by Lulu Pratt
“I just finally really thought about it after the fight,” he says.
“And what did you conclude?” I’m really curious about it now, really interested to hear what he actually has to say for himself.
“I could see, really see, that you were in pain. That it wasn’t just something you’d cooked up to be petty or jealous. And as much as Alexis was hurting the whole time you cut her out of her life, and as desperate as she was to reconnect, you had to… I guess… keep her out of your life so that it wouldn’t hurt so bad,” he says.
I think about that and nod.
“I did. I really thought I did. But it didn’t stop hurting, even when Alexis finally stopped even trying to call,” I admit. It seems almost foolish now, with Alexis dead, that I’d done it in the first place. But I know for a fact that I wouldn’t have been able to stand seeing her and Ethan together in my parents’ home while it was happening.
“I should have stayed away from her after we broke up. I can’t take the blame, but I shouldn’t have even put myself in that position,” Ethan says.
It’s like I’ve been living with a fishhook buried somewhere deep in my chest, between my lungs. For years, the pain was constant, but I’d gotten used to it, and now, with Ethan finally admitting it, it’s like someone took the hook out of me. It’s not complete relief, but there’s this feeling that someday, I might forget the wound had even happened.
“Thank you,” I say, taking a deep breath.
“I think, I hope, I guess, that we can figure things out between us,” Ethan says.
I nod. If Riley’s going to have any kind of chance to have a somewhat normal life, Ethan and I are going to have to work together. Finally, I feel like we might have a chance at doing that.
Chapter Thirty
ETHAN
It’s days before Thanksgiving, and all I can think about is whether or not Lara and I have made a horrific mistake. With both of our parents going to war against each other, we decided, between the two of us, that the best way to try to give them one last chance to settle things was to have a big, family feast, with my parents, Nathan, Riley, me and Lara.
We both were hoping that having a big family meal together, a Thanksgiving to bring the entire family under one roof and at one table, would spark some kind of productive discussion, or at least get everything on the table. I convinced my parents to do it for Riley’s sake, not to make her choose between her grandparents at such a stressed-out point in her life.
Somehow or another Lara convinced her father of the same thing, and we carefully negotiated that it would be at Nathan’s house, that Lara and I would manage the details of the food, that I would bring Riley as well as my parents there. But now with only a couple of days to go, I’m having second, even third and fourth thoughts about our plan.
Riley’s napping in her bedroom, so I take my phone off the charger and call Lara. She should, in theory at least, be home, and able to talk. She answers after three rings, sounding a little sleepy or distracted but not irritated.
“What’s up? Something happening with Riley?”
I shake my head to myself. “No, I just wanted to go over the plan again,” I admit. Things were so much simpler, so much easier, when it was me, Alexis and Riley. Even though Alexis was still hurting then over Lara cutting her out, our parents weren’t at each other’s throats about it, and there was no question of who would have custody of Riley. No one had any real reason to fight over it, except for Lara and Alexis, and that had been resolved just by them not speaking.
“The plan is that we kind of force our parents to be pleasant one another, and don’t bring up the actual court stuff,” Lara says.
“How are we going to keep that part of the plan in place? Because I’m pretty sure there’s nothing more that our parents will want to do than talk about the court bullshit,” I point out. It’s something that we’ve been going around and around on ever since we hatched the plan between ourselves about a week before. That was when we’d finally sort of absorbed that the court drama was really, truly going to happen.
“We’re going to say that if they can’t behave themselves around their granddaughter, we’ll take her away,” Lara says, and I can hear that little chill in her voice. I’m glad I’m not the target of it. If you had asked me even within a few weeks after we’d broken up whether Lara was capable of the kind of coldness that would let someone completely cut a family member out of their life, I would have said no. But she was clearly capable of it, even if it hurt her.
“So, we tell them that we’ll pick Riley up and just walk out if they’re not able to maintain their manners,” I say.
“Basically, yeah. And if they start, we take her out of the room. If they continue, we take her out of the house,” Lara says. I am probably going to have to depend on her to follow through on that. I don’t know how I’m going to strand my parents at Nathan’s house, if it comes to that. I say as much.
“It would kind of serve them right to end up stranded in his dining room, though,” I say with a little laugh to myself. I picture it in my head and I have to admit that it would be, in a terrible way, kind of hilarious.
“It would. I mean, if they want to act like Riley’s a rope in a game of tug-of-war, then the best thing to do is make sure they know we’re not going to let them play,” Lara says.
“You sound like we’re the parents and they’re the kids,” I point out. I hear her chuckle, and there’s a bitter edge to it.
“I think that we have to take control of the situation, because if we let them, between the three of them they’re going to end up just spiraling everything completely out of control.” I have to admit that she’s right about that, and that was actually the reason we came up with the Thanksgiving plan in the first place.
We decided that we needed that kind of an event to just sort of show them that we were united, that we had agreed to go along with what Alexis wanted, and that we were not going to let them pull Riley apart in their stupid drive to each “win.” Even if I can understand where my parents are coming from, wanting to protect my claim to my own daughter, doing things their way would just put Riley under way more stress than she can handle, or than she even remotely deserves.
