Josey stared again, and then looked out over the land. "Do I still have Leroy? Then where is he?"
"Honey, this old war is the cause, but he’ll come back, you’ll see."
Josey stared at Rose a long time, then squeezed her hand and smiled sadly.
"Hank’s done a fine job with the farm." Josey changed the subject.
"He’s the best farmer that ever was," Rose exclaimed.
"He’s a good daddy too." Josey insisted.
"The best," Rose agreed.
"But you still…after all this time…after all we’ve been through, you still love Jacob?"
Rose took her hand again and rubbed it absently in her lap. "Jacob and I will never make love again. He's gone, he's the past. You don’t turn love on and off, Josey. At least I don’t. I’m not that frivolous. But Josey, I put Jacob where he belongs…in the past. Hank is my future and I know that now. Only Hank. And Leroy is yours. Just be happy you have someone to love, Josey. And don't worry about me. I got all my priorities straight now. Hank is my husband and I'll never cheat on him. Do you understand that? God gave me another life, and I'm living it Josey, partly because of you, and partly because of Hank."
“Don’t you think that’s cheating Hank to love Jacob?” Josey asked quite sullenly.
"No…because I intend to spend the rest of my life proving to Hank, how much I care. I can’t help it, Josey, I love two men. And I always will. Hank will always have my love, because I chose to give it to him. I love Hank, Josey. I have room in my heart for them both. But I can’t have them both. I realize that now. And I can be monstrously happy with Hank. Hank pleases me in every way. I’ll always be true to him too. Because the only other man I ever loved was Jacob, and he’s gone. I’ll never see him again. No matter what. Jacob was my first love, but Hank is my last. And now, I realize that it could never work for Jacob and I. Never…and God gave me Hank to love. And for the first time in my life, I’m happy. Hank will keep me happy, I know that too. He loves me that much. We’ll get along just fine, Josey. I’ll make a good wife for him, because now, I know how to. And you…you’ve got to bone up and get tough. Leroy is your love and you will have him. God loves us both Josey. Remember that."
Josey closed her eyes. "But what if he finds out I can’t have children."
"Well, of course he’ll find out, you’re his wife and you’ll have to tell him. Remember, the truth shall set you free. You were right about that. I'm so happy I confessed everything to Hank."
Josey stood up. "Tell him—I was raped, left for dead and now I can’t have his children? What if he doesn’t love me that much?"
Rose stood up and slapped Josey on the cheek, then gripped her chin and frowned. "Don’t ever say that again. Leroy loves you like no other. He’s your true love and you know it. And a man that really loves a woman won’t care if there are children or not. You’ve got to have faith in your man Josey. And…you've got to have faith in God."
Josey stared at her sister and tears began to fall.
"What makes you so sure, Rose?"
Rose took her trembling hands and held her at arm’s length. "Because he loves you. He didn’t marry you just so you could have a house full of kids. He married you because he loves you."
She tried to smile, but it fell short.
"All these years, I’ve been thinking I was the smart one around here, and now look at you. You are telling me how to think…if that don’t beat all."
"Well, sometimes the tide turns. I’ve learned a lot since this old war started. Not that I agree with it. But I did learn a lot. I’ve grown up some too."
"Mama would be so proud of you, Rose." Josey did smile now. "I miss her every day."
Rose choked up.
"Me too!"
Chapter Twenty-One
"Savannah is burning as we speak…"
The general looked out at crowd of soldiers.
"Is the war over?" Someone asked from the far corner of the crowd.
"Not officially, but it’s only a matter of time, we fear," the general admitted, his head falling. His expression somber.
"What does this mean, then?" Another asked.
Leroy listened to them talk and wondered how many more days would there be of this ugly war. A war that ripped people apart and left them for dead. He glanced down at his wooden leg, attached at the knee. He was a sight.
He closed his eyes and visions of Josey came into his head. He smiled, thinking about her, her beauty and innocence. Then reality flooded his mind and he could almost cry out at the pain it brought him. How could he be a man now?
His corporal came up to him out of nowhere, standing there in front of him with no right arm, a patched up leg, and a head wound. He glanced down at himself and realized he had been feeling sorry for himself.
"Yes Corporal, what is it?"
"Nothing sir…except…well, when this is all over…are you going home?"
The young corporal who had been at his side more times than he could count now stood unsure of himself too and Leroy recognized his fear.
"I’m not sure, why?"
"I was thinking about things. I got a girl…well, I love her, but…now I’m a mess and I just don’t know if she’ll have me like I am. I don’t know if I have the right to ask her to be my wife when I can’t load my own gun, or write my own letters. I wanted to ask you…because I knew you were probably worrying about the same things."
Leroy smiled sadly.
"You’re right of course. I have been contemplating the same thing."
"I guess I’m scared to face her, looking like I do."
Leroy came to stand beside him now. He placed his arm around the young man, and looked at the wet soggy ground. "Son, it will take more guts to face her with the truth, than without, but the rewards could be outstanding."
