by Jesse James
Neggers play with fire. As an opener, according to multiple studies, it does not work. Many women at bars and clubs have already fended off dozens of ‘pickup artists’ who use (and abuse) this well-known tactic. Whatever value the neg once had as an opener, it lost its value when it lost its novelty. An opening neg is more likely to trigger a slap than a kiss. If you can’t think of anything to say, the simple ‘Hi’ should work just fine.
Next time you’re tempted to bust out a cheesy cocky-funny pickup line or a subtle neg, remember Nerdy Joe. Don’t do it.
One well-known pickup artist emphasizes that a neg is not an insult after all. He cautions that ‘A neg is only successful if the feeling of confusion and self-doubt it creates is sufficiently disavowable by the speaker.’ In other words, the neg should leave the pickup artist blameless for any bad feelings he just caused. The same pickup artist explains that ‘A proper neg is like a clue to hidden treasure that the girl is meant to discover on her own; except in this context the treasure she’s meant to find is her own slightly deflated ego.’98
Negs can work, but not as openers. If used appropriately, skillful negging may lower a woman’s self-esteem later in seduction, thereby making the man seem more attractive. If you like general rules, here is one for you: Never use negative approach lines. Negs may be used later on, sparingly and intelligently in a cocky funny way. The occasional little jab at a woman’s self-image will eventually chip away at her self-esteem. The lower the woman’s self-esteem, the more attractive she will find lower status men. That’s simple arithmetic.
Barefoot and Pregnant
‘And however one might sentimentalize it, this sex business was one of the most ancient, sordid connections and subjections. Poets who glorified it were mostly men. Women had always known there was something better, something higher. And now they knew it more definitely than ever. The beautiful pure freedom of a woman was infinitely more wonderful than any sexual love. The only unfortunate thing was that men lagged so far behind women in the matter. They insisted on the sex thing like dogs.
And a woman had to yield. A man was like a child with his appetites. A woman had to yield him what he wanted, or like a child he would probably turn nasty and flounce away and spoil what was a very pleasant connection. But a woman could yield to a man without yielding her inner, free self. That the poets and talkers about sex did not seem to have taken sufficiently into account. A woman could take a man without really giving herself away. Certainly she could take him without giving herself into his power. Rather she could use this sex thing to have power over him. For she only had to hold herself back in sexual intercourse, and let him finish and expend himself without herself coming to the crisis: and then she could prolong the connection and achieve her orgasm and her crisis while he was merely her tool.’
- D.H. Lawrence, ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’
The sole source of female power throughout history has been sexual. Men have the gold and the guns. Men make the rules. Denied the opportunity to participate in political and economic systems, women were relegated to the role of baby-makers and berry-pickers. Tucked away safely in their homes, women remained barefoot, pregnant and powerless. Almost.
The option to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to male sexual advances was all the power women enjoyed in patriarchal societies. Laws prohibiting a woman from rejecting her husband’s advances tamed and muted even her sexual power. A woman was often forced to marry someone she hardly knew – and hardly liked. Even today in many Arabic countries like Saudi Arabia, female sexual choice is a pipe dream.
To exercise her sexual power, a woman required clandestine courtship, sneaking behind her husband’s back or behind her father’s back if she was unmarried. Women wield the greatest sexual power in the realm of casual sex. Saying ‘no’ to a husband could get a female beaten or raped (or, in the modern world, thrown out on the street). Saying ‘no’ to a casual suitor gives a woman power and risks little; the seducer will simply try harder to win her favor. Women enjoy the power of giving or withholding sexual pleasure.
What good is a woman’s sexual power in the absence of a dominant lover? Meek men pose no challenge, contest no power. The lead female in a romance novel requires a dominant, aggressive lover to exercise her own sexual power. Erotic stories involve a tug-of-war between a dominant man and a reluctant woman. The women’s power grows stronger the more she resists his sexual advances. Her power culminates in eventual acquiescence; saying ‘yes’ to a man who has proven his worth through word and deed reveals the apex of her power.
No wonder women prefer dominant and self-confident men. Controlling a meek man by withholding or bestowing sexual favors offers minimal ego boost, but exerting authority over a strong and dominant man elevates the woman’s self-esteem to the stratosphere.
Even submission can be a means to power. Playing the submissive role often makes a woman feel sexy and desirable, which in turn gives her power and control over her partner.99
A study of 141 married women found that the fantasy ‘I imagine that I am being overpowered and forced to surrender’ ranked second only to the fantasy of ‘an imaginary romantic lover.’ Nearly thirty percent of women have experienced the sexual fantasy ‘I’m a slave who must obey a man’s every wish.’100 Oh, my.
Cindy Meston observes that ‘being submissive can cause a woman to feel sexually desirable, and her sexual desirability, in turn, gives her power and control over her partner. Overall, we found that two reasons women gave for having sex – ‘I wanted to submit to my partner’ and ‘I wanted to gain control of the person’ were related.’101
Women possess what men want. Sex. They may giveth or taketh away. Throughout history, sex has been their sole source of power and independence; the privilege of saying ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ Up until almost the present era, the only source of control a woman had over her husband was sexual authority, the granting or withholding of bedroom favors. A woman will not easily part with such power, any more than a king will relinquish his throne.
