Whiskey and Gunpowder: An Addison Holmes Novel (Book 7)

by Liliana Hart

  “I’ll pick up the rings,” he said on the way out.

  I knew Nick was gone, but it still felt like I wasn’t alone. I cracked open an eye and screeched when I saw Scarlet’s face, barely an inch from mine.

  “Holy cow,” I said, grabbing my chest. “You scared me to death.”

  “I’ve actually scared a man to death before,” she said. “You’re okay. Time to get up. It’s your wedding day.”

  “I’m not getting married until tonight.”

  “Have you seen yourself? It might take all day to get you in working order. You’re not married yet. You can’t just give up on yourself. That comes a few years down the road.”

  “Good to know,” I said.

  “Come on. I made us appointments at the spa. Chermaine has cleared her calendar for this fiasco.”

  I looked up and saw Scarlet was wearing a different wig today. It was a black, chin-length bob.

  “I thought you weren’t coming to the wedding.”

  “I’m not,” she said. “I’ve got to hit the road. The popo’s suggestions I talk to them aren’t so much suggestions anymore as they are orders. I don’t like taking orders. But I’ve got priorities so I figured I’d hit the spa and get the full treatment before I have the car deliver me to the cruise ship. I want to make a good impression. It takes effort to look this good.”

  “I can imagine,” I said.

  I was starting to feel queasy, and Scarlet was totally invading my personal space. “Give me a chance to shower and I’ll be down in a few minutes.

  “Hmmph,” she grunted and moved back. “Don’t think you’re fooling anyone, girl. I know a pregnant woman when I see one. Better get that man in front of the preacher before you tell him, though. A man can be real skittish about pregnancy.”

  With that bit of advice, she left the bedroom. I wondered briefly how Scarlet had gotten inside the house, then I realized she’d probably never left after the bachelorette party. Knowing Scarlet, she’d riffled through every drawer we had.

  I tossed back the covers and got out of bed, and then laid down on the bathroom floor for twenty minutes until the nausea passed.

  I was feeling unsettled, and not because of the pregnancy. Savage had told me not to worry about Pastor Charles since the case was in the FBI’s territory now, but I wanted closure. It felt like if things were going to end, and they were definitely ending, then it should be with a little more excitement and pizzazz.

  I showered and dressed casually in leggings and a loose button-down shirt, and then I went down to meet Scarlet and head to the spa.

  She looked me over and shook her head. “You’re definitely a Holmes. You’ve got grit, girl. And average judgement. But you’ll always land on your feet, no matter what happens.”

  We drove to Savannah and I parked Black Betty outside of Chermaine’s, and I realized my shoulders were in knots from the tension. I needed to talk to Nick. I hadn’t told him about Kate, Rosemarie, Savage or the baby. I was carrying around a whole lot of worry when I should have been sharing my worries with him. Well, at least about the first three. I still wasn’t sure how to tell him about the baby.

  My tension only intensified when I opened the door to the spa and saw my mother, sister, Kate, and Rosemarie waiting for us. I heard raucous laughter and saw a flash of color out of the corner of my eye, and my mouth dropped open at the sight of Chermaine coming toward me. Her mohawk was spiked to sharp points and bright red, reminding me of a rooster’s comb, and she was wearing lots of zippers and buckles. Her nose, eyebrow, and lip were pierced and her lipstick was black.

  Right beside her was Suzanne, looking as diva fabulous as ever. Then I realized what I’d completely missed the first time I’d met Chermaine, though her Adam’s apple wasn’t quite as prominent as Suzanne’s. Not that it mattered. She’d worked magic on my hair the last time I’d come to see her. Hard to imagine it had only been a week ago. A lot had happened in a week.

  “I love weddings,” Chermaine said, handing me a mimosa and a white robe. “As long as they’re not my own. Been there, done that.”

  She and Suzanne looked me over at the same time, and their gasps were almost identical as they took in my black eyes.

  Chermaine put her hand to her forehead and said, “What am I supposed to do with this?”

  “What are you supposed to do?” Suzanne asked. “What am I supposed to do? You’re just doing hair. I’m supposed to do makeup.”

