Let it Be Me

by Jody Holford

  Adam rolled his shoulders. He hated thinking about the past and the feelings that roiled inside of him every time he did. Taking both plates to the counter, he left them there and went to his office. He grabbed the folder off the counter on his way by.

  Give him a few minutes to cool off. He deserved it. Fuck. He knew Friday was stuck in his head for a reason. Charlie might not understand now, but it was for the best. He wouldn’t remember this grade-two production twenty years from now. But he’d remember if Adam couldn’t help him go to a good university or keep a decent roof over their heads. That kind of stuff stuck in a kid’s head long after they grew up.

  Adam sat down in the leather office chair and opened up the folder Megan had left him. He hadn’t expected her to have some candidates so quickly. He smiled at the way she’d organized the information in a table. Four names were listed in the first column, ages in the second, and a couple of personal details in the third, and then a blank column for notes. She’d even written his login information underneath so he could see the profiles himself. Had there been others?

  He scanned the list, then, deciding Megan had done as he’d asked, he logged onto the site. His inbox had messages from only these four women. Picking up his phone, he texted Meg.

  Adam: Megan, were these the only four women who responded and did they meet the criteria?

  Megan: These four did meet the criteria. If your ego needs a boost, I weeded out twelve.

  Adam’s lips twitched. She had to be lying.

  Megan: I just logged on about a half an hour ago and cleared all messages that didn’t suit.

  Adam: Thank you.

  Megan: Just doing my job.

  He frowned at the text, unable to figure out why it bothered him when she said that. It was true. He put the phone down and read through the first profile. The woman’s message was brief. Would love to message or meet. Cara. The second woman looked a lot like his ninth grade science teacher. He did not have fond memories of that woman. Adam dismissed the profile. Shallow, perhaps, but there was no point in pretending that he didn’t need some sort of physical attraction. The third woman had two children of her own. He frowned and picked up his phone again.

  Adam: Megan, an amendment to the criteria: no children of her own.

  Megan: …

  Adam: I don’t want to make this harder on Charlie. Having both people come into the relationship with kids seems too complicated.

  Megan: Noted.

  Noted? What did that mean? He hated texting. Tossing the phone on the desk, he dismissed that profile and clicked on the last one. Attractive. No children. Wanted to find a love that would last a lifetime. Love between a man and a woman didn’t last lifetimes. Adam pressed dismiss one more time.

  Adam: Of the four, one is suitable at first glance. I’ll explore further, but I’m not overly hopeful if this is the best of the bunch. You’ll find more?

  Megan: Yes, Mr. Klein.

  Adam scowled at his phone.

  Adam: This is serious.

  Megan: I know. But also not easy. First time playing matchmaker. Maybe cut me some slack? I found another site, and I need you to answer a few questions. Hobbies, interests, your idea of a perfect date night.

  Adam groaned.

  Adam: No hobbies. I like squash and tennis. I don’t need a date night. I need a wife. Also, I need to be away on Friday.

  Megan: CHARLIE’S CLASS PRESENTATION!

  His heart slammed against his ribs. Did she think he didn’t know that?

  Megan: Adam :(.

  He didn’t respond. He didn’t need goddamn emojis to tell him what he already knew. Shutting down the computer, he went to find Charlie. His son was sitting at his desk, rebuilding one of his Lego sets. Adam sat on the bed, which was beside the desk. Charlie didn’t look at him.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Charlie shrugged. “I know.”

  “I don’t want to let you down. I really wouldn’t go if I didn’t have to. I don’t want to.”

  Turning his head, Charlie stared at him. “Grown-ups can do whatever they want.”

  “Not always. Especially not when they want to make sure they’re taking care of someone. My job is important, bud.”

  Charlie’s eyes dropped. “More important than me?”

  Adam scooped him up out of the chair and sat him on his lap. “Nothing is more important than you. Everything I do is for you and for us. You matter more than anything. But sometimes, I have to miss stuff. I know it sucks, and I don’t like it any more than you do.”

