by JoAnn Durgin
Colin’s brown eyes softened. “Your perspective changed when Alex arrived, didn’t it, love? He’s topnotch, professionally speaking. From what he said in the meeting, he has solid ideas for the station and our show. If we implement even one or two of them, then we’ll be all the better. I know one more thing.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m sure becoming romantically involved with you is something Alex never expected or welcomed. Whether you realize it or not, he’s now stuck in an unfortunate position in terms of making recommendations to the network concerning the future of Nikki Reardon’s rising star.”
Nicole shook her head. “I’m not sure I follow. Alex will make an honest and fair evaluation based on his observations.”
“Of course. But he’ll do so with the knowledge that he’s running the risk of losing you either way. He could send you to Anchorage, if he wanted. Or he has the authority to have you transferred to New York—if not at the network, then perhaps to a rival network. My point being that if Alex Kingsfield says the word, it will happen. If he recommends that you go to New York, he’d have you close and then you could freely explore your relationship.”
“But he won’t,” Nicole said under her breath. She met Colin’s gaze. “That’s what you’re saying, isn’t it?” Alex had been humble and played off his authority with the network, but in her heart, she knew Colin spoke the truth.
“Exactly.” Colin leaned closer. “What’s a man to do when love comes calling? If I know anything at all about Alex Kingsfield, I can see that he cares quite deeply for you and isn’t motivated by selfish reasons. Enough to want the best for you while not wanting to hold you back.”
“So, what do I do?” Bewilderment settled inside her.
“First, you talk with Alex before he leaves. Then you wait for his report, I suppose. See what he recommends. Most importantly, you do what I’ve known you to do whenever you’re faced with a life-changing decision. Based on your example, Nikki, it’s what I’m slowly learning is the best method of dealing with life’s challenges. You pray.”
When Colin departed, Nicole stared after him. His sentiments swelled her heart. Usually she was the one to encourage him to pray, and now the tables had turned.
Thank You, Lord.
****
Although Nicole tried to keep her conversation light at lunch, Alex could tell she was troubled. She pushed her chicken breast around on the plate and took small bites every now and then before washing them down with her water. Even his own appetite was affected, and he hadn’t finished his prime rib.
Alex moved his plate aside and crossed his arms on the table. “Don’t be afraid to talk to me. We’ve shared too much in the past few days to stop talking now.”
Nicole looked up at him with apparent surprise. “I’m not afraid. I’m just not sure what to say. Where to go from here.”
The muscles in his jaws flexed. Professional ethics prevented him from telling her what he planned to write in his report to the network. In another sense, he’d already blown his professional ethics to smithereens by falling so hard and fast for this woman. His comments in the meeting should have made it clear he planned on recommending she move to a bigger market, even though he hadn’t specifically stated as much.
“If you want to know what I’m going to recommend, I’ll tell you.”
Nicole narrowed her eyes. “I couldn’t ask you to do that, and I’m surprised you’d even suggest it.” Agitation surfaced in her tone.
“Regardless of what’s in the report, I want to see you again. On a personal basis. Surely, you know that. Too much has happened between us.”
“I know, and I feel the same way.” She reached for his hand, lacing her fingers through his. “Alex, when I was fifteen, a friend invited me to go to church with her family. At the time, I was mad at God. Mad at the world, really, but especially at God. He’d taken my father away and my mom was so sick that she didn’t even know me. What kind of loving Father would do something like that? I couldn’t understand it.”
Alex nodded and waited, knowing she had more to say.
“Sitting there on that uncomfortable wooden pew, I began to soften as I listened to the pastor talk about how much God loves us. How He knows us and wants us to know and love Him. That slowly seeped into my brain and I began to understand that God didn’t cause any of those things to happen. We’re human, so we’re going to mess up. A lot. He never promised us an easy life. But He promised to always be there to help us, and it’s up to us to accept Him and His love. Through the past few years, especially, He’s given me the kind of comfort no one else can. And I know He’ll continue to guide me in whatever’s to come.”
