by Kathy Love
Sebastian nodded. That crazed feeling was what happened without blood. It did make a vampire almost insane.
“My parents assumed I’d gone mad, believing I’d been sexually assaulted. I told them over and over what happened, but, of course, they didn’t believe me. They brought in doctors, who also didn’t understand what was wrong with me. They understood what their tests were saying-my temperature far below normal, no heartbeat. And they certainly couldn’t name my ailment. And I just grew more and more insane. Finally, one day…»
She stopped-hiding her face against his shirt as if she couldn’t bear to recall the memory, much less talk about it.
Sebastian rocked her. “It’s okay.”
“I was alone with one of the servants, a young girl, only about sixteen or so.” She shuddered again, and Sebastian knew where this conversation was going. Had Mina killed the girl?
“I didn’t kill her,” she answered as if she’d heard his silent question. “But I did attack her. Bit her.”
She took another deep, almost gulping breath as though the memory sickened her.
“That very night my parents had me institutionalized.”
Sebastian closed his eyes, horror-struck at the idea of her in an asylum. Alone. Scared. He didn’t know how she survived. Many couldn’t have, without the added fact that she couldn’t possibly understand what she’d become. Not fully.
“I was there for years. I don’t know how long. Occasionally I’d be moved to another institution. This went on for… ” She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He hugged her tighter, remembering her terror when he’d blocked the bathroom door in the airport. She was afraid of being confined, unable to escape. Of course, being a vampire, she would have been able to escape, but since she didn’t know how to use her powers, she couldn’t. She’d stayed in those hellholes. God, she was strong, stronger than she knew.
“Until finally, Dr. Fowler, having heard reports of the crazed woman who believed she was a vampire, came to see me. He was the first visitor I’d had in-two decades, three maybe.”
Sebastian closed his eyes, cursing her parents. They’d been as evil as the vampire. Leaving Mina there. Forgotten.
“Dr. Fowler believed me, and he managed to get me discharged. He helped me find a place, I guess you’d call it a halfway house for preternaturals, and taught me how to manage what I was, as best he could. But being a werewolf himself, he couldn’t tell me how to use my powers. And at that time, I didn’t want to. I just wanted to be-normal. As normal as I could be.”
For once, Sebastian actually appreciated Dr. Fowler. Maybe he wasn’t quite the loon that he’d always believed.
“And I’ve been just going on since then.”
“You never saw your family again.”
She shook her head. “The Weisses are not insane. No, my parents told the world I died. Which I did.”
He caught her face, cupping her tear-streaked cheeks tenderly. She looked like a porcelain doll that had been left out in the rain, and he realized that analogy wasn’t far off.
More rage filled him.
“You aren’t dead,” he told her firmly. “And you are not responsible for what happened to you. You are amazing, don’t you understand that?”
She stared at him, her gaze roaming his face. Then she touched him. Her fingers stroking his jawline, his cheek, the shape of his lips. He remained perfectly still, letting her touch him as she wanted.
Her trembling fingers remained against his cheek as she leaned forward, pressing her mouth to his, her lips tremulous, unsure and heartbreakingly sweet.
He responded, but didn’t take control of the kiss, letting her do what she wanted. She brushed her soft lips over his mouth, then to his cheek. As her lips nibbled his jaw and then returned back to his mouth, his cock blatantly ignored his command to remain calm. He shifted, not wanting her to feel the rock-hard erection against her bottom.
“Baby,” he murmured, “maybe we should slow down.”
She lifted her head, regarding him with those heartbreakingly solemn eyes of hers. “I like kissing you.”
He swallowed as her hand moved to his chest, caressing him through the cotton of his shirt. “Mina, I like kissing you too, but you’re upset and not thinking clearly. I’m not sure you would decide this is what you want under normal circumstances.”
She nodded, nibbling the redness of her bottom lip.
God, even that was turning him on.
“I’m going to admit something to you,” she said. “And this is even harder than telling you about my past.”
“Okay.” He couldn’t imagine anything more difficult than that story. It had been hard for him to listen to-and he could only imagine how hard it had been for her to tell. For her to live through.
“I–I really want you.” She made a funny face as if she were almost sorry. “I do. More than anything.”
Why would she be apologetic about that? He wanted her too, more than he could recall wanting anyone or anything. Then he realized her dilemma.
“But you don’t want to want a vampire, do you?”
She stared at him. “Sebastian…»
He nodded with dawning understanding. She was going to tell him that he was the last vampire she could ever want. The Society had convinced her that he was pure evil. The last man, undead or otherwise, that she should be attracted to. A vampire like the one who’d destroyed her world, and left her to rot.
But she was attracted to him, dammit. And he wasn’t that vampire.
“Mina, you can’t let that damned crazy Society tell you-”
She pressed her fingers over his lips to silence him. But he wasn’t going to be silenced about this. Not about something as important as them being together.
“Mina,” he trapped her fingers in his, moving them from his lips, “I know I mentioned this before but you are believing an organization named after processed meat and unsolicited email.”
“Shh,” she insisted, placing her fingers back over his mouth, then she smiled. Why was she smiling?
“Sebastian, let me say this. Please. Because I’m only saying it once.”
