by Kathy Love
By the time they reached Times Square, she felt like she was neck-deep in a sea of sensory overload. Tourists talking in fast, loud voices. The honks of cars, the roar of engines, more voices. Bright lights burned and flashed in sharp colors at odds with the hazy scent of the city. The scent of exhaust and trash. The scent of body odor and strong perfumes and under all that the sweet, clean scent of blood.
That alone would have been enough for her to feel overwhelmed. But she was also bombarded by the emotions of those brushing past her, walking in front of her, walking close behind her. So many emotions swirling around her, excitement, exhaustion, irritation, even attraction.
She found it hard to focus on any one thing, everything twirling like a kaleidoscope with no place for her to focus.
She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to get her bearings, but her foot caught on the uneven sidewalk. Her eyes snapped open as she tried to catch herself, but instead she overcompensated, and began to fall.
A strong arm came out to catch her around the waist, and she found herself pulled tight to Sebastian’s side. Suddenly all the swirl of human emotions and scents and sounds faded. All she could feel was that strong arm like a life preserver tossed to her in a stormy sea. He made her feel safe, protected, and while she knew she should find that fact alarming, at this moment, all she could do was appreciate it.
Quickly, he whisked her out of the main rush and into a small alcove of a doorway. He released her immediately, frowning down at her, and she wanted his arm back, making her feel centered. And oddly calm.
“Are you okay?” he asked, leaning down and looking closely at her face.
“Yes,” she assured him. “I just tripped.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I’m not used to so many people, so close to me. I can’t seem to concentrate.”
He frowned. “You look pale, even for you.”
She shifted at that comment. She knew she was very pale, but something about his pointing out the fact made her self-conscious. Was that bad?
“Yes. I just couldn’t seem to get myself or my mind focused. Everything was swirling.”
“Is it now?”
She paused, realizing that people still rushed passed them, although they weren’t touching her. They weren’t in her space. She could still sense all the smells. All the sounds and lights, but she could distance herself from it all. She could focus on one thing at a time, like the repeated honk of a cab. The loud voice of a woman yelling to her husband. And Sebastian, close to her in the small doorway, his rich, spicy scent. His strength in the air.
“Did this happen at the club?”
“No, not really. Once in awhile I got overwhelmed, but not often, not like this. But usually no one touched me there.” No one but you, she amended to herself-and he’d been just as overwhelming, but in a whole different way.
“Well, the preternaturals probably sort of diluted the human emotions,” he guessed. “That would be my guess. So it’s just large groups of humans that affect you?”
She nodded.
Sebastian frowned at her, certain what he was thinking couldn’t possibly be true. But it was the only thing that made sense. Somehow, she didn’t know how to do something as simple as block mortal reverberation, the «noise» of their emotions, which could be very overpowering. How had she survived in New York City, where there were thousands of mortals per square mile? How had she survived period?
“When were you crossed over?”
She frowned as if she couldn’t imagine why he’d ask such a question. He supposed age was a rather personal question, even for vampires.
“In 1903.”
She was a relatively young vampire, but she had lived over a hundred years. That was a long time to not know how to control the vibrations of humans. Humans were very powerful in their own right, so how had she done it? Survived without losing control?
Hell, she’d managed to go beyond not losing control; she repressed most of her vampire nature. She was clumsy, she was self-conscious and apprehensive. She was plain.
He amended that. She gave off the impression of being plain, but she wasn’t. His gaze roamed the features of her face, her beautiful cheekbones, the line of her nose, her bow-shaped lips, and those deep, bottomless blue eyes. No, she was far from plain. But she still wasn’t like any vampire he’d ever encountered.
“Your initiator must have been a real ass. That is one of the first things you should have learned when you were crossed over. How to block emotions. The vampiress who crossed me and my brothers over was crazy and damned evil to boot, and even she taught us about our new selves.”
When he saw the troubled look in her eyes, he caught himself, regretting his words. He shouldn’t have assumed her initiator was a jerk-although he could find no other explanation for her unawareness of herself and the basics of being a vampire.
Again he wondered how she’d survived over a hundred years without learning this. Sebastian remembered all the books and magazines scattered all over her apartment. She reminded him of Rhys. His brother spent centuries hiding from the world of mortals. Surrounding himself with books and music and not much else. Until Jane-then they had learned to live together. It had taken an unorthodox way for it to happen, but Rhys had found peace.
Mina needed that too-to learn to live as a vampire. He’d been absolutely right when he’d made this bargain. She needed to awaken herself to all the amazing senses and abilities she had. And even if she still thought the Society was a good thing when the month was over, at least she’d be more aware of herself. And maybe more aware that vampires, who actually liked being vampires, weren’t all evil.
But Times Square wasn’t the best place to start. It was too much for her first outing.
“Maybe we should do something else tonight. I don’t want you to be too overwhelmed here.”
He’d assumed she would jump at the chance to leave, but she surprised him by shaking her head.
“I’d like to go to the toy store.”
