‘I’ll take you home.’ He got back into the driver’s seat and started the engine.
‘No—thank you, but I have to go to the surgery. And you need to pick up Sam. He’ll be wanting to see his puppy.’
Her reaction was entirely expected. Ethan had his answer ready. ‘He can see it another time. I called my parents to let them know, when I went to talk to the mechanic.’
‘But he’ll be disappointed.’
‘Yes, he will. But it’s not the end of the world, and he knows that he’ll see the puppy soon. It’s more important that you go home.’
‘I can’t, I have things to do. I just had a bit of a moment. It was stupid and I’m okay now.’
Ethan sighed. He’d expected that Kate would object, and she hadn’t disappointed him. A garage forecourt probably wasn’t the best place to do this, but at least the car afforded them some privacy.
‘Look, I don’t want to interfere—’
‘Then don’t.’ She flashed a warning glare in his direction.
‘All right, then, I do want to interfere. You’re very clearly trying to pretend that nothing’s wrong, and most of the time when you’re with people, that’s working pretty well. But for some of the time, probably when you’re alone, I think you’re suffering from symptoms of stress. Panic attacks...nightmares, maybe.’
The look in her eyes told him that his gamble had just paid off and that he was right. ‘Some of the time isn’t so bad, is it?’
‘It’s not so good, either. Did the police put you in touch with a victim support officer?’
‘I’m not a victim!’ The words were said with such vehemence that Ethan knew he’d touched a nerve. He pushed a little more.
‘You’re not afraid of allowing me a bit of time to process things, Kate. Why are you so afraid of doing the same for yourself? You’ll heal if you just let yourself.’
That was it. She was suddenly white-faced and trembling. It was the healing, not the attack itself, that had the power to frighten her. And from what he knew of her, Kate didn’t frighten easily.
‘What happened—the last time you were attacked?’
‘Does it matter?’
‘Yes, I’m pretty sure that it does. Can you tell me?’
She stared at him, pressing her lips together as if she were trying to stop the words coming from her mouth.
‘Kate, you’re a strong woman. That’s why I’m asking you to tell me.’
One tear escaped her eye and ran down her cheek. ‘There were two of them. They grabbed me and took my bag. Searched me for jewellery.’
Ethan shivered. That small detail seemed like the worst thing—unable to escape and being searched, none too gently he imagined. ‘And then?’
‘I was at the top of the steps which led down to the underground—it happened in London.’
Ethan nodded her on, almost afraid to hear what came next.
‘They pushed me down the steps. I fell all the way.’
‘And you were hurt badly?’ The last time he’d asked that question she’d refused to answer. Ethan suspected she’d been hurt very badly, both physically and mentally.
‘It wasn’t as bad as it might have been. Concussion and a fractured ankle. Broken shoulder.’ She tried to smile and Ethan felt his hand move across the seat towards her. Her injuries were bad enough that they would have left Kate immobile for a while. They would have taken away her only coping mechanisms...her independence and her ability to work.
‘What then?’ Something told him that there was more.
‘I...’ She heaved a sigh, but her gaze didn’t leave his face. ‘When I couldn’t get out, because of my injuries, it wasn’t so bad. But when I started to get back on my feet physically, the panic attacks began. I couldn’t sleep and I’d constantly be checking the locks on the doors. I didn’t go out of my flat for six months.’
If Ethan had ever doubted that she had the courage to tell him everything, now he didn’t. The little tilt of her head, the defiance in her eyes, was unmistakeable.
‘Were you alone? When you were attacked?’
She shook her head. ‘No, I was... I was with a man. Someone I was going out with.’
‘What happened to him?’ Ethan wondered whether guilt over what had happened to her companion played a part in this.
‘He ran away. He felt pretty bad about it afterwards, I suppose, but I only saw him once after that.’
It wasn’t guilt, then, it was betrayal. Ethan took a breath.
‘Kate, you know what’s happening here, don’t you.’
