by Joya Ryan
Herself. Her body.
She shook with need.
She wanted to give over her control to Dex and live in that fantasy for one night. It didn’t mean she was giving over her control for long. Didn’t mean they had a relationship or anything. But she knew enough about herself to understand that giving him control would in its own way show how much control she finally had. And if it made his life easier training her, then she felt good about that, too.
“Well, why don’t I feed you first?” he said and walked to the table. She’d been too busy admiring the rustic cottage to notice two plates and a big bowl set in the center of the table.
“You want to feed me? I don’t have to forage for it myself?”
He pulled out her chair. “Not tonight.”
The bowl had a massive amount of pasta in it. And it smelled amazing.
“So you can cook?”
“I can boil water and open a can,” he said and dished it up. It was funny how gentlemanly he could be. Manners and kindness and grace. Things one wouldn’t expect when looking at a man like Dex. But he had charm, that polite southern boy thing that made his wild side all the more exciting.
He sat next to her and ate his own pasta.
She looked at him, then the food. “So, is this some kind of luring trick?”
He smiled. “You’re skeptical.”
“I’ve met you. There’s an ulterior motive here.”
“Oh, absolutely there is. I want you to up your caloric intake since I plan on running you low on energy.” He lifted his chin at the pasta. “It’s called carbo loading. So eat up, princess. Long night ahead.”
Now she was excited and curious about what he had planned. Hopefully a night of wild sex. But this was nice in a different way. Sitting at a table and having a meal with him hit something in her chest she realized she’d been missing. Family.
Obviously Dex wasn’t family. But she couldn’t remember ever sitting at a table with her parents and having a conversation or pasta. If she was honest, somewhere scribbled in her notebook of desires, she’d find “a home cooked meal and eye contact” on the list. It sounded stupid, but those were two things she’d always longed for but been denied.
“So,” he twirled his pasta, “tell me how you got into the boutique business.”
He was asking about her. Wanting to know her. She wasn’t sure if opening up like this was really wise, but she went with it since everything in his voice and how he looked at her was genuine.
“I expect a fair exchange,” she said.
He grinned. “Of course you do. What, you give me some details about you, and I do your chores? You have some windows you need replaced?”
“No, I want to know how you got into the search and rescue business.”
The question seemed to shock him. Did no one really ask about his life?
“Beauty before brawn,” he said.
“Well, I’ve always liked pretty things.”
He snorted and nodded and took a bite of pasta. He was going to make a crack about her upbringing or class or whatever, she could tell, so she moved past that quickly.
“I’ve also wanted something of my own. Something I could create and be proud of.” She twirled her pasta now, but it was so she could avert her eyes.
“You should be proud,” he said. “That’s a hell of a shop you have. All class and perfection. You did that.”
His words made warm fuzzies dance up her spine. She was so used to defending every move she made. Explaining and re-explaining her choices, decisions, and above all, why she’d left. No one took her seriously. Not her father and his weekly calls, trying to get her to come home. Not with the looks everyone had given her as she’d left town, like they were basically waiting for her to fail.
But Dex was different. He told her to be proud. And more, he looked at her like he believed she could succeed.
“Is that why you have all those lists?” he asked. “A way to organize and check off all the things you want?”
She thought about that for a moment. “I guess it is. I figure if I write it down, it makes it real. If I can tackle a certain bullet point, I have physical proof that I can do it.”
He nodded. “That makes sense. It’s like taking a concept and turning it tangible.”
She smiled. “Exactly.” Which was why she was so stuck on this independence idea. All the things she’d listed, from sex, to success, to desires, it was all part of checking off reasons she was okay. Competent. Whole. Something to cling to when she was worried failure was creeping in.
“Will you tell me something on your list that you haven’t done yet?” he asked. “And just assume that I have all the bedroom stuff covered.” He gave her a wink, and she couldn’t help but blush a little. But his eyes were serious for a moment. “Something important to you,” he said.
She bit the inside of her cheek and debated telling him one thing she’d been dying to do. One that would horrify her parents and would make her feel more free than anything else she could think of.
“I want to fall,” she said.
He frowned. “Fall? Like trust buddies at camp? You fall back, and I’ll catch you kind of thing?”
“No,” she laughed. “Like fall from a high place. I don’t care if it’s skydiving or bungie jumping… I just want to look at the world below me and fall.”
He raised a brow. “Is that right?” The way he said it made her think his mind was working on a wicked idea. After a second of him obviously cooking up something, he nodded and took another bite of his food. “Noted,” he said with a full-on smile, dimples and all.
“Now it’s your turn to tell me about you,” she said.
“Not much to tell, princess. Pretty simple guy.”
“You know it’s the guys who call themselves simple who are the most complex.”
He laughed. “I could poke holes in that theory all day long.”
She was grinning like a fool again. This man was so easy to talk to. He held her attention and looked at her like he was listening.
“Come on,” she pushed. “I told you about my lists and all that. Give me something here.”
