Ω
Getting back out of the truck after a long trip to pick up a pissed off dog, I hold the door open for his highness, and he slowly gets out, grunting like an old man along the way. They said the cast could come off in a few more weeks; thankfully the damage wasn’t as bad as it could have been. I swear, if he had the ability to flip me off, he’d be doing it about now. We would have gotten him sooner but it wasn’t possible. The elders banded us from leaving the compound until Leo had his head right, and until I had a couple things under control, too. Which was fine by me. To say we’ve been a mess is an understatement. It took me five days just to be able to walk the little way up to his aunt’s house without hyperventilating, and that was with Leo at my side. Amazing how being kidnapped again reverted me right back in some ways, but didn’t affect me in others after the last seven months of healing I’ve managed. My road to recovery had a helluva long way to go, but I’m definitely not where I was. The pride I have, standing here in broad daylight, is immense. Even in the middle of a small crowd with eyes all around, there is no inclination to run or cower. In that sense, I took my power back from the hands of my attacker. It also helped to know that the dirty scumbag was super dead. Leo’s methods might keep many up at night, but they somehow brought me comfort. Plus, I knew he’d never do anything to hurt me. Hell, he damn near falls over with guilt if he accidentally bumps me lately. It’s like me seeing him in that state shook him to the core, and he’s afraid that I am going to freak out and run on him.
We mosey up to the porch where Leo’s adoptive family is sitting. Even Silver is here, whom I’ve come to know as his dad. Seeing him makes me think that Leo might have to head back to club business already. My insides cringe at the thought of being away from him for any length of time. I’m just getting my bearings back, and that was a damn hard fight. The trajectory we’ve been placed on in the last two weeks has taken me further than what I managed on my own the previous six months or so; any setbacks at this point could be a slippery slope.
“Welcome back kids, the elders want to speak with you.” Silver turns his head, flicks the long braid over his shoulder and spits his dip juice on the dirt.
I turn to Leo to read his body language but don’t get much as he looks as genuinely surprised as me.
“Don’t have a panic attack, everything is gonna be all right.” Silver waves us up as Leo’s grandparents watch us intently. His great aunt, with the loveliest features, smiles slightly at me before drawing her mouth tight again.
We ascend the couple of steps to meet them on the porch, stopping to take up residence on a little bench before them. Leo’s giant ass and my not so small one were comically battling for space as we adjust.
Leo’s grandfather starts speaking in a Native tongue that I didn’t understand, so I wait for a translation. Leo’s jaw draws tight, and his face pales, his eyes getting as big as saucers. My heart begins to pound in my chest, and I do everything in my power not to freak out since I don’t know what is going on. As the old man finishes, my eyes have about bore a hole through Leo as I wait for a damn answer.
Leo just sits there, stunned.
“Leo,” I whisper, and look to his dad who still scares the shit out me, so I quickly advert my eyes.
“They want us to marry.” He quickly clears his throat.
“What?” I hiss while the walls close in around me and my hearing buzzes. They couldn’t be serious.
Leo begins saying something back in that language I didn’t know, a language I didn’t even know he could speak from a culture I didn’t even know he was a part of until recently. And we should get married? Silver jumps into the conversation with the two of them, and my head continues to spin, searching for their rationale. Why couldn’t they switch to a tongue I can understand? His great aunt’s warm, brown eyes find mine in an attempt to convey calmness in the stressful moment.
“They say the grandmothers have spoken, our souls are destined, and that our ancestors want me to hold the primary partnership place in your life, that your father has blessed this union as well. By me filling that role and unionizing, greater protection can be extended to you.”
Tears spike in my eyes at the random mention of my father, the rest a blur of words that hold little meaning. “I don’t even understand how marrying someone I barely know can give me more protection.”
Silver pulls out a little cigar from the inside of his cut and lights it, clearing his throat to talk as he goes. “Well…” His leathers squeak, and the elder women on the porch pull their blankets up further around their shoulders against the chilly air. “Truth is, the only reason the club backed Leo on your rescue is because of delicate matters we can’t speak about. But traditionally, there is no safe haven in this life for club whores or side pieces. Old ladies? That’s different, that’s family.” Leo’s face begins to deepen in color against the rays of the setting sun.
“So what you are saying is, by marrying Leo, I will fall under the protection of the club?” That’s the stupidest reason when we have other things in place like police officers.
“Not just the club baby girl, of our tribe’s ancestors as well. Leo may not be blood but he is our family. Your daddy being killed the way he was left a big ole hole in you, one that bad shit is gonna keep being attracted to. By taking on your destined husband, that will balance that out, take the bullseye off your back. Believe us or don’t, doesn’t really matter, truth is what it is.” He drags on the cigar, puffs of smoke circling around as the grandparents slowly sway in their rocking chairs like it is any other day.
“Well, we ain’t gonna go get hitched on that, not unless we really want to. We gotta have that conversation,” Leo directs at Silver, not liking being put on the spot or being told what to do.
“Have it then, we can wait. But you have to decide now, funny thing about revenge, there’s always collateral damage waiting on the outskirts.” Silver’s eyes intensify as the lines around his face deepen, he suddenly looks entirely older than he really is.