  “I thought you did cakes,” I said.

  “Suzanne does a little bit of everything, darling, including work miracles. Everyone is going to get the royal treatment today. A full spa experience.”

  Chermaine went to the front door and locked it. “Everybody take your clothes off and put on a robe.”

  A girl appeared out of nowhere and started passing out mimosas to the others. I looked at Rosemarie, wide-eyed, not sure what to do without giving my situation away. She took it out of my hand and downed it in one gulp.

  “Just juice for her,” Rosemarie said. “She’s been drinking too much again.”

  I scowled at Rosemarie, thinking no one would buy that story, but everyone just shrugged and sipped their own.

  “Sorry,” she whispered. “It was all I could think of.”

  We were ushered into a changing area, and everyone stripped down to nothing and put their clothes in lockers.

  “You look so calm, Addison,” my mother said. “If I was in your shoes and it was eight hours until my wedding, and I had no venue, I’d be a basket case.”

  “A church is just four walls,” Scarlet said. “One time I got married jumping out of an airplane. It doesn’t matter where you do it, only that it gets done. And the sooner the better.”

  I rolled my eyes. If Scarlet wasn’t careful I wouldn’t have to make an announcement about the baby. She’d end up doing it for me.

  “Which reminds me,” she said. “I’ve got a wedding gift for you. Since my presence can’t be your present, I got you this. Figured I owed you one for the black eyes.”

  I took the envelope from her instead of retorting with, “You think?” which is what I wanted to do. I figured over the last few weeks, Scarlet owed me way more than just “one.” There was a single sheet of paper inside the envelope that looked rather old, and when I examined it I realized it was the deed to the whiskey distillery in Whiskey Bayou. And on the line at the bottom was my name and Scarlet’s signature.

  “I figure it needs to stay in the family. I can’t take it with me when I die. I’ve got good memories of that place. That’s why I kept it for so long. If it wasn’t for that factory I wouldn’t have gotten shipped off to France. And I wouldn’t be where I am today.”

  “I thought you got shipped off to France because of a man,” Phoebe said.

  “Yeah, Dean Walker. Boy, was he a firecracker in the sack. But so was I, which is why he gave me the factory as a wedding present. We were going to get married after he left his wife, but my daddy shipped me off. I’d already been given the distillery, though, and Dean died from a heart attack a couple weeks later. It’s not like I could give it back at that point. So it all worked out.”

  “A man died,” my mother said.

  “It’s not like I killed him,” Scarlet said. “He had the heart attack because his wife would’ve taken everything in the divorce.”

  “It’s a miracle they let you come back into town at all,” my mother said, shaking her head.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Scarlet said. “Everyone’s too scared of me. And that’s right where I want them. I own lots of those buildings in Whiskey Bayou. I just buy ‘em up a piece at a time when no one is looking. I’ve got lots of dummy corporations.”

  I shook my head in wonder. “Thank you,” I told her, not quite sure what I was going to do with a two-hundred-year-old building that was no longer in use. But maybe Nick had an idea.

  “Don’t just stand there looking slack-jawed, girl. It’s catty-corner from the church. Move the ceremony over th
ere. Problem solved.”

  “Oh,” Rosemarie said. “I’ve got to call all the vendors and the caterer. That’s brilliant.”

  “Now can we get this show on the road?” Scarlet asked. “I’ve got a car picking me up in a few hours, and I’ve let myself go recently.” She looked at me. “No offense, but I’ve aged more in the last few weeks hanging out with you than I have in the last fifty years.”

  My mouth dropped open at that, and I watched as she flounced away, butt naked. Apparently, Scarlet didn’t believe in robes.

  “I didn’t need to see that,” Kate said.

  “I wish I could say it even phases me anymore,” I told her. “I think that week at the nudist colony damaged me permanently.”

  “Was that a lightning bolt waxed into her pubic hair?”

  “Don’t ask,” I said.

  For the next several hours I was massaged, salted, scrubbed, waxed, lotioned, manicured, and pedicured. If I didn’t look in the mirror, I’d almost feel normal. I knew things were serious when Suzanne got out the airbrushes.

