by Rachel Shane
I suck in a deep breath and draw on all the guts I never thought I had. “For ditching you that day instead of getting help. It wasn’t what you thought. I tried to. But I couldn’t.” My voice cracks. “I had a medical emergency too, and I chose my secret over our friendship.”
A long silence follows. She stays upright, her sharp intake of breath the only indication she heard. Finally, she whispers, “I chose my secret too.”
Last Friday Night
Staying away from Gavin only tortured me. It had been several days without a word and it was killing me. I thought I was defying the Tully rules, keeping my distance because I’d decided to, but in reality, I was complying by their rules just by stepping aside.
While the chicken on the stove simmered, I picked up my phone. It connected without ringing, and a woman answered. “This number has been disconnected. Please hang up and try again.”
A sharp jolt of worry rocketed through me. I double-checked to make sure I dialed correctly. But each time the line connected, I received the same message on the other end.
Tears pressed against my eyes but I sucked them back down. I wouldn’t cry. I’d be strong. Gavin was out of my life now, but I was alone before he arrived. I could do it again.
I swiveled to the aromatic stove and focused all my energy on the steam billowing from the chicken and not the disappointment swirling inside me.
After pouring the sauce over the chicken and noddles, I arranged the food like a gourmet chef and carried the plates into the living room. Seeing two plates together on the coffee table looked so odd to me, like I was the one who’d been in an accident, resulting in double vision. My chest twinged at the sight of Krystal lying on the couch, her leg hitched up on a pillow. The hospital released her a few days after arriving, and I abandoned one of my work shifts at the grocery store to pick her up. A definite sacrifice. Because without her steady multi-job income, I was the sole breadwinner in the family.
“Oh good,” Krystal said in lieu of a thank you. She scooped food into her mouth.
And just like that my anger resumed in a whoosh. I squeezed the life out of my fork. But really, I was mostly angry at the Tullys for keeping Gavin under lock down after that showdown in their driveaway. I’d have to find a way to break him out of his house arrest.
“I lied,” Krystal said out of nowhere, drawing my attention back to her.
I set the fork down to avoid thoughts of metaphorically stabbing her with it. “Everyone does.”
“To the doctor.” She tilted the glass toward her mouth, ice clinking.
I froze. “Should I…call him?” I picked up my cell phone from where it rested next to my uneaten plate.
“No, I’m telling you. No one else. I’ve been wanting to tell you for the last few weeks, but—” She waved her hand in the air dismissively, as if that gesture encompassed her entire excuse. “Anyway, I got the letter today. So you should know.”
I pressed a hand against my temple, trying to make sense of her words. “What letter?”
She stabbed at her chicken. “From the insurance company. I told the doctor I fell asleep.” Her blue eyes pierced mine. “But the truth is, I swerved the car on purpose.”
I was so startled, I knocked my fork off the table, the clang sounding like a bomb to my ears. “You were trying to kill yourself?” The volume of my voice rose at the end of my sentence.
“Don’t jump to conclusions.” She tsked. “You gave me the idea. Remember?”
My stomach lurched as the memory flooded back to me like an anvil tearing through my gut. When I borrowed her car to take Gavin to the concert, I joked about crashing the car to collect the money. “That was a joke!”
“I liked the idea.” She patted her cast. “It would have been a lot better if I didn’t get hurt though.”
Stunned, I forced myself to swallow the piece of chicken in my mouth. “We could have figured something out, you didn’t need to hurt yourself.”
She winced. “I’m sick of working all these jobs, Moxie. I was looking for an easy way to top up our savings.”
“You’re—you’re saving money?” I reeled back as if I needed to shield myself against disappointment.
“For college.” She beamed a smile at me.
College? Warmth radiated across my belly. “For you or me?”
“Well, for me. But the insurance company won’t cover all the hospital bills, so it’s a moot point.”
As fast as the warmth had come, it whooshed away, leaving me nothing but chills. She hadn’t even considered my future.
She must have seen something in my face because she said, “Don’t worry though, your college is covered.”
