Running Home to You (The Running Series)

by Sweeney, Suzanne

  I can see the relief flood across Lucas’ face. Auggie’s got a good chance of making it out of surgery, and the Deegans have warmed up to him, at least for now.

  Another hour passes, and by five o’clock, Auggie is in the recovery room. The surgeon comes out with a final update. “We’re all done in there. We were able to isolate the source of the bleeding. We tried to mend the damage from the blunt trauma, most likely caused by the seatbelt, but we couldn’t control the bleeding. As you know, we had no choice but to remove the spleen entirely. Your son will remain in the hospital for close to a week. Full recovery may take up to six weeks. He will need a lot of help at home once he’s discharged. Does he live alone?”

  “Yes, he does,” his father replies.

  “Well, either someone will need to stay with him, or he will need to stay with someone for at least a month. He’s lost a lot of blood. He will be very weak for quite some time. This was a very invasive surgery and he won’t be able to do anything for himself for a few weeks. I suggest you start making arrangements.”

  We argue for a while about who should care for Auggie. Lucas wants Auggie to stay at his place, but I remind him that he’s supposed to leave for California. Auggie’s parents want him to stay with them, but I know that’s not what Auggie would want. I offer to move back in and stay with Auggie for a while.

  “I think we should wait and see what James wants to do,” Mr. Deegan intervenes. “He will recover faster if he’s in a place where he feels the most comfortable. Let’s just wait and see.”

  Another hour passes by quietly. Lucas is napping in the corner. Mr. and Mrs. Deegan are pacing the room, and I keep checking my phone for missed calls or messages. Nothing. Not one word from Evan. It’s six o’clock. Evan is probably arriving at the stadium right about now. I know he’s upset with me, but I really didn’t think he would do this. He and Auggie are friends. At least I thought they were.

  Auggie is wheeled to a room in the ICU. Only two visitors are allowed at a time. They are going to keep him sedated for most of the day, so he won’t be awake for quite a while. I agree to drive Lucas home. Then I need to go home, shower, and get to Rush. I have to tell everyone what’s going on, and then hopefully return to the hospital around dinnertime.

  It’s nearly noon when I finally arrive at Rush. Luckily, everyone’s here. I ask Derek, Marcus, Emmy, and Reese to join me at a table. Once everyone is seated, I tell them everything. Reese has lots of questions, and I can’t answer all of them, but I do the best I can.

  “We’ll know more when he wakes up. We probably won’t be able to talk with him until tomorrow,” I explain.

  Emmy walks over, pulls me up, and hugs me with all she’s got. She rocks back and forth for a moment, then releases me and asks, “Oh, honey. It’s going to be okay. You’ll see. What does Evan say?”

  “Nothing. I haven’t talked to him,” I tell her.

  Marcus doesn’t seem to like that answer. “Jette, I know you guys aren’t getting along very well right now.”

  I mumble under my breath, “Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

  He ignores me and goes on, “But that doesn’t give you the right to keep him in the dark about something this important.”

  “I said I didn’t talk to him, Marcus. I never said he doesn’t know. I left him a note before I went to the hospital. He was still sleeping when I left.”

  “So, are you absolutely certain that he knows? You’re positive he saw the note?” Marcus asks.

  “No, I’m not,” I reluctantly admit.

  “Well, I suggest you find a way to contact him and make sure he knows,” Marcus insists.

  I excuse myself to my office to call Evan while Marcus calls Camilla and Emmy calls Adam. It’s very heartwarming to know how much everyone cares about Auggie. I’m afraid Evan might not answer the phone if I call, so I start with a text message instead.

  Jette: pls call me. its urgent. auggie just got out of surgery.

  I hit ‘send’ and in less than a minute, my phone is ringing.

  “Juliette, what’s going on? Why did Auggie have surgery?” It’s Evan and he sounds upset. Good. At least he’s not mad.

  “He had a car accident, Evan. They had to remove his spleen. He’s in ICU and I wanted to make sure you knew,” I tell him.

  “Are you at the hospital now? How’s he doing?”

  “No, I’m at Rush. I was at the hospital this morning. I came here to tell everyone. I’m going to eat and then head back to the hospital to relieve Mr. and Mrs. Deegan.”