  His little head dropped onto Adam’s shoulder. “It’ll probably be dumb anyway.”

  “No, it won’t. It’ll be great. It’s dumb that I have to miss it. I’ll make sure Megan records it, and I’ll watch it as many times as you want me to as soon as I get home, okay?”

  Charlie’s head popped up, and his grin was mischievous. “A thousand?”

  Adam tickled him, loving the sound of his son giggling. “A million if you want me to.”

  “Okay. Can we have ice cream?”

  Nice move, kid. “If we warm up our dinner and you finish yours, sure.”

  Charlie sighed. “Okay,” he said, scooting off Adam’s lap.

  Adam laughed and followed his son into the kitchen.

  …

  Adam shut off the lights and double checked the front door to make sure it was locked. As he started to pass his office, he stopped, went to the computer, and logged on again. He pulled up Cara’s profile. Blond hair, brown eyes. Thirty, an interior decorator, loved theatre—watching, not performing—had never been married but wanted to be. Loved kids and pets, had neither. His fingers hovered over the reply button.

  He typed a quick message: Hi, Cara. Thank you for reaching out. I’m available to meet for a drink next week. Do you have any evenings that work?

  He pressed send before he could make a list of reasons he shouldn’t. Life was changing, and if he wanted any control over the end result, he didn’t have a lot of time. After getting ready for bed, he set his phone on the docking/charging station but picked it up again.

  Adam: Charlie seems to have forgiven me about Friday. Also, I reached out to Cara.

  Megan: Kids are resilient and he can never stay mad at you. Good job with Cara. Not easy the first time, I’m sure. May the odds be ever in your favor.

  What the hell did that mean? Confounding woman.

  Adam: Good night, Megan.

  Megan: Good night, Adam.

  When he shut off the lamp, he rolled to his side, then rolled onto his back. He stared at the ceiling, telling himself if he fell asleep in the next thirty minutes he’d get seven and a half hours of sleep. Thirty minutes later, he was still staring at the ceiling. Using his phone, he logged onto the website again. There was a message from Cara and a few others as well. He ignored them, knowing Megan would look through them tomorrow.

  Cara: I’d love to. Do you want to pick the place? We can meet there? My evenings are open so you pick the day.

  He liked that her answer was straightforward. No messing around. No emojis. He typed a quick message saying they could meet Tuesday evening at eight p.m. at Mario’s, which was halfway between work and home. He set his phone down on the nightstand.

  There. He had a date. It would be the first one in a very long time. Ten years almost. He’d hooked up casually with a few women since Reece. Before his first date with her, he’d been excited. Eager. Lying in bed now, he acknowledged the anticipation humming inside of him, a low burning flame. As long as he controlled the flame this time, he wouldn’t get hurt. More importantly, Charlie wouldn’t be hurt. The last thing he needed getting in the way of his plans was drama of any sort. Meeting Cara would be like getting to know a client. They’d either hit it off or they wouldn’t. If they did, it would benefit his life, just like scoring a major account would. If they didn’t, there would be someone else. Someone who suited him more. No sense worrying about it until after he’d met her. Yet questions and uncertainties attack
ed his brain. He hadn’t missed this part—the wondering whether a woman would like him back. Focus on something else.

  In the meantime, Megan would find more possibilities. By the end of the summer, he’d have obtained a partnership professionally and personally. Which means going to sleep so you can drag your ass out of bed. In the morning, he’d touch base with Megan and make sure she understood the importance of meeting all his criteria.

  And remember to ask her to tape Charlie’s performance. She would anyway. Even if he didn’t ask her—she’d do it because she loved Charlie. Same reason she was helping Adam with his crazy request. She’d do anything for his son. It was nice to have that in common with her, to know, at least in that way, he wasn’t alone.

  He looked over at his phone, knowing the desire to text her need to be squashed. But you’re thinking about the performance now, so why not remind her? Pressing his lips together, he counted to ten in his head, waiting for the urge to pass. When it didn’t, he scooped up his phone and sent a quick text.

