“Leif is exiled,” he reminded me.
“Leif didn’t know that.”
“We have to protect the clan. There was no other option than to exile him. It’s the way we keep control.” My father shook his head. “And now, because of your impulsive actions, any child of your union might not be accepted by the clan.”
I sucked in a breath, surprised at how much his words hurt. To think that I’d come after Leif because I’d been so tired of feeling like a lonely outcast in my own clan…and I was going to do it to my own child. It didn’t seem fair. Was there no way for me to be happy?
“You’ve been selfish, daughter.”
“Me?” I choked on the word.
“There are men in the clan who are married, but they would have gladly taken the chance at fathering another child. Good men, who would make a worthy, strong baby. You’ve robbed them of that opportunity.”
I robbed them? My lips curled in displeasure.
Before I could reply to that, he continued. “You do realize Leif didn’t want you?”
His words hit me like a brick. All the air left my body. “What…what do you mean?”
“He left the clan because he didn’t want to be part of it any longer. Then, you show up, waving your…heat under his nose. He had no choice but to respond. Any man would respond to that. Why do you think Mikkel agreed to disobey the clan and bring you here?” He slammed a hand down on the small galley table. “Because it is impossible to refuse a female in heat. You manipulated him, and you manipulated Leif. Selfish!”
I wanted to protest…but he was right. I’d cheerfully trodden on several rules just to get my way. And hadn’t I known that Leif wouldn’t have a choice? But I’d still come after him because it was what I’d wanted. Abashed, I remained silent.
“The only reason you have not been exiled like him,” my father said in a low, dangerous voice, “is because you now carry a bear-child in your womb. When we get home, you will go in front of the elders and apologize for the trouble you’ve made. You will agree to abide by any decisions they make in regards to your welfare, and you will accept it all with a smile. Do you understand me? If not, you threaten not only your own place, but your child’s.”
A knot had formed in my throat, and I swallowed hard, then nodded. I’d do what he asked. “And Leif?”
“Leif will have to beg his way back into the clan’s forgiveness,” my father said in a hard voice. “And right now, I am not in a forgiving mood.”
“I see,” I said softly. I wanted to weep, but I knew my father hated tears. They were weak. So swallowed hard. “Can I go now? I need to…reflect on my errors.”
“Go,” he said with a flick of his hand. His face was so stern that it hurt to look upon. “And know that the only reason we’re allowing that exile to stay in your cabin is because the ship isn’t big enough to separate the two of you.”
He wanted to separate us? A low, dull ache started in my chest. I nodded and jerked to my feet, then moved to hug my father. He was family, after all, and I wanted comforting.
But my father didn’t put an arm around me. Didn’t pat my back like he normally did. In his eyes, I was a disobedient clan daughter, and he was a clan leader. I’d shamed him, and there’d be no affection from him until I was back in the clan’s good graces.
I made it out of the galley before I started to weep, at least. By the time I made it back to the cabin I shared with Leif, though, I was sobbing.
“‘Lina?” Leif came to meet me as I stumbled through the door, and his arms wrapped around me. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head, unable to stop crying. Everything was going so wrong. So terribly wrong. “My father… he says our child might not be accepted by the clan if you’re still exiled. I…he…” I choked on my sobs. I wanted Leif. I wanted the clan’s acceptance. What was I going to do?
“Don’t cry, love,” he said, and pressed a kiss to my forehead. “It’s going to be all right. Really.”
I let him enfold me in his arms, burying my face against his neck. “How?”
“Whatever they need me to do, I’ll do it.”
I lifted my head and looked up at him in surprise. “You will?”
“For you, I will.” Leif’s blue-eyed gaze held mine. “We’re together. No matter what.”
I kissed him fervently, filled with emotion. “Thank you.”
He hugged me close and pulled me to the small cabin bed, and held me while I wept, emotional. Even as he did, I kept thinking of my father’s hateful words.
