Rose touched his arm. "Jacob…" She looked up into his somber face, and reached to touch his cheek. The way he looked at her always warmed her, even now. His love for her shone in his eyes, clearly. Even this news hadn’t changed that. "Oh, I didn’t want to worry you with this…but I didn’t want you to run off and maybe…it’s yours. I want you to be free, Jacob, I love you enough to let you go…so you can have some kind of life of your own, but I love you Jacob so much that I can’t stand the thought of you leavin’, either. It hurts me so to think you wouldn't be here. Even though you deserve the right to choose. My heart breaks every time I think about you may be leaving us. More than I can say. More than I can tell anyone. You’re a gentle man…so very caring, so kind…but…you’re a Negro too. And well…that could cause a lot of problems right now…Truth is…if anyone found out, they’d kill you, maybe even me. But I must say this to your face. If it is your baby…I'll be proud to have it."
Her tears were real and he took her in his arms and pulled her close. The light was dim in the shed and no one could see in, the windows were dirty and fogged up at the moment. Rose noted it in her mind as she held on to Jacob.
She closed her eyes, and for once, forgot about all the troubles, and the other people in the house, knowing she needed him to support her. He held her gently, his lips grazing the top of her head. She drew from his strength.
"Jacob, I don’t want to say this. You know it hurts me to say these things to you. I thought we could go on like we’ve been doin’, forever. But we cain’t. I realize that now. I was foolish to let it go on so long between us, but Jacob I couldn't help it. One day I looked at you, and I knew. I love you. It's that simple. I truly do. I don’t want to hurt you. I really do love you, but I can’t be with you as your wife. And that is what I really want to be, your wife. But even you must know that. And I know in your heart you’d marry me, if I asked you to. If it was legal. If it is your baby. Please understand this. If it is your baby…would you take care of her or him…and raise it?" She sobbed. "I mean…I wouldn’t know what to do…if…"
Jacob paced and then held her close once more, his hold of her tightening. With his big strong arms about her, she felt the security only Jacob could offer her, and with Mama gone, those arms meant so much more to her right now. No one made her feel as safe as Jacob. Yet, they weren’t safe. Not anymore.
"I ain’t never said this to a white woman before…to no woman before. You’re the only woman I ever had…and I love you so much that at times it hurts down to the bone that I can't make you mine. Nothing can change that. I seen this a long time ago, that it couldn’t work out right between us. But I couldn't deny what was in my heart. Wasn’t hard to see, but Miss Rose you gave me so much…of yourself. Your love is the most precious thing I own. Even though I prayed somehow things might work for us. Yet all the time, I knew. But…there’s no one else that would love me…give me what you do. I know it started out as playin’. A foolish lust, maybe…but then, somewhere along the way, it changed, for both of us. I ain’t sure when that happened, I just know that it did. I am a man and I need a woman for my own. That’s why I kept quiet. You are my woman, Miss Rose, and always have been. You're the woman in my heart, my life, my memory. Yes…Miss Rose, if it’s my baby, I’ll be more than proud to raise it, gladly and with pride. And I’ll love the baby even more, knowin’ that it is part of our love, together. It’s part of you. But…On one condition."
Rose raised tear stained eyes to his, her fear dissipating when he smiled into her face. "What condition?"
"Can I keep workin’ here and raise it here? We can make up something about whose baby it is…say its mama came and put him on my doorstep. But that way you could be around him or her and be a part of their life too." Jacob suggested. "That way you’d be there with us, too. Wouldn’t that work?"
Rose’s eyes widened. "Oh Jacob…Yes, Jacob, that’s a wonderful idea. Oh…I do love you so. And God help me, I hope it’s yours Jacob. I pray it is, because I love you so much. I knew you’d help me somehow. I just knew. My heart is crying though Jacob." She placed his hand to her heart. "Do you feel my heart? You have to know. You had to have felt my love all along. I’ve tried to show you in every way. You are so wise for a Negro man. And so strong. Right now…I need that strength. Oh Jacob, I wish this could be different…between us. I never once dreamed it could hurt so bad, to reject you like I have to. Oh why do people make such a fuss over the color of skin? Look at you Jacob, you're beautiful."
