by Sara Foster
‘Wow,’ he said. ‘Chloe, you look superb.’
‘Thank you,’ she replied, beaming.
Mark held his arm out and she slipped her hand through it. Then they turned and made their way up towards the light and noise.
The dinner, awards and speechmaking were uneventful, though by the time they had finished, Mark’s head was humming from the champagne he’d slugged back with each toast. As the tables broke up to become informal groups of animated conversation, a swing band struck up and people began to dance. Mark followed Chloe over to the bar, and with freshly topped-up glasses they stood in front of a red and gold strewn Christmas tree, the tip of which stroked the high-vaulted ceiling, and watched the festivities around them.
There was a lot Mark wanted to say to Chloe as he watched her sip her drink and gaze about her. Yet he couldn’t find the words to begin, nor could he work out the phrasing in his head.
As they stood there in silence he saw his father approaching, with another man in tow.
‘Mark! Chloe!’ said his father in his usual booming voice. ‘This is Risto Kiesi, he’s taking over from Pamela in family law when she goes on maternity leave. You’ll be having a lot to do with him, Chloe.’
Mark sized up Risto as the other man proffered his hand. He had a mop of curly brown hair and deep-etched laughter lines. Mark reached out and they shook hands, brisk and businesslike.
Risto then turned and said, ‘Chloe’, and again offered his hand, but as she took it he held on to it as he said, ‘It’s very nice to meet you,’ in a tone that was almost too genuine. Mark studied the grip of Risto’s hand on Chloe’s, until it was broken.
‘Likewise,’ Chloe said. ‘I’m looking forward to working with you.’
Risto smiled. ‘Oh, me too.’
‘Chloe!’ Henry butted in, watching them, the proud benefactor of these exchanges. ‘You look wonderful tonight, my dear.’
‘Thank you,’ Chloe said mildly, then there was a pause. Mark knew Chloe was awed and a little frightened by Henry. He had no doubt that Henry was aware of that too, but his father seemed to bask in the fact like a cat in sunshine, lingering longer than was strictly necessary.
‘Would you like to dance, Chloe?’ Risto interjected easily.
Mark’s heart sank. Chloe looked at the packed dance floor then laughed and said, ‘Yes, okay.’ And Mark could only watch as she followed Risto and they joined the jostling crowd. He caught glimpses of her now and again as Risto moved easily around the dance floor, whirling Chloe with him.
Henry stayed by Mark’s side, but his gaze was in the same direction as his son’s. ‘Those two have taken a shine to one another,’ he said. ‘Risto is a brilliant lawyer, I’ve long admired him. We’ve had to promise we’ll keep him on if Pamela comes back, but I doubt there’ll be a problem, hardly any of them can hack it once they’ve started down the family road. His curriculum vitae shows he’s worked with some impressive names; no doubt he’ll be filling the coffers a bit as well.’
Mark said nothing.
‘Better circulate, then,’ Henry said. ‘Wouldn’t do you any harm either, Mark.’
Mark cast a quick glance towards his father, who was waiting expectantly, portly stomach protruding over a burgundy cummerbund.
‘I’ll just grab another drink,’ Mark said, indicating his glass, which to his surprise he’d emptied in the last five minutes.
Henry nodded and strode away.
Mark took his time at the bar, keeping an eye on the dance floor as he downed two quick whisky chasers, and he had only just returned to his position near the Christmas tree as Chloe walked towards him alone, face flushed, smiling.
Mark held out a glass. ‘I got you another one.’
She took the drink. ‘Thanks, Mark. I’d better be careful, though, I’m feeling all light and floaty already.’ Still, she immediately took a sip.
Mark felt the same way, curiously disconnected from his body. His focus on the glass in his hand wasn’t as clear as it might be, but then again, the lighting had dimmed now, and the softness was relaxing him. He tipped a huge slug of liquid into his mouth, enjoying the flare of it against his throat as he summoned up courage.
‘Chloe, you do look absolutely gorgeous tonight.’