You do realize Leif didn’t want you?
Even now, was I manipulating him with my tears and our baby? God, I was the worst mate ever.
By the time we returned home, I was existing in a fever-pitch of anxiety.
My father’s coldness toward me was only compounded by the fact that he completely ignored Leif. Jokkum took his cues from my father and did the same—not that I cared about him. Poor Mikkel clearly wanted to talk with me and Leif, but he had to go by what the elders decreed, and as a result, he ignored us.
On the ship, we were treated as pariahs. I’d known we would be, but it still hurt. I hid in my cabin with Leif to pass the time, but even then, I couldn’t relax. Leif was just as tense as I was, and the walls of the cabin were so flimsy that they’d make sex impossible. We existed in a state of tension, made all the worse by enforced chastity.
I was never so glad as when we left the ship to head to the airport and take a thirteen-hour flight home. I just wanted all of this over with, so things could go back to normal.
When we got off the plane, though, I had a good idea of how things would go. I shouldered my bag and looked over at Leif, who was now dressed in clothing borrowed from Mikkel, the only one close to his size. Then, I glanced over at my father. “My car’s in long-term parking.”
“It’s not,” my father said.
I frowned. “What do you mean?”
“I got your spare key and had your mother drive it home. You’re coming with me.”
I looked over at Leif again, embarrassed. We hadn’t been back in the States for even ten minutes and my father was already exerting his control. “Um, okay? Come on, Leif.”
My father put his hand up, halting my mate before he could approach. “That one can find his own ride home.”
I halted. “You’re kidding, right?”
“I’m not.”
I looked over at Leif again, utter panic in my face. My father wanted to separate us over something as small as this? “But, Father, he doesn’t have a car…or any money, or…”
“That’s not my problem,” my father said in a cold voice. “I don’t offer free rides to those that have abandoned the clan.”
I suddenly wanted to scream. “This wouldn’t be a problem if you hadn’t taken my car home. I—“
“Come on, Niko,” my father said, and turned his back on the two of us. He clearly expected me to follow.
Mutinous, I dropped my bag on the ground and crossed my arms. I was not budging.
“Love,” Leif whispered in my ear. “If you want to go with your father, it’s fine.”
“I’m not leaving you,” I said, my voice rising a hysterical note. “I’m not!”
“It’s okay,” he murmured, and pressed a kiss to my temple. “We’ll get it figured out later.”
But it wasn’t okay. Leif had been completely wild for sixteen years. He didn’t have money on him. I wasn’t even sure he remembered where his home was. Or if his family would even welcome him.
And I wanted my mate with me.
But I knew that my father would have a problem with that, too. After all, I lived in an apartment above my father’s garage, since it was against the bear clan rules for an unmated female to live independently.
For the first time in my life, the strict rules of the clan chafed and for a moment, I hated everyone. Why were they making this so difficult?
I looked up at Leif, but there was nothing but kindness and understanding in
those gentle blue eyes.
“I’m not leaving you,” I told him again, and I linked my fingers through his.
A small smile curved his mouth. “All right, then.”
It took my father a few minutes to realize I wasn’t following him. By that time, he was quite irritated, but I was adamant. If Leif wasn’t welcome with us - even in something as simple as a car ride - I wasn’t either.
Of course, my anger was defused a few moments later when another familiar face arrived at the airport. Gunnar Ludvik pushed through the crowd, his gaze scanning faces for a familiar one. I felt Leif tense next to me. “Father?”
Gunnar broke into a smile that looked remarkably like Leif’s, and he surged forward, arms wide to pull his son into a hug. “My boy!”
Leif left my side to hug Gunnar, and my father looked at me with impatience.
“Come on, daughter.”
I hesitated. My father had clearly called Leif’s family to come and get him, and his reunion with his own father seemed to be quite happy. I wasn’t sure if I should wait for my mate or leave him to his father’s care. I hesitated a moment longer, and then made my choice. “Leif?”