  “Wait, is that where you were when I left this morning? Why the hell didn’t you wake me up? I should have been there.” Great, now he’s mad at me again.

  “I left you a note,” I offer as an explanation.

  “Well I never saw a fucking note. So everyone at Rush knows. You had to hurry over there and tell everyone before you bothered to let me know.” It doesn’t take a psychic to know what Evan means by everyone – he means Derek.

  “Evan, it’s not like that. You know it’s not. I thought you saw the note. I thought you knew.”

  “If I knew, I would have been there. Dammit, Juliette. What are you trying to prove?”

  “I’m not trying to prove anything. Listen, I don’t want to fight like this. But it makes no difference what I say or what I do, you’re going to get pissed off no matter what.” I take a deep breath, and then continue, “Auggie’s at Jersey Shore Medical Center. Come, don’t come. Do whatever you want. I won’t be home tonight. I’ll be staying in the hospital until he wakes up. I’ve gotta go.”

  “Fine.” Evan hangs up, and when he does, that’s when the tears start. Tears for Auggie. Tears for me. But especially, tears for Evan. Something’s not right. He’s not right. This isn’t him. This isn’t the man I fell in love with. I want to help Evan and figure out what’s going on, but my focus has to be on Auggie. He needs me right now.

  Reese makes sandwiches and Natalie makes lattes for me to bring to the hospital. I swing by the house, toss a few items in an overnight bag, and return to the hospital. Auggie’s parents are grateful for the fresh food and hot coffee. They update me on his condition, and just as I had hoped, he seems to be resting comfortably. Early tomorrow, they are going to start weaning him off the Propofol that’s been keeping him sedated. His parents agree to go home for the night, but plan to return early in the morning. I promise to call if anything changes.

  Around dinnertime, Lucas arrives for a visit. He sits on the bed, holds Auggie’s hand and asks me if there’s anything new. I tell him what I know, and that he seems to be doing well.

  “If he’s doing so well, then why isn’t he awake?” Lucas wants to know.

  I tell him the reason for the sedation as best I can. The nurse said that they want to keep him on the ventilator for twenty-four hours and the breathing tube is very uncomfortable. They are keeping him under sedation so he doesn’t try to remove the tube himself.

  “Oh,” Lucas responds, despondently. “I was hoping to talk to him before my flight tomorrow. The plane leaves at nine, and I’m supposed to check in by seven. He won’t be awake by then, will he?”

  “I seriously doubt it.”

  “Maybe I could change my flight. Put it off for a day. Maybe drop out of the picture entirely. I wish Auggie was awake to tell me what I should do.”

  “Well, he can’t talk right now, but no one knows Auggie as well as I do. I’ll tell you what he would say. He would tell you to go. Don’t change the flight. Don’t miss out on what could wind up being a pivotal role in your career. That’s what he would say.”

  “Do you really think so?” he asks.

  “I do. And I’ll bet that by the time your plane lands, you’ll be able to FaceTime or Skype with Auggie. Here, take my number and call me as soon as you land.” We exchange numbers, and he seems to be somewhat satisfied with our plan. He stays for a while, and then heads home to pack. Poor guy. This should be the most exciting event of his life and instead, he’s filled with gui
lt and regret.

  The chair beside Auggie’s bed is also a recliner. Physical and mental exhaustion have set in, and I push back and put up my feet so I can try to close my eyes just for a bit. I plug in my earphones and play some classic Springsteen. It’s one of Evan’s favorites, and mine, too. Memories of our night a few months ago at the Stone Pony come rushing back. I close my eyes and let the memories cover me like a warm blanket. If I try hard enough, I can feel Evan’s arms around me as we dance on the dance floor. I can feel his warm breath on my neck. I remember it all. The rich memories soothe me, and I fall into a deep sleep, dreaming of happier times with the man I love.

  When I open my eyes, it takes me a moment to remember where I am. It’s incredibly disorienting to wake up in an unfamiliar place. Once realization sets in, I lean over to stroke Auggie’s arm. I’m not sure if he can hear me, but I remember stories about how people in a coma still hear things going on around them. “Auggie, it’s me, Jepetto. I’m here. I’m not leaving. I love you, Auggie. Rest and let your body repair itself.”

