“That’s right,” I said, choking back a sob. “Katja.” I dragged one of my packs close and pulled out the photo I’d brought with me for this specific purpose, a photo of a teenage Leif and Katja, their faces pressed together as they embraced. I held it out to him. “I know you don’t remember a lot of things, but you’ll want to remember her.”
He took the photo from me and stared at it.
“That’s who you want,” I said bitterly. “Not me. I’m just here manipulating you and flirting with you and making you think you want me. Okay? And I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, but I wanted to tell you. It’s not fair, but I thought you should know. She’s why you’re here. Do you remember now?”
Leif simply stared at the photo, not saying anything.
I rushed on, determined to get it all out before I broke down and started weeping like a hormonal girl about to go into her first heat.
Which I was.
“Katja died sixteen years ago,” I said softly. “You were supposed to marry her as soon as the two of you graduated. But she died, and you, I don’t know, lost your mind. You ran away from the bear clans and came here, and you went crazy or something. You’ve been in bear form for the last sixteen years, and she’s the reason why. And if you can’t remember her, you deserve to remember that at least.” I tapped the photo. “Trust me. Katja’s the one that you want, and I’m sorry, but I’m not her.”
Leif very calmly set the photo down. He stood up, looked at me with terrible, haunted eyes. Then, he peeled off his makeshift clothing and left camp, transforming back into his bear form.
I picked up the picture and tucked it back into my things, unable to stop the silent sobs that shook me.
I’d just broken Leif all over again. Like a bitch, I’d made him remember Katja, just so I wouldn’t feel guilty about his need for me. Need that I’d forced on him.
I’d driven Leif away again, just when he was so close to returning to his old self. Damn it.
There was no ice sculpture that night.
Leif didn’t show up to visit the next morning. That was fine with me. I was in a rotten mood, given that the heat was oncoming and I’d just picked a fight with my best chance at relief from the misery. It was wretched, my body aching and sensitive to the slightest touches, and no respite in sight. I felt feverish, so instead of taking Leif’s advice and finding one of the abandoned buildings and filling it with firewood, I made soup and crawled back under my blankets, sleeping the day away. I woke up at night to see the skies clear and utterly crisp, the air chilly.
I snorted at the intense stars. Storm, my ass. He was just trying to get rid of me, wasn’t he? Wrapping my blankets tighter around my body, I went back to bed.
The next morning I woke up…and moaned. My head pounded and my body flared up at the slightest touch. Between my legs, my skin felt as if it was throbbing and pulsing. And I ached deep within.
I was officially in heat.
It was awful. I mewed in agony and panted as I dragged the blankets off of my body. My breasts ached and swelled, and I brushed my fingertips over my nipples, hissing at the sensitivity of them. Everything hurt.
I had to do something to take the edge off.
Feebly, I dug in my bag, looking for the bullet vibrator I’d brought with me. The moment I touched it, though, I hissed. It was metal, and metal in the Antarctic was a bad idea. If I stuck it to my clit, it’d be the equivalent of sticking my tongue against a frozen flag pole.
Damn it, why had I not thought this through?
Moaning in agony, I pulled out the small first aid kit I’d brought with me. I’d brought some sleeping pills in case of emergency - as in, if I couldn’t find Leif, maybe I could sleep through the worst of the heat. I popped two, swallowed them dry, and crawled back under the blankets. My hands automatically stole to my sex and I rubbed at my aching clitoris. I was incredibly slick and wet, but no amount of friction could get me off.
I needed to be mated. This was worse than I’d even imagined.
Luckily, the sleeping pills kicked in and I eventually fell asleep, my hands between my legs.
Even my sleep was restless. Hot, wet dreams filled my mind, and Leif starred in every single one of them. Leif’s head, moving between my thighs as he licked my clit. Leif’s fingers, pushing into the well of my sex. Leif dragging me onto my stomach, pulling my hips into the air so he could thrust into me from behind. Dream Leif was rough, but I didn’t care. I cried out with every dream-thrust, but nothing seemed to ease the ache deep inside my body.
