“I remembered,” he said. Stepping back, he took my hand and led me back into the house. “Staring at the ocean view for you this morning. I made you some migas. You can eat them on the way.” He snagged his keys from the counter and handed me a foil wrapped packet. The rich aroma of eggs, salsa, tortilla chips and cheddar made my stomach grumble and my mouth water.
“Wait…” I tugged my hand free. “I need my shoes.”
“Oh, so you do.” He flashed me a grin that made me forget about the eggs. “They’re next to the dresser. You left them in the doorway. I nearly tripped on them on my way to the kitchen.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled and dashed to retrieve them. When I returned, his eyes blazed with intensity. “What is it?” I asked.
“Just this.” He reached for me, reeling me in for a sound kiss, his fingers warm against the back of my neck.
“I haven’t brushed my teeth,” I protested, glancing down at the floor. My chest rose and fell to try to keep pace with my racing heart.
“You taste like sex. I hate like hell that I’ll have to wait until later to make love to you again.”
I seized upon those words. At the level of commitment they implied.
“Me, too,” I admitted, cheeks warm. “It will have to be much later, though I have a busy day ahead of me. I’m going to visit Dominic’s dad after surf class.”
“Mind if I tag along for the day?”
“No, not at all.” My troubled heart took flight.
“Great.” His lips curved. “Eat up. You’re going to need your strength for much later.”
Chapter Fifty-One
Ramon
“About time you picked up,” I chastised Ash, leaning against the hood of the Explorer as I watched Karen and her pupils. I could tell that at least one precocious blond boy had a big crush on my surfer girl.
“You sound out of breath. Did I interrupt something?”
“Wouldn’t share deets with you if I did, Martinez. Not that there has been much action on that front since my diagnosis.”
“I hear you.” Not many knew about Ash’s HIV status and its role in the Dogs’ demise. “But you’ve still got the moves, I’m sure things aren’t as bleak as you’re implying.”
“Again, none of your business.”
Maybe he was that lonely after all. I decided not to press him on the point.
“Anyway, you were wondering why I’m out of breath. Just got finished chasing your Laker’s girl halfway across OB.”
“Geez, you still haven’t caught her?”
“No. She’s sneaky. Probably has to be living on the streets. There’s a group of toughs with an unhealthy interest in her.”
“Yeah, I’ve run into them. Don’t take them on without back up.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. I think I’ve got her figured out, though. She keeps leading me away from the pier every time I get close. I think maybe she’s hiding something back there. If I can find it, I’ll just let her come to me.”
I lifted a brow. “Sounds like a solid plan.”
“I thought so. Then again, I was always the brains in the group.”
I snorted. “A regular Einstein.”
“You know it. So what’s on your mind? What’s got you lighting up my call log?”
“Why the hell did you give that talent rep from Black Cat Records my cell number?”
“Oh, Vanessa’s being a pain in your ass now, huh?”
“Absofuckinglutely.”
“I’m not surprised that she’s interested. That impromptu Deck Bar performance made a lot of people take notice. Diesel claims that he and you have an albums’ worth of decent material. That you two might be ready to put a band together.”
“It’s nothing really. A bunch of riffs. A couple of sheets of lyrics.”
“That’s not nothing.”
I didn’t say anything.
“You want a little help with it, or are you really not interested in starting over again?”
“You want the truth?” I ran a hand through my hair, my gaze drawn back to Karen. “I’d like a second chance with a lot of things.”
“I knew it.”
“Just not with Black Cat.”
“I’ve heard nothing but good things about Mary Timmons.”
I had too, except from her rival, Charles Morris the head of Zenith, our old label. But I saw that for what it was—pure competitive jealousy.
“If you want a real shot to the top, she’s got the resources.”
“Maybe, Ash, but that’s not exactly what I’m looking for.”
“So what is?”
Karen laughed at the little boy and ruffled his hair. I wanted her. I wanted her pregnant with our baby. I wanted her as happy as I could make her.
“I’m not ready to give music up. The creativity. The performing. I still love those things. But I don’t need to be at the top of the charts. I’m not willing to sell my soul to get there anymore. Fuck that shit.”
“So what’re you saying?”
“I’m saying, I’d like you to take a look at what I’ve got. I trust your judgment. Hell, I’d trust you with my life, man.”
“Really, Martinez. It’s too early in the morning for heavy shit like this.”
“No, it’s not. You shouldn’t waste the chance to let the people you care about know how you really feel.”
“Agreed. And for the record, it’s ditto on my side.”
* * *
I moved up behind her as she sprayed down equipment in the alley behind the surf shop. Peeling back the collar of her Mona’s Surf Shop polo, I pressed a kiss onto her neck.
She sighed, leaning her head against my shoulder.
“Let me do the rest of this. You take a load off.”
“Alright.”
She didn’t protest but there was a tightness around her eyes that had appeared when she’d noticed me on the phone with Ash, and it hadn’t left them. “That little guy ran you ragged the whole lesson.”