  I look over to the monitors that show his heart rate and respirations, and I see Evan sitting in a chair on the other side of the bed. He sits quietly, watching, listening, but not saying a word. “Evan, you startled me. Have you been here long?”

  “A little while now,” he replies without an ounce of emotion.

  “Thank you for coming,” I tell him. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Are you?” he asks.

  “Of course I am. I can’t believe you’d even ask me that question.” I walk over to Evan and kneel down on the floor in front of him, resting my head on his lap and wrapping my arms around his strong legs. “Evan, I need you. Can we please call a truce?”

  He doesn’t answer right away. He runs his fingers through my hair and sweeps his hand across my back gently. I close my eyes to enjoy the closeness with Evan that I so badly need right now. I try to hold back the tears that threaten to burst through, and I can feel my breathing coming in uneven bursts. I look up at Evan as a lone tear appears, sliding down my cheek. Evan catches it with his thumb and looks deep into my eyes.

  “Don’t cry.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “You’re sorry for crying?”

  “No. I’m just sorry. I’m sorry this happened to Auggie. I’m sorry I gave you a reason to doubt me. I’m sorry you no longer trust me. But mostly, I’m sorry I can’t seem to make you happy right now.”

  “It’s not entirely your fault.”

  “No, it’s not.” I’m so glad to hear him say that.

  “It’s Derek’s fault, too.” Whoa. Not what I hoped to hear him say.

  “Maybe you’re right, Evan. But don’t you think you could have handled things differently, too?”

  “How? Pretend I don’t see what’s right in front of my face? Tell you that I’m okay with you spending more time with him than you spend with me? Accept the fact that you keep pushing me away? Just ignore how your face lights up when he puts his hands all over you?” He pulls away from me and I feel like the air’s just been sucked right out of my lungs.

  My phone rings. I fish it out of my pocket and check the caller I.D. I quickly decide not to answer it. Instead, I silence the ringer and place the phone on the small dresser. I have no intention of answering that call right now.

  “Who was it, Juliette?” Evan asks.

  “No one important,” I tell him.

  Evan walks over and grabs the phone before I can stop him. He takes one look and sees that the missed call was from Derek. “Look, it’s your boyfriend,” he goads me. “Call him back. Invite him up. It’s time for me to go, anyway.” He turns and walks away, leaving me alone with Auggie, sleeping soundly as if he hasn’t a care in the world. What the fuck just happened?

  I get calls and texts all night long, but I can’t bear to speak with anyone tonight. The only calls I answer are from Lucas. I know he’s not going to ask me any questions about Evan. He just wants hourly updates on Auggie’s status. By the time he calls for the fourth time, I have to tell him to stop calling. I promise him that I’ll call if there are any changes.

  My mind is reeling all night long. I catnap here and there, but for the most part, I stay up all night. The most random thoughts fly in and out of my mind.

  Will Evan still take care of Maddy while I’m here?

  ~of course he will, he loves her every bit as much as I do!

  Would Evan move my things out of his room?

  ~I have no idea what he’s capable of right now. He might.

  What will we do about Rush if we break up?

  ~He might make me sell it because there’s no way I could buy him out.

  Should we break up?

  ~No. Yes. Maybe. No, definitely not. Yes, neither one of us is happy. Maybe, I don’t know.

  Did we already break up?

  ~No. He didn’t say it. It’s not real until he says the words.

  The nurses stop in every twenty minutes or so to check on Auggie’s vitals, to change his meds, and take care of all of his other medical needs. Even if I wanted to sleep, I doubt that would be remotely possible.

  Mr. and Mrs. Deegan arrive at five o’clock in the morning. The doctor left orders for the nurses to start stepping down on the Propofol at six. They arrive, but look like they haven’t slept much, either. They bring me a fresh bagel, a chocolate chip muffin, and orange juice. I thank them, but I have no appetite for food.

