by Ruby Loren
“You’re the most famous person we’ve ever had here,” the waiter told me when he wished us farewell, after rustling up a goodie bag full of restaurant branded stationary.
I really didn’t know what to say to that.
“Is this what it’s like being a celebrity?” I said to Auryn as we wandered back along the shore. The evening had darkened down and the early time of year was keeping a lot of tourists away, so it was mercifully quiet out here.
“Free restaurant stationary goodie bags are the height of what you can expect, I’m sure,” Auryn joked, but we both heard the edge to his voice.
“Perhaps nothing’s happened. People really did go nuts over your comic and you, Madi. I know I promised not to look at all of the stuff being written about you, and I swear I didn’t intentionally, but even when avoiding it, you’re everywhere. It’s like overnight, you became the nation’s animal sweetheart. Thinking about it, I guess I’m surprised that things like this haven’t happened more often.”
I rested my head on his shoulder and we paused to look out over the ocean, where stars danced above the horizon. “Well, it’s not like we get out much. Both of us have been working at the zoos. I’ve been focused on the yet-to-be-named new zoo, which isn’t open to the public. It’s probably akin to hiding. Also, I lost my publisher and the new one feels like they’re still trying to get a handle on things - well, if Colin’s anything to go by…”
Auryn grinned. “I almost expected to see him pop up at the restaurant tonight, agreeing to endorse them for extra publicity.”
“Don’t,” I said, waving a hand and shaking my head. “I’m actually worried some real press are going to turn up soon. It sounds crazy! I’m just a zookeeper who writes comics for fun. I’m a normal person.”
Auryn pulled a face. “I wouldn’t say normal…”
“Hush,” I told him, looking into his grey eyes and seeing the starlight reflected there. Sure, tonight’s dinner had been an unwelcome surprise, but there were still moments like this one. They were the kind of thing that made those wonderful holiday memories.
Right on cue, my mobile phone rang.
I glanced at the name on the screen and frowned.
“Is everything okay?” Auryn asked.
“I don’t know,” I said looking down at my phone while it continued to ring. In the end I pressed answer knowing that the consequences for leaving it could be terrible.
“Madi! Glad you picked up,” Katya, the secret agent I’d met whilst working at Mellon Zoo greeted me.
“Is everything okay?” I asked, immediately assuming that it wasn’t. Why else would someone from MI5 be calling?
“Yeah, things are quiet here. I’m definitely not supposed to tell you this, but the case against the money launderers is dead in the water. We’ve got nothing. Nothing else good has come up either, so I’m bored to tears.”
“Oh, okay.”
There was a moment’s pause. “I was actually just wondering if I could pop by and get you to autograph a couple of copies of your book. I have a niece and a young cousin who are both obsessed with your comic, and I kind of told them I was friends with you through work.”
“Through work?” I repeated, curious as to what she’d said. No one who worked in Katya’s field was allowed to tell the entire truth about what they did.
“Yeah, I said that I helped your publishing company out. They didn’t ask beyond that as you’re apparently far more interesting than I am,” Katya said dryly.
I smiled for a moment, forgetting my annoyance at this unexpected celebrity status. Although she’d been charged with spying on me and fabricating certain truths, I had genuinely liked Katya. She was the only person I’d met so far from MI5 who I felt that way about. “I would be happy to sign some books. I’ve got loads of copies lying around at home I could give you, if you need any more. However, I’m actually out of the country at the moment. On holiday,” I hastily added, just in case this call wasn’t what it seemed. The recent revelations had made me paranoid but with good reason. I knew this call could be being listened to, and I wanted to make it clear that I wasn’t out in Mallorca fraternising with a group of terrorist funding money launderers.
“Oh! That’s great. Who are you out there with?”
“Auryn, my fiancé,” I added, unsure if Katya knew about my newly engaged status. I worried about rubbing it in people’s faces, but I couldn’t help being happy, could I?
“Congratulations!” Katya said, sounding suitably surprised - but who really knew? “Where are you holidaying?” she asked, so casually, I almost believed it was an innocent question.