  Adam: You’ll remember to tape Charlie’s performance?

  The bubbles came up and his stomach tightened. Dammit. It’s okay to become friendly with her. She’s finding you a freaking wife. I think it’s safe to text her.

  Megan: Of course. Why are you still up?

  Thinking about you. No. Thinking about Charlie.

  Adam: Just heading to bed. Why are you still up?

  Megan: Not sure. Restless, I guess.

  He could picture her over there, lounging in her comfortable clothing—which shouldn’t look so good on a woman—maybe watching or reading one of those romances she loved.

  Adam: Does that happen a lot?

  He cringed. You’re asking her sleep habits? Slick, Klein.

  Megan: Not really. You okay?

  Was he?

  Adam: Yeah. I should get some sleep. So should you.

  Megan: Goodnight, Adam.

  The muscles around his heart tightened and he had no idea why.

  Adam: Goodnight, Megan.

  Setting his phone back on the night table, he stared up at the ceiling, realizing he no longer felt restless. He felt…calm. Nearly tranquil. The silence of the house washed over him and with just a hint of a smile on his lips, he fell asleep thinking about how every now and again, change could be a good thing.

  Chapter Seven

  To celebrate the last day of school, Charlie’s performance, and to make up for the fact that Adam was missing something that mattered so much to his son, Megan planned a surprise.

  “Can you give me a hint?” Charlie bounced in his seat, his smile making the car feel brighter.

  Megan turned at the three-way stop that led to the outskirts of Brockton Point. It wouldn’t be long before Charlie recognized the road to Stella’s. Situated on acres of land, her house was far more remote than Adam’s, nestled in the thick trees, overlooking a bluff. It was beautiful, and Megan had taken Charlie there before, but Stella recently made a purchase that she knew was going to excite the little guy beyond reason.

  “This is the way to Dr. Lane’s house,” he said, looking out the window.

  “It is.”

  His lips formed a pout. “Are we going to see puppies?”

  “Nope.”

  “Megan,” he said, drawing her name out in a pained voice.

  “She got a new animal, and I thought you’d enjoy meeting her.”

  “I’ve met Dr. Lane.”

  She laughed. “The animal, silly. It’s a her.”

  They continued down the windy road, passing older-style homes and land that stretched further and further between. There was a grandeur to it that overwhelmed, but Megan wouldn’t want to be isolated the way Stella was. Technically, it was only ten minutes from town proper, but it felt much farther once the trees started to shadow the drive.

  When they pulled up to the two-level farm house that had been in Stella’s family for three generations, Charlie barely waited until she’d stopped the car before he was unbuckling and running out. Megan had met Stella’s father a few times before he’d passed when she’d brought Lemon to get shots. She wondered, now, if it was hard for Stella to be in the home where she’d not only grown up, but lost her parents.

  Two of Stella’s dogs raced to greet Charlie with equal enthusiasm. Megan got out and laughed as he gave them as many rubs as his two small hands would allow. The dogs couldn’t get enough.

  When one of them bounded over to her, Megan crouched down to say hello. Guard dogs, they were not. “Hi, girl. Look how happy you are.”

  She scratched Nacho’s golden fur and extended her hand when Soda bounded over looking for love.

  “All right, all right. I have enough for both of you.”

  “There isn’t enough love to satisfy them. They would crawl inside you if they could,” Stella said, coming around the side of her house.

  Her friend looked like a cross between a rancher and a warrior. In jeans, knee-high rubber boots, and a tank top that showed biceps toned by a combination of hard labor and working out, Stella could be a spokesmodel for the “Who needs a man?” campaign. Megan sighed wistfully. She could take care of herself, too, but unlike Stella, she wouldn’t mind some adult male companionship. More so the last few days since she’d been trolling the dating sites for Adam.

  “Hey there, Charlie. I heard a rumor you’re all done with grade two,” Stella said.

  “Yup. I’m going into third grade now. But not until after the summer. They gotta give us a break in between because we work so hard,” Charlie said, standing straight and patting Nacho’s head.

