by Dorie Graham
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mind all this.” The woman gestured to a bench overflowing with clothes and a stack of bulging cartons. “Dylan inspired us. We’re cleaning out closets and giving away everything that we don’t use anymore.”
Nikki nodded. A vision of Dylan’s master bedroom and its closet still filled with Kathy’s clothes drifted through her mind. He may have been ready to lose the furniture and decorations, but he hadn’t quite gotten around to parting with Kathy’s most personal possessions.
“I’m Rebecca Benson. I’m so happy to meet you. I would have been at the gala but my mother was ill.”
“I hope she’s well now.”
“She’s fine. Nothing that a good antibiotic and some pampering won’t take care of. Now, what can I get you to drink?”
“Oh, what are you having?”
“Strawberry iced tea.”
“Sounds wonderful.”
Rebecca led her to a brightly lit kitchen. Life-size sunflowers were painted on one wall. The scent of roasting herbs and spices drifted in the air.
“Have a seat.” Rebecca nodded toward the large oak table with mismatched chairs. “Steven just called. He’s running a little late but should be here any moment.”
“I hope I’m not keeping you from anything.”
“Not at all. I’m glad to have you to myself for a few minutes.”
Nikki smiled and took the glass Rebecca offered, sipping the sweet tea. “This is good.”
“I’m so glad Dylan met you, Nikki. He deserves to be happy and, from what I can tell, you’ve brought more than a little joy into his life.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
“I heard about what happened at the party and I can’t tell you how sorry I am.”
“I probably shouldn’t have gone.”
“I hate those things myself. The Cains invite us from time to time, mostly because Steven and Dylan are so close. But otherwise we don’t really have an association with them.”
“They do seem an elite group.”
Rebecca laughed. “That’s one way of putting it.” She leaned forward, her green eyes intense. “I never met Kathy, but I’ve heard stories from Steven. You know, the three of them practically grew up together.” She gazed out the garden window over the sink. “I wonder what would have become of Dylan without Steven…without Kathy.”
“Rebecca, do you know anything about her relationship with Dylan’s parents?”
“That I do know a little of. They never approved of her. She wasn’t ‘elite’ enough for them. Came from the wrong bloodline, I guess.”
“I got a taste of the way they treated Dylan the other night. I can only imagine how hard it must have been for her.”
“She was a trooper, though.” Steven stepped into the room. “So sorry for keeping you waiting. I see my dear wife has occupied you.”
“She’s been very hospitable.”
“Hi, honey.” Rebecca tilted her face up as Steven planted a kiss on her lips. “You were right. She’s absolutely lovely.”
“Our Dylan has always had the best taste in women. Only the cream of the crop for him.” He squeezed Rebecca’s shoulders and the warmth between the two flowed outward toward Nikki. “He’s following my example.”
He sat in a chair beside Rebecca and she leaned in toward him. “We were talking about Kathy and Dylan’s parents.”
“She had a lot of tolerance for them. For years she stood up to them, even though they snubbed her at every opportunity.” He shook his head. “I don’t know why he didn’t just wash his hands of them years ago.”
“Their approval has always been so important to him.” Rebecca frowned. “But he stuck to his guns with Kathy.”
“He insisted on bringing her with him to every function they attended. I suppose he hoped to wear them down eventually—that they’d get to know her and at least accept her.” Steven rubbed a spot on the table. “I don’t think he understood how low they were willing to stoop.”
He paused a long while as he gazed into the distance. “The night of the accident Dylan had passed the bar and they—Mitch and Lillian—threw him a big party, of course.” He focused on Nikki and sorrow and sympathy swirled in his eyes. His love for Dylan and Kathy was vibrant and sad at once. “Dylan and Kathy were going to announce their engagement. Lillian caught wind of it, though. My guess is that Kathy had confided in Evelyn.” He shrugged. “Evelyn has always been the daughter Lillian never had. It isn’t hard to figure that Evelyn had told her.”
Nikki leaned forward. “Steven, what happened that night?”
He glanced at Rebecca, who patted his hand, then back at Nikki. “I don’t know all the details. Dylan has never spoken of it, but I can tell you what I pieced together.
“It was storming so bad, I thought they might call off the party. Unfortunately they didn’t. I was there, toasting Dylan, just like the other night. Same faces, same stories. I hate those things. Only went for Dylan…and Kathy. She hated them even more than I did.” The kitchen light shone in his hair as he shook his head. “It was like each time she was on trial…and found lacking. She put up a strong front for Dylan.”
“They couldn’t appreciate her, could they?” Nikki asked softly, her heart going out to the beautiful blonde in Dylan’s photographs.
“No, and it seemed the harder he tried to force her on them, the worse it got. I guess it all came to a head that night. I didn’t find out until later that Dylan had finally gotten up the nerve to ask Kathy to marry him. It should have been a happy time for them.”
He was quiet for a moment, lost in thought. Then he continued his story. “I saw it from across the room. It was pretty crowded and the storm was blasting away. Lillian and Mitchell had Kathy cornered. It was impossible to hear from that distance, but any one could see how upset she was. My guess is they made some attempt to run her off before Dylan announced the engagement.”