The young corporal smiled. "Yes sir, I guess you’re right. I mean, if I don’t, I’ll never know, will I?"
"That’s right," Leroy said, wishing he could will himself to feel so positive.
"Thank you sir…you answered my question. I been medically discharged and I’m going home."
"That’s wonderful. Where is home?" Leroy asked.
"The other side of Houston, sir."
"Well then, good luck Corporal, and remember…keep your head up."
"Yes sir." He saluted him. "Goodbye sir, it was a pleasure to serve under you."
Leroy stared at him for a moment. "You can say that, even with the wounds you’ve suffered?"
"Yes sir…goodbye sir." The soldier had tears in his eyes, but he saluted him again.
"Goodbye Corporal and best of luck to you."
~*~
Two days later the commander was speaking again.
"Is it over sir?" One soldier standing off to the side with a bandaged leg and head asked the general.
"I will in fact tell you of the events. General Lee met General Grant at the McLean farmhouse, at Appomattox on April 9th around five o’clock in the morning.
"Gentlemen, if you will, General Grant posed as an average looking citizen of the Federals. Being a rather short man of five-foot-eight, and not wearing his medals all over his chest, he sat at a marble table only ten feet from General Lee.
"On the other hand, General Lee garbed in his finest suit, with his sword by his side, addressed General Grant, standing at, at least six foot with gray hair and beard. He was tall and straight where Grant was short and stooped. Once the surrender was signed, General Lee, your commanding officer, went to stand on the porch where he awaited his horse to be brought around. General Grant authorized that no officer would give up his horse or sword. However, as your general stood gazing out over his army, with a sadness that even the Federals had to respect, they saluted him, and he rode out proudly to tell his troops. Gentlemen, the war, is indeed over."
Hats went flying everywhere, as some danced to a quick jig. Others somberly stood about wondering what they might do next. Where would they go?
Leroy was leaning agains
t a tree, grimacing as he thought of going home to Josey, his perfect and beautiful young wife. How could he return to her now that he’d lost his left leg in the last battle?
Sadness gripped his heart.
Perhaps he should find a new home, go west, and never look back, but the thought of never seeing Josey again nearly killed him. He’d rather bear her scorn than never see her again, never hear her voice.
He needed some time to think and plan. He wasn’t the kind to do irrational things.
He glanced at the wooden leg that they had given him, and grimaced. How did a man deal with such a thing? How could he bare to tell his beloved of his monstrous injury?
He listened to several men who stood around talking about the aftermaths of war and what they should do.
"Never thought I’d see the day when General Lee would surrender."
"Neither did I, but…well, I guess someone had to stop this danged war, and I’m sorta glad he did."
"Wonder what it means for us?” another asked.
The first man looked about him, the battlefield bare, and no bodies lining the fields. No burial detail working overtime. "Well, I reckon the slaves will go free now."
"I ain’t got any slaves." one of them piped.
"So who’s gonna pick my cotton now?" another asked.
"Seems like all for nothing," a young solider said sadly. "I lost three brothers in this danged war, and all for nothing."
The oldest soldier shook his head. "No, not nothing. Any man that fought in this war died a hero. Don’t matter which side you fought on or what you think. It weren’t for nothin’."
"Do we all go home?" the young soldier asked.
"I imagine so…just a matter of time now."
Leroy hadn’t moved an inch. Rain dripped from the tents with annoying regularity. The weather matched Leroy’s mood. Going home. How could he possibly go home now? How could he face them all? How much good would he be at home?
Who would want him?
Every morbid thought surrounded him once more. Then he remembered the corporal.
He shared a tent with several other wounded officers. As they all sat around with long faces, they talked about the war. Leroy had one of the worst of the wounds, but he seldom let anyone know how it affected him. Up until this date he had kept up a cheerful attitude. Now, faced with a decision whether to go home or not, he felt his own doom.
"Guess you can’t wait to go home to that pretty little gal of yours, huh, Lieutenant?" One of the officers asked him.
Leroy nodded. "Yeah…I suppose so."
"Wish I had a pretty little gal to go home to. You should see my wife.”
They all laughed.
Then the man added, more seriously. "Still, it's nice to have a woman to snuggle up to at night, I've sure missed that."
Leroy tried to lighten his mood by joining in on the conversation, but the pain of not seeing his Josey was killing him.
Despite the fact that he was now disabled, he dreaded her rejection when she saw the wooden peg leg.
How attractive was that.
He had contemplated having someone send a letter saying he had been killed. Still that would be too cruel. She would assume that anyway if he didn’t come back.
He worried about what she would do. How she’d make out. If she’d remarry. It was simply too painful to think on.
He lay in his bunk and closed his eyes. Visions of Josey danced before him. It was no use, no matter what he did, he always saw her. He could never forget her, but was he man enough to face her rejection?
The constant drizzle led him to sleep, and dreams of his sweet Josey.
~*~
He was hundreds of miles from home; he’d have to march all the way, unless he could find a horse somewhere, his own shot from under him.
