by Sara Foster
She leaned deeper into the chair cushions, thinking. Adam couldn’t have met with an accident, or Millie would have been found with him. So either he’d run away and chosen to leave his baby behind, or he had been an unwitting victim of some sort. Everyone seemed to think that the first option was more likely, but what if something sinister had happened? In that case, Millie had been left on the doorstep by someone else. Which meant they had known where Grace and Adam lived. And they were probably aware that Grace was back here now.
Her thoughts flashed back to the word LEAVE, its spectral appearance on her car windscreen. Her throat constricted and her lungs began to heave, struggling to draw in oxygen. She looked at her car keys on the table, then towards Millie. Why wasn’t she going? She could make the decision right now; and it would all be over.
It will never be over while you have so many questions, she reminded herself. She just had to keep listening to the calm, rational part of herself and ignore the shrieking voice in her head issuing a stream of dire warnings. After all, she had been living here for a month, and nothing much had actually happened. Only that word written on her car windscreen, which might have been a twisted prank. The rest of it could be put down to chance, or paranoia.
Meanwhile, she was getting closer to uncovering some answers, she knew it. She could at least stay until Monday, and go to the station. In the meantime she would pack up the rest of the cottage; organise it so she was ready to leave whenever she wanted to.
She felt better after running things through in her mind. When Millie went for her lunchtime nap, Grace made herself a sandwich and brought the rest of the papers down from her bedroom to read at the small dining table. There were more letters in Rachel’s handwriting, and she leafed through them. They looked to be newsy – no mention of Jonny, though some lovely references to Adam as a baby which made her nostalgic for Millie’s early days back in London. She bundled all of them up together. She would take them with her as keepsakes for Millie.
As she picked up the final envelope, she found a stack of notes underneath, in handwriting she hadn’t seen before. They were written on identical sheets of white notepad paper, folded in half.
She picked up the first one.
If you go, I will die.
Grace was stunned. Quickly, she found the next one.
I can’t bear the thought of being apart from you. Please don’t go. We can work this out, whatever our parents say. I love you.
Jonny
Grace put it down and picked up another.
I love you.
Then another.
Don’t leave me.
And the last one.
Don’t make me hate you forever.
Grace frowned. In the accounts she had heard so far, it was always Jonny who had abandoned Rachel – but these notes told a totally different story. One with an unsettling undertone.
She wished now that she hadn’t jumbled up the contents in the boxes from the cellar by tipping them onto her bed together. If she’d gone through them one at a time, she would have known exactly which box these had come from, and what else had been in there. She was curious as to whether Adam knew about these notes. Surely if he’d read them he would reconsider what he knew of his father – and want to find him in order to learn the full story.
She fervently hoped Niall could uncover more information about Jonny. She was convinced that he was somehow important.
She couldn’t settle to looking through the more mundane papers after this. Instead, she went upstairs and grabbed the dog-eared copy of Rebecca, then lay down on the bed and tried to immerse herself in it. Soon she was engrossed, and she was just reaching the end of a chapter when Millie woke and began to call out to her. Maxim de Winter had faced his wife with the truth, and as Grace got up and hurried to her daughter, his final question still rang in her ears.
‘Will you look into my eyes, and tell me that you love me now?’
32
Grace had expected to spend the whole of New Year’s Eve with only Millie for company, but in the afternoon Emma called around with a request. ‘My sister’s having a church jumble sale tomorrow, and she’s tearing her hair out trying to get enough donations. All the money goes to the homeless. You don’t have anything she can sell, do you?’
‘Are you kidding?’ Grace replied, stepping back so Emma could see the boxes stacked up in the hallway behind her.
They filled Emma’s car with as much as it could hold, and Emma looked longingly at what was left behind.
‘It’s such a shame to leave it, but we’re staying over in Ockton tonight for New Year, and I’m helping her set up the sale first thing. I should have thought about this earlier.’ Her shoulders slumped regretfully.