“Yes, He will,” Alex said. “It took me a little longer to wise up. I need to tell you a little more of my story.” He waited while the server refilled their water glasses. “I played it fast and loose in high school and then partied too hard my first year of college. Almost drank myself out of a four-year hockey scholarship at Harvard.”
Nicole’s eyes lit with obvious surprise. She squeezed his hand but remained silent.
“I came within an inch of losing it all because of my stupidity. In my freshman year, when I was home on winter break, my best friend, Chase, was killed in a horrible car accident. I was in the car, too.”
Nicole’s hold on his hand tightened. “How tragic. I’m so sorry, Alex.”
He nodded but needed to keep going. “Chase and I had been drinking, and we climbed in his brand new Camaro to test it out, to see how fast it could go and test its limits. Classic case where he was going too fast and wrapped his shiny red car around a tree. He wasn’t wearing his seatbelt and was thrown from the car. He was killed almost instantly, but at least he didn’t live to suffer. The two girls in the backseat survived with only broken bones, thank the Lord. I limped away with a few scratches, cracked ribs, and a concussion.”
“You still beat yourself up about it, don’t you? Even now.”
“Yeah, I do.” He rubbed one hand over his face. “I gave Chase that last beer, the one that sent him over the edge. The one that made him think he was invincible. And it was all my fault. In my misery is where I finally cried out to God. ‘Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.’ I keep going back to that verse. I wish I could have exchanged places with Chase, but I can’t. That’s a regret I’ll live with the rest of my life. I haven’t knowingly touched a drop of alcohol since.
“If I’ve learned nothing else, Nicole, it’s that life holds no guarantees beyond this moment. After the accident, my dad told me in no uncertain terms that I had a choice. I could either reject Christ and what He did on the cross, or I could accept the grace He offered and step into a new life. Kneeling beside my dad in his office, I made the choice to accept that freedom Christ offered, and it changed my life although, as I mentioned before, I haven’t been nearly as faithful as I should be. As faithful as I want to be.”
“Thank you for sharing that with me.”
Nicole reached for him and cupped the side of his face in one hand. He leaned into her touch, taking comfort from it.
“Even though it took sad circumstances to draw us both to Him, I’m so thankful we both have the Lord in our lives,” she said.
“Amen.” Leaning across the table, holding her hand, Alex planted a sweet kiss on her lips. A kiss of shared understanding and hope.
22
“I’ll miss you.” Alex kissed Nicole again. Seemed the man didn’t want to stop as they sat in her car outside the restaurant.
“I’m not sure I can say good-bye to you over and over.” Her heart was tearing in two. “It’s not fair to saddle you with all my problems. I’m a confusing, muddled mess.”
“No, you’re not. You’ve got it more together than most people I know, me included.” Alex trailed the back of his hand across her cheek. “If that’s your pitiful attempt to cut me out of your life, it’s not working. Give it up, sweetheart.”
A
s best as he could within the confines of the front seat of her car, he cupped her face between his hands in the same way he’d done the night in Starlight. Was it really only two nights ago? Not even a full forty-eight hours? His gaze swept over her features, loving her, drinking her in as though trying to memorize everything about her so he could imprint them in his mind.
“Nicole,” he whispered, drawing her close. “Trust me, if I have anything to say about it, this is not the last time we’ll say good-bye. I won’t allow it to be final. Unless that’s what you want. Look at me.” He tipped her chin with one hand, waiting until she complied. “I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed being with you in the past week. In some ways, as corny and cliché as it sounds, I feel like I’ve known you most of my life. You encourage and challenge me. I need you in my life, and I’d be the biggest fool on the planet to ever let you go.
“When I was sent on this assignment to Des Moines, I never counted on falling in love with the subject of my report. I love every single crazy thing about you: your stubbornness, your fire, your intelligence, your purity of spirit, your honesty, and the soul-deep beauty I see every time I look into these incredibly gorgeous blue eyes of yours.” He smiled straight into her heart. “I even love your weak, wobbly ankles.”
