by Unknown
Kati wasn’t paying attention; she was too busy craning her neck to study the jungle around her. The tree in front of her was flowering high above her head, huge yellow flowers with many-layered petals. Uncle Dong said it was a torchwood flower. Kati’s neck grew tired, so she lowered her gaze and saw fallen flowers on the ground before her. She gathered them up. They appeared quite fresh. Uncle Dong said he knew the gardener here because he’d been asked to do their flower arrangements on numerous occasions. He would ask permission for Kati to take the flowers home so she could float them in a glass bowl and see how pretty they looked.
Kati had never been to a buffet meal in a restaurant before. There seemed to be a huge amount of food, food to delight the eye and gladden the heart. Aunt Da took her round to read the labels and lifted the lids of the warming dishes, kept steaming hot by the little alcohol lamps burning beneath them. Kati stood on tiptoe trying to see everything. Some she could see and some she couldn’t. In the end Uncle Kunn lifted her up so she could get a better look. Behind her, Uncle Dong was urging her to fill a plate with whatever she fancied, and then on another to put everything she wanted to taste – she shouldn’t mix them up. Then when she knew what she liked she could go back for another helping. Kati blinked: something as easy as this Uncle Dong had to complicate! She pointed, Aunt Da served the food onto her plate, and in an instant it was done. Uncle Kunn lifted Kati onto her chair before spreading her table napkin on her lap. Just the presence of all this lovely food seemed to make life instantly better.
That night, in front of the mirror, Kati picked up a brush and began brushing her hair dreamily. She stared at her reflection in the mirror as the pictures in her head from the evening’s events receded. Now Kati knew where her big eyes came from.
She missed her mother so much. Mother must have studied her own reflection in that mirror on countless occasions. Kati thought that images from the past must have popped into Mother’s mind too. But Kati had no idea how Mother felt about that past of hers. Was she regretful, angry and vengeful, or tearful and sad? Kati wished she had a magic spell to make the mirror answer her question. ‘Mirror, mirror on the wall, tell me how did Mother go on living after losing the love of her life?’
Love comes in many shapes and colours.
The department store was cool and seemed to spread for miles. Aunt Da and Kati walked here from their home in the centre of the city. Goods of all kinds were displayed temptingly, inviting them to stop and shop. Kati was content to window-shop until she heard someone call a greeting to Aunt Da.
‘Da! Great to see you!’
A woman about the same age as Mother, holding the hand of a child about the same age as Kati, came hurrying over to them. She began to greet Da vigorously, grasping her by the arm and clasping her hand. She caught sight of Kati and asked in a loud voice, ‘Is that Pat’s daughter? What a sweetie! Last time I saw her she was this big!’ The speaker gestured with her hand to indicate the height of the child she’d met. Kati could not have been more than three at that stage.
By the tone of their voices, their questions and answers, it seemed their conversation would continue for some time. The little girl, whose mother called her Pinkie, began to get bored and restless, calling ‘Mama’ and pulling her towards their destination. Kati thought she might like Pinkie. She smiled at her and Pinkie stopped pulling away and somehow the expression on her face became a little less sour.
‘Quite right, let’s invite Kati along, shall we? There’s an art corner upstairs where kids can make things. Would you like to come too?’
Aunt Da turned to look at Kati. She must have been thinking how nice it would be for Kati to spend some time with someone her own age.
Kati chose to make a necklace out of beads while Pinkie did a drawing with coloured pencils. The art corner staff were happy to supervise the children so the adults departed to sip coffee and chat, promising to come and pick them up in an hour.
‘If you don’t want to stay that long, just tell me, okay? I’ve got a mobile. I can ask Mama to come and get us, see?’ said Pinkie, and picked up an attractive mobile phone to show off to Kati.
Kati concentrated on the plastic thread on her palm and the little tray full of multi-coloured beads. She planned to thread her beads into a long necklace for Uncle Dong to wrap around a vase of flowers. That would make an original and striking table decoration! If she had time she’d make a smart necklace for Aunt Da to wear with the Mexican patterned blouse she’d just bought.
Kati was engrossed in her task, so she got a shock when she looked over at Pinkie’s work of art. It should have been called a work of mess – there were heavy black pencil marks smeared all over it as though the artist had drawn something and then changed her mind, scribbling over it in black. Her picture was of two men, a big one and a little one, holding hands. In the distance was a little house engulfed in flames. From the artist’s satisfied face it seemed the picture had turned out as intended. Pinkie saw Kati looking at her and explained her drawing with gestures to match.
‘I’m drawing my father and my brother, Pie. Hrmph! They like each other so much, they dumped me with Mama and ran away to live with Grandma and Father’s new girlfriend. Take this! And this! And this! Now I’m making them look really ugly and horrible...’
Kati felt sorry for the white sheet of paper that was the recipient of Pinkie’s anger. But then again maybe it was good for Pinkie to be able to express her anger and not keep it pent up inside. But if Kati had those coloured pencils in her hand, she doubted that her picture would have looked such a mess. Her own heart seemed to harbour no such anger.
On the way home Kati asked Aunt Da, ‘Did Mother hate Father?’