I knew enough not to get my hopes up. I eyed her warily. “What do you mean?”
“When you turn eighteen, you’ll have access to a trust fund. It’s not a lot. Not life changing. But it’s a start. It’ll get you through a year or two of college.”
I sat back in my chair, blinking at her. All this time she’d been saving for my future? “I can’t believe you saved that much.”
Krystal laughed. “Oh, I didn’t. Your dad set it up for you. Before he left.”
My dad? A lump blocked my airways, both at the mention of him and at the fact that this wasn’t her doing. For years I’d been waiting for her to surprise me by showing she cared. “Why didn’t you ever tell me about this before? Why won’t you tell me who he is?”
“Lots of reasons. But mostly because I didn’t want you chasing an unreachable horizon. The money being available in the future doesn’t change our current living situations. And I was afraid if you knew about it, you’d try to…” She shrugged and that seemed like the only answer I would get. “And your dad doesn’t want to be known. Simple as that.”
She’d given me that same line about my dad enough times that it didn’t faze me like it used to. “Ma, we could have improved our life here, you wouldn’t have to work—”
“It’s not my money.” She pushed her food around her plate. “Besides, I want you to get out of here. You have choices. I didn’t.”
I stared at the sauce coating my chicken, trying to will my lips to form the words thanks. Maybe my mother cared more about me than I thought.
Several more days of silence from Gavin followed that it was almost becoming my new normal. Work, cook, mild conversation with Krystal, distract myself from thinking about Gavin for hours before my body finally gave in and clunked to sleep. If I took each minute at a time, it didn’t seem so daunting.
I combated the loneliness by grabbing as many extra grocery store shifts as I could before school would make it impossible. When I returned from my break, I noticed a pink post-it on my till. My heart flipped, and I snatched it off before anyone could see it. My eyes darted around the store but I didn’t see Gavin. I risked a peek at the words. It read: Bulletin board.
“Hi,” a customer said as she handed me her frequent shopper card. A head of lettuce and two big tubs of ice cream glided toward me on the conveyer belt. Behind her, a woman squeezed her full cart into the lane. I glanced at the lettuce, then at the post-it, and abandoned the queue of customers on my line with a hasty, “Be right back!” excuse.
My heart thrashed as I ran toward the bulletin board. The square pink post-it note drew my attention like a beacon. It hung smack in the center, demanding attention instead of cowering away from the other signs.
I skidded to a stop in front of it and had to catch my breath before I could read it: Back alley.
I ripped it off and hugged it to my chest. Without even bothering to give my manager an excuse, I hustled to the alley behind the supermarket.
Gavin paced in front of a brick wall. I squinted in the morning sun, his edges blurring. He wasn’t real. He couldn’t be.
I ran toward him. My heart could burst and it wouldn’t even matter. He was here, in the flesh. “Sneaking around again? I thought you learned your lesson.”
“Actually, I have permission to be here.” He beamed at m
e, kicking off the wall with his heel. “And to see you.”
I pinched my forearm. “I seem to be awake. So now I’m confused.”
He laughed. “I had a long talk with my parents yesterday morning. Everything’s cool. They’re backing off.”
I coughed back my gasp. “That must have been a giant rabbit you pulled out of your hat.”
“I found out some information.” He paced in front of me, bouncing around as if he couldn’t keep still. Leafy green trees swayed in the distance as if giving him a standing ovation. “Something I think they’ve been hiding. When I told them, they suggested I come invite you out with us tonight.” He stopped doing laps on the gravel and met my eyes. “That surprised me, I’ll admit.”
“This is a trap, isn’t it? They’re going to homeschool me.”
“Nope.” Gavin leaned against the wall, his grin practically glowing with confidence. “They’re ready to give you a fair chance. So will you come? We’re meeting at noon.”
I glanced at my watch. It was already eleven and I didn’t get off my shift until four. “Slow down there. What’s at noon?”