He nodded, his lips still pressed to her fingers.
“I don’t know anything about processed meat or email for that matter, but I do think you might be right about the Society.” She gave him a stern look, warning him with her eyes not to interrupt. “And I don’t think you are the third most dangerous vampire in New York. In fact, I don’t think you are dangerous at all.”
At that he couldn’t resist nipping her fingers, then he said, “Oh, I’m dangerous all right. Just not in the way ole SPAMM thinks.”
He expected her to at least smile, but instead she regarded, him soberly, and for a moment he worried that his teasing remark had frightened her, although he didn’t feel fear radiating from her.
“Sebastian, I want you,” she said softly. “Well, you know I do. But-”
He didn’t want buts. He wanted her, she wanted him. It was simple really. And right. He could feel that.
He caught her face and pulled her against him, kissing her gently, coaxingly. She moaned and tilted her head so he could deepen the kiss. Her hands touched his face, his hair, his shoulder, the touches desperate and hungry. His own need flared, quickly, wildly out of control like it always became whenever he touched her.
Without breaking the kiss, he stood, easily lifting her with him. She made a small noise at the sudden shift and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Wh-where are we going?”
“I don’t intend to make love to you on the floor. Not your first time anyway.”
His words stunned him too. Was he going to be her first? A strong wave of satisfaction and possessiveness washed through his veins at the idea.
She looked at him with large, wary eyes.
“This is the first time, right?” he asked.
Her nod was almost imperceptible, but it was there. Another wave of satisfaction tumbled through him, followed
by a smaller ripple of misgiving. He needed this to be damned good for her. She’d waited over a hundred years. That was pressure.
He gazed down at her face. Her beautiful pale features, those blue eyes that he wanted to drown in, those ruby lips that he wanted to kiss all night.
He was up to the challenge.
He strode to his bedroom, using his foot to nudge the door open. Instead of setting her on the mattress, he gently slid her down his body until her feet touched the thick gray carpeting.
Sebastian cupped her upturned face in his hands. He leaned forward and kissed her, tasting those red lips. No rushing, no demands, just infinitely tender caresses. So thrilling. So breathtaking.
She made a small noise, and for a second, he worried she was nervous. Instead she wrapped her arms around his neck, arcing her body to his. He smiled against her lips and kissed her more possessively.
She whimpered, the sound sending a chill through him, a jarring contradiction to the fire also burning in his limbs.
“Are you okay?” he murmured.
This time, he felt the curl of her smile. “Yes.”
“So should we keep kissing?”
“Yes, please.”
He made a noise somewhere between a chuckle and a groan as his mouth caught hers again.
Go slow, he told himself and managed to maintain gentle, brushing kisses. Velvet against velvet. He continued his tender onslaught until the need inside him swelled to the point that he had to touch more of her.
She groaned as if she was reading his mind and moved closer to him.
“Are you okay?” Sebastian asked, his lips not fully leaving hers, even though he didn’t sense fear.
“I want… more.”
“I want to give you more.” He kissed her again, this time more possessively. His lips molded to hers, wanting to devour her. He slipped his arms around her and brought her flush to his body. She gasped as their bodies rubbed together. He paused slightly, but then couldn’t stop his hands from stroking down her narrow back to the soft swell of her backside. He walked her backward until she was against his bedroom door, his cock pulsing against her belly.
His lips left hers with a small, teasing nip and moved to the corner of her mouth. He pressed kisses along her jawline, fluttery kisses designed to get himself in check.
Then he moved to her neck. She stiffened slightly, and he kissed her gently, soothingly, licking the smooth skin just beneath her jawline. Sweet, silky skin. The softest he’d ever touched. The scent of lily of the valley surrounded him.
He kissed her again, then nibbled.
Suddenly, a strangled cry escaped her lips and her hands were at his chest shoving him, sending him backward.
“Stop!” Mina cried. “Stop.”
CHAPTER 19
Mina had told herself to stay calm. When he’d pressed her against the door, she’d told herself it was okay. This was Sebastian. She trusted him. She wanted him. Calm. Stay calm.
Then she’d felt his teeth. Just a gentle nip at her neck. Not painful. Not frightening. But her words couldn’t seem to penetrate the images in her brain. Being held against that tree. Unable to escape. Then his bite. Violent. Painful. Terrifying.
She opened her mouth to tell Sebastian to stop, but her throat felt like it was constricted closed. No words could escape, only a small whimper.
Then she’d been shoving him, her only thought to protect herself. She couldn’t be bitten again. Never again.
Sebastian now stared at her, his hand on the bedpost, which he’d grabbed for balance.
She gaped at him for a moment, then dropped her head into her hands. Why couldn’t she let the damned past go? Why?
“Mina,” he said quietly. “What did I do? Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head, not looking at him. He hadn’t hurt her. He hadn’t hurt her at all. She touched her neck, then her shoulders slumped.
“I don’t think I can do this.”
He stepped back to her, not quite touching her.
“What scared you?”
“I–I thought you were going to bite me.”
“Baby, I wouldn’t bite you without you saying it was okay.”
She lifted her head.