Chloe gave Mark a curious sidelong glance. ‘Well, thanks, Mark.’
‘I just wanted to tell you, you know…’
‘Okay.’ She looked amused now.
‘Look, do you want to dance?’ Mark asked, regretting it as soon as he said it. He wasn’t a dancer, but the music was slow enough that he might get through it by simply swaying, which, now he thought of it, he seemed to be doing already.
He grabbed Chloe’s hand and pushed his way towards the dance floor. It had been packed earlier, as he watched, but now it had thinned out. However, it was too late to back out, and he wrapped his arms around Chloe’s waist and pulled her tightly to him, beginning to move to the music.
He pressed his mouth against her neck, then put his hand up to cup the back of her head as he leant towards her for a passionate liplock. He felt her tense, then relax into it, and he let himself go, covering her mouth with his own, running his hands up and down her satin-clad back, over her bottom, back up to her waist again.
When the song finished, the next one began at a much faster tempo. Mark had a momentary bizarre urge to break into some silly kind of jig, but as Chloe finally pulled back from him he saw the look on her face. She was flushed and smiling, but also seemed a bit embarrassed. Was she laughing at him? Was he a joke to her?
‘Are you laughing at me?’
She shook her head. ‘Mark, you’re drunk. Come on.’ She grabbed his hand and tried to pull him off the dance floor, but Mark wanted to feel her in his arms again. He said, ‘Chloe, come here,’ and pulled her back, harder than he meant to, and her body met his with a hefty bump, sending them both reeling a few steps, with Chloe trying to regain her balance by clutching onto Mark, and Mark staggering with the weight of trying to right both of them. They only stopped when Mark met the ledge of the stage, fell backwards over it, and landed with a great crash against the band’s drum kit, which let out a simultaneous bang and cymbal clap.
As Mark lay sprawled, with Chloe now recovered and standing over him looking mortified, to their credit the band played on after only the slightest of blips, the drummer and a few nearby people with quick hands managing to steady the kit. But everyone on that side of the room had noticed, and was either staring, laughing, or looking away in awkward embarrassment.
‘Come on, Mark,’ Chloe hissed, pulling him up. He followed her lead, and they made their way over to the entrance hall, Chloe’s head down. Mark saw faces he recognised among the onlookers but didn’t really care, as his head was both pounding and spinning from the combined effects of alcohol and a whack from the drums.
Chloe pulled him all the way outside to the front steps of the building. ‘Sit down,’ she said. He sank onto the cold stone. ‘Do you want me to get you some water?’
‘No, just kiss me,’ he replied, his speech slightly slurred.
‘Mark! I don’t think -’
‘What the HELL do you two think you’re playing at?’
Mark looked around towards the source of the noise. He saw his father bearing down on them, towering over them as they sat on the steps. His face was bright red.
‘Do you think you’re at some kind of school disco?’ he demanded. ‘Where you can grope each other in front of every one, and people will just smile fondly at you? David and Neil are outraged. You’ve disgraced the company, both of you.’
Mark couldn’t take it in. He looked from his father to Chloe, whose eyes were brimming with tears.
‘Dad, hang on…’
But Henry was already hailing one of the waiting taxis, which promptly drew up in front of them.
Chloe dashed up the steps without a word, and returned a moment later with her coat and Mark’s jacket. Henry leaned into the darkened interior of the cab.
‘Take them anywhere,’ he growled. ‘As long as it’s right away from here.’
42
The first night had passed in a blur. Alex had refused to leave Amy’s side, despite a number of voices imploring him to rest. At some points he dozed in the hard-backed armchair in the corner, at others he tried to stay awake on the upright chair by Amy’s bed. His dreams felt more like hallucinations, where he chased Amy but lost her; or was confronted by groups of faceless men who he would attack without hesitation, breaking bones and ignoring screams until his hands were covered in their warm blood. Eventually he dragged the larger chair across to the bedside, and fell asleep for an hour slumped forward, his face buried in the hospital mattress.