“God damn it, Nikolina,” he rasped in my ear. “Why’d you have to be so stubborn?”
The world surged around me, and I struggled to wake up. Somehow, my brain was mixed up, because I could have sworn Leif was in my tent, lifting me into his arms. Leif wrapped me in my sleeping bag and dragged me out of my tent, and an icy blast of snowy air pummeled my face. “Hold on to me,” Leif said, and I clung to him.
Or tried to. The sleeping pills were too potent and I slid back into unconsciousness.
Chapter Four
My sex was a red-hot brand of need. I slid my fingers to it and touched it, determined to ease the ache there.
“Damn it, Nikolina,” I heard Leif rasp, and his hands grabbed at mine. “Don’t do that with me sitting here.”
I sighed a protest, my hips lifting off of the mattress as if I could follow the hand being pried from my skin.
…Mattress?
My brain fuzzy, I sat up, panting, and tried to make sense of what my brain was feeding me. There was a low, whistling roar in my ears, followed by the sound of what seemed like air beating on sheet metal. I smelled - and heard - a crackling fire. And Leif. I smelled Leif.
I could feel the soft weight of my sleeping bag covering my naked body and I was laying on a cot in what seemed to be a dark cabin. I blinked my eyes at the wooden rafters above my head, and glanced around, looking for light. There was a hole in one corner of the building, and I saw snow drifting in on the far side.
“Leif?” I murmured, confused. I rubbed a hand across my eyes and the smell of my own sex nearly drowned me. It was all over my hands, and my body. Need - aching female arousal - perfumed the air.
“I’m here,” he told me, and a shadow fell over my cot once more. His hands tucked the sleeping bag closer to my body.
“What…what are you doing here?” My hands twitched, and I curled them into fists so I wouldn’t reach for him and drag him against me. God, he smelled amazing. God, I wanted to fuck him so badly. “You should go.”
“There’s a blizzard outside,” he snarled. “Why didn’t you leave?”
“Can’t,” I gasped. “Why’d you stay?”
“For you,” he sounded incredibly frustrated. As I looked up at him in a daze, he raked his hand through his hair. “Why are you doing this, Nikolina?”
“I have to tell you the truth, Leif.” I clutched at the blankets, miserable. “I’m in heat.”
He stared at me for so long that I wondered if he’d even heard me. The wind was roaring outside, rattling the walls of the ramshackle building. Then, he shook his head. “I know you’re in heat. It’s obvious to any shifter with a nose. God, did you think I wasn’t aware of that?”
I gazed up at him in horror. “You knew?”
“You’ve been throwing off intense amounts of scents for the past week, Nikolina. I’d have to be dead not to notice.”
Mortification swept over me, and I covered my face with my hands and moaned. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why are you sorry?”
Was he truly not getting it? “I came here looking for you.” When he said nothing, I peeked through my fingers and saw him gazing down at me with a wry half-smile, the blue of his eyes blazing. “What?”
“How clueless do you think I am?”
I swung a fist at him - and missed. “Considering you’d forgotten how to speak English last week? Pretty fucking clueless.”
“Okay, fair point,” he said, stepping back o
ut of my reach. “But you’re the first person that’s come looking for me in sixteen years. You’re an old family friend, and a bear shifter going into heat. It’s not hard to put the pieces together, even for my scrambled mind.”
He knew…and he knew I was an awful person. Because I’d known he was grieving, and I still came after him, waving my pheromones under his nose so he’d have to pay attention. It was selfish. I’d manipulated him until we were both backed into a corner. “This is wrong,” I told him.
“Does it matter at this point?”
Hot tears began to seep from my eyes again because no, it really didn’t matter at this point. Our paths were set since my heat was here. I didn’t have any other options, and since Leif hadn’t abandoned me, he’d have no option either.
“Nikolina,” Leif said, and he sat on the edge of the rickety cot. His hand cupped my jaw and brushed my cheek, the feel of his skin against mine so sweet that it started a new round of tears. “Don’t cry. What is it that you want from me?”