“I don’t mind. He’s cute.”
“You’re a sucker for cute, obviously.” I lifted a brow and gave her an imperious look.
“I guess so.” She played along.
“He only gives you a hard time because he’s infatuated with you.”
She gave that some thought. “Maybe.”
“Definitely. Don’t you remember how I used to tease you all the time?”
She nodded.
“Case in point.”
“I thought that was because you hated me.”
“You knew better, you little vixen. Every time I saw you in that red bikini I had to go jack off in the shower.”
“Ramon.” She looked around as if someone might have overheard. I dropped the hose in the holder and moved toward her.
“If you model it for me later,” I grinned, “I might even let you watch.”
Her cheeks turned bright pink. I kissed her stunned lips and then shook the wet suit over her head.
“Ramon!” she complained.
“Just cooling you down. You looked like you were getting a little hot.”
Chapter Fifty-Two
Karen
Apparently he was trying to drive me insane today. I tried to play along. I told myself to enjoy the attention and not worry about who he might have been talking to on the phone while I had been teaching my class. But I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to be one of his chicas. He hadn’t been treating me like I was lately. He had been treating me carefully and kindly like I was everything. But if it was only pity for the widow that had swayed him, it wouldn’t last.
Morose thoughts ran through my head as I approached the front door of my house, Ramon trailing behind me.
“Hey, Mom.” I opened the door with my key. “I’m home. Where are you?” She peeked out over the railing from upstairs.
“I’ll be right down. The dinners are in the fridge. Just give me a minute to get your dad squared away.”
“Alright.” I went to the kitchen and started taking out
the plastic containers which Ramon stuffed into a paper grocery bag she had left out on the kitchen table. I could feel him watching me.
“Hi, sweetie.” My mom appeared, looking weary. She kissed me on the cheek.
“How’s dad doing?” I queried.
“He’s not having a good day.”
I frowned. He had mostly good ones since I’d been home. I had hoped it was because of me. I suddenly felt guilty for spending so much time with Ramon. “I’ll go up and see him.”
“I really wish you wouldn’t.”
“Why’s that?”
“It might just irritate him more. He gets so frustrated when he’s confused.”
“It’s ok. I’ll risk it for a hug. And I’ll leave right away if he doesn’t want to talk.”
She nodded. I squeezed her hand, leaving her and Ramon to pack the rest of the food.
My dad lay in bed in his pajamas, staring at the television.
“Hey,” I said carefully, feeling a twinge in my chest when he turned and gave me a blank look. I crossed to him and embraced him. Did he not know me?
“Don’t think your sweet hugs are going to make me change my mind, Sunshine.” I let out a relieved breath. “You need to go back to school. Dominic is a nice boy, but he’s only the first one you’ve been seriously interested in, and you’re so young. Get your degree. If you’re still in love when you graduate, then you can get married.” Symptomatic of the disease, his mind had retreated to the past.
My mom had warned me that when he got like this it was best to play along. “Yes, Daddy,” I responded gently. “That’s good advice.”
“Why won’t you listen? Why won’t she listen, Linette?” He spoke to an empty space by the wall, as if my mom were standing right there. “She was such a good girl until those boys in the band starting coming around.”
Shit. I backed slowly out of the room, my eyes blurring as I did. I hated to see this happening to my dad, watching him disappear right before my eyes.
He had always been there for me.
He had always been the strong one.
It was my turn now.
I swiped the tears from my face at the bottom of the stairs. Pasting on a determined smile, I entered the kitchen, interrupting my mom and Ramon. Sitting across from each other, they had apparently been deep in conversation. They stood together and searched my face.
My mom broke the silence. “You shouldn’t have gone up. Now you’re upset, too.”
“I am,” I admitted. “But it’s ok. This isn’t something you can shelter me from, Mom. I know you want to protect me, but we’re family. We’ll see this through together.”
Why did that sentiment sound so much like what Ramon had told me about our past?
Was it because we were friends building toward something more, the way I hoped? Or was I reading too much into things?
“I’ll be back later, Mom,” I informed her. “I’ll help. This is too much for you to take on alone.”
“It’s not. I love him, sweetie. For better or worse. That’s what we promised. This is a rough spot. Another step down. He may stabilize at this level for a while. That’s the way the disease works. We talked about this already,” she said gently. “We both want you to live your life.” She glanced at Ramon, leaving me to wonder yet again what they had been talking about.
“Alright, Mom. But call me if you need me. After seeing Dominic’s dad today, I have no more commitments.”
“I think you do.” She smiled softly, eyes on Ramon, who had picked up the grocery bag and moved to my side.
* * *
“Hey, pretty Karen.” Franklin shuffled to the door. His back must have been bothering him. He often overdid it in the yard. Eyes that were dulled with pain brightened when he saw Ramon with me.