‘Well, I could bring these to Ockton for you, if you like,’ Grace offered.
‘Oh, don’t you worry,’ Emma said hastily. ‘There’s no need to go to any bother.’
But Grace was thinking of Jonny. She had a burgeoning desire to see the farm at Gilldale for herself, and Ockton was only a few miles further. ‘I’d be happy to,’ she insisted. ‘Just give me directions.’
Emma’s face brightened. ‘Well, that’s ever so kind of you! My sister will be thrilled. If you’ve got a paper and pen handy, I’ll draw you a map.’
As they finished and Grace closed the door, she surveyed the half-empty hallway. This had been a stroke of luck for her as well as for Emma’s sister. Tomorrow this area would be clear again. It was amazing how the knowledge made her mind feel so much lighter.
As she walked into the lounge and looked around, she felt a fresh impetus to clear out as much as she could today. Most of the contents of the china cabinet could go to tomorrow’s sale, not to mention the extra table linen. She grabbed a few empty boxes from the hall and began to pull things out of drawers and pack them up. It was satisfying work, and she was stacking yet another full box in the hallway when she heard someone crunching down the garden path.
She opened the door to see Claire standing there. ‘Ben told me that your guests have gone, so I decided to pop round and see how you are.’
Grace was touched by Claire’s thoughtfulness. ‘Come in. Would you like a hot drink?’
‘A tea would be great, thanks.’
They went through to the lounge. Claire took a seat and began talking to Millie while Grace boiled the kettle.
When their mugs were on the table, Claire asked, ‘So, what are you doing for New Year tonight?’
‘Not a lot,’ Grace admitted. She had been half-hoping that Ben would come and find her to suggest they spent it together. Since he hadn’t, there weren’t many other options.
‘Would you like to come up to the schoolhouse? All my sisters will be there, we usually have a bit of a get-together. It isn’t right to see it in alone…’
Grace wasn’t keen to spend an evening outnumbered by Meredith and her family. However, she realised that it might give her the opportunity to speak to Liza again, and persuade her to talk to the police.
Before she could reply, Claire leaned forward.
‘Actually, I have to confess, I’m hoping that Ben might come too if he knows you’ll be there…’
Grace coughed as a large gulp of hot tea hit her throat unexpectedly fast. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘Well, he seems to think a lot of you. And I’m willing to try anything, to be honest. I am so sick of him skulking up there in that house, and Mum sitting in her castle… and never the twain shall meet. It’s ridiculous, they’re as bad as each other. If I’d known how this was going to pan out I wouldn’t have suggested he came back…’
Grace put down her mug. ‘I don’t know much about it. He’s only said that he had a big falling out with your parents and they’ve been estranged for years.’
‘Well, I bet he didn’t mention how much grief he caused Mum and Dad when he was younger – he was quite the tear-away for a while… Perhaps he was sick of being stuck out here with a load of teenage girls – it can’t hav
e been easy. He crashed Dad’s car into the pub one night after he’d had too much to drink… lost control and it skidded right down the hill.’
‘So is that why he’s still barred?’ Grace asked. ‘I saw him getting thrown out.’
Claire smiled. ‘Len and Joyce think “yance a bad egg, allas a bad egg” – as do most people round here. They probably don’t realise how much time has passed. Once Ben got his reputation it was always going to be difficult for him to shake it off. Moving away was probably his only option – but then he set our house on fire…’
‘What!’
‘Oh, he didn’t mean to. He fell asleep in our old lounge room and left a candle burning. Woke up to find the room ablaze. Mum and Dad were out at the time, but all us girls were home. Ben came flying up the stairs to warn us, but we couldn’t get down past the fire, so we ended up climbing out of Veronica’s window and over the schoolhouse roof. It took the fire engine nearly an hour to get here, and half the house had burned down by the time they got it under control. We were lucky not to lose everything, but Mum and Dad never really forgave him. They pretty much kicked him out – or should I say they made his life hell from then on, until he’d had enough.’
