by Jesse James
Men who play adventure sports demonstrate personality traits including bravery and risk-taking, which women find irresistibly sexy. Put away the tennis racquet and golf clubs. Re-invent yourself with adventure sports. Have fun, get in shape, meet beautiful women and become instantly more attractive to the opposite sex. Why not live a little?
The chart below shows the sexiest sports for both men and women.
CLINIC: Boredom is Your Friend
‘Most men live lives of quiet desperation,’ said Thoreau. And women too. Boredom is the most desperate disease of all, one which afflicts more people than cancer, heart disease and diabetes combined. Modern life just ain’t all that exciting. Most of us work nine to five on the weekdays, go out with friends on the weekends, get a little drunk, then take out the trash on Sunday morning. The ancestral environment was more action-packed, chock-full of wars, social intrigues, and the challenges of overcoming a harsh environment. Bloody combat, Shakespearean betrayals and charging lions. Booyah! That was living.
Modern westerners are soft as grapes; we have it easy with our rows of fresh food in the grocery store and wars fought on some faraway land. The entertainment industry steps in to fill the void, allowing us to live vicariously through the lives of Dexter Morgan or Nucky Thompson. But what we crave – what we really want – is a little adventure to cure the quotidian boredom of our daily grind.
If you can make a woman’s life more exciting – even just a little – you are leaps and bounds ahead of the competition. Seduction means standing out from the crowd, transforming yourself into a more energetic, vibrant, fascinating, mysterious and robust personality. Think James Bond or Tyler Durden. We will see how mystery, unpredictability and spontaneity represent the most potent weapons in your seduction arsenal.
Of Pirates and Heroes
I used to be the kind of guy who would show up at a woman’s house with a bouquet of flowers and invite her to an elegant restaurant. I was, in the words of Dale Carnegie, exorbitant in my praise and lavish in my approbation. How far did that get me? A date with a Jenny Jameson DVD and some Vaseline. I wish girls could appreciate me for the nice, kind person that I really am (honest!). But they can’t.
Women like men who are a little bad and a little mean because the spinoffs of such personality traits are very appealing; confidence, dominance, aggression, ambition. Girls often stay with abusive jerks because of those other tangential qualities that accompany the jerk personality. Do you understand the subtlety here? You can be a little mean and a little bad without treating a woman badly. But feel free to treat other people badly, since women will often find such displays of dominance and aggression very sexy.
Bad boys get the girls. Nice guys finish last. So well-known that it’s almost a truism, women find bad boys sexier than ‘nice’ guys. Why? In a word, boredom.
The modern world is full of drudgery and routine, the daily grind. For most people, life consists of waking up early to go to work, spending eight hours tooling away at a boring job, coming home to dinner and catching the latest episode of Walking Dead before waking up to do it all over again. The zombies are us.
A ‘bad boy’ pumps excitement (among other things) into a woman’s life, distracting her from the humdrum banality of her normal routine. Spontaneous, dangerous, sexy and mysterious, women love cads at least as much for their excitement value as their sperm.