  Stella laughed, and her eyes searched out Megan, who just nodded, used to Charlie’s brand of cute.

  “Did Meg tell you how we’re celebrating?” Stella asked.

  Charlie sent her a mock frown and put his hands on his hips. He looked so much like his dad, Megan could only stare as he answered. “No. She wouldn’t tell me anything.”

  Megan pointed at Stella. “She told me not to. Said she wanted to surprise you. I’m not messing with her.”

  He looked back and forth between the two women. “Yeah. She’s shorter, but she could probably take you.”

  Both women burst out laughing. Megan mussed Charlie’s hair. “Thanks a lot, mister.”

  Charlie wound his arms around her waist and snuggled his face into her stomach, making her heart liquefy. Adam seemed to be coming around about her staying in Charlie’s life, but she couldn’t help but feel once that door closed…she might not be able to pry it open again.

  Stella waved her arm and turned, walking toward the back of the house. “Come on, then.”

  The dogs, who’d belonged to her dad, followed after them, running in between their legs, creating a game. The property Stella had inherited from her father was breathtaking, ten acres of trees and greenery that had been added to over the years. In addition to the farm house, which had a homey feel despite needing some work, there were two barns and the vet clinic.

  She didn’t know how her friend managed it all by herself but suspected that doing so was what kept the dark circles under the woman’s eyes. Brockton was big enough that there was no way to know everyone but small enough that chatter filtered in circles. Megan wished her friend would confirm or deny some of the rumors about whether the practice was in trouble, whether she was in trouble, but her friend was guarded. Private. Again, like Adam. Stella guided them to the newer of the barns. They heard the whinnying even as she slid the huge door to the side.

  “You got a horse?” Charlie’s voice had gone up several octaves.

  “I did. Not just any horse. A kid-friendly, sweet-as-chocolate-chip-cookies horse.”

  The dogs circled a few times then lay down on the barn floor, unimpressed by their new resident.

  Stella led with her hand out, letting the dark brown horse nuzzle her palm. Charlie mimicked the action and laughed when the horse snuffled in his hand.

  “What’s her name?” Charlie’s eyes were wide with
excitement.

  Megan pulled her phone out of her purse, which she’d crisscrossed over her chest, and tucked it in her back pocket so she could remember to take photos of him.

  Stella put a hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “Thought you could help me with that.”

  His eyes teared up, tweaking Megan’s heart. “I can call her anything?”

  Her friend gave him a pretend wary look. “I think so. Unless it’s something weird or gross.”

  “How about Chocolate Chip? You know, ’cause you said she’s sweet like a cookie. Plus your other animals are named after foods.”

  Stella nodded. “I love it. Hello Chocolate Chip. This is Charlie.”

  It took some time to get the horse saddled up and out into the yard. With the patience of a well-practiced teacher, Stella showed Charlie how to mount, how to sit comfortably, and how to trot. Megan videoed Charlie turning the horse in circles, and the smile on his face was too good not to share. She typed a quick message to Adam and attached the video.

  Her phone rang less than two minutes later. Charlie’s smile had transferred into Megan’s tone when she answered.

  “Hey. Isn’t he great? Stella let Charlie name him. He’s calling her Chocolate Chip.” She leaned on one of the fence posts.

  “Get him off the horse, Megan.”

  She straightened. “Why? What’s wrong?”

  Adam’s voice was tightly controlled. “There are almost as many horse-riding accidents per year as there are motorcycle crashes. Get Charlie off the horse.”

  Stella clapped when Charlie pulled the horse to a stop. They were too far from Megan to hear the conversation.

  Reminding herself she wasn’t a parent, she kept her tone even. “Adam, I promise you, he’s absolutely fine. He’s having such a good time, and Stella is walking right beside him.”

  “Can you hear me? Is my voice breaking up?”

  She frowned and pulled the phone away from her ear, checking the signal and seeing full bars. “It’s fine. I can hear you perfectly.” Was his side static?