Grace pictured the elegant room at the back of the house. ‘So the huge dining room with the picture window is part of the refurbishment?’
‘Yes.’
‘And how did you keep in touch with Ben, after he left?’
‘He would write to us. Mum and Dad never mentioned him, but we would tell them bits and pieces about what he was doing. The rift appeared to come from both sides, though I thought Mum might back down now Dad has gone. At least it has jolted Ben into making an effort, even if it is too late with Dad. But I don’t know why he’s come all this way and now seems stuck at the last hurdle, even if Mum should be meeting him halfway. Perhaps he’s just too proud to beg…’
‘Well, I hope they can sort it out.’
Claire finished her tea and stood up. ‘So will you come tonight?’
Grace hedged. ‘It’s a really kind offer, but it’s difficult with Millie…’
‘She can sleep in the lounge, if you like – it’s right next door to the dining room, and we have a baby monitor we can put in there as well. That’s what we did when Veronica’s boys were babies.’
Grace couldn’t think of another reason not to go, and so found herself reluctantly acquiescing. ‘Okay, I’ll come. Thanks.’
‘Great.’ Claire began to pull on her gloves. ‘Come around eight.’
They walked to the door. ‘Good luck with Ben,’ Grace said as she showed Claire out.
‘Thanks.’ Claire paused. ‘He’s fond of you – you and Millie. You’re doing him good. When he talks about you, he smiles – and it makes a change. It’s almost like we have the old Ben back.’
And she walked down the path towards the garden gate without waiting for a reply.
33
Grace stood in front of the schoolhouse, her hands gripping Millie’s pushchair, summoning up the courage to go in. She was missing Adam terribly tonight. Two years ago they had been standing in Times Square together, after Adam whisked her away to New York as a surprise. They had only been married a few months, and were thinking about trying for a baby sometime in the next year – unaware that Millie would be conceived ahead of schedule a month later. As they had held one another close, wrapped within a crowd of thousands all rejoicing, life was crammed with excitement and opportunity.
Last year she had been in her parents’ villa. Her mum had given her two sleeping pills and she had gone to bed at ten.
She peered up at the forbidding house, the only Christmas decoration a prickly wreath of holly on the door. However, despite her hesitation, she had to admit to herself that spending the evening with Meredith’s family was more appealing than sitting in her fusty old cottage on her own, watching TV. And maybe Ben would come too.
Claire greeted her at the door.
‘Did you speak to Ben?’ Grace asked as she manoeuvred Millie’s pushchair inside.
‘Yes. He didn’t agree to show up, but he heard me out and said he’d think about it,’ Claire confided in a whisper. ‘I reminded him that there’s never going to be a perfect time for this. I’ve told Mum he might be coming – she grimaced and has avoided me since, so I’ve no idea what she makes of it. But that’s Mum for you. All my sisters have seen him already, so there won’t be any big reunions. It’s just him and Mum finally being in the same room together. Keep your fingers crossed for us all, won’t you.’
As she led Grace inside, two small boys ran past, the first one trailing a balloon while the smaller one tried gleefully to catch it.
‘Careful!’ Veronica said, appearing in a doorway and glaring at her children. ‘Sorry, guys, they’ve had too much lemonade today. We’re in for a heap of trouble tonight, I think.’
‘Millie’s asleep,’ Grace said, indicating the pushchair, its hood down.
‘Pop her in here then.’ Veronica opened the door to the lounge. ‘The heating’s on, so it’s nice and warm, and I’ve set the monitor up for you.’
Grace peeped inside. The room was softly lit by a small lamp next to the sofa, and she remembered Annabel sitting there, trying to interview Meredith. She looked at the tall witching post next to the fireplace and thought sadly of her sister – how she wished Annabel were here tonight, cracking jokes and being sarcastic.
Grace wheeled Millie’s pushchair over to one corner, checked her daughter was still asleep, then came out and gently closed the door. The dining room door was ajar, light blazing through the gap, and she followed Claire to join the party.