Aunt Da was startled. She bent down to look at Kati’s face and answered, ‘Your mother never spoke of your father to me and I never asked, because I only knew your mother afterwards. But I don’t think your mother hated anyone. Especially anyone who helped her bring you into the world! Your mother loved you so, so much – she used to say all the time that you meant everything to her.’
If she had some coloured pencils, Kati would have drawn Mother in a beautiful pink gown with clear wings holding a wand like a fairy. Kati truly believed that by now Mother was happy in a new world, and that in the future they would meet again.
The Swing
The happiness of those around us is our happiness too.
The rooftop garden on the nineteenth floor was truly beautiful. When Kati stepped out of the lift with Uncle Kunn, it was hard to believe that she was on top of a skyscraper in a big city. A blue swimming pool appeared before them. Long deckchairs with white cushions were scattered round the pool and beach umbrellas with a blue-and-white striped pattern shaded various nooks and corners. A path led towards an open wooden pavilion over which a kanpai mahidol vine had grown, boasting blossoms of pink and white.
Kati had not yet made up her mind whether she should first explore the garden or jump in the pool to cool off when a glass door opened on her left, emitting a blast of cold air and a smell of lemongrass oil.
A woman in a white coat walked out and raised her hands together to greet Kunn in the Thai way. She smiled at Kati. Uncle Kunn bent down. ‘Touk knew Pat really well…’ Touk finished the sentence for him. ‘I was Pat’s masseuse. I gave her massages from before she was sick right until…until she moved to Hua Hin.’
Touk’s eyes grew moist. ‘Pat spoke of her little girl so often I felt I knew you. Be a good girl, won’t you, dear – it would make your mum so happy not to have to worry about you. And if there’s anything I can do for you, Kunn, just let me know. Pat was very helpful to me and I will never forget her.’
Afterwards, Uncle Kunn told Kati that Touk’s husband had been addicted to gambling. He gambled everything they had. Touk separated from him and had to bring up her son on her own. Kati’s mother had helped out many times, especially with school fees. It seemed that Mother had done a great deal to make those around her happy. Kati felt proud to be her m
other’s daughter.
The little swing was half-hidden under a trellis overgrown with vines. Uncle Kunn had gone swimming in the pool. Kati walked all around and came to a stop in front of the swing. Swinging up in the air on top of that tall building had a curious feel,
100
as though she were swinging up to touch the clouds. Kati let her feelings go with the breeze. The view of the capital city looked strange and new to her eyes. Her thoughts returned to the envelope that Uncle Dong had handed her that afternoon.
The envelope had been addressed in Mother’s handwriting. The person to whom the letter was addressed was none other than Kati’s father. Uncle Dong said that just by slipping this letter in a mailbox Kati would get to meet her father.
Kati missed her mother so much. Mother had prepared everything for Kati but had been willing to leave the final decision for Kati to make for herself.
The swing flew higher and higher. Post the letter. Don’t post the letter. Post the letter. Don’t post the letter. Kati chanted to herself in the rhythm of the swing.
But she already knew what she wanted to do. It was how she was to do it that required some thought.
Postbox
All I ask is to be happy at heart.
A letter cannot be posted without a stamp. What Uncle Dong had said was wrong. If Kati wanted to send Mother’s letter she would need to go to the post office, which was not far from their apartment – five minutes walk at the most.
Kati knew everyone was intently waiting for her decision even though no one mentioned it or tried to hurry her in any way.
When Kati was ready, she came out of her bedroom and told Aunt Da she wanted to go to the post office. Aunt Da, Uncle Kunn and Uncle Dong all jumped to their feet, exactly like the time Tong sat down on the red ants’ nest at the foot of the mango
102
tree. In other circumstances Kati would have laughed because all three grown-ups seemed at a complete loss as to what to do next. Finally Uncle Dong cleared his throat and said that actually he had to go to the shops as well, so he would walk there with Kati. Uncle Kunn mumbled that perhaps he could go too to help carry the shopping as it might be too much for Uncle Dong at his age. Any other time Uncle Dong would have raised the ceiling with rage, as no one was allowed to get away with pointed remarks about ageing or senior citizens to Uncle Dong’s face.
So it was that four figures followed one another into the lift in single file, spreading out four abreast when they reached the laneway. Kati stood stock-still when she reached the post office and turned to face the others. She said, ‘I’d like to go in by myself, please.’ ‘Fine!’ three voices answered in a chorus of varying pitches.
Kati walked into the post office and joined a queue at the counter. She gave the letter to the clerk. After she had paid the money Kati received the stamps which she pasted onto the envelope. She posted the letter in the postbox.
Now only the postbox knew her secret. Kati looked at the slot through which you posted the letters. She had the feeling the postbox was winking at her as if they had some understanding between them. Kati smiled and walked out to join the little committee that awaited her.
From that moment on, the life of the house in the city was heavy with waiting. People started when the phone rang and then argued over who was going to pick it up. There were three or four trips a day downstairs to check the mail. Kati couldn’t help laughing because as the postal clerk had told her, letters to the British Isles took up to four days. Then again, who could say how keen the recipient would be to reply? Most importantly, Mother had left instructions that if there was no reply within seven days they were to return to the house on the water.