His look was heartbreakingly kind. He brushed a curl from her cheek.
“No biting. None,” he promised. “Nothing that you don’t want.”
She stared at him, so disappointed in herself. So angry at the vampire who’d made her the mess she was now. He’d taken her life. He wasn’t going to take this. He wasn’t going to ruin this moment.
She nodded, and before she thought about it anymore, she reached forward, tugging at Sebastian’s shirt. Even though she could see he was confused, he allowed her to pull it over his head.
She stood back admiring the muscles of his chest and stomach. Then she noticed two marks on the golden skin. Two small red imprints, the size of hands. Her hands.
He’d mentioned that in her other moments of panic she’d hurt him. And she had again. And he’d never reacted except to make sure she was all right.
He wouldn’t hurt her, ever. She had to believe that. She did believe it. She moved forward, pressing her mouth tenderly to the redness, marring his perfect skin.
Gently, he caught her. “Mina. You are running way too hot and cold for me. What is going on?”
“Please just give me one more chance. Please.”
He studied her, then nodded. “Okay. Of course.”
She leaned up and kissed him with all the desire she had for him, and all the fear too. Sebastian responded, his arms coming up around her.
She waited for the fear to fill her again, but it didn’t. This was Sebastian; she wanted him to touch her like this. She ached for him.
She gripped his shoulders, feeling his smooth skin and rock-hard muscles under her hands. Her fingers wandered over his arms. Sebastian’s arms. Then his chest, more sinew, more perfection.
He groaned low in his throat, then he stepped back from her.
“What-what’s wrong?” she asked, unsure why he pulled away.
“We need to go a little slower,” he said.
She smiled slightly. “That’s my line.”
He smiled back, then his smiled faded. He touched her mouth with his fingertips. “God, I love your smile.”
Her chest swelled at his words. Her gaze dropped to his lips. She loved his smile too. He was the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. She closed the small space between them, capturing his mouth, mimicking the possessiveness of the kiss he’d given her earlier.
His arms came around her back and she was pulled tightly to him. Her chest crushed to his, her dress the only thing keeping her chest from melding with his-becoming one.
Again, she waited for fear, but she couldn’t feel anything but longing.
He stepped back, pulling in a deep, steadying breath.
“I want to please you,” he said.
“You are,” she assured him, leaning back in to kiss him.
He stopped her, placing his hands on her bare shoulders.
“No,” he clarified, “I want you to tell me exactly what you like and what you don’t. This is about you. I want to touch and kiss you.”
His gaze slid down her body, and she felt the look like a slow, sizzling caress.
She swallowed at the yearning crackling in her veins. “Isn’t that what we were doing?”
He smiled, the curve of his lips indulgent. “I want this to be only about you. About your pleasure. I want you to know what it should feel like to have a man love you.”
Her breath caught at his words. To have a man love you. She imagined being the focus of his love. The idea made her light-headed. Giddy. She knew it wasn’t love, not really, but she still wanted what he was offering her, here, tonight. Even if it was only for tonight.
She wanted Sebastian to be the one to erase the horrible memories of the past. She wanted him to replace it with him. Only memories of him.
She took a deep br
eath, steadying her quivering body.
“I want that too.”
He smiled as if she had granted him the greatest gift. His hands slid unhurriedly down her arms. She pulled in a quick breath at the sizzling need left in the wake of that slow caress. She had no idea that such a simple touch could be so arousing.
“I like this dress,” he said, his gaze slowly gliding down her body. “Very pretty.”
She gasped as his hands left her arms and moved to her waist. His eyes snapped back up to her face, reading her reaction, making sure she wasn’t scared. His concern was almost as much of a turn-on as his touch. Almost.
She smiled at him to reassure him that she was fine.
His large hands splayed over her, running a path up her ribcage, his thumbs brushing over her belly, stopping just under the curve of her breasts. His hands burned her, even through the silky material of her dress.
He pulled in a breath, the sound uneven and shaky. “Mina, I want to touch your skin.”
She met his eyes. They glittered golden and hot.
She nodded.
“You have the most beautiful skin I’ve ever seen,” he told her, brushing his fingers over the beadwork at the neckline of her dress, then they moved to the tiny buttons that ran the length of her dress.
“Too pale,” she whispered, watching as his strong fingers worked open the button at the neckline.
“No. Perfect like pearls.”
She looked up at him, for a moment thinking he must be teasing her. But there was no mocking in his eyes, only desire as he slowly unfastened one button, then the next. He bent his head to press a kiss to her chest, the valley between her breasts, the spot just below the center of her bra. Soon he knelt at her feet, and she stood before him, her dress undone and parted.
“Will you take it off?” he asked.
Unable to do otherwise, she nodded. She pushed the dress down her arms, letting it pool around her feet, leaving her bare except for her white panties and bra and sandals. She’d never been one to wear anything lacy, but she suddenly wished her plain underwear had even just a little lace, although Sebastian didn’t seem to notice the lack of ornamentation.
He rose up on his knees and pressed his mouth to her stomach, just below her belly button. She jerked at the sudden rush of need that crackled through her body. Her breasts ached, as did her sex. All the feelings were so new to her, so overwhelming.