In ‘My Secret Garden,’ Nancy Friday publishes a compilation of female fantasies, many of which are incredibly illuminating for the aspiring seducer. This book, in fact, should be required reading for anyone interested in attracting women. One of the fantasies, by a woman named ‘Vicki,’ concerns her irresistible and harmful addiction to ‘bad boys.’ Nancy Friday writes: ‘Vicki is thirty-two and single, just out of her second divorce. Her exotic good looks appeal to a variety of men, but Vicki’s own preference has always been limited to the rat bastards. She’s already set her sights on her next conquest (I mean victimizer) and is the first one to laugh at the hard knocks that lie ahead for her. ‘That’s how I am,’ is how she puts it, adjusting the fall of a tight little T-shirt over her boyish figure, before sailing forth to meet her Waterloo.’173
Virtually all scientific research on the topic confirms that women prefer ‘bad boys’ as casual sex partners. In one experiment, scientists studying the effects of pupil dilation on sexual attraction inadvertently discovered that ‘females who exhibited preferences for male photos showing heightened sexual arousal also revealed preferences for bad boys as dating partners.’174
Apparently, the culprit is hormones. A recent 2012 study at the University of Texas found that female hormones trick women into viewing cads as sexier and more prone to parental investment during or near ovulation. Researcher Kristina Durante explains that ‘Previous research has shown in the week near ovulation women become attracted to sexy, rebellious and handsome men like George Clooney or James Bond. But until now it was unclear why women would ever think it’s wise to pursue long-term relationships with these kinds of men.’175
Scientists asked women to view online dating profiles of either a sexy man (a cad) or a reliable man (a dad) during periods of high and low fertility. Subjects were asked to imagine having a child with the man and estimate his paternal contribution. Women who were ovulating over-estimated the potential contribution of the cads. ‘Under the hormonal influence of ovulation, women delude themselves into thinking that the sexy bad boys will become devoted partners and better dads,’ Durante noted. ‘When looking at the sexy cad through ovulation goggles, Mr. Wrong looked exactly like Mr. Right.’176
Of course, you don’t need a woman in a white lab coat to tell you that women think bad boys are sexy. Waylon Jennings said it plainly enough:
‘Cause ladies love outlaws like babies love stray dogs
Ladies touch babies like a banker touches gold
And outlaws touch the ladies
Somewhere deep down in their soul.’
-Waylon Jennings, ‘Ladies Love Outlaws’
Ok, so ladies love outlaws. The big question is why. Why would a female find a ‘bad boy’ more attractive than someone who demonstrates traits such as kindness, generosity and compassion. According to one seminal study on the topic, ‘the genetic fitness of a male should have covaried negatively with his willingness to invest exclusively.’ In plain English, this means that men with strong sex appeal can afford to invest less in a woman’s offspring because of their increased quantity of sex partners. Ugly ducklings offer more parental investment because of their decreased mating opportunities; married life might be hard work, but at least it offers a reliable supply of sex. Women, of course, would have evolved a mental apparatus for recognizing signs of parental investment and the opposite. Perhaps unsurprisingly, traits associated with ‘bad boys’ such as rudeness, aloofness, risk-taking and indifference contrast perfectly with ‘parental investment’ traits like kindness, generosity and compassion. Bad boys attract women because their antipathy towards parental investment signals genetic fitness. In this vein, female preference for ‘bad boys’ represents a ‘good genes’ strategy of sexual selection.177
Females pursuing such a strategy tend to favor short-term, casual encounters over long-term relationships. The bad boy, ever popular with the ladies, need not invest in one woman’s offspring; he can simply move on to another female.
Literary historians distinguish between two types of heroes in the British Romantic period; the proper hero and the dark hero. Typically outlaws or revolutionaries, dark heroes are aggressive, promiscuous, rebellious, impertinent, socially amoral and often pursue criminal enterprise. Proper heroes are moral, compassionate, kind, law-abiding, and monogamous. Dark heroes often lead uprisings, pirate crews, bands of outlaws, or criminal outfits. Sometimes they are just rogue libertines like Don Juan, a murderer and serial seducer, who exemplifies the traits women find attractive for short-term mating. As Maryanne Fisher notes, the personality traits corresponding to dark and proper heroes c
losely correlate to ‘cads’ and ‘dads,’ respectively, as described by evolutionary biologists.178
Cads maximize their reproductive success through casual sex, absent parental investment. The best mating strategy for dads, on the other hand, involves long-term, monogamous relationships characterized by significant parental investment in the offspring. Ian Jobling notes that women ’possess psychological adaptations that cause them to be attracted to cads for short-term relationships and dads for long-term ones.’179
Fisher, Jobling and Kruger conducted a study in which participants read short passages from British Romantic literature describing cads and dads. Prototypical cads were represented by George Staunton in ‘The Heart of Midlothian’ and Clement Cleveland in ‘The Pirate.’ Staunton was a revolutionary who overthrew a tyrannical police force in Edinburgh, while Cleveland was, as the title of the book suggests, simply a pirate. Dads were described in the passages as ‘domestic, happy, peaceable, bookish, moral, gentle, compassionate, frank, and shy,’ while cads were described as ‘daring, arrogant, unconstrained, moody, passionate, rebellious, strong, defiant, humorous, confident, shrewd, vulgar, and slanderous, but also successful with attractive women.’180
As might be expected, subjects reported that they liked the dads in the passages better than the cads. They also claimed the dads matched their personalities better than the cads. So far, so good, for the dads. But in the one category that matters most for seduction - sex appeal for a casual encounter - the cads triumphed easily. Participants rated the cads as sexier and more appealing for a brief sexual affair. Machiavelli famously claimed that it was better for a Prince to be feared than loved. For a seduction artist, it is better to be sexy than likeable.181
One important take-away from this research is the bizarre, counter-intuitive disconnect between attraction and affection. A woman simply does not need to like you in order to have sex with you. One of the gravest mistakes men make during an approach, and indeed throughout the process of seduction, is trying to make a woman like them. Never confuse attraction with affection. Focus on making a woman attracted to you - fondness comes last, if at all.
