by Annie Kelsey
Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuu,
Kate Cary!
Contents
Cover
Dedication
Wednesday evening
Bedtime
Thursday (morning break)
Thursday teatime
Friday, 7 a.m.
On the coach
SAD NEWS!
Later
After dinner
On the coach
On the coach
At the hotel after tea
After midnight
The pros and cons of having a ghost pet
Pippa Morgan’s top ten ghost jokes
Pippa Morgan’s top-secret code for BFFs
Copyright
Wednesday evening
I have just watched the BEST SHOW EVER!
It’s called Most Spooky and it’s even better than CopShop! I still love CopShop, btw. It’s a TV programme about real-life detectives. Detective Inspector Mike Hatchett is my hero. But Most Spooky is about ghosts! Not dressing-up-for-Halloween-in-a-sheet type ghosts but …
REAL GHOSTS!
Mike Hatchett only hunts criminals, but on Most Spooky, they hunt ghosts.
Ghosts can do all sorts of cool stuff criminals can’t, like:
1. Float through walls.
2. Be invisible.
3. Make supernatural noises.
4. Move stuff without even touching it.
I bet criminals wish they were ghosts. Mike Hatchett would never catch them. Ghosts are like criminals with SUPERPOWERS!
(I wonder why ghosts don’t
rob banks? Or smuggle diamonds?
Perhaps they do and we just don’t know!)
Anyway…
I can’t believe I’ve never watched Most Spooky before. It’s totally awesome. Mum warned me it might be scary. And it was scary, but I LIKE being scared (so long as it’s not falling-down-the-stairs/house-on-fire scared).
Most Spooky stars Sally Pippin and Marcus Flaunch. Sally Pippin is an ordinary TV person, but Marcus Flaunch is a REAL ghost hunter. He’s super-psychic and he can tell when there’s a ghost in a room just by feeling the air! He gets all goosebumpy and keeps rubbing his arms and shivering and looking over his shoulder. Then he says to Sally Pippin something like: “I can tell someone is trying to communicate with me,” or, “There has been much sadness in this room.” And he suddenly pauses and holds up a finger and says, “Do you feel that?” And Sally Pippin looks all spooked and starts peering around the room (it’s usually an old house because more people have died in them) and she’ll say, “I feel cold.”
Then Marcus Flaunch just nods and says, “That’s the Presence” in a really dramatic voice. (A “Presence” is a ghost that you can feel but can’t see. I guess it’s like when I know Mum’s cross and about to tell me off, but way spookier.)
Marcus Flaunch has special ghost-detecting equipment. He has a sound recorder to detect ghost noises. And a thing that looks like a mobile phone for detecting ghost energy (ghost energy is a bit like electricity but more tingly). And a thermal camera, which sees hot and cold instead of light and dark.
Three Ways to Detect a Presence
1. The air turns icy cold.
2. You hear strange noises (like moaning or knocking or doors slamming).
3. Ghost energy makes your ghost detector crackle.
In tonight’s programme, Marcus and Sally didn’t see any actual ghosts, but Marcus could definitely feel something ghostly in the room and his equipment detected lots of cold and noise and ghost electricity. (Sally Pippin didn’t notice anything weird apart from feeling cold, but ghost-hunting equipment is probably a lot more sensitive than a TV presenter.)
ANYWAY.
I have decided to become a ghost hunter, just like Marcus Flaunch!
Now is the perfect time because, on Friday, my class is going on a school trip to the Isle of Wight. We’re staying all weekend! In a hotel! And we’re going to visit Carisbrooke Castle, which must be full of ghosts because it’s ancient. All I have to do is pack some equipment so I can detect them.
Packing List for School Trip
•My ghost-hunting journal.
• Sound/video recorder for ghost detecting (I’m borrowing my dad’s old phone. It can do both. He said I must only use it for Important Stuff, but ghost hunting is most definitely Important, so I know he won’t mind).
• Thermal detector (the thermometer from the medicine cabinet).
• Energy detector for ghost electricity (my fluffy blue jumper. The fluff sparks on my hair when I put it on. If hair makes it spark, I bet ghost electricity will start the blue fluff crackling like crazy!).
• Pink pig pyjamas (not really ghost-related, but they’re my favourite).
• Sweets (for a midnight feast!). A
Catie just texted me! She’s really excited too. We’re going to be sharing a room in the hotel. Squeeee! It’s going to be the greatest sleepover ever because Catie’s my best friend in the whole world. (Rachel is too, but she moved to Scotland a few months ago and it’s hard to do best-friend stuff when there’s four hundred miles between us. Rachel and I will ALWAYS be best friends, but having two BFFs is brilliant. I am SO lucky.) I wonder if me and Catie can get a room next to the twins? Julie and Jennifer have been to the Isle of Wight before, but they were so young they don’t remember it. I’m going to text them and remind them to bring sweets for the midnight feast!
