“I’m s-sorry.” She took a shaky breath and closed her eyes. “I’ll stop. I’m being stupid.”
I hugged her close, breathing in her scent. Her hair was hard against my cheek, and it smelled a little funky, but I didn’t care. I just wanted her to smile again. “Carrie, if you’re not okay with this…”
“I’m fine. We’re fine.” She smiled at me, even through the tears, and rested her hand over my heart. “I love you, and you made a good move. I just needed a second.”
I swallowed hard, the emotions inside of me warring with one another. I let go of her and lowered my head, not wanting her to see the emotions that were probably quite clear in my eyes. If I didn’t do this, then I’d only be deploying next year, which was a hell of a lot worse than what I’d be doing overseas now.
But that didn’t make it any easier on her.
Her fingers flexed on my shoulder. “You will not die. Tell me you won’t. Promise me.”
My heart wrenched. “I can’t make a promise I can’t keep, Ginger. I couldn’t even make it if I stayed here and never left my apartment. Shit happens. You know that, but this is a hell of a lot safer than getting shot at in the desert. I can tell you that much.”
“Then I guess I’ll have to take it.” She picked up her wine cooler and took a long sip. “I’d rather you stay with me, but I accept you can’t.”
I pulled her onto my lap and buried my face in her neck, hugging her against my chest as best I could. I swallowed hard, my chest and throat tight. “I promise to be diligent and to keep myself as safe as possible. I promise not to be an idiot. I promise not to be a martyr. But most importantly, I promise to fall asleep every night with you on my mind, and wake up smiling because I’m lucky enough to have you in my life.”
She kissed me. She tasted like tears and watermelon wine cooler. “I’m the lucky one, not you.”
Ha. Not true. I gripped her hips tight. “So we’re okay?”
“Yep.” She took a deep breath. “I’ll be here when you get back, and then we can move on. Be happy and normal. Right?”
I chuckled. “As normal as I can possibly be, sure.”
“Which is not at all,” she said, smiling at me and nudging me with her elbow. “Will you be able to call me? Or text?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Email, if nothing else, but you’ll be going home soon, so we’ll have to be careful. I don’t want you to have to tell your father without me. I want to be by your side, holding your hand when he finds out.”
“I’ll wait for you,” she said, meeting my eyes. “Don’t you worry about that.”
I knew she meant more than the words sounded at face value, and I loved her even more for it. “And I’ll be thinking of you the whole time.”
She gave me a shaky smile. “You only have two days to get ready to leave?”
“Yeah.” I flopped back against the couch, and she curled up against my side. “I guess I should call your dad.”
“He’s still on the plane. They’ll land soon.”
I nodded. “I’m going to be busy getting ready to leave, but I want to make sure we make time for us before I go. Monday night, it’s just you and me. Got it?”
She patted my chest. I wished I could see her face, but she had it buried in my chest. “You tell me when, and I’ll be here. You know that.”
“Maybe,” I said, grinning and kissing the top of her head.
I could feel her smile against my chest. “Your favorite word, if I remember correctly.”
“Nope.” I hugged her closer, so at peace with my decision and the future that I felt like I was floating on a cloud. “I have a new favorite word now.”
“Oh?” She rested her hands on my chest and looked up at me, all wide-eyed and softness. “And what might that be?”
“Ginger.”
She smiled up at me and pressed her lips to mine. As I slanted my chin and took control, deepening the kiss, I knew it would all be okay. I’d get through this assignment in one piece, and then she would be happy because I’d be here with her.
Her father would accept me, since I was now going to be a commissioned officer, and I’d also have the backing of one of his oldest friends. I’d been promised that, too. This assignment wasn’t without danger, but I’d told the truth when I said it wasn’t as dangerous as war.
At least this was short term, and I more than likely wouldn’t get shot at…
More than once or twice.
But it didn’t matter, because we had each other. We had love. And we had commitment. On top of that, I had the belief in my heart that we could survive this. Actually come out of the other side still happily together, as strong and steady as we were now. And if I managed to avoid getting killed over there?