During the first twenty-four hours Amy opened her eyes a few times, but she was groggy from the shock and the painkillers, not really registering her surroundings much, blinking wearily, then closing her eyes again.
Alex waited outside while the doctors examined her and collected evidence. When they had finished they gave him encouraging reports. There was some internal bruising and a small amount of bleeding, they said, looking down at their notes as they did so, and they would need to keep an eye on her, but there shouldn’t be any permanent damage. The rest of her wounds were not as severe as they looked. Her shoulder was sprained, and her shin had taken a bad knock but there was no bone break. The cut across her throat looked shocking and would probably leave a scar, but it would fade. The CT scan showed no internal swelling or bleeding to the head, and while the bruises looked nasty they would disappear eventually. The list went on, each item increasing Alex’s burning need for vengeance – but all her physical injuries would heal, and without the need for too much medical intervention.
The psychological prognosis had not been delivered with as much reassurance. The effects of such an experience would be wide-ranging and long-lasting, Alex was warned by Isla and others. Amy would need time and space to react in the way she needed to, and unobtrusive, consistent support over the next days, weeks, months and years. He nodded, trying to take it all in, doing his best to understand what was needed from him; but even then he was not prepared for the first thing Amy said when she opened her eyes properly the following day.
‘I’m so sorry, Alex.’
Her voice took him by surprise, as he had been staring at her hand, stroking it while she rested, feeling groggy and disorientated through lack of sleep, and he hadn’t sensed her waking.
He looked up, trying not to be overcome with emotion at the sound of the familiar sweet voice he had been longing to hear. He tried to smile reassuringly. ‘Hey,’ he cooed in an almost-whisper, his heart constricting in love and pain to see his lovely Amy finally awake. ‘Don’t say sorry, you’ve got nothing to be sorry about.’
Tears began to seep down the sides of her face. ‘I tried to fight them, I promise I did. But I couldn’t… I should have tried harder, I should have done whatever it took, I should have…’
Alex stood up quickly while she was talking. ‘No, Amy,’ he interrupted, trying to stroke her cheek and catch the tears as they fell. He was so stricken by her words that his voice came out much harsher than he intended. She winced at the sound and again at his touch. ‘Don’t say that, please,’ he begged more softly, as her sobs became louder. He looked around desperately for help; he wasn’t sure how to calm her.
A nurse came bustling in. ‘Ssh,’ she said to Amy, reaching across to quickly pour some water into a plastic cup. ‘You’re safe now, my love. Don’t fret. Nothing can hurt you. Here, take these pills, they’ll help with your pain.’
The nurse assisted Amy with the water and the pills while Alex looked on, standing back, feeling useless and pathetic that this stranger could comfort her so easily when he couldn’t.
By the time the nurse left, Amy had closed her eyes again.
She woke up a couple of hours later, and this time she was silent, staring across towards the window as though in a daydream. Again, Alex didn’t know what to say to her, so he tried to fuss to make up for his earlier ineptitude.
‘Amy, I’m so sorry…’
She shook her head. ‘Don’t, Al. Not right now, okay?’
He paused, searching for something to say.
‘Do you want some water?’
‘No thanks.’
‘Can I get you anything else?’
‘No, it’s fine.’
‘Shall I put the TV on?’
‘If you want.’
He switched it on and flicked through the channels.
‘Any preference?’
‘You choose something.’
The news? Too gloomy, he thought. Sport? Not Amy’s thing. So he left it on The Simpsons and they listened to inane squeaky chatter that usually made them giggle, as Amy continued to stare out of the window. Alex felt silly and selfish, as though in the middle of this crisis all he could think to do was to put the telly on. When the nurse came in to help Amy to the toilet, he left, embarrassed, even though when Amy had been ill in Thailand he hadn’t even blinked at keeping her company in the bathroom.