Bedtime
I’m snggled up in bed. I’ve finished packing my Isle of Wight bag. It’s at the bottom of my bed, squashing my feet, feeling as full as a Christmas stocking on Christmas Day. I know I’m not going until Friday, but if I pack now I’ll have time to remember any stuff I’ve forgotten.
Mum wouldn’t let me take the thermometer from the medicine cabinet. She said I wasn’t going to get ill and, even if I did, she was sure one of the teachers would have a first-aid kit with a thermometer.
ME: But I have to take it for ghost hunting.
MUM: Will you be looking for sick ghosts?
ME: No! I have to check the air temperature.
MUM: Not with my thermometer. You might lose it.
ME: I won’t. I promise!
MUM: You promised the same thing when you took the box of plasters to school.
OK. She was right. I lost the plasters. But it was worth it. Me and Catie wanted to play Emergency Room in the playground. We planned to be doctors like on the TV show, but we couldn’t find anyone who wanted to be our patients. We thought we could help when Jason fell over, but he wanted the dinner lady to put a plaster on his knee and not us. Then we offered to operate on Julie and Jennifer but they didn’t want to lie on the playground while we swapped their kidneys. We tried to do the operation anyway but it’s really hard to operate on someone while they’re skipping.
Anyway.
Mum said I couldn’t have the thermometer. So, after tea, I decided that I’d practise feeling cold. I kept putting my hand in the fridge to see what it felt like when the temperature suddenly drops.
But Mum told me to stop opening and closing the fridge door. She said if I kept flapping the door, the light bulb would break.
ME: But it’s an important experiment. I need to know what it feels like when a ghost is in the room.
MUM: There’s no such thing as ghosts.
ME: How do you know?
MUM: Because I’ve never seen one.
ME: But you believe in Father Christmas even though you’ve never seen him. (I knew Mum would have to say yes because she always makes me leave out FOUR chocolate cookies and a BIG glass of sherry for him on Christmas Eve.)
MUM: I guess so.
ME: So if Santa exists, why can’t ghosts?
MUM: Ghosts aren’t the same as Santa.
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ME: They’re not exactly the same because Santa’s not scary. But they’re both paranormal. (Marcus Flaunch says “paranormal” all the time. I think it means the opposite of normal. Like cats that say woof or rain that falls upwards.)
I’m not actually sure if Father Christmas is paranormal. But it didn’t matter because Mum changed the subject and said it was bedtime. And I guess it was. But both me and Mum knew that saying “It’s bedtime” is practically the same as saying “You’re absolutely right, Pippa. Ghosts must exist.”
I’m turning my bedside light off now, even though I’m way too excited to sleep.
I can hardly believe it. In fewer than three days, I’m going to find a ghost on the Isle of Wight. And when Mum sees the proof, she’s going to HAVE to believe me!
Thursday (morning break)
ONE DAY TILL THE ISLE OF WIGHT!
It’s raining so hard outside, there are rivers running down the playground. There’s a big puddle at the bottom and it’s getting bigger. What if the school floods? That would be exciting! We could turn the desks upside down and paddle them around the assembly hall. I could be a lifeguard and help rescue the year threes by letting them climb aboard my desk boat!
Because of the rain, we’re staying in the classroom for break. Mr Bacon is at his desk marking our maths homework. I hope that’s not my book he’s looking at because he’s got the same disappointed expression he gets when Jason Matlock can’t remember his four times table.
Jason is actually sitting down. He’s usually got more energy than a puppy with a sugar rush. Mr Bacon finds it hard to make him sit through lessons. Seeing him sit down during break is a miracle! Tom and Darren brought in their DragonQuest cards and they’re showing him how to play. Mandy Harrison is playing Bop It with Sophie, the new girl. Well, Mandy’s playing Bop It while Sophie watches. Every time Mandy offers her the Bop It, Sophie just shakes her head and looks away.
Sophie Geranium Furnival-Smith is super-shy. (Isn’t that the best name ever? I’d LOVE to be called Pippa Geranium Furnival-Smith. I’d insist everyone call me Pippa Geranium all the time.) But Sophie Geranium Furnival-Smith doesn’t seem to care that she has a fantastic name. She hardly looks at anything except her feet. She’s only been here since Monday (I think she moved from somewhere in Cornwall). And she doesn’t smile.
She looks like this. K
Perhaps all Cornish people look like this. K
Or perhaps she’s a duchess or a princess. That would explain her brilliant name. Maybe she went to a really posh girls’ school where there are fluffy carpets on the floor and all the chairs are velvet and they write with ink pens just like people from the olden days.
If she did, our school must seem really weird to her. We have lino floor tiles and plastic chairs. And we have boys. I wish I could go to a girls’ school. I’d be able to walk across the playground without getting hit in the head by flying footballs.
It takes a while to get used to being hit by flying footballs. Perhaps that’s why Sophie looks like this K. Me and Catie and the twins keep trying to play with her at break times. We know where all the quiet, football-free places are. But Sophie just hangs around the cloakroom door and, when we ask her to join in, she looks at her feet and blushes.