Whatever was roasting in the oven hissed and crackled. Rebecca went to turn down the heat, then refill the glasses. Steven waited until she was again seated. “All I know is that whatever they said upset her enough that she went tearing out of there in an awful hurry. She was crying. I could see that even though I was still too far away to stop her.
“Dylan ran after her, but he was too late. She took off in the rain without waiting for the valet. The storm had gotten even worse, with thunder booming and lightning streaking all across the sky. It was a horrible, horrible night. She must have had an extra set of keys, because I could hear her tires squealing by the time I hit the front steps. Dylan was already racing down the driveway after her.”
He shook his head. “She lost control around the first bend. I still remember the sound of it—her tires locking, that…boom…when she hit the power pole.” He stopped.
Rebecca covered his hand with hers. “I’m so sorry, Steven. I know in your own way you loved her, too.”
He nodded. “Dylan hasn’t been the same ever since.”
Nikki closed her eyes and let out her breath. At least now she knew. “He’s blamed them all this time, hasn’t he?”
A frown marked Steven’s brow. “You mean, Lillian and Mitchell?”
“Yes, he blames them for her death.”
Steven considered for a moment. “I guess I never thought of it that way, but, yes, I think you could be right. You know, he quit the firm.”
“No, I didn’t know.” At least there was that. Maybe now he’d move on with his life.
“The other night at the gala…after you…left.”
“Well…” She pushed away from the table. “Thank you for sharing Kathy’s story with me.”
“What will you do now?” Rebecca asked.
“I’m not sure. He opened such a small part of his life to me and I forced my way into the rest. Now I have to face the consequences.” She heaved a sigh. “It’s over between us. He made that clear the other night.”
“But, Nikki, wait. Don’t you see?” Steven reac
hed for her.
“See what?”
“He blamed his family for Kathy’s death. So he kept you away from them. In some odd, irrational way, he was protecting you.”
“But why? They didn’t pose any threat to me.”
“Why else? He did it because he cares for you—probably more than he even realizes. No doubt it scared the hell out of him to see you there reenacting the scene with them.”
She paused a long moment. Could Steven be right? Had Dylan purposely kept her from his family in order to protect her from them? “So what should I do?”
Steven’s gaze grew intense. “Do you care for him? Really care for him?”
“Yes.”
“Then don’t give up on him, Nikki. You’ve got to give him another chance.”
She nodded slowly. Maybe Steven was right. But how would she convince Dylan to take that chance?
14
NIKKI TURNED THE KNOB ON Sophie’s front door and sighed. No matter the troubles weighing her, arriving on her aunt’s doorstep always seemed to lighten them. Sophie would have the answers. She’d know exactly what to say to help Nikki find her way through this fiasco with Dylan.
She pushed the door open and breathed in the aromatic scent of herbs hanging from the ceiling of Sophie’s entryway.
Yes, she felt better already.
The soft clink of dishes in the kitchen drew her. What was Sophie brewing now? A tonic to quiet a cough? Special tea to calm one’s worries? Soup to soothe the soul?
Nikki followed the sounds, stopping just inside the arched entry. Sunlight dipped through the parted curtains over the large porcelain sink. There, glancing up in surprise, a bottle of vodka in her hand, stood Maggie.
A smile spread across her face, and for just an instant Nikki could believe her mother was actually pleased to see her. She paused, uncomfortable to be caught alone with Maggie so unexpectedly. Old anger and resentment rose in her, mixing with a newfound curiosity.
“Nikki.” Maggie motioned with the bottle. “I was just fixing myself a screwdriver. Would you like one?”
“Sophie’s not here?”
Her mother’s lips thinned a fraction and something that might have been hurt registered briefly in her eyes before she smiled and finished pouring her drink. “No, she had a date.”
“A date?”
“Uh-huh, with a rather dashing gentleman, I must say.”
So no tea, no soup. Just Maggie and vodka. Well, Maggie always had been nothing if not unexpected.
Nikki’s gaze fell to the two glasses on the table. “Were you expecting someone?”
A small smile played across her mother’s lips. “I just had a feeling. Join me?”
Nikki hesitated a long moment before moving to the table. “Sure.”
“Take a seat.” Maggie handed her the drink, then sat in one of the big oak chairs that had held at least two generations of McClellan women.
“Thomas had a feeling we’d be seeing you. Why didn’t you call and let us know you were coming?”
“I was going to call you girls as soon as I caught my breath. I got in this afternoon.”
“If you’re tired I can go.”
“The jet lag hasn’t set in yet. I’ll get a good night’s sleep tonight and be fine tomorrow.”
“You do always seem to bounce back.” In fact, as Nikki thought about it, it seemed her mother had lived an unusually healthy life. And she’d kept her youthful demeanor. She’d been mistaken for the girls’ sister on more than one occasion. Did this have anything to do with the McClellan gift?
Maggie took a long swallow of her drink, then set down her glass. She cocked her head at Nikki. “So how are you? Everything still going well at the clinic?”
“Oh, yeah, great.”
“But something’s not right.”
Of course she wouldn’t be able to hide anything from her mother. “I’ve been better.”