Then maybe—just maybe…
We’d even get our happily ever after.
Monday afternoon, I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Right now, Finn was packing the last of his belongings, and I was going a little bit crazy. I know he thought this was for the best, and it very well might be true. But until he was home safe, and in my arms, I was not going to be okay with this. In fact, I was a mess.
A hot freaking mess.
Marie kicked me under the table. “Dude, are you sleeping over there or what?”
“Huh? No.” I straightened and cleared my throat, then smiled at her. “Sorry. It’s been a long couple of days on top of the late night.”
And it had. Dad was scampering to find someone to watch over me while Finn was gone, and Finn had been a whirlwind of activity since the night he told me he would be leaving. He’d had to get a whole bunch of shots, and then the packing and the phone calls…
He was doing this for us. Trying to make our life easier. But right now, all I knew was my boyfriend was leaving to go somewhere dangerous, and I wasn’t even allowed to know where.
My phone buzzed and I picked it up eagerly. It wasn’t Finn messaging me. It was Dad. Where are you?
I’m having coffee with my roommate.
A few seconds passed. Call me when you’re home.
I didn’t answer, and Marie sighed again. “You’re ignoring me for your man, aren’t you? And when will you tell me his name?”
“I wish. It’s my dad.” I showed her my screen. “And I can’t tell you. It’s too risky. The less you know, the better.”
“Ah.” Marie read the messages and rolled her eyes. “It’s all so secret and hush hush. You’d think you were dating Channing Tatum or something.”
I laughed. “Channing has nothing on him.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Marie said, frowning at me. “But since you refuse to tell me more, I’ll politely change the subject. Are you going home for the holidays?”
“I am.” I looked out the window, my eyes on the people walking by. They all wore sweaters and hats, but it was only in the low sixties. I missed the snow. The cold, brisk air. Even with all this mess with Finn going on, I was excited to go back. “Are you?”
“Yep. I leave the Friday after this one.”
“Saturday for me.” I swallowed hard and turned back to Marie. “Where are you from again?”
“Three hours from here,” she said, smiling. “So it’s not that long of a trip. You’re from back East, right?”
“Yeah.” I swallowed a sip of coffee. “D.C., to be exact.”
“Ah.” She laughed. “So you probably laugh at me when I put on a sweater out here, huh?”
“Laugh? Not exactly.” I smiled. “But it’s not cold to me, no.”
Marie looked out the window, a far-off look in her eyes. “I’ve never really been in snow. We drove to Bear Mountain a few times, but it doesn’t feel like winter when it only takes ten minutes down a mountain to get back into the spring, you know?”
“Yeah, I totally get it. I miss the snow.” I stared down at my coffee. I was supposed to be going home with Finn, not alone. “I miss home, too.”
“Me too.” Marie cleared her throat and reached out to grab my arm. “Speakin
g of missing things, whatever happened with your man, anyway? I didn’t get a chance to ask how things turned out after your parents came to visit.”
She flopped back in her chair, her Starbucks coffee in between her hands. She wore light gray fingerless mittens that were super cute, a matching sweater, and a pair of curve-hugging dark blue skinny jeans. Her blonde hair was soft and clean, and she wore her glasses again. She looked flawless.
I looked down at my own baggy T-shirt and jeans and tried not to compare us. She looked perfectly put together while I looked…well, like a hot mess.
If we weren’t friends, I might hate her.
“Well…” I took a sip of my drink and swallowed. “Remember that job I told you about? The one that might take him away?”
“Yeah.”
I set down my skinny white chocolate mocha. “He’s leaving tomorrow.”
“Ouch.” Marie flinched. “How long will he be gone?”
“Until after Christmas.” I licked my lips and looked out the window, half expecting to see Finn out there watching me. “I don’t really know, because he can’t tell me. His work is kind of…secret.”
“Oh.” Her eyes went wide. “Oh. Wow. Like, a secret agent or something?”