“I give what’s asked of me,” he said casually, but there was definitely more behind those words.
“Okay.” She could see that. He was a serve and protect kind of guy. “But what do you want?”
He looked at her like he didn’t understand the question. “I’m pretty happy,” he said. For some reason, Michelle didn’t one-hundred percent buy that. “I’ve been here my whole life. I have good friends. Good job I enjoy. Well, for the most part. Family.” He glanced at his plate and took another bite.
“When you grow up somewhere, you get a reputation,” she said carefully. “What’s yours?” She didn’t mean it in a bad way, but she knew this to be true. She was known back home as her last name, not as a person. If Dex had grown up here, sure, he had good friends and family, but what kind of reputation did he have? Her mind shot to what Natalie had said about him being a good guy…but a one night at a time kind of guy as well.
“It’s no secret I have a reputation,” he said. “But it’s not an overly bad one.”
“Is it an honest one?”
He hit her with that searing gaze. “I guess. I’m a product of a scandal, so that kind of thing tends to linger. But in terms of women…” Her brows peaked, and he shrugged. “In terms of women, there’s a certain expectation.”
“What expectation?”
He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “That I’m a good time for one night at a time.”
It was her turn to glance down now. Dex was strong and fun to be around. He was a self-proclaimed tough guy with a sense of humor, but did no one stick around for longer than a night with him?
Isn’t that what I’m doing?
Wasn’t that what she’d done?
Thanks to her ex, relationships were something she needed to stay away from. Besides, Dex didn’t seem interested in a relationship, either. But to
night felt…nice. Talking, getting to know him, and him getting to know her. It wasn’t serious. Definitely not a relationship. But it was…refreshing.
“All right, enough about me. I want to hear more about your business and what you’re wearing under your dress.” He tossed her another wink.
Speaking of what was under her dress…
“I love running my shop, but honestly, I want to do more…” she admitted. In the back of her mind she was a tad worried about the longevity of her shop. She needed to sell more. But she also wanted to pursue her dream in its entirety.
“Oh? Tell me.”
She glanced at him, and those green eyes looked genuinely interested. She would regret it later, but why not tell him? This was all going to end anyway.
“I want to design lingerie.”
His fork clinked against his plate. “I fully support that idea.”
She laughed, but he was dead serious, and the praise in his voice and eyes did something funny to her chest.
“I um…I kind of already have a few pieces. Just something I do for fun. But maybe someday it can be more.”
He sat back in his chair. “So, these pieces. Can I see them?”
She smiled. She was wearing her own design tonight, actually. And yeah, she wanted to show him. But first…
“You have to tell me about you.”
He nodded. “Pretty simple guy. I grew up here. Was in the Army at eighteen, out at twenty-six, and have been doing SAR since.”
“You’re a civil servant. Like to help others.”
He shrugged, but she saw it. He was a good man, just like she’d been told. He was capable and strong—also things she knew—but he chose to be easy and fun and kind all at the same time. Working for others by helping and serving. All while commanding his world and having fun. It was a gift. She wanted to grab on to all that special kind of power he possessed. She wanted to grab on to him.
“I like to be useful,” he said. “We all have a part to play. I figured out what role I was cast in at a young age. And I’m happy to play that part. That’s all.”
There was a raw honesty to his admission that made her heart twist. Like there was an edge of pain behind his words.
“I understand playing the part,” she admitted. She knew how it felt to be her father’s daughter, Brad’s fiancé, but never herself. It was hard to face the expectations and judgments others had put on her. They’d told her what it meant to be a good woman. A good daughter. A good wife. And it had nearly broken her to walk away from their support. But she couldn’t keep living a lie. She had to find out who she really was, even if it meant facing the disapproval of the people she’d once looked up to.
Dex seemed to understand that. His silence spoke volumes, and so did his careful words.
“Now,” he said, casual charm back in gear. He pushed his plate away and put his elbows on the table. He wove his hands together and stared her down. “I’m interested in you. Tell me about these designs of yours.”
It was her turn to be bold. She wanted to grab hold of Dex, a walking, talking adventure, and that want was turning into a need.
“I could tell you about them,” she said and rose to stand. “Or I could show you?”
His jaw slackened, and his eyes ran from her breasts to her legs and back up.
“Teasing is not something I take kindly to inside my own wilderness, princess,” he warned, but there was desire behind his eyes. Not just for what he wanted, but for the small piece of her she’d revealed that was genuine and true.
“I’m not teasing. I’m wearing my favorite design. Do you think that’s a coincidence?”
“I think it’s a damn miracle, and I’m a lucky son of a bitch.” There was that charm that made her feel seen. Made her feel sexy and wanton. Not at all like an uptight snob. When he looked at her like he was right then, she could almost pretend she was the kind of woman she wanted to be.
Fun. Spontaneous. Adventurous.
He made her feel that way. And she wanted to soak it in while she could.
She walked toward him, slowly. He pushed out his chair, facing her, watching her like there was nothing else in the world he’d rather look at. And having a man like him look at her that way made her feel like a prize.