  “I use these on my cakes,” she said. “Sometimes life calls for a little airbrushing. Just try not to breathe. This stuff is amazing. And not even tears will make it come off. You’ll get at least three days of use out of it before it starts to fade.”

  “Is that safe?” I asked.

  “Do you want black eyes for your wedding?” she asked.

  I shook my head.

  “Then take a deep breath.”

  I did what she said. When I was able to open my eyes again I looked like my regular self. I had color in my cheeks and a nice glow. She’d done my whole body to even things out, and she’d even put a little shading around my collarbone and cleavage.

  “Little trade secret,” she said. “Though you’re not needing a lot of help with that cleavage. Nick’s a lucky man.”

  “Because I’ve got boobs?”

  “It doesn’t hurt,” she said.

  An hour later, we were all ready. Everyone still wore their robes except for Scarlet.

  “This is my cue to leave,” Scarlet said. She was wearing a white sailor suit with navy trim. Her hair was platinum and in a bun on top of her head. “I’ve got a ship to catch, and I want to butter up the captain while my skin is still plump and soft. In the dark it feels like it belongs to a thirty-year-old.”

  My mother coughed loudly and Scarlet shot her a glare.

  “I’ll see you next November,” Scarlet said to Rosemarie.

  I looked at Rosemarie in question.

  “November is the slow month for weddings. I figure I’ll take a break and check out what the land down under has to offer.”

  “You’ve got your something old, something new?” Scarlet asked me. “Don’t buck with tradition. It’s bad luck.”

  I hadn’t even thought of that. “Err…no.”

  “Well, the deed to the distillery can count as something old,” she said.

  “I’ve got the something blue,” Kate said.

  She handed me a long blue velvet box, and I was expecting some kind of jewelry when I opened it. But instead, it was Kate’s set of lock-picks. I’d bought them for her the day she’d opened up the agency. They’d been completely impractical, and I hadn’t even been able to afford them at the time, but Kate was my best friend and I wanted her to have something to commemorate such a special day. They were sterling silver, and at the end of each one was a blue diamond.

  For as long as she’d been sitting behind her desk at the agency, she’d kept them in a framed glass case on her wall. This was the beginning of the end. She was really selling the agency.

  I threw my arms around her and hugged her tight. No one else knew what those lock-picks meant, but I did, and that was all that mattered.

  “I’ve got your something borrowed,” my mother said. “I know you’re a Holmes through and through, but you get your grit from both sides. My grandmother was a spitfire too, and she’d want you to have these.”

  “I always liked Ruth,” Scarlet said. I think it was the first time I’d ever seen her agree with my mother.

  My mother handed me a little square box and inside it were pearl earrings. “I didn’t give these to you at the last wedding,” she said. “I think because I knew it wasn’t right. But these are yours now.”

  I hugged my mom, and quickly put on the earrings. All that was left was the something new.

  Rosemarie handed me a gift bag. “You probably want to open that when you’re alone. And don’t worry. It’s new. Don’t be discouraged by the bedazzling. It adds to the pleasure. Nick will thank you.”

  My eyes widened at that, and I was terrified to look inside. It reminded me of the time Rosemarie and I had accidentally gone to a passion party. We’d gotten to know each other real quick after that. I put the bag in my purse to save for later.

  Scarlet looked at me like she wanted to say something, but she straightened her spine and cleared her throat. “Well, girl,” she said. “Let me know if you have another wedding before I die. I might come to that one.”

  With that, she turned and made a grand exit to the car that was waiting for her. I knew in her own way she’d miss us. Scarlet just wasn’t all that good at showing emotion. Considering the life she’d led, I guess she’d never had the chance to practice.

  “Come on, people,” Rosemarie said. “Time’s ticking.”

  “Put your dress on,” Chermaine said. “We’ve got to get going. You don’t want to be late to your own wedding.”

  Everyone scattered to get dressed, and I followed Chermaine and Suzanne to the big room where my dress was hanging.