“Oh, right. We’re taking Sabrina to boarding school tomorrow morning so today my parents are doing this scavenger hunt thing at the beach. They always used to do these scavenger hunts for Sabrina and me when we were little. We’re each allowed to invite someone. So I invite you.”
I bit my lip. “It’s going to be weird. Don’t you think?”
A pained expression crossed Gavin’s face. “On that note, I should tell you Isla’s coming too.”
I glanced at my feet. “Oh.”
“Sabrina invited her,” he added quickly.
Somehow that didn’t make it better. “What are they, bff’s now?”
He shrugged. “Something like that. They’ve been hanging out a lot.”
“Great, sounds like a super-fun, non-awkward day. Looking forward to it.”
“And Moxie—Be yourself. Your hair. Your clothes. Bring it all today. Please?” He tried his best to channel Sabrina’s charming gaze. It looked too sexy on him, especially with the way the sunlight made his hair glitter.
I trailed my fingers on the rough texture of the brick wall behind me. “Fine, but only if we can avoid Sabrina and Isla.”
He grinned. “I’ve been doing Sabrina for two weeks now.”
He hadn’t mentioned anything about avoiding Isla. “Gavin, I tried—”
The honk of a car interrupted my question about his disconnected phone. We both turned to see Josephine’s white Volvo pulling into the alley, idling by the exit. She reached her hand out of the open window and waved.
He straightened. “Oh, gotta go to DMV now. Wish me luck on my driver’s test! See you at noon?” Gavin asked.
I smiled my RSVP and hitched up my shoulders to lie to my boss. “A family emergency,” I told him.
But I hadn’t said which family.
Gavin told me to act normal, but I’d almost forgotten what normal was. At least normal in the vicinity of his parents. I settled for what I was already wearing: a simple t-shirt and ripped jeans I’d mended with over one hundred safety pins. Cut into pieces and put back together: how I always felt. It made a good statement.
I pulled up to the Tully house at noon sharp. I wanted to impress them with my punctuality, plus my boss had let me off work immediately after I told him about my fake family emergency. Isla’s car wasn’t there. The white Volvo sat in the driveway, its trunk popped open. Josephine carried a picnic basket to the car but approached me instead, a tight smile stretched over her lips. “Moxie, I’m so glad you could join us.” She juggled the picnic basket to one arm and placed her other palm on my shoulder. “I hope we can start over.”
I nodded, too aggressively at first, and then slower and more controlled.
She tilted her head at me. “How’s your mother doing?”
“She’s…fine,” I said warily, hunching my shoulders in defense in case this was a trap.
Josephine squeezed my shoulder. “I’m so glad.” She broke away from me and circled the house to the backyard.
“Hey!” Gavin ambled out of the garage and lifted his chin at me as he heaved two coolers. He placed the coolers into the trunk, and then came over to grab my beach bag from my hands.
“Did you pass?” I asked as we walked back to the car.
“Nailed it.” He fist-pumped the air and dropped the beach bag into the trunk.
“Do you need help?” I craned my neck at the mostly full trunk.
“Nah. We’re almost done packing. Stay here.” He strode back up the driveway to get more stuff, leaving me alone.
A moment later, Sabrina emerged from the house and sat on the steps, braiding her sandy brown hair into pigtails. She didn’t acknowledge my existence, and I extended her the same courtesy by turning my back on her.
Chunk sidestepped around Sabrina, adjusting the fisherman’s cap that had fallen into his eyes. “Hi, Moxie. Glad to have you.” He shook my hand. “We’re just waiting for Isla. The scavenger hunt begins the minute we leave the driveway. You and Gavin are a team. Got it?” He wore a smile but something in his voice sounded threatening.
“I’m ready.” I raised my fist to half mast.
I was in the twilight zone. The Tullys were trying to keep things friendly. Isla and Sabrina were bffs. And Gavin seemed to be controlling his parents instead of the other way around.
Isla showed up about ten minutes later, rushing out of her car and joining Gavin in a chat by the trunk. They both laughed at the same time. Her hair had been scrunched into beachy waves despite the fact that we hadn’t yet arrived at the beach and she’d replaced her usual natural make-up style with far too much glitter. When Gavin left to go back inside, she plopped onto the steps beside Sabrina. They spoke in low voices, but Isla kept sending sidelong glances in my direction.
