I passed it off as a weird summer bug. I knew I needed to say something to them, but what would they say? What would they think? The only other guy I talked to was Jesse, and he was incredibly gay and in no way interested in having sex with me, despite looking like a typical straight guy. He was the only person I told because I needed to tell someone, and he was the only person I wasn't afraid would judge me for getting pregnant at just shy of twenty-one.
His face and voice were mercifully clear over Skype when I worked up the courage to say it out loud. When I said those two words, it all became painfully real.
“Is it Mason's?” Jesse asked. I nodded. “Well, I'd congratulate you on the sex, but seems like you'd rather still be a virgin than deal with this. What are you gonna do? Have you told your parents?”
“I don't know,” I said. “No. I don't know how. And school's starting and...”
“They're gonna figure out eventually, you know. Especially your mom. She's been through it twice.”
“I know,” I said. “I know.” I sniffed back tears. “I don't know.”
“Hey, hey, don't cry, babes,” Jesse said. “It'll be all right. We'll figure it out. Are you gonna stay home? Over the school year, you know.”
I shrugged. “I don't really have anywhere else to stay.”
Jesse got that look on his face, the one that told me he was thinking of something I probably wasn't going to like. “Why don't you come live with me and Harry? We just got the two-bedroom, and there's plenty of room for you. Could use a bit of help with the rent, if I'm being honest.”
“No, no, no,” I said, shaking my head. “I couldn't do that. I couldn't put that pressure on you.”
“I insist,” Jesse said. “Harry loves you, and that way, you'll be closer to school and you can break the news to your parents when you're ready. If you're ready. Whatever you decide to do, okay? Just think about it.”
I looked away from the screen, but Jesse had a point. The least I could do was consider it. I nodded. “Okay.”
“Good!” Jesse said with a big grin. “Now, let me tell you about my weekend...”
I was up half the night thinking about Jesse's proposal before finally deciding it was probably the best thing for me. I'd be closer to campus and away from my parents until I decided what I wanted to do, and I’d still have the support I needed. It was a lot easier to tell Mom and Dad about that plan than it was to even think about telling them anything else. They took it better than I expected, and thankfully, I had little enough stuff that it didn't take long for me to pack it all, even though I ended up doing most of the work alone. The only thing I needed help with was moving my furniture. I did feel a little bad about springing the move on my parents with such little notice, but they seemed to take it pretty well. They even offered to help me out with my third of the rent until I got a job and my financial aid check. It increased my guilt, but leaving was something I needed to do.
Jesse borrowed his dad's truck to help move my stuff and made sure it was all tied down in the back while I hugged my parents. Mom cried, which made me want to cry. I wasn't going that far, only a little bit closer to the city. When I finally managed to extract myself from Mom's arms, I climbed into my car and followed Jesse to my new home.
The apartment was nice as far as student living went. Jesse and Harry had claimed the master bedroom, obviously, but the second one was about the same size as my room at home. The boys made me sit back and let them do most of the work, despite my protests, but they got everything moved in faster than I would have been able to. I started to unpack my essentials and put things away while Harry called for pizza. Having something to do with my hands helped me keep my mind off my condition. Jesse came in to help, sitting down on the floor next to me.
“You feeling all right?” he asked.
I shrugged. “Lots of stuff happening all at once.”
He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and hugged me tight. “Well, we're here for you, babe, no matter what.” He was about the same size as Mason, and for a minute, if I closed my eyes, I could imagine that it was him holding me. “Are you gonna tell him?” Jesse asked softly, breaking the illusion.
“I don't know,” I said. “I don't even know if I'm...” I couldn't say the words, but Jesse understood.
“That's your decision, and I'll support you, no matter what, okay?”
“Thanks, Jesse.”
He squeezed my shoulders. “No problem, sweetie. Now, let's get you unpacked. I want you to have plenty of time to settle in before school starts.”
I laughed and s
at up straight and put my hands back into the box in front of us. Harry came in a few minutes later to help as well until the pizza arrived and we stopped to eat. Living with two guys ended up being easier than I thought it would. Maybe because I hadn't been there long enough for us to get on each other’s nerves, or maybe because they were gay, or maybe because I had grown up living under the same roof as Tyler, but the lack of drama in my life was comforting. I had enough of that to deal with already, plus the stress of school.
I spent most of my free time until the semester started trying to find a job I could hold down and still fit around my class schedule. The most reasonable solution looked to be getting a job in the school cafe. I would have to ask my advisor with help fitting everything in and I would be fine.
“Don't feel all pressured about paying right away,” Jesse told me, a statement backed by my parents. “You've got a lot on your plate right now, and I know you're good for it.” I also spent a good deal of my free time up until the semester started hugging him.
I was glad that having a campus with ridiculously high air conditioning meant I could wear a hoodie and no one would give me a second glance. It may have been eighty outside, but it was cold enough in ninety percent of my classes to give me goose bumps on my legs. I definitely wasn't the only pregnant person, but knowing that didn't make me feel any better about it. I still felt like people would judge me even though the reality was they likely didn't give a shit about anything outside of their own grades.
I didn't tell my mom about the pregnancy until I had to go home for my birthday, with Jesse there holding my hand for emotional support. I could barely get the words out of my mouth. Eventually, Jesse just jumped in for me, in his typical blunt way, which probably wasn't the best way to break such big news but definitely got the point across.
“She's pregnant,” he said, “and she was scared to tell you, but I managed to convince her that she needed to say something sooner rather than later. Figured you couldn't get that mad at her on her birthday, so…” He shrugged.