With a nod to his father, Leo turns toward me before dropping to one knee, squeezing his large body between my legs so that he can rest his forehead against mine. “Luna, calm those wheels for a moment, darlin’.” He uses that calm, deep tone that he saves just for me.
I gulp. Was all this just some elaborate bullshit to trap me in another sense? Did they really have my best interests in mind? Did my dad’s spirit really come into this mess or are they trying to manipulate me too.
“Luna.” The sound of his voice brings me back around, his blue eyes anchoring me into this present moment. “I wanted to do this better, like with the horses and shit, set it all up because I know how much they mean to you. Bein’ rushed doesn’t change the fact that I had planned on doin’ this anyhow, later on down the line. You tame the deranged monster inside of me without even tryin’, you give me hope in a world where I thought I was hopeless. I’d die for my family, and my brothers, but I’ve never found somethin’ to live for. Not until you came along. I ain’t sayin’ this because we are under the wire, you can say no, and I’ll still love the hell out of you and do everything in my power to protect you. Hell, you could walk away completely and that wouldn’t change.” He pauses, needing a minute as his eyes brighten in color. “You are the profound stillness that cracks a soul open with truths that are impossible to hide from. You make me look deep within myself at things I was once too fearful of to even try. You are my strength, my beacon, my home. I would be the lucky one to stand by your side as your husband. Would you do me the honor?”
Now I am the one who needs a minute. This man usually exists in a series of grunts and one word answers. Only here and there under the cover of moonlight has he opened up and talked more. Those were brief moments that I grasped onto and wrenched out as many details about him as possible. I still don’t feel like I know him very well, just look at all that I’ve learned over the last two weeks, hell, the last almost seven months. In all honesty, it doesn’t feel like I’ve
really even gotten to know myself on any real level until recently, until I was faced with the decision to either rot on the inside or pony up.
Taking a deep breath, I turn inward to face myself, to bring the question to the two different people within me that I am still getting to know. I ask the broken, beaten down Luna and the warrior version what they want. Both turn to me with confliction in their eyes, not feeling ready to answer such a life defining question. Before words fail me as the eager blue eyes search mine, something flutters in my chest. A little, glowing girl with flowers in her long, black hair innocently bounds into the internal meeting of minds. It’s been a long time since I’ve even acknowledged the child version of myself. She’s always been so pure, untainted from the true horrors of life. She’s been long forgotten. My heart aches for her as I realize this part of me never really got the time or the nurturing that she deserved, a foundational part that got slighted big time. What do you want little moonbeam? I ask myself, but it’s not my voice that I hear, it’s my fathers as he was the only one that ever called me that. She giggles and laughs as she spins on her heel, running off into a memory of the open fields where our family horses ran. I hear her voice, full of light and joy as she responds with, I want whatever makes me laugh, whatever lets me run free. The horses begin to run next to her, a wild little thing full of life that can’t be tamed. Funny, the world is always wanting to tame people, to put them in comprehensive boxes in line with the majority of society’s comprehension. Anything outside of the masses elicited fear, it challenged their sense of personal understanding and safety. Leo and I never will fit in those boxes; we are wild hearts wanting to run free, who run well together. I’ve always loved that about us, how we can just be, even in our crazy. It may not make sense to the rest of the world, but it makes sense to me. He too, gives me hope in a hopeless world, makes me love myself when the hate creeps in. A definite yin to my yang.
“How many languages do you speak? How many countries have you been to? If you were stranded on a desert island, what is the one thing you’d have to bring.” My rambling brings a smug turn to his lips.
“I speak five, I’ve been to most of them except places like Antarctica and a few small scattered ones, and Steel.” His smirk grows as my eyes go wide, a little hurt that he didn’t say something romantic like me. “What? Did you hear how he was bitchen’ just after two weeks? I go and get stranded without him, he’d die and come back as something horrible just to fuck with me. I’d never hear the end of it.” His smartass grin spreads across his face as I slap his shoulder. “Of course I’m gonna say you, darlin’.”
That joyous little version of myself erupts out and into the present in a fit of happy, ridiculous giggles as I throw my arms around him.
“Is that a yes?”
“Yes.” He really is a special kind of fucked up built just for me.
Chapter 15
Luna
I lean back against Bex’s leather covered headboard trying like hell not to think about what kind of kinky things have gone on in this place. These two have no shame when it comes to their escapades.
“You agreed?” Bex’s scratchy voice is a shit ton better than where it was, but it still isn’t back to normal. It’s all that I can do to not get emotional over what we went through together.
I sigh heavily.
“How can you really love a monster like that asshole,” Bex asks with a dismissive flick of hand. She’s still got her spunk, thank God.
“He accepts me completely, demons and all. He inspires my submission with one look but asks that I never stop running wild by his side. He gives me the sky to spread my wings yet keeps a home for me within his heart. He’d move heaven and earth if I asked, but knows that I have the strength to do it myself. He reads me better than I read myself, giving me what I need when I didn’t even know that I needed it, and in turn, I do the same for him. He’s my perfect asshole.”
