by Nicola Haken
“I-I’m…Oh, fuck, Jared!” I panted as a powerful orgasm overwhelmed my entire body and all my senses. “Fuck! Yes! Fuuuuuck!”
“Yes, Rachel. Shit… yes!” With three last powerful thrusts, Jared’s cock started twitching inside me and I felt the warmth of him pour into my body as he stilled. Releasing my legs and slowly lowering them down, he flopped forward, keeping his weight off my belly with his elbows resting on either side of my head. “You’re perfect,” he whispered against my clammy forehead before kissing it lightly.
“I need to go shopping,” I announced.
“Wow. Perfect timing, saffy. Aren’t we supposed to whisper sweet nothings and then fall asleep in each others arms right about now?” he said playfully, smiling at me.
“We’ll do that later. But if I don’t get to Holly soon she’ll only come looking for me.”
“Hmm, threesome,” he mulled and I whacked his shoulder. “Guess I’ll finish getting this shit out of my hair myself then if you’re disappearing on me, huh?”
“You should try sitting on the pavement outside for a couple of hours first. You might make a few quid,” I teased, tugging at the matted strands that made him look like an unkempt hobo.
“You’re a bitch. You know that right?”
“But I’m your bitch, and you love it.”
“Damn fucking right I do,” he said firmly before claiming my mouth with his. When he finally, yet too soon, broke away he added, “I’m going to look for houses while you’re gone. I’ve seen a couple I think you’d like.”
Wow. How grown up is that? Renting a house together. Like a real life couple. Like real life parents. Holy fuck.
“Jared?”
“Yeah?”
“I need a wee.”
“Seriously, saffy – we’ve really got to work on this timing of yours,” he teased, pulling out of me and standing up to help me into my chair.
“Blame your children,” I tossed back, and his eyes visibly widened. It was then I realised he must get ‘moments’ too.
“Our children. I fucking love hearing you say that.”
“You think we should lay off the swearing now we’re going to be parents?” I asked, only half joking.
“Probably. But I’d bet my cock you couldn’t go a day without someone being a fucker, or something being shit, or… you get the idea.”
“You’re right. Because let’s face it, that person will be you,” I said with mock seriousness. “Okay seriously, I’m two seconds away from pissing myself.”
And with that, I heaved myself into my chair, grabbed hold of my wheels and hauled myself to bathroom as if my life depended on reaching that toilet.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jared
Well, it’s official. I have epilepsy. My brain likes to produce ‘unusual’ electrical activity apparently. Go me! It’s been almost a week and a half since I had the wires removed, and I had my follow up appointment to discuss my results. Based on my symptoms and the EEG results, I have what’s called tonic-clonic, generalised seizures and the fact I often get a warning so far in advance, the thing that concerned me the most, is actually ‘normal’ for some people.
The doctor also believes the sudden change in frequency and pattern is likely down to the fact I’m thinking about it more. As bizarre as it sounds, since I finally decided to face it, I’ve been worrying about it more. Worry leads to stress – stress leads to seizures. I was told lack of sleep, general illness, or even sudden changes in temperature can trigger them too.
Great huh? My biggest fear has come true. I’m going to have to spend the rest of my life watching what I’m doing, being careful… allowing it to own me. But I have to keep reminding myself who I’m doing this for. I want, no I need to be healthy for Rachel and our babies. And according to the doctor, once we’ve found a medicine that works for me, there’s no reason why it can’t be completely controlled. I’ll always have to be aware of triggers, but along with knowing those factors, the medication should keep me stable. Apparently I could even get my driving licence back if I go a year without a seizure. So, as much as I hate the diagnosis I got this morning, I feel more positive than I ever have.
Anyway, they’ve started me on a daily dose of Epilim, and I have to attend a weekly epilepsy clinic at the local GP surgery to discuss my treatment and take blood to check my liver function, because seemingly these meds can damage it. The epilepsy nurse I’ve been assigned can also up and down my meds depending on their success or their side-effects – some of which I’m shitting myself about.