“Okay,” he agreed slowly. “But you do need to learn how to handle all the emotions around you. I don’t want you freaking out when a kid comes up behind you and tugs on your shirt because he’s mistaken you for his mother.”
She gave him a funny look as if she didn’t really understand that example. Then her dark eyes grew hopeful.
“You could do that? Make crowds not so overwhelming?”
He hadn’t ever done it before, since he’d never crossed a mortal over, but he imagined he could. “Sure.”
“How?”
He considered how he’d learned to block all the reverberations. Now he wasn’t even consciously aware he was doing it, so it was hard to remember how he learned. But he wasn’t going to let Mina know that; she had such an expectant look on her face.
“I focus on something outside of myself,” he said. “Like a distant point outside of the crowd, outside of the emotion.”
Mina frowned, obviously not understanding what he was saying.
“What did you focus on this time to get you centered and calm?”
Her cheeks colored slightly, only making her skin a tad less pale-but he could definitely see a blush. She looked away from him.
“Okay,” he said, realizing she wasn’t going to tell him, although he was very intrigued. “You don’t have to tell me, but could you keep focusing on that?”
She nodded her head, still not meeting his eyes. Her cheeks were almost pink now.
He smiled at her bowed head, getting the distinct feeling he might have been what she’d focused on. That idea pleased him.
As if to test his theory, he said, “Maybe it would be best if we held hands through this crowd. You know, to keep you close, in case you panic.”
Mina stared at his outstretched hand, then she took it, her small, delicate fingers curling around his. “That would be good,” she admitted.
“Okay,” he said, turning back to the busy street. “Ready to try this again?”
<
br /> She glanced at their linked hands, then nodded resolutely. “Yes.”
As they stepped back into the masses of pedestrians, Sebastian knew he was right. She was using him as her focal point, as her center. The realization created an odd tightening in his chest, a tightening that felt good and strangely right.
CHAPTER 12
For the rest of the walk to the toy store, Mina seemed to remain calm. A couple of times, her fingers squeezed his as if she was struggling with her focus, but given that she was shoulder-to-shoulder in an ocean of humans, she was managing very well.
The crowd didn’t lessen as they reached the doorways of the huge store, but Sebastian hoped that it would be a little more manageable inside.
He approached one of the glass doors, but Mina stopped.
He turned, expecting her to say she couldn’t do it, she couldn’t handle any more, but instead she stared up at the giant screens across the top of the building, a bemused half-smile on her lips.
He gazed up with her as the images changed. Toys and kids and a giant cartoon giraffe.
“I knew this was all here,” she finally said. “But I’ve never really been able to… enjoy it.”
He smiled at her. “Well, that’s what I’m here for. To show you a good time.”
She looked away from the screens, studying him. Then she nodded.
“Ready to go inside?”
She nodded again.
They stepped through the doors.
“Welcome to my favorite tapas bar.”
She paused, then grimaced at him.
“Just kidding.” He smiled.
But even before he finished his assurance, Mina’s attention was turned to the store. A vast children’s wonderland. Toys and dolls and stuffed animals everywhere. Children and adults alike wandered around with looks of amazement on their faces. And in the center of the store was a ferris wheel-three stories tall.
Mina’s fingers squeezed his as she gaped around her.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she murmured, her eyes flitting from one thing to another, finally stopping on the ferris wheel. Sebastian watched her expression as she watched the large metal ring spin slowly around and around.
She released his hand and walked over to the railing to get a closer look. He followed her, leaning on the rail next to her. He smiled at her awed expression. She looked like one of the children, her mouth a small “o,” her eyes widened, shining.
She was so lovely.
She tore her gaze away from the large, metal-strutted wheel to him. “Are we going to go on that?”
“Absolutely,” he said.
She smiled, small to be sure, but the first real smile that she’d given him. The gesture was like a sucker punch to his stomach. Damn, she wasn’t just lovely, she was beautiful.
And he had to touch her.
“But I want to show you something first.”
She glanced back at the ferris wheel longingly, but then nodded.
He moved so she was positioned between himself and the railing, his chest a couple of inches from her back. She stiffened at the position, but didn’t say anything. After all, he wasn’t breaking her rules. His body wasn’t quite touching hers.
“Is this okay?” he asked anyway. It wasn’t his intention to intimidate her. When he did touch her, he wanted her to want it every bit as badly as he did.
She nodded, shifting closer to the railing. He allowed her the tiny space, but placed his hands on the top rail, boxing her in, still not touching her. Her posture straightened, but again she didn’t balk at the position.
“Okay,” he said softly. “Close your eyes.”
She glanced over her shoulder at him. “Close my eyes? Why?”
He smiled at her, noticing again that her nose crinkled cutely when she frowned. “Just do it. I swear, you’ll really like it.”
She narrowed her eyes as if she wasn’t quite sure she should trust him. But then she did as he asked.
He studied her face, amazed that he hadn’t noticed right away how long her black eyelashes were. How perfectly smooth her skin was.
He forced his gaze away from her, and out at the busy store.
“Okay. Can you feel the emotions in the air?”
