The Weirdest Noob

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by Arthur Stone


  Shoto returned in about ten minutes.

  “The helmet’s worth thirty-five, forty tops. The belt is a lot more interesting—you can sell it for over a hundred if you’re in no hurry.”

  “How much exactly over a hundred?”

  “A hundred and ten, maybe a hundred and fifteen.”

  “And if I am in a hurry?”

  “Well… it shouldn’t be any less than eighty.”

  “Have a gander at this ring.”

  Orc took a good look at the piece of jewelry and whistled.

  “I don’t need the forum to tell you this thing is pretty useful. I know someone who’d buy it off you for a hundred right now. Now, to avoid any misunderstanding, it may cost around a hundred and thirty in the city, but that would take some time.”

  “So I can get a little over two hundred coins for the items, then. I also have about forty coins’ worth of loot and amethysts. Two hundred silver pieces are guaranteed in this case.”

  “Shall we split the proceeds from the pter meat fifty-fifty?”

  “Sure.”

  “In that case, I owe you around fourteen silver coins apart from everything else. You should have around three hundred and eighty silver pieces with the glove.”

  “I need the best bag I can possibly find. I would invest all my money in one.”

  “If we use the help of the guards and the coachmen, they’ll charge around two hundred. Otherwise you won’t see your bag or your money—they’ll rip you off for sure.”

  “So I’ll only have a hundred and eighty left for the bag?”

  “Something like that, unless we find another way.”

  “What do you suggest?”

  “We could have something arranged while Greedie’s gone. He’s supposed to be away for another five or six days, which is a good thing—his involvement would make things much harder, and would cost a lot more. Also, he’s a rather dodgy fellow, so dealings with him are risky. There’s another option: I pay a hundred to the guards, and thirty to forty to the coachman—fifty at the most. That’s the standard rate you must pay if you want to get out of here before your contract expires, more or less. I could get into the city that way and save you a few coins.”

  “You’d go to all that trouble just for me?”

  “Not quite,” the orc grinned. “There are a few things that I need to do in the city. Nothing urgent, but why waste such an opportunity?”

  “How much would I have to pay for a bag with around a hundred slots and weight reduction?”

  “A hundred? You don’t think small, do you? What exactly do you intend to carry in it?”

  “Minor loot. It doesn’t weigh much, but takes up space just the same. I’ll drown in all this stuff otherwise. I have tons of stuff from rats, too—you can sell that as well.”

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

  “Why?”

  “Once you get out of here, start leveling everything the way I do. Loot from minor mobs is useful for auxiliary craft skills like Leatherworking and alchemical recipes for noobs, as well as lots of other stuff. If you have a lot, you can do some serious leveling.”

  “I’ll think about it when I need rat entrails. What I need right now is a bag.”

  “A hundred-slot bag with twenty percent weight reduction will cost you five or six hundred at least. You might get one cheaper, but it will be in a crappy condition.”

  “Damn, that’s steep…”

  “Sure is.”

  “Let’s do this. Today I deal with mobs, and tomorrow I do more of the same. The day after you go to the city and sell everything. How’s that?”

  “The best time to go is in the evening—I can go with the ore caravan. I may even skip paying the drivers if the guards tell them to take me along. I’ll be back the next day, though I’m not exactly sure when. Check at regular hours to be sure. Would that work, or are you in a real hurry to get that bag?”

  “It can wait two or three days. Can you cook enough meat for the miners to last them a while?”

  “I’ll tell them I’ll be away for a day, and they’ll stock up. Just get me enough meat. Some rats would be nice, too, by the way—folks keep asking if I have any.”

  “Screw the rats. Pters are less trouble, and they’re much bigger.”

  “OK, let’s split until tomorrow noon, then. These birds should be enough, but I’d like you to have as many ready for next time, maybe even more.”

  “You won’t be here in the evening?”

  “No, I’ve got the meat to take care of.”