Drowsiness, itchy skin, sickness, and get this one – increased chance of suicidal thoughts! Sounds fun, huh?
Rachel came with me, but she had to go to work after. She told her boss about the pregnancy last week seeing as her growing belly meant she couldn’t keep it a secret for much longer. To her surprise, he congratulated her. She only works a few hours a week and for hardly any money in my opinion, so I doubt it’s such a hardship for him to lose her for a few months. Though we’ve not actually discussed what will happen once the babies are here yet. She’s mentioned taking a year out of Uni and I will support her in whatever she decides.
We will be good for money. You might want to sit down for this part… My dad has secured a deal on a house for us. It’s not too far from here – a semi-detached three-bedroom house on a quiet, family orientated street with large gardens front and back. My dad owns the house now and he’s set up an agreement where we will effectively be his tenants, and where we will pay him rent at an affordable rate.
Part of me wanted to turn him down for two reasons. Firstly, my dad is an arsehole – an arsehole that I’m at long last beginning to see a subtle change in, but an arsehole nonetheless. We’ve always fought, and the thought of owing him anything grinds deep into my bones.
But… I need to put my family first – my girl and my children. Despite my dad and his arsehole tendencies, he would never truly turn his back on me – he would never see me with nothing. I might not always agree with him, but I trust him.
Secondly, the caveman part of me – the part that wants to be the one to provide for my woman and kids, feels offended. Actually, I kind of feel a little pathetic that I’m not in a position to take care of them without help from my father, but I also know I need to yank my head out of my arse and do what’s best for my family, not for my pride.
So, I’ve agreed, and we are going to see the house tonight. Rachel is currently… shall we say ‘reserved’ about the situation. Possibly because she still has understandable doubts about my dad. And by doubts I mean she thinks he’s a pretentious, condescending twat.
It’s weird though. Despite his initial reaction this whole grandbaby thing has really affected him. He doesn’t show it of course – not willingly at least. It’s little things - like the slight twitch of his lips when Jess or I mention our babies – almost as if he’s attempting to smile. Or the way he gets up from ‘his’ chair when Jess comes in the room and offers his seat to her. And then there was a time last week where he asked if he could see a piece of Rachel’s artwork like he was genuinely interested.
Like I said – weird.
I’d just gotten out of the shower when my phone started ringing and up flashed a name I was most definitely not expecting.
Dexter.
I answered without hesitation – assuming something was wrong with Emily. After all, Rachel hadn’t been able to get in touch with her for weeks. Last she heard was when she called Chris, and he told her Emily was back in the States. The fact Rachel hadn’t heard that from Em herself has only sent them drifting even further apart.
“Dex?” I answered in a rush.
“Hey, man.” Wow. His voice was unrecognisable. He sounded so… burdened and low. Maybe even guilty.
“What’s happened? Is it Em?” Something was wrong – pain oozed from his voice in those two short words.
“Emily’s fine,” he assured, and the confidence his voice held when he said her name m
ade me believe him. “Fuck, man I don’t know where to start,” he added. He sighed heavily, his deep, anxious breaths crackling in my ear. “I want to start by saying Emily misses the fuck outta Snickers.” Snickers. I’d forgotten that nickname. I couldn’t help smiling as the memories of us all hanging out came flooding back.
“She misses her too. It’s like they don’t know how to live without one another, so instead of talking it through they’ve pushed each other away.”
“Emily’s had such bad shit to deal with, man. It’s not that she ever forgot Snickers – she’s just been… overwhelmed I guess.”
“Yeah well Rach’s dealt with a ton of shit too,” I snapped. I didn’t mean it to come out so defensively but I needed him to know Rachel hadn’t been sitting at home wallowing and not giving a shit what her best friend was going through.
“I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m just… trying to explain. Fuck this is hard.” You’re telling me. Suddenly my stomach knotted up. I sensed whatever he was about to tell me was going to be some deep shit.