Detective Thompson called in twice to see how Amy was doing. Finding her awake in the afternoon, Alex watched as he asked her questions, quizzing her relentlessly, reminding Alex that speedy progress was essential, when he tried to jump in upon seeing Amy’s distress. Every word the policeman uttered, each question he posed, repeatedly slammed the reality of all this into Alex’s mind, that it was not just some horrible twilight nightmare they could escape from.
Finally, the detective left them alone, and before long the day receded into evening. Alex spent another uncomfortable night in the chair, still unwilling to leave, but less sure of his purpose in being there, unnerved by how ineffective his actions and presence had been in the past twenty-four hours. He resolved to talk to Isla in the morning, to ask her more about what he should do, and how he should be.
At nine o’clock the next morning, Amy’s parents arrived, dishevelled and tired-looking, cases in hand, having come straight from the flight. When Amy first saw them she broke down, howling her pain to them, a rag doll in her mother’s arms, sagging against her. Alex’s intense awkwardness returned. He hardly looked at Amy’s father as he rose to shake hands, but when he did he realised that Ray hadn’t even registered Alex’s presence yet, staring horrified at his distressed and injured daughter.
When Ray finally saw him, Alex imagined for a moment that Amy’s father was going to hit him. This slightly stooped old man with watery eyes, half a foot smaller than Alex, sprang forward as though possessed, and Alex instinctively backed away. Just in time, Ray seemed to rein himself in and gave a curt nod instead, just saying, ‘Alex.’
Tess looked round when she heard Alex’s name, her daughter still buried in the cradle of her arms, and put a hand out briefly to rub Alex’s arm. The gesture made him think of his own mother, and for a moment he longed for that familiar comfort. But after Jamie’s troubles had begun Alex had stopped leaning on her, not wanting to cause her any additional worries. Now, he reminded himself that since there was little she could really do, it would be unfair to burden her with this. And the thought of his dad’s unease in the presence of others’ emotions was enough to put a stop to any notion of confidences there.
Amy drifted in and out of sleep over the following excruciating hours. Her mum and dad had taken the seats so Alex was propped against the wall staring out of the window, or offering to fetch them drinks, which they declined.
Detective Thompson returned around lunchtime. He asked them all to leave, as he thought Amy would find it easier without an audience. As they made their way out, Alex saw the policeman sit on Amy’s bed and speak softly and solemnly to her, and that she nodded in understanding.
Ray wandered off without a backwards glance, his shoulders hunched, while Tess walked over to Alex. ‘Ray just needs some space,’ she said. ‘He’s taken it very hard. Do you want to get some air?’
Alex nodded and they walked outside
and stood in the shade of a large melaleuca tree.
Tess took Alex’s arm and rubbed his forearm with her other hand. ‘Alex,’ she said, ‘it’s okay -’
She hesitated. Alex was silent, unsure what she meant.
‘- I don’t know if… if you are thinking along these lines, but it’s not… it’s not your fault, what happened. There was nothing…’
Even though he had berated himself a million times in the past forty-eight hours – if only, if only – he was shocked to hear her say this, and turned to look at her, searching her face to see if she meant it. He wanted to shake her off, to tell her of course it wasn’t his fault, he had done everything he could to keep Amy safe.
‘Thanks,’ he said instead, standing stiffly, looking at the floor.
‘It’s okay,’ she replied sadly, dropping his arm.
43
When Mark had woken up the morning after the law ball he had had that blissful momentary void as he moved between states of consciousness before his memory kicked in, along with a particularly aggressive hangover.
With rising indignation he remembered Chloe supporting him up the stairs to her flat, and rolled over, realising he was in Chloe’s room, with Chloe next to him, snoring softly. He reached over to the floor and grabbed his jacket, pulling out his mobile and seeing that it was only six forty-five. The movement made his head groan with pain, so he rolled back and lay staring at the ceiling for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts.
There was no avoiding it. He kept replaying the moment he’d overbalanced; the crash of the drum kit behind him; Chloe’s surprised, shocked face as she almost came with him but managed to right herself, as he’d used both his hands to try to break his fall and keep any percussion from falling on top of him.