"That I don’t know. Because ever since I knowed you, even as a little boy, you never made no difference between us. That’s part of why I love you so much…because you see none. Where others do. But this is something we gots to work out right, because we got to think of the baby. So if it ain’t my baby, then I’ll be movin’ on so I can make a life for myself some where’s." Jacob didn't hide his tears now. "'Cause it would pain me to see you with a white family…and me with no one. Can you understand? Knowin’ how I feel, how you feel. We'd have to let go of each other and get on with our lives."
"Oh I would miss you so." Rose cried, grabbing him to her. "You know I would. Why…I’m not sure I could stand you goin’ away. Do you think it would come to that?"
"I wouldn’t want to go, Miss Rose. Lord knows, I don’t want to leave you, ever, but don’t misunderstand me. I only go so we can both have some sort of life. Besides, I couldn’t watch you with another man…not now, not after the things we’ve said to each other. You mean so much to me…and I want you to be happy, Miss Rose. So, it’s the only way." Jacob stood straight and tall, and smiled down into her face as his tears rolled down his cheek.
"I’ll never stop loving you. No matter what. You are in my heart forever, Jacob. You know that. You have to know that. Never in my life will I forget you. I love you too much."
She reached up and touched her lips to his. The kiss went on forever. Soft lips caressed her. It was a sweet kiss that told her how much he loved and adored her.
"Yes ma’am, I know you do." He pulled away to look into her eyes. "I think I knowed it long before you…how you loved me. It was in your eyes when you looked at me and I tried to resist you. I could see the hurt when I tried to push you away. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you every time. I did. I only pushed you away because I was afraid for ya. I loved you as a little girl, I loved you more as a woman and I'll keep on lovin' you till I die, but it ain’t to be, and you and I are both just kiddin’ourselves."
She bowed head. "This can’t be goodbye."
He stroked her hair, and then moved away. “No, it ain’t yet, but we’ll see. Lawd knows my heart is breaking with the thought of never being with you again."
"Oh, Jacob. Thank you for saying what you feel. Thank you for being so honest. It means so much to me. No matter what happens I'll carry that the rest of my life and into the grave. I know…what’s between us is real and good and clean, but only God can make things right. The country is torn because of people like us. But I cain’t not tell you how I feel in my heart. The day I let you touch me, just after I come into being a woman, I knew then that what was between us was stronger than anything in my life. From that moment, I knew I always wanted to be with you. But I knew others thought it wrong. I knew others wouldn’t want me to. You can carry that with you no matter where you go…no matter who else you might love. You’ve known me like no other. And what is between us is real…and for certain. You were my first love, and a woman never forgets her first love, no matter what."
He nodded, cried, and pulled her close. She held on to him for a long time, listening to the rain, and feeling his tears soaking into hers, his heart thundering against her own. Finally, she raised her head off his shoulder and stared into his beautiful black eyes. "Why is it so wrong for us to love?"
"Love is never wrong, Missy. It’s God given. But…sometimes…things just won’t work out. No matter how hard we try. And this…it cain't work out, even though we love each other to the bone.”
She nodded, h
er tears pouring freely down her cheek as she stared into his eyes. "I’ll probably marry Hank…but please…" She touched his hand. "Remember you are my love."
His smile faded, but the touch of her lips made him close his eyes and cry again. The kiss went on branding itself into her heart and mind, until he tore his mouth from hers with such passion.
"Mr. Hank is a good man. You'll make a good life. And if I has to give you up, I'm glad it's someone I knowed will be good to you."
"Oh Jacob…my heart’s breaking."
She turned and walked back into the house, looking back just once as Jacob went to his place in the barn.
Miss Rose had finally grown up, she sighed heavily.
Chapter Twelve
Late at night, just before the spring of ‘64 a noise woke Josey. She got up, and tiptoed through the cold house to check the door. She heard the noise again. She asked who was outside, but no one answered her.