The next day the camp was all a buzz. Orders to disband and go home came and the camp had to be torn down.
One of his commanding officers came up to him. "Lieutenant Van Houghton, I’ve found a horse for your return home. And God’s speed."
Leroy looked at him with surprise. "Thank you sir, you shouldn’t have."
"Nonsense, you can’t go home on foot, now take it and don’t fret, you've earned it son."
Leroy watched this short stout man march away and smiled. He’d met some of the finest men in his life in the service and he hated saying goodbye to them all.
Most of the men were glad to be going home. Still, it wasn’t the victorious march they had wanted. This time none of them felt too eager to gallop home. A lot of the wounded had to be transported by trains where their families would meet them. Leroy thought himself lucky on that score.
One troop began marching out right after breakfast, and they were whistling “Dixie” as they went. Country boys, Leroy smiled.
After saying goodbye to his troops, he mounted his horse and began the long trek home. Yet never had it dawned on him how easily he could still mount, how long he could still march. He had overlooked the fact that his capacity for doing was still almost equal to his men. As he rode he developed an idea that suited him well, and picked up speed. He could hide out close to home for a while, and see how things were. He might even catch sight of his beautiful Josey.
April showers continued to poor off the brims of their hats. The weather was tolerable as the breezes were still cool. He traveled many miles over rough terrains to get home, and as he got closer he felt a surge of happiness escaping him. Two weeks of traveling, but as soon as the Red River was in sight he felt some tension ease from his body.
He camped at the old Potter farm. The farm had been abandoned some time ago. It was dry and warm and he found the leavings of a bed there. He slept through the first night home without seeing his Josey.
Hungry and tired, he hadn’t had any food in a couple of days. He set about making a trap to get him something to eat. Long about sundown when he caught a nice size rabbit and roasted him on the hearth.
He bit into the rabbit that evening with a vengeance. He later found pieces of an old looking glass and saw his own reflection. He gasped. Dirty and bearded, he didn’t look at all like the handsome soldier that had left this area three years ago.
He certainly wasn’t the same man.
He’d seen much too much death and pain.
However, not having a razor he couldn’t do much. He had an old pocketknife, and decided the next day to sharpen it and try to shave.
Two days had gone by and he still hadn’t seen his lovely wife.
The next day he heard a noise outside and readied his gun. He glanced out the window and saw nothing. So he walked outside. A bullet at his feet stopped him. "Well, now a Johnny Reb…"
Two men of opposite heights approached, both in blue uniforms. One was young and slender, the other older and heavier. Both wore beards and dust-covered clothes that were tattered like his own.
Leroy didn’t move. "Gentlemen, in case you haven’t heard, the war is over."
"Oh we heard all right. But don’t make much never mind to us, we lost a lot of friends in the war, mister. And they weren’t wearing no gray uniforms either." The oldest man said as he neared Leroy.
"I’m sorry for your loss, but the war is at an end. We are no longer fighting," Leroy said again.
"That’s a matter of opinion," the young kid with the crooked teeth said.
The other fella attacked him physically and Leroy went down with a crash. When the Federal saw the wooden leg, he jumped up and shook himself. "Guess you came along some hard times too, mister."
The youngest man looked down to the ground, as though ashamed of their actions and statement. "We’ll be moving along now."
"Wait," Leroy shouted out. "You wanted a fight…I’ll give you one. I’m still every inch a man."
"Yes sir, you probably are…but I reckon seein’ that…" He pointed to his leg. "I reckon that reminds us that both sides were hurtin’. We don’t want to fight you. It looks like you done a heap of that already."
"Yo
u refuse to let me prove myself?" They looked at each other.
The younger man got off his horse. "I don’t see the point, but I’ll oblige ya," he said and took a swing at Leroy so quick, Leroy forgot to duck.
On and on they went punching, jabbing, cutting each other down to the ground, and finally Leroy got in one good punch and floored the kid.
Leroy felt triumphant. He helped the young man up and shook his hand. "Thanks," Leroy said with a smile.
"Any time." The kid tried to smile and grabbed his jaw.
When they rode off, Leroy felt a surge of his old self coming back.
He looked about the place. If he was going to go home, he needed to be able to do something for himself. He couldn’t pity himself for the rest of his life. Josey didn’t want a coward on her hands.
He’d teach himself to work, so when he went home he could hold his head up proudly.
After he rested that evening he decided to try to plow up the place tomorrow and see what he could do.
Josey was worth paying any price for and he wouldn’t give her up because of his leg. The next day he took his horse and made a make shift plow and he plowed several rows before night fall. He stood back and looked at his work. They weren’t real even, but they resembled a field.
The following day he chopped wood and carried it inside to the fire. He caught another rabbit and cooked it over the open fire. Satisfied he could do for himself. He was still very much a man.
After two days of working, he decided to go see his family.
He headed to his childhood home first, why he didn’t know, but he reckoned he was putting off seeing Josey just yet. He figured going there might help reinforce his eagerness to do for himself. He was right.
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