Kati didn’t let the time pass only in waiting. She cajoled Uncle Kunn into taking her to the planetarium, to the science museum and finally to an astronomy camp organised by the university science faculty.
What a shame that the city sky was so full of pollution that you couldn’t see the constellations. But Kati was content to simply study the night sky. It made her feel good and she promised herself that she would do it more often. The universe was so vast; what kind of power over it could puny little humans
104
possibly have? Gazing into the sky made you feel humble. It made your proudest ambitions dissolve into the ether, leaving only a little heart beating in a breast that tried its best to protect itself and find happiness where it could, not craving the impossible, not wanting things beyond its reach.
Kati was too young to camp out overnight in the tent with the university students, but Uncle Kunn allowed her to spend the best part of the night with the other stargazers, returning home close to dawn.
Kati fell asleep in the car and only woke when she was being carried up to bed. She pretended to be asleep and lay, not moving, on the bed while Aunt Da firmly tucked her in.
‘Tomorrow time’s up, right Da? Will she be sad if there’s no response?’
‘She probably will, but what can we do about it?’ Aunt Da stroked Kati’s hair. Her voice trembled. Kati was about to open her eyes and confess the truth when she heard Uncle Dong’s voice say, ‘Kati is Pat’s daughter. She’s not as fragile as we all think, you know. She is really doing very well. She certainly has all our love.’
Uncle Dong had spoken words from Kati’s heart. Kati turned over and went to sleep in an instant.
The Old Thai House
Leave the shadows of the past.
Kati’s journey ended when the car stopped in front of the house on the water. This really was the end of her adventures in the big wide world, where she’d had to be a detective and unravel a mystery, just like in the books she’d read. Once, Mother had said that we were all like characters in a story who encountered various challenges, which, once passed, conferred a new depth of emotional experience and made you a fuller person for having experienced them. You looked at the world differently from then on. Mother liked to use ‘big words’ with Kati. They sounded good even though they were sometimes hard to understand, but at this moment Kati felt that she really had grown up a lot more.
Grandma and Grandpa’s embrace was as warm and safe as Kati had remembered. There could be no happier place than home, and the house on the water was truly Kati’s home.
The house had a long history stretching back to Kati’s great-grandfather. Grandpa had told her that once it was an old-fashioned Thai house – big, beautiful and spacious, renowned throughout the village. It had been carefully built and crafted, complete with a sleeping quarter, children’s quarters and a lofty hall for receiving guests, a kitchen and a long gallery in which to hang birdcages, all joined by an open verandah, shaded by big trees – mango, jackfruit and chempaka.
With the passing of time, everything had deteriorated until the old Thai house had become shabby and dilapidated. Grandpa had used his savings to renovate it extensively, sparing no cost and reducing it to a single house where it was possible to live comfortably. The handiwork of the modern builders was not as good as the builders of old, but they had persevered and retained as many of the original features as possible: the ample slanting eaves and carved windbreaks, the gable panelled in a traditional criss-cross pattern.
Kati loved everything about this house. She was content with all she had here, and now there were no more lost or discarded pieces of her life to find.
She sat by the pier. In her heart she greeted the water, the trees and the sunlight around her. Grandpa walked over to sit beside her and catch her once again in a tight hug as though he had not shown his love for her sufficiently with the last hug.
‘At the temple they said the abbot will be back next week. I guess Tong will get back just in time for the new school term.’
Kati counted the days in her heart. There were still a number of days before Tong and his uncle, the abbot, would start to travel home.
Tong had said he would be following his uncle on the itinerary arranged by their hosts. But he would end up at the temple on the hill where
he had stayed when they first arrived, the temple whose address Tong had given Kati.
‘Grandma wants to make a big merit offering at the temple, but she wants to wait for the abbot to get back. That’s good. Grandma needs something to look forward to right now. I hear she’s going to cook up a storm, with her usual creative cooking. Creative – sure! Creating work for other people, don’t you know?’ Grandpa laughed at his own joke.
It was true. Kati saw a huge pile of coconuts under the house, and there were bananas drying on a big tray. A jar of pickled mangos hid behind the water jar. Grandma had not been idle. Kati felt the atmosphere at home was no longer completely grief-stricken, though in Grandma’s and Grandpa’s eyes she could see the shadow of that recent farewell. But the pain and fear of that inevitable event, which they wished had desperately to forestall, was gone.
What Grandpa said was true. Looking forward was the best thing to do.
Epilogue
Tomorrow was the first day of term for the new school year. Kati would be glad to see her friends again, but today she had something else to be happy about because early in the morning Tong had rowed his uncle over to receive the alms offerings. As the bow of the boat appeared round a bend in the waterway, the sound of oars hitting water broke through the still mist which was just beginning to evaporate after the departing night’s dew. Tong’s smile evoked answering smiles in all who saw him, just as it always had. Grandpa laughed and called out his greeting: ‘Hey, so how’s the American boy – how’d you like your taste of life abroad, hey?’
Tong raised his hands in his usual deep wai, but only smiled in response. Grandpa turned to the abbot,
110