“Yes,” she murmured in her breathy way, and for a moment, he really wished she was saying that yes to something else. Like coming back to his apartment and spending the whole night in his bed.
He closed his eyes too, realizing he was the one who needed to get his focus centered.
“What do you feel?” he asked.
“Excitement. Joy.” She paused. “Longing.”
Sebastian knew she was picking up the vibe of the kids. Their excitement and their joy. And their longing, for a new doll, a new teddy bear, but he couldn’t help wondering if she was reading some of his longing too. Even though he was trying his damnedest to mask his feelings.
“Do these feelings seem different from the other times you’ve sensed them?” he asked.
“Yes,” she murmured, and again he found her breathy voice altogether too arousing.
He pulled in a steadying breath. “How are they different?”
She was quiet for a moment, then she said, “They feel more vivid, more fresh. Not tainted by anything else. Just pure excitement. Pure joy. Pure… longing.”
Sebastian gritted his back teeth at the way she said the last with such yearning of her own. He started to release the railing. He needed to put more space between them. He couldn’t stand this close to her and not touch her.
Then she surprised him by touching him, leaning back until her back was lightly against his chest. He froze, afraid that she might startle if he moved.
“Why do the emotions feel so different?” she whispered.
He leaned forward, just a little, so he could see her face. Her eyes were still closed, her red lips parted. She looked the picture of pure bliss, and he wished the hell they weren’t in the middle of the biggest toy store in the world.
“The emotions of children are less tarnished,” he explained, trying to keep his voice even, his body stationary. As much as he wanted to feel the friction of their bodies rubbing together, he didn’t want to risk her breaking the contact, not when she’d offered it to him.
“Children haven’t learned to temper their emotions. They just feel.”
She nodded, then she was still. A deep sigh escaped her parted lips. Her back rubbed his chest, a minute shift of her body against his, but he nearly groaned.
Before he thought better of it, he moved forward until her body was sandwiched between him and the railing. Her back tight to his chest, her bottom nestled snug against the juncture of his legs. He nuzzled his cheek to hers, breathing in her scent. Feeling her longing and his.
Damn, he’d never wanted a woman like he wanted Mina. Here and now.
Mina swallowed, the delightful emotions of the children fading away as Sebastian fully enveloped her, his body solid and warm at her back.
She’d been aware that she’d leaned into him, because the intense emotions in the air were making her feel a little disoriented. And as out on the sidewalk, Sebastian’s touch seemed to give her focus and a surprising sense of calm.
But calm was the last thing she was feeling now. Sebastian nuzzled her cheek, the brush of his skin, the tickle of his unruly hair, making her body burn. His hands remained on the steel bar of the top railing, but she could feel every movement of his muscles along her back, over her bottom as if he was stroking her.
She told herself to tell him to stop. But she couldn’t find her voice. All she could do was feel him, all around her. His strength, his heat, so thrilling she was helpless to do anything but revel in the sensations.
Suddenly, he was gone, and she had to grasp the railing to keep from toppling backward. His hand pressed to the small of her back to steady her, but as soon as she had her balance, he dropped his hand to his side.
The coloring along his cheekbones seemed a
little darker, but otherwise, he didn’t appear affected by their contact. She did notice his usually ready smile was gone, and his eyes burned a darker gold.
“Want to ride the ferris wheel now?”
She agreed, even though she wasn’t quite sure she was ready to release the railing and walk. Between the delightful innocence of the children’s emotions and the sinfully exciting feeling of Sebastian, she was drained. Her senses almost ravaged.
But she followed him down to the lower level where a queue was forming to get on the ride. They were both quiet as they waited with the others. Mina noticed that Sebastian, while he didn’t attempt to touch her, tried to keep himself situated between her and the others in the line. Trying to keep her from getting overwhelmed.
Warmth filled her at the realization. She couldn’t remember a time when anyone looked out for her. Not like that, not to anticipate her needs.
“Yes!” he suddenly exclaimed, and she followed his gaze to the ferris wheel.
“What?” she asked, not seeing anything that should have him so excited.
“We’re going to get the Mystery Machine.”
“Huh?” She had no idea what he was talking about, although that often seemed to happen with him.
He gave her an incredulous look. “The Mystery Machine? Scooby-Doo?”
She shook her head, still not following.
“You’ve got to be kidding?” he said, obviously very disheartened at her lack of knowledge. “I do not know how you have survived all these years.”
She didn’t know either. It hadn’t been easy, and not until Dr. Fowler found her, and then she’d found the Society, had she had any sense of understanding and purpose.
A pang of guilt tightened her chest. The Society had helped her so much, and here she was enjoying the company of one of the vampires they considered a serious threat.
She looked at Sebastian. His eyes sparkled with the anticipation of the Mystery Machine, whatever that was. He grinned at her, his smile sincere, guileless. Her breath caught at the sight of it.
Maybe the Society was wrong, she thought for a second. Maybe they misjudged Sebastian. Then she remembered all the women she’d seen on the receiving end of that smile at the nightclub.