“You could have just said ‘he’s my perfect asshole’ and saved the rest of that shit ya know.” She smirks, her smile as beautiful as ever despite the fading bruises.
“So, you gonna be my maid of honor?” I laugh as her face screws up.
“Fuck you, no.”
“How have you been really?” I change the subject back to the real reason I came. I haven’t seen her since that horrendous night.
“Surviving.” Bex lets out a long breath and leans her head back.
“Tank said there was no other damage aside from your neck?” They had done a rape kit on her and it was negative. My eyes shift away to the lavender walls of their love nest. Purple was a new color to me for a bedroom, but she did a wonderful job pulling it together with leather accents and touches of green, it reminded me of a spa actually.
“Yeah, I remember everything a little too vividly too. I’ll spare you the details but, rest assured, no one touched the goods. It was a good fight until they restrained me. They were getting ready to do more, I was screaming in my head because nothing would come out of my mouth. It was like the big man upstairs heard me, because someone came and yelled at the one pinning me down, and they all ran out of the house. The front door slammed shut when I started to pass out. Woke up with Tank blubbering like a sissy over me.” Her fingers gingerly trace the fading yellow and green marks around her neck. They have healed well.
“Did the guys tell you anything about that night? What they found?” Leo wouldn’t tell me shit, only confirm the little bits that I could remember, which isn’t much. It all got blocked out with the exception of that scene where I watched him with a sick fascination as he punished my attacker. Oh, and the stuff Pinkie said to me right before Leo burst in. He went on about who I belonged to, and what sick things he was going to do to me. Those fucking nasty ass teeth and their horrendous smell spraying spittle all over my face as he went on and on. Only time will tell what vivid details of the acts he did succeed in performing will start to leach the joy from my life in clips of flashbacks and dreams that don’t make sense. Even with all the meditation and talk therapy stuff I’ve been doing with the elders, trying to balance back out, my memory remains on lockdown… for now. Hell, maybe I’ve been doing it wrong, who knows.
“Nah, they are tight lipped about it all, you know that.” She reaches over to the oversized nightstand and grabs her glass of water to sip on.
“Assholes. I want to know what else happened, how Steel got hurt, how those pieces of shit even got through all the damn people who were watching the house. Hell, I want to know where were our damn guns? I can’t remember what happened after they burst in. I reached for my gun that I know I left on the nightstand, then I’ve got nothing. Something feels majorly off, like it was a set up.” I’ve tried talking to Leo about that suspicion but he blows me off.
“I heard Tank whisper something or another along the lines of ‘they got a snow job.’ Not new info though. All I know is that we went to bed, and I woke up with a big ass, stanky-as-fuck, cum dumpster with his hand over my mouth.” Bex sounds matter of fact, but also as if it doesn’t bother her.
“How are you so calm over it, like it ain’t no thang.” Maybe she has a tip for my sorry ass. Lord knows I still need all the help that can be found.
“Girl please, don’t even try to sneak up on me nowadays or I will shoot you. Can’t sleep without Tank home either. Just doing the best I can every day.” Her face falls slightly before she blows it off.
“Maybe I’m just too messed up.” Sadness licks at the seat of my soul, making me doubt that I can really ever have a normal life.
“Bitch please, you are a huge reason why I don’t wallow. Look at you, all thriving and shit after surviving something a million times worse than what happened to me. I’m not down playing any of it, simply saying that you give me hope, give me perspective. Woman, you better take that brain and all of your experience and go help some other folks someday. It’s selfish of us to keep you all to ourselves.” Bex reaches over and laces her fingers through mine. I give her a squeez
e, letting her words sink in, warming my heart as they go.
“I want to, I really do. Learning what I have over the last few weeks, added to the years I managed before all of this, has helped but has also shown me the holes in my knowledge that need to be filled in. School was extremely clinical, it didn’t address some things in depth like when we start questioning God, and what it’s all for, what is the reason stuff like this happens to good people. If we could bridge survivors past the textbooks, and include their spiritual and emotional well-being in with their mentals, we could really make a huge difference.” Passion and excitement fill my words.
“Well, I’d take advice from you any day over some suit in an office that doesn’t even know first-hand what it’s like to have your power ripped away… or what a gut shuffler is.” Bex busts up laughing, and I drop her hand immediately.
“Really? We going there?” I raise a brow and smile.
“What? We were having a moment.” Bex snorts and tips her glass again, her voice slowly giving out from all the talking.
“Only you, momma.” She is her own special brand for sure. Slipping down under the comforter, I pull the blankets higher. She swore she washed everything before our slumber party. I told her if I saw one suspicious stain, I was leaving for good. It was no secret how her and her man liked it, and we were into some of the same stuff, but some things should stay private even between friends. The guys had to go on a run and life was rapidly having to get back to as normal as possible. I didn’t feel comfortable sleeping at the club or our place while Leo was gone. Bex felt the same. So here we are, with a few brothers out in the living room, and a security camera on the ceiling that linked directly to Tank’s phone.
Winter's Absolution (Obsidian Blades MC Book 1) Page 20