“Okay, we can pull this off,” I say, more telling myself than telling Lara.
“We can. We kind of have to,” she agrees.
“Have to?” I’m surprised at her insistence.
“We have to give them another chance to straighten up what they’re doing before we move onto something else. We have to at least try to make them drop the suits, and I think this is the best way to do that, don’t you?”
I think about that for a moment. I have to agree that the best option would be for both Nathan and my parents to drop their cases in family court, and having a united front, like we’re planning to, should be the ticket to achieving that.
“Right, you’re totally right about that,” I say after a couple of seconds’ thought.
“If you think we shouldn’t go through with it, now’s the time to say so,” Lara says.
“No, I’m with you. I am,” I say quickly.
“If it’s going to work at all we have to be one-hundred percent, and ready to make consequences happen,” Lara points out.
“I’m completely with you. I just… I guess… I was getting cold feet in general. It’s going to be stressful no matter what, though.”
“It is,” Lara agrees. I hear her sigh and I wish that there was some way to just solve the problem without her having to do anything. It’s a feeling I’ve had before, the feeling I had every time Alexis would start crying about losing her sister, and not knowing how to make things right. It shocks the hell out of me that I’m feeling that for someone else, especially for Lara, and especially so soon after Alexis’ death. It hasn’t even been a year. It’s been a little over seven months.
“We’ll get through it,” I tell her. It’s the same thing I used to tell my wife, and I know it doesn’t help. How co
uld it? But it’s the only thing I can say.
“We have to, you’re right about that,” Lara says. We finish up the call and then it’s time for me to get Riley up to have lunch, and I know that I’m committed. No matter how much of a shit show Thanksgiving turns out to be, I’ve backed the horse I’ve backed and for Riley’s sake I have to keep my mind on the goal.
Chapter Thirty-One
LARA
I check on the turkey in the oven yet again and try not to let the pounding of my heart send me into a blind panic. In a matter of less than an hour, Ethan, Riley and his parents will be at my father’s house, and we’ll have our first Thanksgiving dinner together as a whole family.
When Ethan and I had planned this little scheme together I’d known that it was going to be tense. I’d known there was a risk that I would have to really and truly follow through on my threat to cut my father out of my life, and Riley’s, if I couldn’t persuade him to give up the suit. We can’t talk about the situation over dinner itself, so I know I need to take advantage of the last little bit of time before everyone arrives to sit down with my father and make one last plea to him.
Since I’d missed one big family Thanksgiving, I’d already gotten kind of a handle on doing Thanksgiving dinners on my own. For this year, with everything at stake, I’d taken a few short cuts, ordering pies and a few side dishes from a catering company I know makes them well, while focusing on the turkey and stuffing and cranberries and a couple of odds and ends of my own. I’d spent the last couple of days prepping things at my apartment, while watching Riley, and now all I have to do is make sure the turkey comes out the right way, and the stuffing gets cooked through.
I make sure the turkey is doing what it’s supposed to be doing, and then find my father, seated in the living room. He’s been looking sulky and discontented ever since I arrived the night before, but he manages to give me a smile.
“If you want I can cut into one of those pumpkin pies for you,” I say, sitting down on the other end of the couch from him.
“I think I’ll hold off a bit,” Dad says, shifting in his seat and taking a sip of his coffee. The Parade is on, and he’s watching it, but I’ve never seen him looking quite as lonely as he does right now. I have a moment where it hits me again just how desolate my father’s life has gotten since my mother died and then my sister. Apart from me and Riley, who does he really have? A couple of friends he talks to, and my mother’s sister, who’s busy with my cousins’ lives.
“It’s going to be good to have everyone together, and do this for Riley,” I say, keeping my voice as light as possible. If I can keep a fight from happening before Ethan, his parents and Riley get here, I want to make sure to do just that.
“I don’t want to see Ethan or his parents,” Dad says sullenly.
“But you want to see me and Riley, right?” I raise an eyebrow and Dad nods.
“If that’s the only way I get to have my family around me for Thanksgiving, I’ll do it,” he says.
“Dad, I want to talk to you, before anyone gets here,” I say. I take a deep breath, my heart’s started pounding in my chest again. I don’t know, for about two seconds, if I can really go through with this.
“I figured you would,” Dad says. He gives me a slightly chilly smile and sets down his coffee.
“I need you to withdraw the case against Ethan,” I say firmly. I keep my face as neutral as possible, and hold my dad’s gaze as I tell him.
“I’m not going to do that, sweetie. He doesn’t deserve to be a father to Riley after everything he’s done. If it weren’t for him, Riley wouldn’t be getting shuffled between the two of you and Alexis would still be alive,” he says.
I count to three in my mind, controlling my initial reaction as best as I can.
“If it weren’t for him, Riley wouldn’t even exist,” I counter.
“He did one good thing in a slew of terrible ones. That doesn’t give him a pass,” Dad says sullenly.