  A message in bright red lettering flashed up suddenly, occupying their entire field of vision.

  “Dreaming Herb from Lihatutang Province, Middle Empire, is the first one alive to reach level 300. The hero has brought glory to his homeland and has earned a generous reward for his great achievement. In order to see the name of Dreaming Herb as it is written originally, enable Chinese character support in the game’s interface settings.”

  “What was that?” Ros looked surprised.

  “A heroic achievement, what else. Another feat by the Chinese farmers[9].”

  “Come again?”

  “The Middle Empire is a Chinese domain. A player with the name of Dreaming Herb was hardly born an Englishman, eh?”

  “Indeed.”

  “These guys never sleep, never eat, and never make love to girls, spending virtually all their time leveling and earning money. All the speedy leveling record achievements are theirs. And now they have the first level 300 player. Let’s pray they never try to wage war against us.”

  “Can they?”

  “They tried. It nearly blew up into a real-world political conflict. Haven’t you heard?”

  “I’ve been a little behind on things.”

  “Right, so I’ll split, then. I’ll be busy with this meat until nightfall.”

  “Bye. I gotta go, too.”

  “See you. I wish you to score a rare item at least, if not a legendary one.”

  Chapter 19

  In the morning, Ros discovered that there were considerably fewer mob carcasses than the day before—the ceaseless extermination must have reduced their population. Correspondingly, there were fewer trophies. He would therefore have to do some walking if he wanted to reach richer pastures.

  He was somewhat pleased by an extra point each to his Summoning, Cunning, and Hunting skills.

  He still had to figure out the latter. It seemed that the stat grew faster when he hunted rats. Could it depend on the number of mobs rather than the level? The description wasn’t particularly clear.

  Ros felt an urge to check things out farther downstream. If Greedie was right, the water that ran past the mine did not disappear underground, but surfaced somewhere. If the exit was close enough, he was in luck—he could make his hunting more varied, as he was already getting tired of underground beasts.

  He kept on walking, harvesting cloudy amethyst from frequently encountered geodes and killing whatever beasts came his way—or, rather, participating in their slaughter in a minor way. Two pters were dispatched, followed by another trumus, after which his Attack and Skinning skills both grew by one. The former stat was particularly satisfying—according to the description, its growth increased the chance of undamaged loot dropping from a mob. Then again, so far he hadn’t noticed any tangible difference.

  Having explored a little over a mile downstream, he turned around and started toward his lair, checking every grotto and side tunnel. He marked a couple of caverns filled with mobs where he could hunt game for the orc so as not to drag it from further away. He did not venture inside so far.

  Upon finishing another geode of gems, he saw a strange system message:

  “Your сache has been discovered by a high-level creature. Because it had remained undiscovered by anyone for a long time, you’ve unlocked a new auxiliary stat: Cache Master. Achievement completed: Start to Know Thyself. Achievement bonus: you unlock a new auxiliary stat: Profound Wisdom. Bonus effect: permane
nt. Achievement unlocked: Know Thyself Further. Unlock fifty auxiliary stats to complete the achievement. Achievement bonus: random.”

  Who could have possibly discovered his “cache”? He did not recall hiding anything.

  Idiot! Ros nearly hit himself on the forehead with this pickaxe. He remembered that he had left cheap and plain items, mostly armor, buried under rocks among the stalactites. Someone must have found his stash.

  It wasn’t like he had any real valuables there, but it was a matter of principle—he didn’t want anyone to lay their filthy paws on his possessions.

  Ros ran all the way back, sparing no Vigor. He heard the sound of metal scraping stone from afar and slowed down, trying to creep as slow as he could. He peeked around the corner and saw a most remarkable tableau. A bald red-skinned creature the size of a plump bull, looking like a cross between an ape and a demon from a horror film, was banging a bronze helm against the wall of the cave as hard as it could. A few disfigured pieces of debris were scattered around—formerly Ros’ trophies.