She crept toward the door pulling her robe tighter around her. "It’s Talbot." A man hollered from the porch.
"Talbot? Well…what do you want?" Josey called through the door, trying not to tremble, as she couldn’t place the name.
"Let me in…they’re after me," he yelled roughly.
"I don’t know you," she returned. "I mean…it’s late…and I don’t know you that well…"
"Shore you do, I made the repairs on that buggy some time ago fer your mother."
"Wh-what do you want…at this hour?" Josey hesitated opening the door.
"They‘re after me. If you don’t open up, they’ll catch me and kill me." Desperation colored his voice.
Josey slowly slid the lock and opened the door, peeking out to look at the man as she held her father’s old pistol. She’d had a habit of grabbing it every time there was a ruckus. She usually hid it under her skirt, but this time she aimed it. Little good it would do, without proper bullets, but the man didn’t know that.
He stood in the darkness of pre-dawn, wounded, he had a gun, but it wasn’t aimed at her so Josey lowered hers. She thought she recognized him and so finally opened the door and bade him come in. His clothes were tattered as though he had snagged them on a bush or something. His shirt was bloodied.
"What do you want here, Mr. Talbot?" She asked staring at the man’s bleeding arm. She watched the blood run down his forearm to the tips of his fingers and onto the floor.
From habit, she got a cloth and wiped the mess up. Then she tried to find something to bandage the wound. She ran into her bedroom and found a rag she had cut from an old slip. She came out and immediately tied a knot on his arm to stop the flow. Looking into his pain filled eyes, she shook her head.
"Whatever you are running from can’t be good," She already knew what he might say could put her and her family in danger.
"Hide me out…can you?" His plea was genuine.
"From whom?" Josey wanted to know, wanting to take the gun from his side, but still cautious enough not to scare the man into doing something foolish. Times were desperate and men did things that were unspeakable.
"Damn Rangers. I refused to join up and they pert near kilt me." He huffed looking at Josey, his eyes wild with fear. "Said it was my duty to join the Confederate cause. That every man should join. Well you know how they are, you've dealt with them before."
"I heard they were tryin’ to pass some law or make it a law that every able bodied man had to join." Josey nodded, with immediate understanding, but still realizing the danger it would put her and her family in, she grimaced. "I also heard they passed some kind of law, sayin’ anyone harboring an able bodied man that could join would be thrown in prison. I didn’t believe all I heard, till now." She said staring at the man with renewed interest. "Used to be this country had a choice."
"Yeah…before we left the Union, we did." He answered swiftly.
"You could get us all in trouble here, Mr. Talbot." She winced. "Are you a Union sympathizer too?"
"Yes ma'am. But what you gonna do, let a man die in your house because you wouldn’t help him?" His question hung in the air as he dropped the gun in his hand.
"What is going on in here?" Rose demanded to know as she came into the room. The man looked at her with curious intention.
"Sorry." He said and slid to the floor, he had lost too much blood.
Josey reached to help him up. She and Rose managed to drag him to a kitchen chair and his face fell against the table.
"He’s lost a lot of blood. Look how pale he is."
"Yes. We’ll bandage him up, but we got to get him out of here." Josey insisted.
"But he’s hurt. We can’t just throw him out, what’s he done?" Rose demanded, her eyes searching the man.
"He refused to enlist, and we can all be in trouble if we take him in. He admitted he is a Union sympathizer. That alone could put us in trouble."
Rose stared at her for the first time that day. "Josey, I can’t believe you’d let a man die…"
"I ain’t as man crazy as you are." Josey knew she sounded catty, but she was tired from all the work about the place and unable to face another problem. Now, this man came to her home and wanted refuge. How could she let him endanger all their lives, for his? She had to protect them now, as her mother would do. She had to be strong.
"Go get the others, we need to talk this over, and decide what to do." Josey instructed Rose.
Rose nodded not objecting to her bossiness for once. She ran to the barn, pulling her robe about her as the wind blew against her. "Hank…Hank…" She called almost hysterically.