“Yeah.” I forced a smile. “Kind of.”
“Does he wear a black suit and look all hot in it?” Marie leaned in. “Oh, and does he drive a Ferrari and wear sunglasses at night like a movie star?”
I laughed. “No, not all that. He wears suits sometimes, but he has a Harley. Not a Ferrari.”
“Oh, that’s even hotter.” She tapped her fingers on the table and bit down on her lip. “Does he surf and have tattoos, too?”
I blinked at her. “Yeah. But…how’d you know it was him?”
“I saw you two together at the beach the other day.” She narrowed her eyes on me. “You told me he was gay.”
“Yeah…about that?” I leaned in and motioned her closer, as if I was about to impart a big secret. “I’m really a dude. That’s why I didn’t want to shower in front of everyone.”
Marie burst into laughter. “Yeah. Sure. And I’m Kim Kardashian.”
“Hey, it’s possible.” I leaned back and smiled at her. This was fun. I was glad I stopped keeping her at arm’s length. Turned out, Marie was a pretty great girl. “You never know what I have under these jeans.”
“I saw you changing, and I’ve seen your tits.” Marie snorted. “You’re a girl, and he’s straighter than an arrow.”
“Guilty.” I offered her an apologetic smile. “Sorry I lied. We were kind of sort of involved at that point, but in a fight.”
She waved her hand dismissively. “It’s fine. If I had that man in my hand, I’d lie to anyone who asked about him, too.”
“Thanks for understanding.” I reached out and squeezed her gloved hand. “I’m glad we did this. I needed the distraction, and it’s been great.”
“You need distractions because Double-oh-Seven is leaving?”
I laughed. “Double-oh-Seven?”
“Yeah.” Marie shrugged, a small smile tipping one corner of her mouth up. “It seems fitting, since I don’t know his name.”
“I like it.”
“Good. Now answer my question.”
“Yes, I need distractions.” I sighed. “I mean, it’s tough to accept all this. I don’t know where he’s going, or how long he’ll be gone. I don’t even know how much danger he’ll be in…” I broke off, not continuing on. What more was there to say? I think I pretty much covered it all with that sentence. “So, yeah. I’m a bit of a mess.”
“It explains the dark bags you have going under your eyes.” Marie pointed at my face and moved her finger in a circle. “And the pale face, too.”
“Is it that bad?”
“That depends.” She pursed her lips. “Will you be seeing him again before he leaves?”
“He’s packing now, but we’re meeting at his place tonight. I’m supposed to dress up and be ready to be wined and dined.”
“In that case? Yeah, it’s that bad.” Marie stood up. “We need to get going. If I’m going to make you look human and fuck-able, I’ll need all the time in the world.”
A surprised laugh escaped me as she tugged me to my feet. “Geez, don’t sugarcoat it or anything.”
“Honey, we don’t have time for that.” She looked me up and down. “We’ve got to get to work if we’re going to make you look drop-dead gorgeous for your last night together. Are you in, or are you out?”
I followed her, clutching my coffee to my chest. “I’m so in.”
After all…I did want to look perfect for him.
Finn
I shoved my T-shirt into the suitcase on my bed, then headed into the kitchen. I had lasagna in the oven, and a bottle of champagne on ice waiting on the table. I didn’t like supplying her with booze, but this was a special circumstance. It called for a romantic dinner by candlelight…
Oh, shit. I forgot to light the candles.
I grabbed the lighter out of the junk drawer and lit the wicks, making sure not to get too close since I wasn’t wearing a shirt, then stood back to admire my handiwork. The table was set, the food was cooking, and the champagne was ready to go. I had an artificial tree set up in the corner, and a few boxes of ornaments and lights ready to go. We’d decorate it together later.
All I needed was the girl, and she should be here any minute now.
My phone rang, and I crossed the room to see who it was. Her father. Fucking fabulous. I swiped my finger across the screen. “Hello, sir.”
“Coram,” he said, his voice tight. “I spoke to Captain Richards, and he assures me he set a man on Carrie for while you’re away. He says you know this man? This Hernandez?”