‘Yes, I know. I lost everything—my job, my boyfriend. I nearly lost my flat because I couldn’t keep the payments on the mortgage up. Then I made a new start and I thought that it was all behind me. Now I’m afraid it’s going to happen again.’ Her voice was expressionless, as if adding the emotion into the words was a little too much for her to bear.
‘Then you’ll know what you need to do.’
‘I need to just stop it. By myself, the way I did last time.’
‘No, you need to get some help.’ Ethan could see now why that would be difficult for her. The one person who had been supposed to help her the last time hadn’t just run away, he hadn’t come back afterwards.
‘My boss mustn’t know. You can’t tell anyone...’ Alarm flashed in her eyes, and a sudden shard of warmth dispersed the chill that had settled over Ethan. She’d trusted him enough to tell him.
‘You’re in my car. I’ll take that to mean that doctor-patient privilege applies.’
‘You’re not my doctor.’
Her sudden smile ripped away the last of his defences. Ethan had been trying to approach this professionally, as if she was a patient who could be cared for, but not about. Getting involved wasn’t something he did any more, and he’d almost forgotten how that went.
‘I’m a doctor. That probably covers it.’ He attempted a grin, and she nodded.
‘Okay then, doctor. What’s your solution?’
He struggled momentarily with the urge to take her in his arms. To tell her that it was all going to be all right and that he’d stay with her through the darkest of nights. Kate didn’t need reassurance, though, she needed action.
‘I have a friend. She works at the hospital. I’ve referred people who are traumatised by surgery to her before and she’s excellent at what she does. I can introduce you to her and she’ll see you out of hours. The only way that anyone else will ever know about this is if you choose to tell them.’
‘She must be expensive.’ At least Kate was thinking about it. She hadn’t turned the idea down out of hand.
‘I think it would be an excellent investment to see her privately for a few sessions, if she can see you straight away.’ Ethan wondered if Kate could afford it, and whether he could get away with speaking to Dr Usha Patel privately and paying for her sessions himself.
Kate shook her head suddenly. ‘I don’t want to jump the queue. There must be other people who need her much more than I do.’
Ethan sighed. ‘That’s Usha’s problem. Leave her to sort her diary out for herself. If she can’t do it, she’ll say.’
The internal struggle—that need to talk that Kate was constantly pushing away—was written all over her face. Finally she made the right decision.
‘You’re right. I’ll call her.’
When she got around to it, no doubt. Which might well be never. Ethan nodded, picking up his phone and consulting his contacts list. Kate almost jumped out of her seat.
‘What are you doing? It’s six o’clock.’
‘Yes, that’s fine. She often works in the evening. And she owes me a favour.’ He dialled Usha’s number, hoping that she wasn’t with a client.
He heard Usha’s voice on the line and grinned. Kate was fidgeting in her seat. He explained quickly that a friend was experi
encing some problems and it would be great if she could spare some time to talk with her.
‘I’m sorry to hear that. Yes, I have some free time, I can fit her in.’
‘Thanks, Usha.’ He glanced at Kate. ‘She says she can fit you in.’
‘Wait...’ Usha’s voice held a trace of firmness in her tone. ‘She’s there? Are you railroading her into this, Ethan? Let me speak with her.’
He hadn’t anticipated that it would be Usha who threw a spoke in the wheel of his plan. But Ethan had to admit that she was right.
‘Um...right. Okay.’ He handed the phone to Kate. ‘She’d like to speak with you. I’ll...go and get some coffee.’ He could see a café across the road, and it was the only excuse he could think of to get out of the car and give Kate some privacy. He opened the door, hearing her tremulous, ‘Hello?’ behind him.
He spent five minutes hanging around in the window of the café, nursing a cup of coffee that would have been fresh brewed an hour ago. Finally he saw Kate take the phone from her ear.
Ethan got into the car and, at a loss for anything more to say, he proffered his polystyrene cup to her. She took it wordlessly, taking a sip from it.
‘Ew! What are you trying to do, poison me? I suppose that’s one way of making me feel no pain.’ She wrinkled her nose, putting the cup back into his hand.