“What a nice surprise.” He didn’t mention Ramon’s absence since the funeral. Ramon visibly relaxed. He had been uncertain. He shouldn’t have been. I had tried to tell him it would be ok, that Dominic’s dad held no animosity toward him, but sometimes you just had to find things out for yourself.
“Come in.” The older man held open the door.
“I’ll put these up.” I turned toward the kitchen. “I know where everything goes. I’ll meet you in the living room.”
It didn’t take me more than a few minutes to unpack and put everything inside his mostly empty refrigerator. I think he preferred my mom’s cooking over anything the supermarket had. I couldn’t blame him.
When I entered the living room, I caught Ramon bragging about my surf class. His pride in my minor accomplishment sent my feet floating off the ground. Ramon patted the spot beside him, and I could feel Franklin’s speculative gaze on me as I moved to take it.
“I knew that the little guy had a crush on her.” The former staff sergeant nodded. “I’m not surprised she didn’t notice.” His knowing gaze honed in on the two of us. “For some reason it’s often hardest to see the things that are right in front of you.” The old Marine smiled softly as Ramon laced his fingers with mine. “I wondered when you would finally let her know how you feel.”
“I…is this ok with you?” I asked.
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Franklin’s expression softened more. “I’m a tired old man. My boy, he’s gone. It is a loss that will never get easier to bear. But you are a vibrant young woman, Karen. I have told you many times that you should move on.”
“You were never able to.”
“Ah.” Pain flashed dark in his eyes. I leaned forward taking his hand in mine, recognizing the survivor’s guilt. “Passion like Mirabelle and I shared burns bright for as long as it endures.” He sandwiched my hand between the two of his, his gaze searching. “You loved your husband well. You have been good to me. Don’t you think it is your turn to find love again?”
I closed my eyes, wishing that it could be true for Ramon and me, hoping if I offered him the whole of myself that he would take it. When I reopened my eyes and refocused, Franklin nodded approvingly.
“Good. Sometimes the Lord takes, and he doesn’t give back, and we have to learn to be strong on our own. Sometimes he returns a blessing, one we weren’t expecting. You have been that to me, pretty Karen. I hope you two will learn to be that for each other.”
* * *
Ramon
As soon as we got back to the house, I sent Karen out to the deck. She had been quiet and contemplative since seeing her dad. If I hadn’t thought she needed to eat, I would’ve taken her surfing instead. I heated up leftover mole. I finished mine, but watched her push around her food for thirty minutes before I tried to get her to open up about it.
“How long ago did your dad get diagnosed?”
“About six months.” She continued staring out at the waves. “At first my mom was in denial claiming the cognitive tests were flawed. But when he got lost coming back from the grocery store several times in a row she had to face reality. I only wish I had come home sooner.” She looked down at her lap as if just remembering her food. “I’m not very hungry. I’m sorry.” She looked up at me. “You cooked. I’ll clean up.”
“Alright.” I could tell she was trying to stay busy to avoid talking about the painful subject. “That sounds like a deal. I’ll go down to the music room to play my guitar. If you change your mind and wanna talk I’m a pretty good listener.”
“I remember. Thanks, Ramon. It was good to have you around today.” There was a note of melancholy in her tone, but I let it slide since she seemed to need her own space for a while.
“I always enjoy spending time with you, Karen. Even if we don’t do anything more than stare at the ocean.”
With that truth out in the open, I padded downstairs, located a pencil and a steno, and started scribbling out some thoughts.
You put on your bravest face and wipe away a tear
You smile and say you love him so that he won’t see your fear
You smooth down his uniform and watch him march away
To his patriotic duty fighting for th
e U.S.A.
Now he’s far across the ocean and you can’t do a thing
But lay awake and worry waiting for the phone to ring
Dreading every day and every knock upon the door
While your bed at night lies empty like a hundred nights before.
No longer by your side
Even further from his mind
So put away your pride
You’re the one who’s left behind.
Cherub face and angel fingers fashioned by a master’s hand
Tiny feet to walk beside you forming footprints in the sand.
But some steps are never taken and some days never dawn
Somehow hold yourself together though your hopes for her are gone.
Your dreams are cast aside
To the corners of your mind
Go there now and hide
Cause you’re the one who’s left behind.
How can you pretend that everything’s the same
When the man you know as father can’t recall his daughter’s name?
When you send your prayers to heaven hoping someone there will hear
But your cries just fall on deaf ears as you watch him disappear.
He’s still by your side
But you’re no longer on his mind
It tears you up inside
To be the one who’s left behind.
Walking through your weary world
You soldier on alone
Where will you find the strength
To make it on your own?
You need them by your side
Now they’re only in your mind
Nowhere left to hide
You’re the one who’s left behind.
* * *
Karen
The dishes done, standing on the deck, I was worrying about my dad when the music began vibrating the sliding glass partition. It called me away from my concern and the ocean like a siren, one I couldn’t and didn’t even try to resist.
Riptide (Rock Stars, Surf and Second Chances Book 2) Page 25