Reading classic literature portraying dark heroes offers an exceptional way to increase your understanding of the traits that women prefer in males for casual sex. Read Walter Scott’s ‘Heart of Midlothian,’ ‘The Pirate,’ and ‘Don Juan.’ And whoever thought English Lit 101 would help you get laid.
Apparently, bad boys don’t smile. A comprehensive 2011 study done by psychology professor Jessica Tracy at the University of British Columbia found that smiling men turn women off sexually. Involving 1,000 heterosexual men and women across North America, participants were asked to rate the attractiveness of members of the opposite sex displaying one of three emotions; happiness (represented by broad smiles), pride (depicted by raised heads and puffed-up chests), and shame (heads lowered, eyes averted). Female subjects were much more attracted to men who appeared proud or brooding than those with big, happy smiles. Researchers found that ‘happiness was the most attractive female emotion expression, and one of the least attractive in males.’182
Inexperienced seducers blunder away their chances at casual sex by approaching women with big, shit-eating grins. Smiling makes you look nice, compassionate and friendly, a definite ‘dad.’ Hello hero, goodbye pirate.
Instead of a smile, women find a sly smirk irresistibly sexy, suggestive of trickery, cleverness or playfulness. Portraying a casual, neutral ‘poker face’ also works. Adopt an ambivalent attitude, as if the success or failure of your endeavor matters little. Lord Byron, a Romantic-era poet, seduced women with his trademark ‘underlook.’ With head tilted down and sideways at an angle of roughly 15 degrees, he made eye contact with his target, never smiling. Byron was a consummate seducer, infamous for his libertine ways and multiple female consorts. High status, aloof, and slightly sinister, he was the perfect ‘cad.’
‘I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone,’ admitted the notorious seducer Lord Byron. The famous poet with the underlook was only alone when he wanted to be.
Women prefer an entirely different set of qualities in a husband or longterm mate. Want a girl to fall in love with you? Trigger a ‘pair bonding’ response in a female by acting like a ‘dad’ rather than a ‘cad.’ Traits such as generosity, kindness, likeability and ‘proper hero’ qualities matter much more for a potential dad, advertising the man’s willingness to invest in the woman’s offspring. And yes, dads can smile.
Cads make wonderful sex toys, but they don’t stick around for the main event – child rearing. Women seldom fall in love with a full-on cad. It simply wouldn’t make good evolutionary sense to develop strong feelings for someone who is bound to move on sooner rather than later, leaving a single female to care for children alone. Matt Ridley notes that ‘The female can do a great deal better by choosing an unmarried wimp of a husband who will stay around to help rear the young than by marrying a philandering chief if she has to do all the work herself.’183
Even if your dream life is an episode of ‘Family Guy,’ never approach a woman by acting like a dad. Good guys do not light female fires. Absent the initial spark of sexual attraction, you will never enjoy the opportunity to demonstrate your ‘dad potential.’ There ain’t no way to get there from here.
TIP: Act Like A Cad, Not a Dad
Approach a woman as if you want a steamy short-term liaison. After planting the seed of sexual attraction, you can gradually act more like George Staunton than Clement Cleveland.
What’s So Wrong About Mr. Right?