  “Mine Demon of Mischief. Aggression: highest. Sociality: antisocial. Level: hidden. Skills: hidden. Stats: hidden.”

  There he was, the perfidious bastard! The only mob that had escaped Ros’ retaliation for his numerous humiliations in the cycle of rebirth.

  “Gorgeous! Strangle him!” shouted Ros as he took a swing with his pike.

  The demon turned around in a fraction of a second and saw the leprus. He was about to escape, but after the pike hit him in the thigh, decided to stay and punish his assaulter’s impudence. A series of events took place at once: the monster sent forth a fireball from his paws that flew toward Ros as fast as an arrow, and the leprus used his Stun skill without waiting for a command, as concentric circles of a myriad bright yellow sparks shot out from the pet. Ros threw himself to the ground, hoping to evade the deadly onslaught.

  The flame rushed over his head with a rumbling roar, making the hair on the back of his head crack. He howled in pain—his entire back was aflame.

  “Critical damage sustained: you are burning. You are losing hit points rapidly.”

  Ros jumped up and dashed backwards. He crossed the three hundred feet that lay between him and the creek faster than a sprinter and threw himself into the water with a great splash.

  He made it, losing just over half of his hit points.

  “You kill the Mine Demon of Mischief. XP received: 1399. Points left until the next level: no data. Attention: you need to unlock your account to be able to raise your level. Your Summoning grows by 1. Current value: 10. You receive a Summoning level bonus: your spells for healing, buffing, and summoning pets now consume 20% less magic energy and are cast 10% faster. Your Agility grows by 1. Current value: 29. Your Stamina grows by 1. Current value: 7. Your Stamina grows by 1. Current value: 8. Your Resilience grows by 1. Current value: 3. Your Accuracy grows by 1. Current value: 1. Congratulations! You have destroyed a monster sixty or more levels above yours! Achievement earned: Crazy Loner, Part Three. Achievement bonus: +1 to Defense, 2 undistributed base stat points, +5 to hit points and magic energy, Vigor, and Fury. Bonus effect: permanent. Achievement unlocked: Giant Slayer, Part Four. Kill 50 monsters whose level exceeds yours by sixty or more without any help to complete the achievement. Achievement bonus: random. Congratulations! You have destroyed a monster sixty or more levels above yours! Achievement bonus: random.”

  “These critters sure get up to some serious mischief,” said Ros gruffly as he started toward the site of battle. The leprus was already running toward him—evidently, his nemesis wasn’t all that dangerous, after all, as the pet was virtually unharmed. Ros instantly raised his Agility by one, and the rrokh’s racial ability raised his Strength by one. He used the other undistributed point on the same stat, raising his overall Strength to eighteen. A little less than required of a proper miner, but he was now a far cry from the feeble noob he had been on his first day in the mine.

  The demon had no pelt—just the fangs, claws, something weird called a “third eye” which looked like an opaque marble, a tail, and some knuckles. Ros took everything, assuming that the creature was rare and the loot it dropped might cost more than usual.

  Ros felt nauseated after the battle, and kept fighting back the desire to massage his back and have a rest. But then he got over and started loading up the cart. He had made an impromptu travois for the leprus, allowing him to drag fourteen pter carcasses at once. They had to come back for them, though, since they had dropped the travois once Ros had received the system message about the cache being looted.

  * * *

  “Shoto! Help!” Ros shouted once he realized that without the pet’s help his Vigor would drop to zero halfway to his destination.

  He was in luck—the orc was already there, and it didn’t take him long to hustle over.

  “Hi, Ros! Did you get even more meat?”

  “Fourteen pters—there’s also the carcass of a demon of mischief.”

  “Damn, this stuff is heavy. What about this demon?”

  “No clue. I reckoned you might find some use for it. I wouldn’t eat it, though—it doesn’t look too appetizing.”

  “You’ve eaten rats—it shouldn’t be so easy to gross you out.”