Maggie’s forehead puckered for a moment, then she nodded. “It’s a man, isn’t it?”
“Why didn’t you tell us?”
“Tell you what?”
Nikki gestured with her glass. “About the McClellan heritage—our…gift.”
Her mother gazed at her as if she were trying to comprehend the question.
“You could have mentioned that we were…special.”
“Ah, sweetheart, weren’t you with me through all those years?”
“Well, yes, but—”
“Why did I need to explain what you could see with your own eyes?”
“But you have to understand that we…may not have interpreted what was happening quite the way you might have wanted us to.”
“Those who aren’t ready to see can’t be made to see.”
“You could have tried.”
“Would you have listened?”
Nikki paused. Her family legacy had been hard enough to hear coming from Sophie. Would she have heard the truth from Maggie?
“I don’t know.”
Maggie sat straight in her chair. “I make no excuses for the way I have lived my life or for how I’ve raised you girls. You have each grown to be beautiful, successful, self-reliant individuals. I am exceedingly proud of all of you. There isn’t a thing I’d change. Would you?”
Nikki stared at her mother for a long moment. Was her independence and current success in life worth the sacrifice of a loving relationship with her mother? “I’m not sure.”
Disappointment flickered in Maggie’s eyes. She drank deeply from the glass. “So you’ve fallen in love.”
Nikki swallowed past the tightening in her throat. She hadn’t meant to cause her mother any grief. “Is it so obvious? I’ve only just figured it out myself.”
“I feared this for you. Not the falling in love part, that’s a given. But the thing you’re having trouble with is the letting go. Isn’t it?”
Nikki nodded. “Thomas says you fall in love every time.”
“I do.” She frowned. “How else?”
“But…none of it is meant to last. How can you let yourself love someone if you know you have to let them go?”
“A sunset doesn’t last, yet its beauty is intricately tied to its transience,” Maggie explained.
“How? How do you let go when it’s time?”
“When it’s time, then letting go is the most natural thing in the world.”
“Doesn’t it hurt?”
“Nikki, do you remember when you were eight and you and Tess found that bird with the bent wing?”
Nikki gestured impatiently. “And Sophie helped us nurse it back to health and, yes, it was wonderful letting it go and watching it fly away. But you can’t compare my relationships with men to healing that bird.”
“You loved the bird.”
Nikki stared at her in exasperation. “Yes, I loved the bird, but not in the same way.”
“Exactly.” Maggie sat back, smiling as though they’d solved everything.
“Why am I bothering?” Nikki pushed away from the table. She should have known better than to solicit advice from her mother.
“Just like loving the bird was different, so is the letting go.”
Nikki paused. The memory of Dylan, his face deadly calm, the darkness of his despair shrouding him, seeping out to cut through her like a million knives. The room blurred. “But he ended it and he was in so much pain.”
“Oh, my…a wounded soul.”
“There was nothing natural or beautiful about it.” Tears streamed down Nikki’s cheeks. She swiped at them, horrified to be falling apart in front of her mother. Never, not since she’d been a very young child, had she let Maggie see her cry.
“But don’t you see? The time wasn’t right. He fights the healing.”
“So what do you do with a man who insists on living with his ghosts?”
“I’d say you haven’t much choice.” She shook her head. “I have never encountered this, so it’s hard to say, but it seems his wounds run deep. Either this is part of his life lesson—
not to heal—or you’ll need extra care to heal him.”
“He doesn’t want anything to do with me.”
“For now, he may say that, but I’m betting a time will come when he will have to choose between continuing his suffering and joining the living.”
“What if he’s already made that choice?”
Maggie gripped her shoulder. “If you truly love him, you have to believe he’ll choose life.”
Nikki nodded. Was there still hope for Dylan?
“Then, when the time comes, you must be there, ready to love him heart and soul.”
“And how do I face each day until then?”
“That part is easy. You hone your craft.”
“What do you mean?”
“You have a gift. A master pianist might be gifted, but he studies and practices to increase his skill.”
“I don’t know how I feel about practicing our particular gift. To tell you the truth, I don’t think I can be with anyone right now.”
“But you can study tantric healing.”
“Tantric healing? Is that what it’s called?”
“That is one form of it. I have some books you can read. Search in your bookstore or online. You’ll find the right resources for you.”
“Will a book teach me how to let go?”
“I’m afraid that’s something that may have to come with practice. I’m sorry, this has never been an issue with me. Perhaps the difficulty you’re feeling revolves around the fact that he’s resisted the healing.” She sighed. “Give it some time. Maybe you’re just trying too hard.”
Nikki’s frustration mounted. “Sophie said there are no hard and fast rules. That there’s a norm, but individual experiences have varied from that.”
“Yes…” Maggie’s frown deepened. “It seems I’ve heard some stories.” She focused on Nikki, her eyes filled with concern. “Tragedies, really.”
“Has there…has there ever been an instance where someone found one great love?”
“You mean one great lasting love?”
“Yes, a lasting love, a true love, whatever you want to call it.”
Silence ebbed around them as Maggie thought. At long last she sighed. “I’m not sure, honey. Maybe Sophie would know.”