“I’m listening, mate,” I said, hoping I sounded reassuring and encouraging.
“Fuck, where to start. Well, how about I’m currently completing my last week in rehab…”
“What like, drug rehab?”
“Yeah – like shooting shit up my veins every goddamn day for the last few months kind of rehab,” he confessed – literally winding me and I fell back onto the sofa.
“Fucking hell.”
“Yeah. It has been.”
Dexter talked for over an hour. Mainly, I stayed silent – offering the occasional ‘shit’ or ‘fuck’. Turns out Dexter has been an addict since way before he moved over here. The biggest surprise was that Emily knew all about it. She stood by him – of course she did. I wouldn’t expect anything else from her. But me? I’m pretty sure I would’ve ran a fucking mile.
At least that’s what I thought until I remembered how I felt about Rachel. I would crawl on my hands and knees to follow her – even if she was heading for the black pits of hell.
After fessing up about his addiction to cocaine – fucking cocaine! Just the word scares the bejesus out of me – he told me all about his mum – the life she’d led, the life he led as a child, the fact he shot her when he was fourteen - fucking shot her - and then how she died. Just when I thought he’d bombarded me with enough shit, he told me all about his father – how the sadistic fucker spent Dexter’s childhood beating the crap out of his mother, how he was the intended recipient of his bullet, how he turned up after his mum’s death and ripped the only thing he and his aunty had in the world away from them.
By the time he started talking about fake deaths, loan sharks and long lost sisters my mind was utterly fucked. I couldn’t even begin to process anymore – my brain shut down completely.
“So… all I’m saying is, don’t blame Em. She’s been my fucking rock and I know the only thing keeping her from Rachel is fear. She thinks she’s fucked it all up. She thinks she’s been a shit friend and that Rachel is through with her.”
“Christ, they’re too similar. Rach feels the same. She’s too bloody stubborn to admit it but I know it’s there, because I know her like no one else.”
“You do, huh? So you’re officially together? That’s great news, man. You two were made for each other.”
“Um… yeah, we’re kind of more than together,” I replied – a huge involuntary smile crawling across my face.
“Meaning?” Dex probed.
“Meaning Rach is pregnant. Almost five months gone.”
“You’re fucking with me?” he practically squealed like a girl. “That’s nearly the whole time we’ve been gone! Don’t waste much time do you?”
“Something like that,” I agreed, laughing at his reaction. “I love her, Dex. Like really fucking love her.”
“That’s awesome, man. Seriously, I’m happy for you. Emily’s going to be gutted she’s missed all this.” He sighed down the line again. “And that’s all my fault. I dragged Em into this shit – I took her from you and Rach. I’m real sorry, man.”
“To be fair, mate it doesn’t sound like you’ve had such a great time yourself. Life’s too short to go over the past. No point in beating yourself up about shit you can’t change.”
“You sound like my therapist,” Dexter ribbed with the first ounce of happiness I’d heard since I answered the call. “Look, Emily and I are coming home in a couple of weeks. I was hoping you could talk to Snickers – maybe surprise Emily with a visit or something?”
“A visit? You only live round the corner.”
“We’re moving to Manchester – to be near Chris. He’s offered me a job in his garage and Emily’s already been doing things in the background while we were… apart.” He said the word ‘apart’ with such sadness. It made my chest hurt a little. Hey, I’m not afraid to show my emotions. “The books, invoices, that kind of stuff. She’s done with college and to be honest so am I. I’m pretty sure even if we weren’t we’d have blown our chances anyway.”
“Yeah. I remember her mentioning one time she was only in it for her parents’ sake.”
“But even though we’ll be in Manchester, she needs her best friend, man. Even though things are finally starting to sort themselves out, there’s still something missing. It’s there every time I look in her eyes. It’s like she smiles, but something stops her lips going the full way. That something is Rachel. She needs her.”