  “What about the trumus? Do you need any more of those?”

  “Nah, they’re not particularly useful. The meat increases magic energy regeneration, but who needs that sort of thing around here? At higher Cooking skill levels you can use it in a couple of cool recipes, but I still have a lot of leveling to do, and they cost a pretty penny, too. You haven’t changed your mind about the city, have you?”

  “I haven’t. What about you?”

  “I have arranged the trip for tomorrow morning. If everything works out, I’ll get back in a day. I’ll have to fry this stuff until the morning. I have asked a reliable chap here to sell it to those who haven’t stocked up.”

  “He won’t rip you off, will he?”

  “He shouldn’t, but then again, you never know. Would you like to sell it yourself?”

  “Nope, I’d rather just wander around the mine.”

  “Of course, you’re really good at it.”

  “I’ve got some more stuff here. Loot, amethysts, and three enhanced items.”

  “Have you checked the forum for their value?”

  “I have, but you might as well check for yourself,” Ros fibbed.

  “I’ll check on my way to the city—I have to take care of the meat in the meantime.”

  “Don’t skimp on the bag—get the best you can find. Weight reduction is my first priority, followed by slot number. But not any fewer than eighty, got it?”

  “Wouldn’t it be easier to get two bags? What’s your Carrying Capacity at?”

  “Four. It hardly grows at all.”

  “That’s normal—the damn thing grows very slowly when you do regular work. You need to overload yourself to speed up your progress, but it doesn’t help all that much. Two bags will inflict considerable penalties. You’d need ten points of Carrying Capacity for that.”

  “So, a single bag, then.”

  “What about the pickaxe? You can find something secondhand for a level zero at the Miners’ Guild.”

  “If there’s any money left, try to find something for level one, not zero.”

  “Got it. Right, let’s split until the day after tomorrow, then?”

  “Will you be able to push the cart all the way back by yourself?”

  “Sure, if I don’t hurry too much. Be here at noon the day after tomorrow. And don’t forget to get me as much meat as you can hunt.”

  Chapter 20

  Once evening came, Ros started doing something rather odd. He loaded up his bag with all sorts of junk collected from the mobs: cheap equipment, pieces of broken armor, blade shards, and accessories without any useful stats. He spent about three hours hiding the stuff where the main tunnel was crossed by the galleries used by most miners.

  The description of the C
ache Master skill implied that the more often someone passed by your cache without finding it, the quicker this skill leveled up. Other factors were the level of the potential looters and the value of the stash. Should someone find it, the owner would receive a solid final bonus.

  Miners left galleries a few dozen times a day to load up the carts with ore. Even though they were all level zero players, his skill would still level up slowly. Should they find any of the caches, the bonus would be worth more than the stashed junk.

  He carried on doing the same in the cave, leaving useless items everywhere—underneath piles of rocks, on rock shelves, and in clumps of moss.

  Shoto said he should level up every skill he could, so Ros was doing precisely that.

  Moreover, caches were directly linked to Luck, Profound Wisdom, Perception, Disguise, Essence of Things, and Reason. All of those stats would get raised gradually as well. Once he leveled up the skill, his chances of finding somebody else’s cache just by walking past it would increase.

  So here was a skill he should definitely to pay attention to: caches were money, and he had no intention of screwing around.

  The next morning, there were just a few mob carcasses next to the leprus. Ros had swept up the nearest side tunnels yesterday, and was now bored.

  Ros decided to take advantage of the fact that he didn’t have to bother procuring meat today, so he could do some serious exploring instead. He intended to follow the creek downstream, keep going forward until midday, and then head back. He might find an exit or something interesting. And valuable. His very nature railed at the thought of stagnation—moreover, the thought that the leprus might disappear or get lost kept nagging at him. That would put an end to his fantastic success at hunting. He did have about a dozen soul crystals from high-level creatures, but none of them were even remotely close to his current pet.

 

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