  The nurse explains the process and how it could take quite a while for him to become fully alert. Mr. and Mrs. Deegan insist I go home and try to get some sleep. I consider the hour and decide it’s safe to go home. Evan most likely left for the day. Besides, I only need to stop home for a few hours. Home. Is it still my home? What will I find when I get there? Did he change the code to lock me out? No. At least I don’t think he would.

  The ride home feels like an eternity. I drive home without any music playing. I need to be alone with my thoughts. By the time I pull into the driveway, my head is pounding. I get out and walk towards the garage to peek in the window. Shit. Evan’s car is still here. I briefly consider getting back into my car, driving to Auggie’s, and crawling into my old bed. In my current sleep-deprived state, I don’t think I could deal with a confrontation right now. It wouldn’t make me appear weak, it would give me an opportunity to prepare for battle. If we have any chance of making it through this, one of us has to keep our head on straight.

  But then I look towards the front door. A young pear tree stands there, barely old enough for its roots to have established themselves. Until the roots grow deep and strong, a heavy wind could come and rip it from its foundation, forever destroying its fruitful promises. Our tree, the one we planted together, needs more time to grow. It needs sunshine and joy. But it also needs clouds and rain – and plenty of it. Without the rain, there would be no life. Without the rain, there would be no rainbows.

  I steel myself for whatever may be awaiting for me inside. I will not wither. I will not hide from the rain. There may be a hurricane brewing, or perhaps a drought. Either way, I made an oath to Evan that I would never again run away from him. I fully intend to keep that promise.

  Chapter Ten

  Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

  I open the door and before I make it all the way into the house, Maddy comes running up to greet me. I bend down on one knee and give her a big hug. She’s so happy to see me. I need this affection, the unconditional love that everyone deserves. Her love is more important to me than I realized, mostly because no one else ever has loved me the way she does, and perhaps no one else ever will.

  Aside from the car in the garage there’s no sign of Evan. I’m too tired to play detective. There’s no note, so for now, this is one mystery that will go unsolved. My bed is calling my name and I’m too tired, both physically and emotionally, to fight against the exhaustion I feel in every muscle of my body.

  When my alarm goes off at noon, I shower, eat, and go to Auggie’s house to
pick up a few things he’ll need once he wakes up. I let myself into the house, find a suitcase, and begin to pack the essentials – everything from clothing and toiletries to electronics and charging devices. I can just imagine Auggie waking up from his deep sleep and the first thing he asks for is his beloved iPad. Besides, he’ll need it to Skype with Lucas when he’s ready.

  As I walk around the house, I get a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can feel my pulse quicken and an imminent feeling of sadness envelops me. I check my phone to see if anyone is trying to get a hold of me, and there are no missed calls or messages. If something were happening with Auggie, surely someone would try to contact me immediately. I sit on the bar stool at the kitchen island and try to calm my nerves. Why am I feeling this way?

  The house is quiet, too quiet in fact. As I sit here, trying to regain my composure, I hear an ambulance drive past Auggie’s street with its sirens on. My body reacts immediately and violently. My muscles tighten and a sudden feeling of nausea overtakes me. I run through the house as quickly as my feet will take me, and make it to the bathroom just in time.

  As I’m sitting on the floor of the bathroom with my arms around the cool porcelain tank, I begin to understand my physical reaction today. It’s this house. This is where Averee DeVeau held Evan at gunpoint just a few months ago. It was in this very place where she threatened to use the gun on both of them in order to end her suffering. And it was in the kitchen where she attempted to slice her own throat with one of my butcher knives.

  I leave the bathroom and wander back into the kitchen. I try to imagine what it must have been like for Evan. He was trapped here with her for nearly eight hours. I wonder what she said to him as she held the knife to her neck. Why did Evan grab the knife from her the way he did, slicing his hand so severely that he jeopardized his own future in the NFL?

  As I’m deep in thought, I hear a car door slam shut next door, and I’m immediately brought back in time to the final minutes of the standoff when the police kicked in the back door. I can vividly remember the images of the tactical force heading into the house in full combat gear, toting powerful rifles. But what was it like from Evan’s point of view? Did he hear them coming? Did they overwhelm him and take him down for his own safety? Were they pointing guns at him?