It was the first time she had seen all of Meredith’s daughters together. Veronica was next to Liza on one of the sofas, talking animatedly while pressing her hand against Liza’s protruding belly. Jenny sat opposite, her eyes on her sisters. The husbands were standing by the picture window, its curtains drawn. Dan wore a thick leather jacket, in contrast to Steve’s polo shirt and smart trousers. They looked unlikely friends, and as Grace watched, Dan said something with a chuckle that made Steve look uneasy. In the corner, three young boys were attempting to play Twister. Last of all, Grace spotted Feathery Jack, seated at the table on his own with a sherry glass in his hand.
Claire had gone to find her mother, and Grace looked around wondering who she should talk to. She was already beginning to regret coming, feeling like the spectre in the room that nobody had noticed.
‘Grace?’
She turned to see Meredith, her face stiff with that familiar veneer of politeness.
‘Hello Meredith, thank you for inviting me.’ She handed over a bottle of wine.
‘You’re welcome.’ Meredith took the gift and forced her smile a little wider. ‘There’s food on the side table, please, help yourself.’
Grace went obediently across to the buffet. As she picked up a plate, she surreptitiously looked back to see Meredith surveying the room. Slowly, her children stopped talking.
‘Well, come and eat,’ Meredith said to them, and they began to get up.
‘Ah’ll turn sixty-nine this year,’ a voice piped up behind Grace. She turned to find Feathery Jack hunched in a chair. His eyes were wide, as though he couldn’t quite believe his own words.
Grace wasn’t sure what she should say in reply. He looked far older. Her parents were already in their sixties, but retirement was rejuvenating them – they could easily be mistaken for Jack’s children.
‘Next year, Jack, you’ll be sixty-nine next year. The New Year hasn’t come yet,’ Claire added as she reappeared next to Grace. She didn’t get a response, nor did she seem to expect one.
‘Ah’s last of the old school,’ Jack added gruffly. ‘Rest gone to meet their maker.’
Grace didn’t know what to say to that. Instead, she began to gather food on her plate, then sat down at the large dining table. The others slowly joined her, and Steve took a seat opposite. ‘So, how are you finding living on the moors,
Grace?’
‘I like it,’ Grace replied. ‘But I’ve got a lot to do. I wish I had more time to explore the area.’
Dan cut in. ‘No word from that husband of yours, then?’
All other conversation stopped.
‘Dan, leave her be…’ Claire sounded irritated.
‘I was only asking…’
‘Dan was in the police force for a while,’ Liza explained. ‘He had friends working on the investigation…’
Grace could feel her face burning with embarrassment as she met Liza’s eyes. The entreaty in them was clear, and Grace remembered her words as they had talked by the lake. I’m begging you not to get me involved.
Dan glared at his wife. ‘That’s right, Liza. And it’s the strangest case of a missing person that I’ve ever heard of…’
‘That’s as maybe, but I’m sure Grace doesn’t want to talk to us about it,’ Meredith said stonily.
Dan scowled and put his head down.
It seemed Meredith was able to silence her son-in-law easily, even though he was ready to pick a fight with his wife. Grace glanced gratefully at Meredith, but she was concentrating on her meal.
As Grace picked up her knife and fork again, she hoped the conversation was over, but the next voice was female, and obviously directed at her.
‘Don’t you feel scared, living out here alone with your baby? It’s pretty isolated. You must be lonely?’
Grace looked up to see Jenny observing her curiously.
‘Sometimes…’ she admitted. ‘But we’re adjusting…’
‘I don’t think I could live back here now,’ Veronica remarked. ‘No offence,’ she said as Meredith raised her head, ‘I’ve just got too used to having a supermarket on hand 24/7. I don’t know how you did it, Mum – I’m always running in there for something or other.’
‘You just need a better routine,’ Meredith said. ‘You have it too easy nowadays – it makes you lazy.’