I could feel the heat of my father’s scowl on the back of my head. He wasn’t happy.
But I wasn’t leaving without Leif. Not without knowing he was taken care of. Not without knowing what was going to happen between the two of us. I felt like everything was more confused the more we returned to civilization, and I didn’t know what to do.
Leif pulled away from his father and gave him another pat on the shoulder, then returned to my side. He cupped my face and leaned in to brush a kiss over my mouth. “Your father is going to make things hard on you to punish me,” he murmured, voice so low that only I’d be able to hear it over the hubbub of the airport. “Go with him for now. I’ll come to you later. I promise.”
I faltered, unhappy at the thought of being separated from him. “I…you’re sure?”
“I’m sure,” he said. “Go.”
Miserable, I went.
My father ranted and berated my ‘flighty, irresponsible choices’ the entire car ride home. He thought that by me going with him, I’d chosen family, and now it was safe to berate me and let me know what he thought of my little unapproved ‘excursion.’
I didn’t argue. I didn’t listen, either. I simply stared out the window at the trees that whizzed past as we drove to our remote home in the mountains, thinking about Leif. His father was one of the elders, too. Would they welcome him with open arms when he returned home, or would the initial relief at his return turn just as quickly to scorn as my father’s had? The thought of that made me want to cry, and I couldn’t shake the vague feeling that I’d abandoned him.
Once we were home, my father wanted me to come into the kitchen so he could continue to lecture me about my hasty actions, but I put a hand to my forehead. “I’m not feeling well,” I lied. “I’m actually exhausted. Is it okay if I go to sleep and we continue this later?”
And I put my other hand on my stomach to remind him of the results of my heat.
His face immediately softened a little, and he nodded, then patted me on the shoulder. “Go rest. We’ll talk in the morning.”
“Thank you, Father,” I told him, and escaped to my apartment.
Things were just as I’d left them, my laundry still overflowing my hamper. My sheets were mussed - I was never one for making the bed - and a fine layer of dust covered everything. I tossed down my pack and went to my bed, curling up and pulling the blankets over me. I tried not to feel lost and miserable.
Tried…and failed.
I wanted Leif here with me. Maybe that was selfish, but I didn’t care. I felt lost and unhappy without him at my side. To think I’d thought that bringing him home would fix all my problems. How silly. It seemed I’d created even more problems. Unhappy, I huddled under the blankets and stared at my landline phone, willing it to ring.
I must have fallen asleep, because when I startled awake, it was dark outside. I rubbed my eyes, wondering why I’d woken up, and yawned, glancing around.
A noise came at my window, and I pulled the curtains back.
Leif was there, crouched, trying to open my window from the other side, a frown of concentration on his face.
Happiness soared through me, and I couldn’t resist the pleased squeal that emerged from my throat.
He grinned back at me and pointed at the window, indicating I should open it.
Oh, of course. I unlatched it and tugged it open, and Leif slid inside, all lean arms and legs. I drank in the sight of him, noticing that he’d showered since I’d left him at the airport, and his hair was parted, his clothing new. His face was smooth shaven. It was like he was becoming an entirely different person before my eyes.
I…wasn’t sure how I felt about that. The wild Leif had been all mine. Would this new, domesticated one still want me?
As if he could somehow feel the worry building inside of me, Leif pulled me into his arms and began to kiss my face. “Ah, ‘Lina, I missed you.”
I smiled at that, glad to hear I wasn’t the only one that had felt that way. “I missed you, too,” I told him, wrapping my arms around his waist and holding him close. “How’d you know where I was?”
“I remembered your family’s home,” he told me. “Once I got here, it was easy for me to follow your scent.” Leif smiled down at me. “All I had to do was look for the most delicious, feminine smell I’d ever found and follow it here.”
My hands ran over him, learning the changes. I touched his smooth-shaven jaw, his new clothes, everything. “Your parents…were they happy to see you?”