His tone of voice was so kind and understanding that I felt even worse. I sobbed. “I want a mate. I want you to come home with me. I want us to be accepted by the clans as a mated couple. I’m tired of being a spinster.” Of being so utterly alone and unwanted.
Leif’s thumb continued to stroke my cheek. “And this is that important to you that you’d risk your life - and the possibility of your child - to come after me?”
“It’s what I’ve always wanted,” I said between hiccuping sobs. To be accepted and loved instead of rejected? To have my own family of people that cared for me instead of a father who was more interested in clan politics than his daughter?
That was my dream – unconditional love.
His thumb brushed my cheek, followed the curve of my mouth. After a long moment, he said, “Sometimes what we think we want is not always the truth of the matter.”
My cheek followed the light touch of his fingers, leaning into his palm. It was hard to concentrate on his words - his fingers were on my face but they might as well have been between my legs, diving against the slick, needy flesh there. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing,” he told me softly. “I’m simply talking because I’m nervous.”
I frowned at that, even as his thumb brushed over my mouth and I bit down on the tip. “Nervous?” I asked breathlessly. He was delicious and I wanted him so badly. I flicked my tongue over his fingertip. Why was biting on his thumb so incredibly erotic?
His gaze seemed glued to my mouth, to where I licked and sucked at his thumb. “It’s my first time, too.”
I stilled. “Um…what?”
“I said, it’s my first time.” And he had the gall to smile at me.
I struggled to sit upright, pulling away from him so I could think without his touch driving me nuts. I stared at his handsome face, unable to believe what I was hearing. “Are you kidding me?”
As I watched, his ears turned bright red. “Why would I joke? Why is it bad? It will be special for both of us.”
I wanted to cry all over again. “It’s bad because I want one of us to know what the hell we’re doing!”
Leif laughed at my expression. He slid a bit closer on the bed, and I automatically shied away, because my body wanted to fling him down on the rickety cot and do bad, nasty things to him. “I’m a guy, Nikolina. I have instincts. I think I can figure out what goes where. And I can think of plenty of things I’ve been picturing doing to you.”
That made my breath catch in my throat. “You’ve been picturing doing things to me?”
“Are you kidding?” His hand moved back to my jaw and he brushed his fingers along it. “You’re incredibly beautiful. You’re strong and brave…and I’m a thirty-four year old man that has never had sex. Of course I’m imagining all kinds of things to do to you.”
I moaned at the husky note his words took on. “Really? You’re not just saying that because of the heat?”
“I’m afraid that some of it is the heat,” he said, sliding a bit closer to me on the bed. His other hand lifted and then he was cupping my face in his hands. “That can’t be removed from the situation. But the fact that you’re beautiful and smart and strong and I’m incredibly attracted to you? That’s all you.”
“Then will you kiss me?” I asked as he leaned closer. My gaze seemed to lock on to his mouth. Why had I not noticed until now that he had the most sensual lips? They were the most sexual thing I’d ever seen. I was fascinated by them, and the way they parted as he neared me.
“You couldn’t stop me,” Leif said, and his thumbs brushed my cheeks a scant second before his mouth touched on mine.
Heat touched my lips; warmth and the taste of Leif. I moaned as his tongue slicked against mine, tasting me in the world’s most gentle caress. Immediately, my body responded, and desire shot through me, so hot and heavy that it made my skin hurt. I broke off the kiss with a whimper.
“What is it?” Leif sounded concerned, and he pulled away from me.
“I hurt. Everywhere.” The smell of my arousal was practically soaking the cabin. “I don’t think I like being in heat.”
He chuckled.
I punched him in the arm.
“Ow!” He rubbed his arm, but the smile remained on his lips. “I wasn’t laughing at you. I was laughing because I doubt most people like being in heat. I imagine it sounds sexier than it really is.”
“Everything aches,” I said, and cupped my breasts to support them. The tips seemed to be two blooms of sensitivity, well past the point of pleasure. “I think I waited too long.”