Women used to confuse me more than quadratic equations. In high school, I once bought flowers for a girl, only to be rewarded with a look of pity tinged with disgust. I learned quickly that being nice, considerate and caring won me no favors from the opposite sex. I couldn’t understand why women preferred jocks and jerks over me.
Remember Moulay Ishmael? He wasn’t called ‘the bloodthirsty’ for his charming demeanor, yet women seemed to adore him. Go figure.
If you’ve ever wondered why women are attracted to jerks, Dr. Peter Jonason of the University of West Florida offers some interesting insights.
Narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism compose the ‘dark triad’ personality, which is rapidly becoming a subject of intense focus among psychologists. People suffering from this ‘disorder’ tend to seek admiration and special treatment, act callous and insensitive towards others and specialize in manipulation. The dark triad is not really a mental disorder; it is a personality type which must have evolved for logical adaptive reasons.
One of those reasons is apparently sex. Psychologists recently discovered that women are irresistibly attracted to ‘dark triad’ males for short-term, casual sex encounters.
CLINIC: Are you a Dark Triad?
Rate yourself on the following traits using a 1-7 point scale, then add up the total and check the appendix. If you’re a pickup artist, feel free to skip this test. You already know you’re a raging narcissist!
I tend to manipulate others to get my way
I tend to lack remorse
I tend to want others to admire me
I tend to be unconcerned with the morality of my actions
I have used deceit or lied to get my way
I tend to be callous or insensitive
I have used flattery to get my way
I tend to seek prestige or status
I tend to exploit others toward my own end
I tend to be cynical
I tend to expect special favors from others
I want others to pay attention to me
Hint: Emulating these personality traits will make you more attractive for short-term encounters. People who score low on the scale do not report nearly as many casual sex partners as people who score high. Dark Triads outperform ‘ordinary’ personalities in both the business world and seduction, but suffer long-term social problems such as loneliness and the inability to form meaningful relatio
nships with men and women.
Successful pickup artists score high on the Dark Triad scale. According to psychologist Peter Jonason, Dark Triads approach love and mating as a game, tending to abstract themselves from the emotional aspects of attraction. They break down seduction to a science, a cerebral exercise. Dr. Jonason observes that ‘Game playing may allow these individuals to keep others at an emotional distance to maintain their short-term mating style.’184
If you’ve read ‘The Game’ or ‘The Mystery Method,’ it is obvious that professional pickup artists exhibit Dark Triad traits. ‘The women had something I wanted,’ admitted renowned New York City pickup artist Paul Janka, ‘and I had to set the circumstances right so that she would open the kimono. There’s nothing like seeing a woman naked for the first time. It’s like unwrapping a present. The thrill would be to see how fast I could get to that point.’185 Like other pickup artists, Janka approaches seduction as a game. To him, woman is a commodity to be won and exploited, like ‘unwrapping a present.’ Commoditizing women leaves no room for empathy, and the lack of empathy is a hallmark of the Dark Triad.
On the website LoveFraud.com, hundreds of women detail their unfortunate relationships with sociopaths and Dark Triad personality types. Reading the ‘case histories’ is an eye-opening journey into the world of sociopath seduction. Most of the men lured women into the bedroom using the internet and dating websites, bilking them emotionally and financially. The sociopaths described on LoveFraud are successful in the game of seduction not because of their knowledge of evolutionary psychology or ‘pickup,’ but simply from the sheer force of their Dark Triad personalities. They were bad, bad, bad. And women loved them for it - at least for awhile.
Women prefer Dark Triad traits in short-term lovers but not husbands. An expert on dark personalities, Peter Jonason observes that ‘The Dark Triad has a strong bias towards short-term, sexual relationships.’ He notes that the Dark Triad personality is manifested in the ludus (game-playing) love style, characterized by high levels of sensation-seeking and low levels of emotional attachment or empathy. Jonason concludes his study by noting that the ‘dark side of love’ involves a ‘heartless, game-playing love style.’ In fact, becoming a seducer often means retrofitting Dark Triad personality traits, enabling the practitioner to leverage the cryptic allure that natural ‘bad boys’ possess.186