~*~
Hank heard Rose calling, pulled his pants on at the same time. "What is it, Rose?"
"There’s a man at the house…he’s hurt. We need all of you up at the house."
Hank nodded. "Okay, I’ll get the others, we’ll be right up." Hank shook the sleep away and went to get the others.
Rousted out of their soft-hayed beds, George and Jacob followed Hank up to the house after putting their clothes on. All of them gathered around the kitchen table to look at the man there. George recognized him and Hank glared at him curiously.
"That’s Joe Talbot. What’s going on?" Hank demanded to know in a voice even Josey didn’t recognize. Hank quickly took control of the matter. For once Josey didn’t resist the idea of someone else handling things. She was bone weary from carrying the load since her mother had died.
"He said the Rangers are after him to enlist. He refused and they shot him. He got away as far as here. But he needs to hide out. If we hide him, we could be in trouble."
Hank nodded. "Your right about that. They took in some abolitionist sympathizers the other day. Heard tell they went to prison for it too."
Rose touched Hank’s arm. "What do you think we should do?"
"The man’s hurt," Jacob wailed. "We got to fix him up. Lord knows, Mrs. Anderson would."
"Okay, so we’ll fix him up and turn him lose. We don’t need no Rangers coming here. We need to stay out of this dern war if we kin." George blurted out as he frowned at the slumping man. "It’s getting mighty hard to stay out of it though. With soldiers comin’ up in the yard and men running from the same."
Hank nodded. "I agree. We’ll patch him up and get him as far away from the farm as we kin without getting shot ourselves."
"They probably aren’t far behind him." Josey run to look out the window.
"That’s true too. Okay, let’s get him patched up, the best we can, and then me and George will take him out and dump him somewhere safe like." Hank ordered.
"You want to put him on Hard Tack?" Rose asked.
"Yeah, one of us should take him, and the other could wipe away the tracks. Okay, get him fixed as fast as you can. Then we’ll get him out of here. If anyone comes just play innocent. What can they do, they have to prove something, but make sure you wipe all the blood up good." Hank told the girls.
He went outside and readied Hard Tack for the ride. Seeing that Mr. Talbot couldn’t sit so easy, George mounted Hard Tack and Ha
nk threw Mr. Talbot up with him. Hank then followed behind on foot to wipe away any tracks they might make in the ground. He pulled a rotting limb from one of the trees and began scratching about in the dirt to cover the tracks.
"Where we takin’ him, Hank?" George wanted to know.
"There’s an old railroad shack down about five or six miles, abandoned for some time. We’ll take him there. The shack won’t hide him, but there is a secret cave I know about and we’ll put him in there. They’ll never find him. Not many people even know the cave is there. If Talbot comes to, he won’t know where he is, but if he has any sense he’ll stay there."
The girls came running out of the house. "Here’s some cornbread and a canteen. Not much, but it’s all we got right now. This will keep him from starvin’ for a while."
"Good thinkin’ Rose." Hank winked at them both.
He looked at them and frowned. “Best you two get back to bed. If they come you don’t need to be up and about. That would make us look suspicious.”
"What about me, what ya want me to do?" Jacob asked searching Hank’s face.
"You stay here with the girls. If those Rangers get too inquisitive, you get your gun, you hear. And don’t hesitate to shoot Jacob. Just pull the trigger."
Jacob nodded. "I kin do that," Jacob said. "Now hurry on."
In just a few minutes, Hank and George, and Hard Tack disappeared through the brush, and the girls satisfied that they got away, went back inside. Jacob said he’d sleep on the porch though, just in case the Rangers came through. It comforted them both knowing he was there.
~*~
The next morning the sound of horse hoofs in the yard awakened Jacob. He got up and went to the front of the porch. He stood tall and defending. He knew he intimidated the scrawny Ranger on horseback and it made Jacob almost smile.
"Boy, where are the folks that live here?" The Ranger with the fancy suit asked. Jacob frowned.
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