by Bobby Love
The day after he came home, Bobby sat me down and told me everything about his past. Even though Jasmine had found his arrest records and I had read some of the stories that had come out in the newspapers, I was clueless about all the things Bobby had done, from his time in the Morrison correctional facility to all of the things he’d done in Washington, DC, including getting shot by a police officer.
“Oh my God, you could have been killed,” I said after hearing about that incident. To myself I thought, This man must be in God’s favor to come through a life like that unscathed.
“I told you I was lucky,” Bobby said with a smile.
I shook my head. “No, Bobby. God was protecting you.”
Bobby quickly turned serious. “I know, Cheryl. And He’s still protecting me.”
“Why didn’t you tell me any of this, Bobby?” I asked for probably the twenty-seventh time. “You should have told me. Keeping all of this inside and hiding it is too much for anybody to handle. It must have been eating you up inside.”
Bobby hung his head and sighed. Then he looked up and said, “You would have made me turn myself in, Cheryl. You found a wallet on the ground full of cash and you took it to the police station. You most definitely would have made me turn myself in if I told you what I’d done.”
Now it was my turn to smile. “You’re right. I would have if you had told me all that.”
We both laughed because we knew it was the truth. And it felt good that we could laugh together again.
That conversation lasted for another hour, and we revisited it again and again those first few weeks. Sometimes I would find myself angry with Bobby for keeping his secrets, but then I would have to remind myself that forgiveness without forgetting doesn’t work. I could say I forgave Bobby, but if I kept dwelling on the wrongs he committed, then I would never be able to move on, and we’d never be able to grow as a couple. And I could see how hard Bobby was trying. He was talking more and sharing more, and he was far more affectionate with me than he ever had been before. I realized that I needed to be a better listener and not be so judgmental when Bobby talked about his flaws and mistakes.
I also saw how devoted Bobby was to his faith now. He had developed a meaningful and personal relationship with God while he was in prison. Whereas I used to have to beg him to pray with the kids and me, now he was praying with us and praying for us. Bobby was so eager to go to church on Sunday mornings, to teach Sunday school, and to help out with whatever work needed to be done that sometimes I would tell him to go ahead and I would meet him there because I was still working on my hair or something and didn’t want to hold him up. I had always yearned to share my faith with my husband in a deep way, and now we did, and for that I was so very grateful.
Bobby had the same conversation with the boys that he had with me. He told them everything about his past and said they could ask him anything they wanted to. He really didn’t want to have any secrets anymore with any member of our family.
We were so much stronger as a family after everything we had been through. I was proud of all four of our children, who had rallied around each other and me and not used their father’s incarceration as an excuse to act crazy. Quite the opposite. Each and every one of them, in their own way, had stayed positive and remained focused on getting Bobby out.
But I knew it was me who had kept our family together. I think that’s what God put me on this earth to do. Sometimes when I look back on Bobby’s year in prison, I say to myself, “My God, I did this thing. I really did it. I took my marriage vows seriously, ‘for better or for worse,’ and I found the strength to do whatever was necessary to deal with whatever life put in front of me.” There were so many obstacles, but with my faith in God guiding me and my love for our family empowering me, I found the strength to keep all of us together. I kept working and paying the bills. I had to find creative ways to keep money in our bank account. We celebrated holidays and birthdays despite the fact that Bobby was missing. And on top of all that, I was doing everything I could to help get Bobby out of prison and to emotionally support him while he was in there.
When I think about all of that, plus having all of my business plastered all over the news, I know a lot of people would have crumbled or maybe just walked away from the entire mess. But I didn’t. I stayed and I fought for what was most important to me in this world. And I won. My prize was my family, together again and stronger than ever.
Are we perfect now? No. Do we still struggle with money? Sometimes. Do Bobby and I still argue? Of course. Do I still put my pants on one leg at a time? Every single day. But these are regular things that happen to regular people. And that’s what we are. Regular people with a past. A past that doesn’t define us, but it’s one that has made us who we are today.
Acknowledgments
We want to thank God first, because without Him, none of this would have been possible. We also have to thank our children, Jasmine, Jessica, Jordan, and Justin, for being our continuous inspiration. We are grateful to our family members who have always been there for us; we wouldn’t be where we are today without them. In addition to our blood family, we also want to thank our church family at Coney Island Cathedral of Deliverance, in particular Bishop Waylen Hobbs Jr. and First Lady Donna Hobbs.
We want to thank our wonderful editor Rakia Clark and the entire Houghton Mifflin Harcourt staff for making this process extremely welcoming. Also, we would like to thank our agent Brian DeFiore for connecting us to Houghton Mifflin Harcourt and for guiding us through this process during such a difficult time in the world. We are grateful for having Lori L. Tharps help us get our story on the page. We give a special thanks to Brandon Stanton from Humans of New York for bringing our story to the public and for being such an amazing man throughout this entire journey.
Finally, we would like to give a special shout-out to our son-in-law Richard Nelson for introducing us to our manager Jonathan Conyers, who believed our story was worth telling from day one. Jonathan brought all the wonderful people mentioned here together to create this opportunity for our family. We are forever grateful.
About the Authors
Courtesy of Bobby and Cheryl Love
Bobby Love was born in Greensboro, North Carolina. He is a husband, father, and church deacon.
Cheryl Love was born in Brooklyn, New York. She is a wife, mother, and nutrition coordinator. The Loves split their time between Brooklyn and the metro Atlanta area.
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