She laughed through her tears. “I beg your pardon?”
“You need me whether you realize it or not. I want you to promise me you’ll watch out for those pesky ice patches.”
“As long as you promise to dodge wayward, flying hockey pucks.”
He chuckled. “I’ll call you tonight. Every night. More often, if you want. And feel free to call me anytime you want to talk…or just to hear my deep, sexy voice.”
“I might need to do that.”
Pulling her to him, as close as possible, Alex kissed her deeply, passionately, as though he never wanted to let her go. “You are the most precious jewel of my life.”
Her eyes widened. “What did you say?”
Laughing, Alex buried his face in her neck, nuzzling her with his warm lips before lifting his head again and skimming his thumb over her bottom lip. “You’re really going to make me repeat it?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s just something Grandma Camille used to say about—”
Alex kissed her temple. “Let me guess. Something about Grandpa Joe.”
She’d shared a lot of things with him about her grandparents in the last week. Nicole smiled, glorying in the light kisses he feathered over her cheeks and nose before angling toward her mouth. “Grandma was a very wise woman,” she said, patting her hand on the front of Alex’s gray wool jacket. “She told me a man’s definitely a keeper if he’s strong and manly.” She gave him another kiss. “Confident and stubborn.”
In her heart, she missed him already. Be strong.
Leaning his forehead against hers, Alex released a sigh that seemed to come from the deepest part of him. “I hate to say it, but I must go now if I’m going to get on that plane, although everything in me is begging me to stay.” He dropped an impossibly tender kiss on her lips. “I’ve fallen in love with you,” he whispered against her lips. “No turning back.”
“Against my better judgment, I kind of love you back.” Nicole smoothed her fingers over the small scars on the side of his nose. “Everything about you. And even though you subject yourself to getting hurt on a regular basis by playing hockey, you’re pretty irresistible.”
“Remember this verse: ‘Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.’ He’s always with you, and He’ll never let you go.’ That’s His promise, and it’s also my promise to you, sweet Nicole.”
With a final lingering kiss, Alex opened the car door. “Save your last sleigh ride for me.”
“My first and last,” she promised him as he closed the door and hurried across the parking lot to the SUV.
With tears slipping down her cheeks, Nicole waved to him, trying her best to keep up a brave front but failing miserably. She loved how he waited until she pulled her Camry out of the parking lot first. Always the gentleman. Slade Stonehenge had nothing on this guy. “Alex is definitely a keeper, Grandma.”
Caroline Picasso’s words came into her mind: Jesus hasn’t met anything He can’t conquer. Distance isn’t a barrier when the heart’s involved and you ask Him to be a part of your relationship.
****
Wednesday, the Next Week
“I received Alex’s report this morning.” Mike offered Nicole the plain brown envelope he held in his hands, marked only with her name and a Personal & Confidential label.
Swallowing hard, Nicole nodded, unable to speak as she took it from Mike. No matter what Alex’s report contained, she’d already decided what she needed to do. After spending a lot of time in prayer since Alex’s return to New York, she had a complete peace about her decision.
“I thought I wouldn’t get this until sometime in the New Year. I assume you’ve read it?” she managed to say, turning the envelope over in her hands.
“Yes. It came to Artie first, and we’ve both read it. This is your copy.”
She nodded and headed down the hallway in the opposite direction.
“Nikki?”
She turned around slowly. “Yes?”
“After you’ve read and absorbed Alex’s recommendations, we need to talk.” Mike’s tone was serious, his forehead furrowed.
“Of course.” She forced a tight smile.
Her feet felt weighted down, her emotions a jumbled mix of confusion and anticipation as Nicole walked to her office. Closing the door behind her, she leaned against it for a few seconds before crossing the room and dropping into her chair. She released the breath she’d been holding and planted her elbows on the desk, lowering her head to her hands.