Chapter 7
Superman Style
‘Work like you don’t need money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like no one’s watching.’
- Satchel Paige
The Bat Hang Ankle Stretch
What is painful, slow, and can make you three inches taller? If you’re under six feet tall, wouldn’t you like to know?
Height is the eight-hundred pound elephant in the room. Taller men outperform shorter men in almost every aspect of life; higher salaries, more sexual partners, increased wealth, status and power. In study after study, women consistently prefer tall men over short men. Researchers in Britain found that taller-than-average men enjoyed a greater number of live-in girlfriends than their shorter peers. Tall men have more children. Women prefer tall men for both short-term sex and long-term partnerships.
And the one physical attribute that matters most – height – is the one physical attribute that men have a very hard time improving. Doctors can treat baldness. Exercise cures obesity. A weak body can be made strong by regular visits to the gym. But how can short men grow tall?
Taller men tend to be more successful in politics, too. Washington Post journalist Jay Mathews notes that the taller candidate has won ten of twelve presidential elections between 1952 and 1996. Of 31 senate races between 1990 and 1996, the shorter candidate prevailed in only eight. In the most recent presidential election, 6’1 Barack Obama towered over 5’7 John McCain both physically and in the polls.102
All of this does not bode well for short men. The good news is that you can actually increase your height without doing the Batman Ankle Stretch.
Studies have shown that status affects perceptions of height. Prestigious titles, for example, lead to height distortions. Professor P.R. Wilson formed 5 separate groups of 22 students. Told only his academic status, students in each group were asked to estimate the height of a man standing before them. The status of the man being evaluated by each group was very differen
t; to one group, he was presented as a student; to another, as a demonstrator; to another, as a lecturer, and to the fifth group he was described as a professor. Researchers found that with each increase in status, the same man magically grew by half an inch in perceived height; as the professor he was estimated to be two and a half inches taller than as the student. Keep in mind that the same man stood before all five groups; the only thing that changed was his perceived status. This study is heart-warming news for those of us not blessed with Michael Jordan’s genes. You can alter perceptions of your stature simply by increasing your status – either in reality or in their imaginations. 103
At five feet eleven inches, George W. Bush was shorter than most of his predecessors. Acutely aware of his presidential shortcomings (no pun intended), Bush surrounded himself with men more vertically challenged than himself. His vice presidential choice, Dick Cheney, clocked in at a mere 5’8, a full two inches below the national average and three inches shorter than Bush. Donald Rumsfeld stood only five foot seven inches tall. While some members of Bush’s cabinet were indeed towering giants, such as Hank Paulson and Colin Powell, Bush appeared in photographs far more frequently with the shorter members of his entourage.
And then there was Bill White. Bill White was a fighter pilot who served with George W. Bush in the Texas Air National Guard. White recalls Bush’s odd preoccupation with his own stature: ‘I’ll never forget as long as I live, it was the first time I saw somebody dress in a suit wearing high-heeled cowboy boots. And it just struck me as a guy who was desperately trying to be six foot tall, irrespective of his natural height. Somehow he equated importance with height, which I thought was ludicrous because most of the fighter pilots that I flew with were shorter in stature, but they were guys who were seven feet tall in my mind’s eye because they had integrity, confidence and they didn’t care about the superficial. My observation was that he was not comfortable around people who were “looking down” on him. I think that if you check the Presidential cabinet appointments and study photos of W. with his staff that you’ll see what I mean. The company surrounding the President in 99% of the photo ops that I see are carefully staged to make W. look like “the big man.”104
As an alpha male being groomed for power from a young age, Bush understood intuitively that height corresponds to status, success, and respect. Consciously or unconsciously, he surrounded himself with shorter men.
The Chinese were endowed with wonderful genes for making gunpowder, writing philosophy, and doing science, but somewhere along the assembly line God forgot the ‘tallness’ gene. Height is very important in the Chinese culture. Jonathan Watts of the Guardian notes that ‘height is so socially important in China that it is often the first thing strangers will talk about. It is also listed among the criteria required on job advertisements. To get a post in the foreign ministry, for instance, male applicants need not bother applying unless they are at least 5ft 7in, while women must be at least 5ft 3in. Chinese diplomats are expected to be tall to match the height of their foreign counterparts.’105
In the early 2000s, the Chinese decided to do something about their lowly stature. Painful, brutal leg-lengthening surgery became all the rage, sweeping through mainland China, offering short people a chance to gain an extra five inches of height. First the doctor breaks the patient’s legs, then stretches him on a rack. It sounds dangerous, and it is dangerous. After a series of gruesome botched operations, the Chinese government finally banned unlicensed, unregulated beauty clinics from carrying out such terrifying work. ‘Leg-stretching surgery for the image conscious has been banned by China’s Health Ministry after a spate of botched operations,’ reported China’s Xinhua news agency. Apparently some hospitals still offer the procedure for the vertically challenged, but the price has gone up. Ten thousand dollars buys you three inches and a world of hurt.106
Growing taller need not be so painful. Short men can ride the eight-hundred pound elephant instead of being trampled by it.