The ice broke. Ethan grinned, tipping the contents of the cup out of the window and stowing it in the glove compartment, alongside a couple of empty cartons of Sam’s favourite juice. ‘Have you sorted things out with Usha?’
‘It’s all fixed. I’m going to see her tomorrow, after work.’ Kate was obviously a lot happier about the idea now, and it occurred to Ethan that it was Usha who had put her mind at rest, not him.
‘Good. I...um... I hope you didn’t think I was railroading you.’ He grinned stupidly. ‘Actually, you’d be quite right if you did think that.’
Kate raised her eyebrows. ‘Yes, I thought you were railroading me. It was what I needed, thank you.’
‘It’s my pleasure.’ Ethan started the engine, and then realised he really should ask Kate where they were going next. ‘Where to?’
‘If you wouldn’t mind giving me a lift to the surgery, I really do just need to pop in.’
‘And then home?’
‘Yes, thank you. Then home.’
Ethan nodded. It was time for him to back off and leave Usha and Kate to sort things out now. He’d won a victory, but somehow it had a bitter aftertaste.
CHAPTER SEVEN
USHA WAS NICE, dressed in soft shades of grey and purple, with dangly earrings and a down-to-earth attitude. She’d listened to what Kate had to say, nodding her on as if none of this was anything to be ashamed of.
Then, five minutes before the end of the session, she’d issued Kate a challenge. Maybe this therapy thing wasn’t as easy as she’d thought. But Usha had smiled and shrugged, adding a proviso. ‘Give it a try.’
‘I’ll do it.’ If Usha thought that she couldn’t, then Kate would prove her wrong.
‘We’ll make another appointment for early next week, then.’ Usha smiled serenely, and Kate left the comfortable consulting room wondering what on earth she’d let herself in for.
Or what Ethan had let her in for. He knew Usha, and he must also know that this wasn’t going to be easy. But he must think that she could do it.
The one thing she hadn’t shared was the struggle to put Ethan into context and think of him as if he were just any other friend. She’d deal with that one on her own. It was far too embarrassing to talk to Usha about it. A little common sense would have to do.
And common sense told her that Ethan would lose some of his super-human powers if she concentrated on the Ethan who lived in the real world and not her imagination. Talking to him, instead of wishing he’d phone, would be a good idea. As she waited for the bus home, she dialled his number.
‘Hello, Kate.’ His tone was studiedly neutral, obviously waiting to see whether she’d kept the appointment she had with Usha before he said anything.
‘Hi. I was thinking, since Sam didn’t get to see the puppies yesterday, he might like to come to the working dog show we’re holding at the weekend. It’s not a very big one, just a local thing, but that could be nicer for him as he’ll get to meet the dogs and their owners.’
There was a pause. Clearly he wasn’t going to ask. ‘That could be really nice. He’ll be able to see what dogs can do when they’re trained.’
‘Well, it’s on Saturday afternoon. In a little village called Hambleton. Do you know it?’
‘Yes, I know it well. It’s where my parents’ house is, remember? And it’s pronounced “Hampton”.’
‘Really? Is that a concerted effort to confuse anyone who doesn’t come from around here?’
‘Yes, we do our best. Where is it, in the church hall?’
‘Yes, that’s right. Spelled St Thomas’s, and you can pronounce it however you like.’
She heard Ethan chuckle quietly. ‘What time?’
‘Two o’clock. I’ll be there from one-thirty onwards with the mountain rescue team.’
‘Right. Should be interesting. Thanks for letting me know about it.’
‘Great. See you then, perhaps.’
Silence crackled down the line. Kate couldn’t help smiling, because she knew what Ethan wanted to ask, and this time she had an answer that didn’t make her feel as if she wanted to disappear.
‘For goodness’ sake... Okay, you win. How did this evening go?’ There was a note of exasperated humour in his tone.
‘It went well, thank you. Usha’s given me some homework.’
‘What was that, then—phoning me up and giving me a hard time?’