Chuck handed Sabrina a sheet of paper—the surface glistening in the sun, obviously laminated. The Tullys meant business. The girls headed over to Isla’s jeep wrangler…which meant we were stuck riding with Gavin’s parents.
Ugh.
But at least we weren’t riding with the enemies. I’d consider that a win.
Inside the car, Gavin folded his arms on the back of Josephine’s passenger chair. “Please?” he pleaded, flicking his hand toward the radio. An expression of discomfort traced her face. She reached out her hand and cupped Chuck’s bicep. He sighed, but then peeled his hand off the steering wheel and flipped through the radio dial, passing over pop songs until he settled on a classical music station. “We’ll compromise,” he said to Gavin without taking his eyes off the road.
Gavin leaned back in his seat and relaxed. “Fine.” He smiled at me, triumphant, but his leg shook faster than someone having a seizure. Was he worried about something?
Josephine spun around and handed over a sheet of paper, laminated like Sabrina’s. “Did Gavin explain the rules to you this morning?”
“There are rules?” I raised my eyebrow at him.
“Only one rule,” Josephine told us. “We’re competitive, but fair. No sabotaging other teams. First team back at the picnic site wins. By the time you’re finished, we’ll have dinner ready.”
Gavin inspected the scavenger list before handing it off to me. “I see you went easy this year.”
“We don’t want to scare off Moxie and Isla,” Chuck said, spinning the wheel and turning onto the highway.
I scanned the scavenger list.
-Win a stuffed bunny at Skee ball
-Find three conch shells in the sand
-Get a print-out from the matchmaker arcade game
-Win a drop claw toy
-Copy down the recipe for either chocolate fudge or strawberry saltwater taffy
For the entire drive, Gavin bopped his head to the music, and the rest of us peered out the windows in silence. Chuck entered the parking lot, but idled the car in the middle of an aisle instead of a spot. “Gavin, why don’t you practice your parking?�
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“I already have my license, Dad.”
“I know. But it couldn’t hurt. The girls can get a head start to the beach.”
Great, just what I wanted, a chance to hang one on one with Josephine. While Gavin and Chuck switched places, Josephine and I each grabbed items out of the trunk.
We trudged out of the parking lot, making awkward small talk about school. Once we reached the picnic site and unloaded our items, Josephine pulled out a thick business envelope from her purse. “For any expenses you need.”
“Thanks.” I opened the envelope. A thick stack of bills sat inside, folded in half and rubber banded. The top bill wasn’t a single, like I’d expected, but a twenty. I brushed against the rest, animating them like a flip-book. All twenties with a few fifties in the center. There had to be six hundred dollars here.
My jaw clamped tight. I looked up to find Josephine watching me expectantly.
“This is way too much.” I shoved the envelope back at her.
“Keep whatever you don’t use.” Her face became serious. “I know how hard you tried to keep the truth about your family situation from us. You’re mature enough to realize every family needs their privacy.”
Josephine pushed the envelope back into my hand in a move that screamed of desperation. And I understood.
She wanted to pay for my silence, probably worried Gavin would tell me whatever secret he had uncovered. This wasn’t a family outing.
This was blackmail.
Gavin’s feet sunk into the sand as we ambled toward the boardwalk. Nearby, children dug sloping sandcastles and bikini straps dangled from a few girls sunbathing face down. The hot sun beat down on my shoulders and I tilted my face up to catch more rays. I rarely got to indulge in doing absolutely nothing.
“By the way,” Gavin said. “I got my schedule and locker number in the mail. Is 712 a good location?”
My heart deflated a little but I wasn’t sure why. “It’s not near mine, but it’s not terrible. At least you’re in the junior wing and not stuck in the gym hallway like I am with shitty 317.” I hopped onto the steps that connected the beach to the boardwalk. “What classes are you taking?”