Just rip a page out of the Bush playbook. If you are a man of average height - say 5’10 - then choose friends and acquaintances slightly shorter than average. By virtue of the ‘contrast principle,’ which we will discuss later, short friends make you look taller.
Vertically challenged men also grow taller as their status increases. Work hard to raise your status and people will perceive you (magically) as several inches taller than you actually are. If you don’t have a flashy title like ‘Doctor,’ ‘Esquire,’ ‘Professor,’ ‘Lord’ or ‘PhD.’, consider inventing one. The title itself, whether real or imagined, adds a few inches to your perceived height. You finished your PhD., didn’t you?
TIP: Three Tricks for Three Inches
You can use three effective (and painless) methods to increase how others perceive your height. First, surround yourself with men shorter than yourself. Second, increase your status by wearing nicer clothes. Third, improve your posture.
Improving your posture can help you look taller without, of course, actually growing taller. Abdominal exercises such as sit-ups and pushups strengthen your core. Yoga and Pilates significantly improve your posture, also providing a wonderful natural stress release after a hard day at the office. A man who stands up straight, shoulders arched back, appears much taller than a man who slouches. Good posture also communicates status and self-confidence.
And if you’re really desperate, I know a doctor in China who would love to help.
Love at First Sniff
Women consistently rate scent as the most important physical attribute in choosing a lover, edging out sight, sound and touch. Real life is not an episode of Jersey Shore where ‘The Situation’ gets the girls by brandishing his bulging muscles. A fat wallet and six pack abs won’t help if you smell like a dumpster. In one major study, women ranked scent above all other physical characteristics as the most important feature in sexual attraction.107
Body odor provides important clues to a man’s genes. His wealth, status, height and muscles play second fiddle to his raw genetic compatibility. What good is your six-foot-tall millionaire husband if your teenage son mumbles and drools?
Genetic compatibility smells good, according to researchers. A cluster of genes known as the major histocompatibility complex (MHC) build the immune system. MHC molecules mediate the interaction of the immune system’s white blood cells with the other cells of the body. The external manifestation of the MHC complex is your body odor, as unique to each person as a fingerprint or facial profile. MHC compatibility determines recipients of donors for organ transplant. It also plays a major role in human mating.
Dissimilar MHC genes increase immune function in the offspring and help to prevent inbreeding. Females can smell dissimilar genetic partners, a good evolutionary mating trick because two people with similar MHC genes tend to produce immune-compromised offspring. Think brother and sister, father and daughter, mother and son. It’s a recipe for retardation.
Genetic compatibility means genetic dissimilarity. Choosing a partner who shares too many of your genes puts offspring at risk of birth defects and disease. When a woman says she had sex with a man because he smelled nice, what she really means is that she was unconsciously drawn to him by the scent of genetic compatibility.
Body odors consist of biochemical bouquets called pheromones. A pheromone is a chemical secreted by the body that triggers a social behavioral response in other members of the same species. Particularly well documented in honey bees, pheromones attract lost members of the colony, sound an alarm to mobilize a response to a moving intruder like a marauding bear, mark the entrance to the hive, mark flowers, and alert nurse bees when a baby needs food. Though highly social, bees aren’t very smart, so chemical pheromones serve as an effective means of communication.
Studies show that women prefer the body odor, or pheromones, of MHC-dissimilar men. In one experiment involving college students, forty-nine women and forty-four men were typed for their MHC genes. The men wore a t-shirt for two nights. On
the following day, women sniffed the odors on the t-shirts, rating as more ‘pleasant’ those which had been worn by men whose MHC genotype differed most from the judging woman. MHC dissimilarity correlated closely to sex appeal.108
A woman’s sense of smell reaches its peak during ovulation, when she is most likely to conceive. From an evolutionary point of view, heightened olfactory sense during her most fertile period increases her chances of making a good mating decision when it matters most.
Psychologist Estelle Campenni admits she is living proof of love at first sniff. Chatting with fellow psychologist Rachel Herz over coffee one day, Campenni confided a little secret; ‘I knew I would marry my husband the minute I smelled him,’ she told Herz. ‘I’ve always been into smell, but this was different; he really smelled good to me. His scent made me feel safe and at the same time turned on—and I’m talking about his real body smell, not cologne or soap. I’d never felt like that from a man’s smell before. We’ve been married for eight years now and have three kids, and his smell is always very sexy to me.’109
Women taking oral contraceptives experience a very different reaction to male scent than naturally cycling women. When the same t-shirt experiment was performed with women taking hormonal birth control pills, females rated MHC-dissimilar odors as considerably less attractive than MHC-similar odors. In other words, women on birth control experience the exact opposite reaction to male pheromones than women on a natural cycle. Scientists speculate that such an effect occurs because oral contraceptives trick the woman’s body into believing it is already pregnant. The vulnerable state of pregnancy activates a preference in women for close blood relatives, who are typically protective, helpful and deeply caring. Kin, of course, exhibit MHC-similar genes.110