“I agree. And whenever you’re ready we’ll be there. But hey, maybe keep the babies a secret too-”
“Wait,” he interrupted. “Babies? Plural?”
“Yeah,” I laughed. “Twins. Can you believe it?”
“Not really, man. You with two kids… milk bottles instead of beer bottles? I can’t wait to see that.”
“Hey, I’m a changed man. I’m like settled and shit,” I teased, mocking offense. “So anyway, if you think Em’s going to feel bad for missing out and you tell her now she’ll only let it fester. Best to wait until they’re together, then they can hug it out and do all that chick shit.”
“Sounds good to me. I’ll call you when we’re back in the UK.”
“Sure. And, Dex?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry about all the shit you’ve been through. Wish I could’ve been there for you.”
“You coming on to me, man?”
“Only if you want me to.”
“Too far, man. Way too far. But seriously, the fact you’re still on the line after everything you’ve just heard means a lot. You’re a good friend, Jared. Thank you.”
“Any time, mate,” I said and meant it wholeheartedly. I hadn’t known Dexter that long before he went away, but he was a good guy and… well I guess I missed him. “You know your phone bill is going to be enormous.”
“No doubt,” he agreed. “Thanks, man. For everything. Talk soon yeah?”
“Yeah.”
And with that, we hung up. Flopping backwards into the sofa cushions I pinched the bridge of my nose and exhaled a heavy, pent up breath.
“Holy fuck.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rachel
Closing Jared’s apartment door behind me, I was what can only be described as royally fucked. After work I met up with Holly. How naïve was I believing her when she said she needed just a ‘spot’ of shopping?
Entering the living room I found Jared asleep on the couch, curled up into a ball and snoring like an old man. I couldn’t prevent the anxiety that set in and, maybe selfishly, I had to wake him to put my mind at rest.
“Jared?” I probed quietly, nudging his shoulder.
“Oh, hey, saffy,” he mumbled, rubbing at his tired eyes.
“Are you okay? Did you have another seizure?”
“No I’m good. Just knackered. I think those meds are knocking me for six.” I nodded, relieved. “That and a phone call I had a couple of hours ago.”
“Oh?” I pressed curiously.
�
��Dexter called.”
“Dexter? Is Emily okay?” Oh God something’s happened to Emily and she thinks I’m fallen out with her…
“Em’s fine. How? I have no fucking idea after what she’s been through, but yeah, she’s okay.”
“Why, what the fuck’s happened?” My heart began to pound at the mere idea of Emily suffering without me. Jared hauled himself up into a sitting position and patted the spot next to him on the sofa. Moving the shopping bags off my knees and onto the floor, I removed my armrest and scooted over to sit beside him.
It took Jared almost an hour to repeat everything Dexter had told him. Jesus. I had no idea. Of course I didn’t – Emily and I had barely spoken for months. Guilt slammed into my chest like a brick wall and when Jared said Dexter wanted us to visit when they got home, I didn’t hesitate to agree. I can’t say a part of me wasn’t disappointed that ‘home’ wasn’t here in London though. It stung – badly. This isn’t how our ‘new life’ was supposed to go.
Then again, I wasn’t supposed to be knocked up with twins and madly in love with my goofy friend. Guess we don’t always get to decide how life pans out eh?
“You’ve been shopping?” Jared noted, nodding towards the bags on the floor.
“Ugh. Holly. Need I say more?” Jared chuckled and I knew he understood what I mean. Holly can be extremely persuasive. It’s those damn eyelashes of hers. She’s got the begging flutter down to a tee. “Look what I got though!” I practically squealed, reaching down to the bags and pulling out my favourite purchase. “They’re for Jess,” I explained, holding the twin-set of blue babygro’s proudly in the air.
Jess found out she was having a boy last week. The only person who isn’t thrilled about that is Jared – he still thinks she should’ve waited to find out. He even said he didn’t want to know what Jess was having until the day he or she arrived. But naturally, knowing that everyone else knew, curiosity took over and he gave in after less than an hour.