Leif’s face lost its amusement. “I should have realized. I’m sorry, Nikolina. This is my fault.” He reached out and gave my shoulder a comforting pat. “What can I do to help?”
“Fuck me,” I said bluntly. “I don’t think…I don’t think I can stand foreplay right now.” The thought of teasing touches on my body seemed more like torture. The ache inside me wouldn’t subside. I didn’t need to be aroused - I was already there in the worst way.
His eyes gleamed, and he grabbed my hips, dragging me down on the cot. “Get down to business? I think I can do that.”
I moaned again. “Yes, please. Sex now. We can do foreplay later.”
Leif stood up and stripped off his piecemeal clothing, flinging it to the creaky wooden floor of the cabin. I watched with eager eyes as his chest was revealed, and then his hips…then his groin.
His cock sprang free, thick, proud, and erect. It seemed like I wasn’t the only one that didn’t need any foreplay. I began to pant at the sight of it. God, it looked good. I wanted to touch it, stroke my hands along it like I had that day in the tent when I’d washed him, but more than that, I wanted him deep inside me, taking care of the ache burning low between my hips. “Please,” I whispered, when he sat down on the edge of the cot again, entirely naked.
“I’m getting there, Nikolina, love,” Leif said in a gentle voice. His hands went to my long-sleeved thermal shirt, and he began to peel it off of my body, careful not to touch my skin and set me off again. I raised my arms and torso off the bed to help him, and when he gestured that he’d move to my hips next, I lifted them to drag the pants down my legs. Then, I was clad only in my panties and my bra, both of which felt confining and horribly constricting…and terribly unsexy. I’d dressed for function when coming down to the Antarctic, and my clothing was bought at a sporting goods store, not Victoria’s Secret.
But he looked at me as if I were wonderfully sexy, and my nipples ached in response to his gaze.
“Let’s get these off of you,” he told me in a gentle voice. As if I couldn’t do it myself, he pulled me forward and reached behind me to unclasp my bra.
My breasts pressed against his chest, my nipples brushing at his chest hair. And it was too much. I couldn’t wait any longer. With a whimper of excitement, I reached for his cock, wrapping my hand around it and tightening my grip.
He groaned, and I felt his hands fumble on my bra, taking forever to u
ndo the clasps. “‘Lina,” he murmured, shortening my name in a way that made me all giddy inside.
I stroked my hand up and down his shaft, instinct guiding me.
“Slow down—“
“No—“
He groaned as my hand jacked him, and Leif continued to fight with my bra. A moment later, I heard the tearing of fabric, and then the material was falling off of my shoulders. He pulled away from me and shimmied it off of my body, and then tore at my panties, even as I reached for him again. “No, ‘Lina,” he said softly again, and when I reached for his cock, he grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head even as he tore at my panties with his free hand.
Oh yes. His hand trapping mine was incredibly erotic. I lifted my hips with need, panting and moaning in response. “Leif,” I moaned. “Need you.”
“I know, sweetheart,” he told me.
“Please.”
“I know. I’m hurrying.” He flung my panties aside after working them down my legs, and then I was naked on the little cot in front of him. His gaze moved over my body and he groaned at the sight. “You are beautiful, ‘Lina. So beautiful.”
My scent was thick in the air around us, so strong that it seemed to envelop everything. “I want you inside me, Leif.”
“I know.” He shifted his long, lean body, and released my hands so he could move over me. I watched him with increasing excitement, unable to take my gaze off of the long, thick shaft curving from his groin. “Open your legs for me, Nikolina.”
He didn’t need to ask twice. I spread my legs wide, and as I did, he moved to settle between them, his knees digging into the mattress. His hands propped on the bed next to my shoulders, and he gazed down at me with those impossibly blue eyes.
“Tell me if you get afraid or want me to stop,” he said, searching my face.
I didn’t want him to stop - we were moving too slow as it was. I simply ran my hands along his chest and nodded my agreement.
“You sure you don’t want foreplay?” He asked, and his gaze flicked to my breasts, the nipples taut and aching.
Bear Naked (Midnight Liaisons) Page 5