‘No, that might be next week’s assignment, though.’ It was a dream diary. Kate didn’t feel quite comfortable about telling him that, because her nightmares were often the dreams where she was helpless and Ethan wasn’t there to save her.
She heard him chuckle quietly. ‘All right. I’m not going to ask, that’s between you and Usha. As long as you feel it’s been positive.’
‘Yes, I do. Thanks for putting me in touch with her.’
‘No problem. I’m going to go now, before you do my nervous system any more damage. Oh, hang on a minute.’ She could hear Sam’s voice in the background, and smiled. ‘Sam says hello.’
‘Tell him hello back. I’ll see him on Saturday, if you’re able to come.’
‘We’ll be there.’
* * *
Ethan joined the small crowd that had gathered outside the church, and found that its main topic of conversation consisted of whether it was one minute to two or one minute past. Events such as these were usually attended by the stalwarts of the surrounding villages, most of whom were retired. They arrived on time, all knew each other and departed after half an hour, which was when the younger families would start to arrive.
‘Hello, Ethan.’ He’d known Mrs Sweetman since he was a child, and had thought her very old then. ‘You’re very early, dear.’
‘Yes, I...’ Couldn’t wait to see Kate? If he were to voice that, then it would be old news by sundown. ‘I happened to be passing.’
‘With Sam, I see.’ Mrs Sweetman smiled down at his son. ‘How you’ve grown, dear.’
‘Hello. I’m five now.’ Sam responded with the same courtesy towards the elders of the village that Ethan had been taught.
‘Are you, now? Doesn’t time fly? I wonder when they’re going to open the doors?’
‘You can sync your phone, Mrs Sweetman. Then you’ll know the right time.’
A little burst of pride made Ethan smile. He’d shown Sam how he synched the time display on his phone last week and his son had clearly been listening far more closely than it had appeared at the time.
‘My telephone?’ Mrs S
weetman was clearly thinking of an apparatus connected to the wall by a wire. ‘That sounds rather clever.’
‘Dad will show you. He showed me on his phone.’ Sam seemed eager to help and Ethan breathed a small sigh of relief as the doors of the church hall opened. Offering Mrs Sweetman his arm, he walked slowly inside.
Kate was nowhere to be seen. Display boards with photographs were laid out on one side of the hall and a tea table on the other. The crowd migrated as one to the tea table.
‘Where are the dogs, Dad?’ Sam was looking a little disappointed.
‘They’ll be outside. We’ll go and see them after we’ve got Mrs Sweetman a cup of tea.’
‘Oh, thank you, dear. I could do with one after all that waiting.’
Sam carefully carried a plate of biscuits over to Mrs Sweetman and offered her one. He was duly thanked, and then they were free. Ethan hurried Sam through the hall and out of the fire doors at the side before anyone else could buttonhole them. The village had known his every move practically since he had been born. Now that he was a young widower with a child, its elders seemed intent on engaging him in conversation whenever they saw him to fend off any possibility of loneliness. It was kind, and a gesture that Ethan had appreciated when Jenna had first died. But he’d come to terms with being alone now, and this afternoon there was somewhere else he needed to be.
On the grass in a semi-circle, large, open-sided tents shaded the dogs and their owners from the sun. The police were there, along with a stand for hearing dogs and one for guide dogs. The mountain rescue dogs were at the far end, and Ethan wondered whether he would have to work through all the rest before he got to see Kate.
Sam saved him the trouble, running across the grass towards her. She was wearing a red T-shirt, with the mountain rescue insignia, and when she saw Sam she stretched her arms out in an expression of joy that made Ethan’s heart thump in his chest.
He saw Sam hug her. He didn’t often do that, saving his hugs for people he really liked. A little quiver of foreboding—the thought that he shouldn’t let Sam become dependent on her hugs—was forgotten as he saw Sam’s face when one of the men Kate was with issued a command to his dog and the animal trotted over to Sam, holding out its paw. Ethan saw Kate nod to Sam and he took the dog’s paw and shook hands.
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