“I do, sir.” I sat down on the couch. I still had to get dressed in the suit I’d planned to wear for Carrie, but obviously her father needed a bit of handholding right now. I played with the strings of my board shorts. “He’s a great guy. Excellent at his job.”
Papers shuffled. “And you know him how?”
“We’re in the same unit,” I said, dragging a hand down my face. “And he’s in security, too. He’s basically the California version of me, sir.”
Only he won’t fall in love with your daughter.
“And he’ll take good care of her?”
“Yes, sir. I wouldn’t trust him if he wouldn’t.” I yawned and tried to hide the sound behind my hand. I was fucking exhausted, but I could sleep on the plane tomorrow. I’d be spending half a day up in the air, without much else to do. “He’s good.”
“All right.” He sighed. “I guess she’ll be coming home in a little while, anyway, so it’s not too long without you there. And you’ll be back in January?”
“I believe so, sir.”
“You know…” Senator Wallington paused and cleared his throat. “Arnold told me a little about your mission. Stay safe, son.”
I blinked. Was that actual concern for my welfare I heard? That couldn’t be possible. Could it? I nodded. “Yes, sir. I will.”
“Good. Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas. Keep me posted on, well, you know, your status.” Papers shuffled again. “Also, call your father soon. He misses you.”
I’d talked to him this morning. He’d sounded much better. Even though I had wanted to, I hadn’t told him about Carrie. I’d gotten close, but I decided to wait until we told her father. He didn’t need to be burdened with my secrets.
“Yes, sir,” I agreed. “I will.”
The phone clicked off, and I sat there blinking at it. That had to be the strangest conversation I’d ever had with him. I stood up, fully intent to go get dressed, but my phone buzzed again.
Jesus, what was with the calls tonight? I picked up my iPhone and glared down at it. I sighed and answered. “What’s up, Hernandez?”
“I won’t keep you long, but I have a few questions,” he said, his deep voice coming through the line with perfect clarity. “Can I run them by you real qu
ick?”
“Sure.” I walked to the closet. “But make it quick. Carrie will be here soon.”
“Right. So she knows I’ll be staying at your place while you’re away, right?”
“I’ll tell her tonight,” I answered distractedly. I’d left one suit unpacked, and I couldn’t find it. Ah, there it was, behind my jacket. I pulled it out. “What else?”
“She surfs, but she’s not supposed to surf without you?”
“Correct.” I flinched. “Though I didn’t tell her that part yet.”
“Okay. Please do. I don’t want to do it.”
“I will,” I said, yanking the tie off the hanger. “What else do you need to know?”
We spent five minutes going over her schedule, then Hernandez sighed. “Okay. I think I got it.”
“It’s easy. She goes to school. She studies. She shops.” I snorted. “It’ll be the easiest job you’ve ever had.”
Hernandez sighed. “Why does she need someone, anyway?”
“Got me.” I sat down on the edge of my bed. “She got kidnapped as a kid, so I guess he’s more paranoid than normal. Honestly? She’s fine alone, but don’t let that fool you into thinking you can relax. He will want constant updates—and if you let something happen to her? You’ll answer to me.”
Hernandez laughed. “Down, boy. I’m on it.”
“Good.” I paused. “Thanks, by the way. I appreciate it, man. I can’t go over there without knowing she’s okay, ya know?”
“I do.” Hernandez sighed. “Or, I guess I do. I mean, I’m not in love and never have been, but I heard it can be rough on the mind.”
I snorted again. “That’s putting it lightly.”
“I’ll take good care of her, bro. I promise.” I heard him shut a door or a cabinet. “You go focus on the job, and keep yourself safe.”
I hesitated. “If I don’t come back…”
“None of that,” Hernandez said. “You’ll come back.”
“But if I don’t,” I said, my heart squeezing tight. “Tell her I love her, and take care of her until she moves on. Okay?”
The OUT OF LINE Series Page 33