“Oh, Father, please be with me. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. I know where my future lies, but Alex’s report means a lot to me. Please help to keep me calm as I read it,” she said, her gaze resting on the folder. “Help me to accept whatever he recommends and move forward from here.”
Picking up the envelope, she held it for a long moment before opening the flap and pulling out the pages. She scanned it quickly.
Alex recommended she move to a larger market, but he’d added what must be an unusual caveat: if that’s what Nicole wants. He’d included a note that he’d proposed to the network that they syndicate Wake Up, Des Moines! but that idea had been shot down. He’d suggested it to the big guys in New York, and that’s all she could have asked. For her heart, the fact that he’d tried meant more than anything else. Especially now that she’d made plans of her own.
During the past week, she’d laid the groundwork to set her plan into motion. Although she suspected Alex would recommend she move to a larger market, she knew where her heart belonged—in Starlight. She’d shared many discussions with Caroline and Ben, and they’d graciously invited her to live with them until she could find a small house to buy.
Later in the afternoon, when she met with Mike and Artie, Nicole proposed an arrangement whereby she’d travel back and forth three days a week to film the show, conduct interviews, and attend planning meetings. If it was possible to have the best of both worlds, this was the way to do it.
With reluctance, Artie and Mike agreed to her plan as well as her suggestion that she bring on an apprentice and mentor her as a third co-host. She’d been in contact with Whitney Larson, the niece of the woman who’d approached her the night of the station Christmas party. Whitney was set to graduate in the spring, and in Nicole’s estimation, she’d be a promising addition to the show. Colin had heartily agreed when Whitney visited the station the week before, and he’d happily squired them both to lunch.
Even though she talked with Alex every day and sometimes into the early morning hours, she hadn’t yet told him of her plans. Why, she wasn’t sure. She needed to trust that the Lord would work everything out between the
m in His timing, not hers or Alex’s. The relationship between them had developed so fast, and her heart needed time. Could she trust her feelings to last or would they fade with time and miles separating them? Even though she longed to be with him again, the distance would help her put everything in perspective. Nothing needed to be decided today, tomorrow, or even in the next few months.
Why did her heart ache so much?
Nicole closed her eyes, overcome with emotion. With everything in her, she missed Alex and wondered what would come next. She wanted to be with him, but Alex’s place was with the network in New York. Traveling all over the country was part of his job.
Could they establish and maintain a solid, long distance relationship? Could she accept his nomadic lifestyle if they were to eventually marry? What did Alex want? Her heart hurt from all the thinking. The only thing of which she was sure was that the answers would take a while.
Nicole turned on her computer and breathed out a deep sigh. First things first. She needed to write a letter to Alex and the network, explaining her career decision moving forward. With the full knowledge that in doing so, she was closing the door on any future move to a bigger market. Most of all, she prayed Alex would understand her decision. She wasn’t rejecting his recommendation. Neither was she choosing Starlight over the opportunity to pursue a relationship with him. She was doing exactly as they’d discussed: following the Lord’s leading and trusting Him to work out the details in the way only He could.
23
One Week Later – Christmas Eve – Des Moines
“Where are you going for Christmas, Nikki?”
They’d just finished filming their special Christmas show. Nicole gave Mike a wide smile as she removed her microphone. “Home. To Starlight. Where I belong.”
“You’re not just talking about the Christmas holiday, are you, love?” As she watched in surprise, Colin stood from his chair and pulled her into a hug. “Long term, you belong with Alex. The man you love.” With the tips of his fingers, Colin lifted her chin, his eyes searching her face. “That’s it, isn’t it? Your heart is where Alex is. He’s a good man, and he loves you. Go to him, kiss him, marry him, and make lots of beautiful babies with him. But never let him go.” He planted a warm kiss on her forehead. “Be happy, love. Alex is a very blessed man, indeed.”