“Initially,” he said. “Then I got the same ‘you’ve been exiled’ talk from them. As if we weren’t consenting adults.” He rolled his eyes. “The elders council is going to wait a week to decide my fate.”
“A week?” I hated the thought of this torture dragging on for so long. “But…I don’t understand. They could all meet tonight and get this over with. Why won’t they?”
“Well, that’s easy,” Leif said, brushing the backs of his fingers along my cheek. “They want to make us sweat, so we’ll remember what it’s like to disobey them and never do it again.”
I frowned at that. It did sound like something my father would do. Jesus. The council of elders was like having five disapproving parents instead of just one. “I don’t like how they’re treating you. How they’re treating us.”
“I don’t either, but as long as we’re in the bear clan, we must play by their rules.” At my unhappy look, he leaned in and brushed his mouth over mine. “It’s okay, ‘Lina. Really. I’ll just spend my time pretending to be repentant and work on brushing up on my carvings. I’d like to have some ready to sell soon, since we’ll have a baby coming. And at night, I’ll just come here.” His mouth curved into a smile.
That warm smile took my breath away. “You’ve got it all figured out.”
“Well, they think they can separate us as part of their punishment,” Leif said. “You know they want control. But I’m not about to leave your side.”
“No?” The word came out more tremulously than I’d have liked. Stupid hormones.
“Never,” Leif told me, and his mouth captured mine again. Then, it slid to my cheek and pressed a kiss there. “You’re my mate, remember?”
And he lightly nipped at my neck, right over where he’d left the mark.
I moaned, desire rushing through me in response to the playful caresses. It had been a week since we’d made love, and it had easily been the longest, most tension filled week in my life. I needed Leif, wanted him so badly that I ached. My hand slid down his stomach and went to caress his cock, pleased to see that it was already erect underneath his jeans. It seemed like we were on the same wavelength. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too,” he murmured, licking and nibbling at my neck. “And I can’t tell you how glad I am to see that you’ve got a queen-sized bed.”
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I giggled at that. “Wanna break it in?”
“Absolutely.” He grabbed my hips and hefted me into the air.
I clung to him, wrapping my arms and legs around him; it was good that Leif was so tall, considering I was six foot, myself. But were-bears weren’t built small, and Leif was more than big enough to handle my weight and long limbs. He carried me to the bed and then gently lay me on my back.
And suddenly, it was like the world didn’t exist outside of us again. I smiled up at him, all suddenly right in my world.
“My lovely ‘Lina,” Leif murmured as he moved on top of me. “When you smile at me, I feel like I can do anything.”
I love you, I wanted to tell him, my heart aching with love and affection for this warm, tender man. But I remembered my father’s harsh words.
You do realize Leif didn’t want you?
And so I kept my declaration to myself. I didn’t want to blackmail him with confessions of feelings, or make him feel more trapped than he already was. So I simply kissed him, and poured my emotions into that.
His tongue slicked into my mouth, welcoming my kiss, and I moaned when it brushed against my own. His hands went to my breasts, caressing the tips through my shirt. I began to tear at his clothing, greedy for the feel of his skin against mine.
Leif’s growl of response surprised me. “That’s one thing I miss about the Antarctic,” he murmured, pressing hot kisses to my mouth between words. “Too many clothes here.”
I had to agree. My fingers tore at the buttons of Leif’s shirt, until I’d loosened them enough to reveal a patch of bare skin underneath…and snarled in frustration when I found an undershirt. “How many layers are you wearing?”
“Too many,” he said with a laugh, and began to tug at my own jeans.
It took a few minutes for both of us to wriggle out of our clothing between kisses, but then we were naked, skin pressing against skin. I gave a sigh of pure bliss as I felt Leif’s familiar weight settle between my hips. Surely nothing felt better than that.
He pressed his cock between my legs, rocking there, and I wrapped my legs around him.
Bear Naked (Midnight Liaisons) Page 8