When I asked her if she was coming on the Isle of Wight trip yesterday, she just shrugged and said, “I guess.”
She didn’t seem at all excited.
How could she not be excited?
HOW?
Catie’s sitting next to me, playing Jenga with Julie and Jennifer. They asked me to play but I’ve got plans. If I want to become an expert ghost hunter by the weekend, I’m going to need to do some research. I’m going to ask Mr Bacon if I can go to the school library to see if there are any books about ghosts.
Maybe - as well as a ghost book - I can find a book on how to make people happy. If I can, I’m going to borrow it and see if I can find a way to cheer Sophie up.
I asked Mr Bacon if I could go to the library and he said yes. So I raced there and went straight to the science section, but there weren’t any ghost books. I did find one in the history section. It’s called British Myths. I’m not sure it has any ghost-hunting tips in it, but when I flipped through it, I saw lots of pictures of crumbly houses and chapter titles like “The Hanging Monks” and “The Headless Corpse.”
In the last chapter there was a picture of a beautiful lady ghost. I read the story next to it. Hundreds of years ago, an Evil Baron tried to force a young woman to marry him. But she didn’t want to marry him. So she locked herself in a tower and starved herself to DEATH. (I could never do that. I like pizza too much.) Then she haunted the Evil Baron’s castle until he promised to become a Good Baron and he gave all his peasants nice houses to live in and swore he’d never force anyone to marry him again. And her ghost blessed him with a ghostly kiss and disappeared and was never seen again.
I wonder if someone is trying to force Sophie to marry an Evil Baron. It would explain why she’s so sad.
No. It can’t be that. She’s too young to get married. But perhaps she lives in a haunted house. After all, if she’s a duchess or a princess, she probably lives in a castle and, according to Marcus Flaunch, castles are ALWAYS haunted.
Or maybe she has a tragic secret. Like an extra toe (I must remember to check when we’re getting changed for PE this afternoon), or she’s an orphan, or she has a wicked stepmother who makes her sleep in the cellar, or she’s a vegetarian. Imagine never being allowed to eat chicken nuggets! That would make me sad.
I decided I absolutely HAD to cheer her up.
So, while I was checking out my British myths book, I asked the librarian what books make people happy.
The librarian crinkled up her eyes, like she was thinking really hard. She was quiet for a bit, then she said, “What about a joke book?”
I thought that was a brilliant idea. I followed the librarian to the funny books section and found a book called The World’s Funniest Jokes.
Once the librarian had scanned it for me, I hid it under my jumper so that Sophie wouldn’t see it when I got back to class.
I’m going to spend the rest of the break learning as many of the jokes as I can. Then I’ll tell them to Sophie during PE. I am going to make her laugh before the end of the day.
I just know it!
Thursday teatime
(I’m writing around the food splatters on my diary
ghost-hunting journal. I’m in the kitchen
while Mum cooks stir-fry for tea. Mum’s
kinda enthusiastic about stir-fry. The wok’s hot enough to melt spoons.
The ceiling is hidden in smoke. Mum’s had to silence the
alarm twice. Vegetables are bouncing
around the wok like bunnies on a trampoline.
Who knew sweetcorn could jump so far? I think there’s a bit in my hair.)
ANYWAY.
My plan to make Sophie smile started OK. I’d learned FIFTEEN jokes during lunch break and I managed to get on Sophie’s team for Benchball.
Ms Allen made Sophie the goalie, so I tried my hardest to score a point so I could stand next to her on the bench. Tom scored before me, but I scored next. So I stood on the bench as close to Sophie as I could. She was watching the ball, ready to catch it if it came towards her. She was frowning so hard! So I tried my funniest joke first.
ME: (whispering) Sophie! What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
SOPHIE: (watching the ball ) What?
ME: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
SOPHIE: (turning to look at me, surprised) Why?
Unfortunately, while Sophie was looking at me, a ball came flying towards her. It hit her on the side of the head and bounced back into the other team’s half of the court. And they scored.
Uh-oh. I guessed that Sophie wouldn’t be feeling very smiley after that, so I decided to save my next joke for maths.
BTW: While we were getting changed after PE, I made an excuse to walk
past Sophie while she was changing her sweaty socks.
She definitely doesn’t have an extra toe, so that can’t be why she’s sad.
When I got back to Catie on the other side of the changing room, I whispered, “No extra toe.” (I’d told her all my theories on why Sophie looks so unhappy.)
Catie glanced at Sophie. “Perhaps she can’t smile.”
“Everyone can smile,” I argued.
“But Sophie’s smile is upside down,” Catie sighed.
“Not for long,” I promised.
(Pippa Morgan never gives up.)
While Mr Bacon was showing us how to do long division in our next lesson, I passed Sophie a note across the table. It said, A carrot.
(I knew she’d be dying to know the rest of my parrot joke.)
She read it and stared at me, confused, so I quickly wrote another note to remind her. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
She read it and still looked confused. I guess parrot jokes don’t work if you tell them backwards.