“He’s Riley’s father, and he loves her. Would you have just sat by while someone tried to take me or Alexis away from you when we were kids?” I raise my eyebrows, giving my father a long, significant look.
“Of course not, but I didn’t rip apart a family to start my own,” Dad insists.
“Ethan’s goal wasn’t to rip a family apart, and if you’re going to blame him for that you need to blame Alexis just as much,” I point out.
“What?” Dad stares at me in shock.
“Alexis wasn’t some puppet. She made a choice. Just as much as Ethan made a choice,” I say. I don’t dare mention the one-night stand. Perhaps my dad knows or guessed, perhaps he doesn’t, but it is certainly not my place to say anything about the parents of his granddaughter.
“Choices that destroyed lives,” Dad says.
“The point stands that she could have told him no, and pushed him out of her life out of loyalty to me, and she chose not to. She ripped this family apart just as much as Ethan did. And she’s dead now, so what does that even matter at this point? The person who’s pulling what remains of this family to shreds is you.”
“I’m trying to re-consolidate my own family,” Dad says to me. I shake my head.
“I need to make something really, completely clear to you, Dad,” I tell him. I am suddenly aware that I have become the parent and he is the one behaving like a child. I take another quick, deep breath. My phone buzzes in my pocket and I’m pretty sure that it’s Ethan letting me know he’s on his way from his parents’ house.
“What’s that, Lara?” I hold my father’s gaze for a long moment, gathering my courage. No matter what I told Ethan the other day when we finally and firmly committed to this course of action, I’ve been having my own doubts too. My own cold feet. But we have to do this, and I know it.
“If you keep this suit up, then I’m going to testify in a way that will guarantee that you can’t have custody of Riley,” I tell him.
“Why would you do that?”
I press my lips together and swallow against the tight feeling in my throat before I speak.
“I can’t let you use Riley as a pawn to get back at Ethan. If you insist on making this a battle, you and Ethan’s parents are going to both be fighting against Ethan and me. I will tell the court the truth. That you’re emotionally unstable, that you’re only doing this for revenge, and that Riley would be better off in a foster care placement than she would be with you,” I say, slowly and quietly.
“You’d put her in foster care?”
I shake my head.
“I have no intention of her ever going to foster care, but I am not going to let you take her away from her father just because you’re lonely and grief-stricken and guilty and bitter,” I tell my father. “If I have to, I’ll make sure that you can’t get any access to her at all, on pain of going to jail, rather than let you harm her like that.” I stand up and go back into the kitchen.
Sure enough, Ethan is on his way.
We should be there in about fifteen. Batten down the hatches.
I smile to myself weakly, the worst part, I hope, of the day should be behind me. The rest of the day the court cases are off the table as conversation topics. Hopefully both my dad and Ethan’s parents take that seriously.
We’ll be ready for you!
I check on the turkey again and remind myself to breathe.
Chapter Thirty-Two
ETHAN
Before I leave my parents’ house with Riley in tow to go to Nathan’s for Thanksgiving dinner, I know I have to talk to my mom and dad and make sure everyone’s on the same page. I have to wonder if Lara’s doing the same thing with Nathan, right now, as I’m doing it. Riley’s in another room, getting the last few minutes of play in before we have to leave.
“Mom, Dad, I want to talk to you for a few minutes before we leave for Nathan’s house,” I say.
“What’s on your mind?” Dad asks. I sit down across from my parents at the kitchen table, and try to think of how to phrase what I
know I need to say without making things overly dramatic right before we need to leave.
“I want to talk about the court stuff going on before we go over there, because once we’re there Lara and I both agreed there’s going to be no discussion of it at all, especially in front of Riley,” I tell them.
“That seems fair,” Mom says.
I take a quick, deep breath. “Both Lara and I want you to drop your case against Nathan and Lara,” I tell them.
“I can see why Lara would want that, but are you sure that it’s the best thing for you?” Dad says, looking at Mom. Dad crosses his arms over his chest and looks at me, and I get that same feeling I used to have when he would ask me about what I thought my future was going to look like when I was in high school.
“Ethan, we’re looking out for you, that’s all. And for Riley too,” Mom adds.
“Lara and I both want to do what Alexis asked of us. We’re working together on this, and we’re going to raise Riley together,” I say firmly.
“It just seems suspicious to us that the girl who cut her own sister out of her life now apparently wants to co-parent with you,” Mom points out.
“Lara’s got every reason to still be pissed at you,” my dad says looking at me and then my mom. “How do you know she’s not just keeping you thinking you’re on the same side while waiting for her father to get custody for her?”
Dad raises an eyebrow as he asks me the question and I have to wonder just how long it’s going to take for all of us to learn to trust again, and how much of this whole mess is my fault, at least as an origin point. I can’t take the blame for everything, but if I had never taken up with Alexis, none of us would be here right now, including Riley.
“She and I have worked things out about the situation with Alexis, and we’ve agreed on what we’re going to do and how we want to do it,” I say.
“Oh, you have?” Mom looks at me doubtfully.