“Once again,” she said, taking another slow step until she was five feet in front of him, “I expect a fair trade.”
He put his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair, happy to gaze at her.
“You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine,” he said.
She raised a brow, ready to yell, “Deal!” but he cut her off.
“But as soon as you’re down to your pretty custom lingerie, I’m going to give you the training you asked for.”
That made her frown. She didn’t want to train; she wanted to enjoy him. Wanted to please him.
“At-ah. No pouting. Not on my turf, princess.” He looked her over with raw heat. “Don’t worry, though; some of what I have in mind will wait until tomorrow. For now, we can stay in tonight.”
That made her beam. Last time they’d been together, he’d been on her turf and her time, and now the tables were turned. Tit for tat was proving to be tricky, and the best game she’d ever played. There was a time for control and a time to concede. She’d gotten her way the other night. Now she had to put her fate in Dex’s hands. Like the first night she’d met him.
“You’re the boss,” she said, and judging by the look on his face, that was the best thing she could have said.
“Ah, baby, say it again. Only slower and while you strip.”
She smiled and gave a small shimmy as she let one strap of her dress fall down her shoulder.
“You…Dex,” she exaggerated how she breathed his name, but he was eating it up with a big grin. “Mmm, you’re the boss.”
“Fuck yeah,” he said. She could definitely play this game, and so could he. His attention was wrapped on her. She let the other strap fall and started unzipping the back of the dress.
She felt sexy and flirty all at the same time, because Dex was looking at her like she was both of those things. Carefree and fun. She slowly let the dress come down until it pooled at her feet.
She kept her high heels on as she stepped from the dress and faced Dex in nothing but lace and silk that had taken her three weeks to hand stitch together.
“Sweet Jesus,” Dex said on an exhale, his green eyes raking over her entire body. Pausing at her breasts in the detailed demi cups. Then he trailed that gaze down to her panties. The lace lined her hips perfectly. Wearing these items made her feel powerful, but having Dex look at her in them? Made her feel special.
“Any critique?” she asked, a little nervous.
He shook his head. “Any man that has one word of critique for you is a damn fool. And I’m a lot of things, baby, but a fool isn’t one of them.”
A blush hit her cheeks, and she wanted to walk right over and plant herself against the sweet SAR and not come up for air until she’d fully kissed the breath from him. But she was on his time now. In his wilderness. And she had to play by his rules to survive.
“I have one request,” he said, his eyes meeting her face. “I’d love a full view of your amazing work on your amazing body.”
With a small grin, she slowly turned, displaying her ass and the thong panties and matching bra she was proud of.
She heard him hiss, and she looked over her shoulder. He was staring her up and down, running his big palm over his mouth and shaking his head.
“Something wrong?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’m trying to figure out where you came from.”
“New York,” she said honestly.
He adjusted in his seat, and if she wasn’t mistaken, there was a hard rod tenting his jeans. Just looking at her turned him on? That made her feel powerful in a way she’d never experienced.
She slowly turned back around and faced him.
“Well, boss man, now that you have me here, what
are you going to do with me?” she asked.
A wicked, sexy gleam hit his eyes. “A hell of a lot more than I was planning on.”
Dex could die now. He had seen the finest thing ever created, and her name was Michelle. He could officially hit the pearly gates a happy man. To hell with that, he wanted to experience the finest thing he’d ever seen until he did die. Because holy hell, the woman was stunning. Long, creamy legs, wild, red hair that was down and loose and so rich that he wanted to run his fingers through it. And that wicked black lace that barely covered her? Perfection.
Yeah, he was lucky. And he’d ride that luck until she discarded him. Because she was incredible. Strong-willed and stubborn and standing before him in nothing but her hard work. That was brave. But what bothered him was what he saw on her face—a little insecurity.
Something he was set to change.
He stood and took one step toward her. “You’re beautiful,” he said, and those pretty blue eyes softened. He reached out and trailed the back of his fingers from her ribs to her hip, watching that milky skin jump with goose bumps beneath his touch. “And your design is incredible. I don’t know what it takes to make these, but that’s what you should be doing.” He traced the lace around her hips. “You have talent.”
The way she looked at him made him feel like a man. As though with one compliment, he’d just changed her whole world. Hell, it wasn’t even a compliment, it was just the truth. She was talented.
“If you need a second opinion, I’m happy to watch you model whatever designs you make in the future. You know, to be helpful.”
She laughed. “Oh, you’re so kind.”
He shrugged. “I live to serve.”
It was funny how she’d pegged him on that earlier. He did like to be needed. People called out for him, and he went running. Being discarded or ignored never sat well with him, no matter how much of a reality it was in his world. Class, money, and title mattered. To a lot of people, at least. And Dex always came up short. So what he lacked in highbrow reputation, he made up for with fun and an easygoing time.
Which was what Michelle was looking for. They both had their reasons for not expecting or wanting any more.