  They helped get me get zipped up, and then pinned in my tiara and straightened my veil. Then I turned to look in the mirror. I would have cried, but I was pretty sure the airbrush had clogged up my tear ducts. Despite the disasters at almost every turn, I knew this wedding was the right one. With the right man. It didn’t matter if there were no caterers, food trucks, or open bars. If the cake dropped to the ground or if Nina really showed up in overalls. There was nothing that was going to keep me from marrying Nick.

  I took a deep breath and went back out to the front. True to her word, my mom was wearing the dress she’d worn at my last wedding. Phoebe was standing beside her in a backless black gown and flip flops. Kate wore the pale-blue, one-shoulder gown she’d tried on at Le Couture. And then there was Rosemarie.

  I never saw what gown she’d ended up picking that night in the dress shop. But I was almost positive what she was wearing wasn’t it. She was dressed like a Chinese missionary. Or possibly Hillary Clinton. It was a black silk pantsuit that came down to her mid-thigh, with bell sleeves. She’d added a white clerical collar around the neck.

  “I hope you don’t mind, but a change in position calls for a change in attire. It’s important when one is ordained to look the part. Now stop standing around and get in the limo. We’re on a schedule, people.”

  “Let me get something out of the van,” I said. I’d hidden the pregnancy test in the glove compartment because I didn’t want anyone to accidentally find it in my purse. But I wanted to be able to show Nick. He was the kind of guy who liked proof.

  I slung my bag over my shoulder, hiked up my dress and ran out to the van. I opened the passenger side and was about to open the glove box when I heard the familiar sound of a bullet being loaded in the chamber of a gun. When I looked up, cold steel was mere inches from my face.

  Chapter Twenty

  I was almost too scared to look up. I didn’t move a muscle, but I let my eyes scan up to the person behind the gun.

  “Get in,” Pastor Charles said. Gone was the kind man I’d known for the past ten years. I could see his former self right there in his eyes. “Tell them you’re driving separately. Do it now, or I’ll shoot every one of them.”

  I backed away quickly before the others became too curious and wandered over, and then I got Rosemarie’s attention.

  “I’m going to drive myself,” I said.


  “But the limo…”

  “I know, but I need a little time alone. To meditate.”

  “Is that a code word for bailing out?” she asked. “You’re not changing your mind, are you? Because the ba—”

  She pressed her lips together and pretended to zip them.

  “I’m not changing my mind,” I promised. “All is good. I just need to be alone for a bit.”

  She nodded, but she wasn’t happy about it, and she got into the back of the limo with the others. I breathed out a sigh of relief and went around to the driver’s side. I tried three times to get in, but between my shaking hands and dress, I wasn’t having a lot of success.

  “Oh, for Pete’s sake,” Charles said. He put the gun in the passenger seat and then leaned over and hauled me in. Then he took the gun and moved behind me while I got settled.

  I looked in the rearview mirror and almost screamed when I saw someone else sitting in one of the passenger seats. Whoever it was, he was very obviously dead. My van had death cooties.

  “Who…who’s that?” I asked.

  “Emile Cardonas. You did exactly what I needed you to do after I hired you, and I was able to hunt him down. I’ve always been a fan of the garrote. It’s not used nearly enough in my estimation.”

  “It certainly isn’t something you’d want to use if you want an open casket,” I quipped. Emile’s face was a bruised purple and his staring eyes bulged out.

  I waited until there was a break in traffic and then pulled out.“I hate to break this to you, but I’m kind of the star of the show. People are going to notice if I’m missing.”

  “Nobody is going to notice anything,” he said. “I need a ride to Whiskey Bayou. If I drove back in myself someone would notice. That place is swarming with agents. All I need is a distraction so I can get in and out, and then disappear for a little while.”

  “Why do you need to go back? Especially if you know they’re looking for you?”

  “I left a little insurance behind. I had to leave town rather sudden and didn’t get to pack for the trip. And for some reason, people are more interested in my whereabouts than usual. I have a feeling I have you to thank for that. I haven’t been able to take a crap in that town this week without someone knowing about it.”