“Uh-oh, the food’s arrived,” I said, causing Auryn to frown at me. “I’ve got to go but I’ll let you know when I’m back. We can get together and I’ll sign those books for you. Bye!”
“What was that all about?” Auryn asked, but I could tell he knew exactly what the call had been from the expression on my face. “Is something happening?”
“Theoretically nothing is happening, but I think I’m having tabs kept on me.” I thought about it. “We might have inadvertently slipped the net.”
“Not for long.” Auryn held up his phone. “I know it breaks our rule, but I thought I’d check out Instagram. Five people and the restaurant have uploaded their photos with you and included the hashtag ‘Mallorca’. I’d say it wouldn’t take a secret agent to figure out where you are right now.”
“Great,” I said, feeling even worse about this holiday.
Auryn wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “I know this is all a surprise, for both of us, but it’s not that bad. It’s a helpful wakeup call that we’ll need to be a little more incognito if we want some peace and quiet. We’ll hit up the less touristy places inland, where no one will recognise you. We’ll get you a giant hat. This isn’t the end of the world, I promise.”
“I just feel like I’m ruining everything for you.”
“You’re not,” Auryn reassured me. “It just makes me appreciate moments like this even more.”
We looked out at the stars again.
My phone began to ring.
“I should have turned it off,” I muttered, pulling it out of my pocket again and looking at the screen at the unknown number.
“Hello?” I said, wondering if I was about to be interrogated by someone higher up in MI5 who was desperate to know my holiday location.
“Hello! It’s Colin, your publicist. Just seen the latest snaps on the gram. Great stuff! You really are a natural at all this. Now, I’m thinking we all go out and hit some clubs. Maybe hook up with a few other celebrities I know are on the circuit tonight. Where are you right now?”
I hung up without answering. My hand tightened around my phone and I looked out over the water, debating whether to fling it into the waves.
“Don’t do it,” Auryn said, sensing my intention. “If someone gets a photo of you disposing of your phone in the sea, you’ll never get to keep your role in the marine conservation documentary.”
“You’re so funny,” I said, but he’d managed to make me smile again. I held my phone up and very deliberately pressed the off button. It was a less extreme measure, but one that was equally effective for as long as I wanted it to be.
“Much better for the sea life,” Auryn said with an approving nod. “Now, weren’t we on our way to get dessert?”
“I love you so much,” I told him, wondering how bad things had become in order for me to forget about dessert, of all things.
“I think you love chocolate more,” Auryn replied.
I paused to think about it, which turned out to be a mistake.
“I knew it!” he said, stalking off in the direction of town with his nose in the air. I ran after him, shouting false promises about friends before flakes and best mates before chocolate cakes.
Those phrases worked so much better the other way around.
4
Boyfriend or Burglar?
A knock on the sliding door of the villa wa
s not what I wanted to wake up to the next morning. Auryn was still gently snoring next to me when I opened one eye at the sound. After waiting for another couple of moments, I shut the eye again.
Both opened a moment later when I heard the sound of the door sliding open. Someone evidently knew that this property’s sliding door lock was not exactly foolproof. And by not exactly foolproof, I meant entirely non-functional. Auryn and I had taken to hiding our higher value belongings around the place whenever we ventured out, just in case. It probably wouldn’t do anything to stop them from being stolen, but perhaps any would-be burglar would enjoy the scavenger hunt we’d created for them.
But whoever was breaking in right now was going to get a heck of a surprise.
I nudged Auryn awake and then covered his mouth, signalling (I hoped) that someone was breaking in. Then, we looked around the bedroom for weapons. The choice was between an over-sized wooden elephant ornament and a spray-painted metal flamingo. After a brief, but silent, fight, I was left with the flamingo whilst Auryn carried the somewhat more formidable and less ridiculous elephant. Silently, we ventured out of the bedroom to catch the criminal.
A man was crouching over the coffee machine when we approached from behind. It was only when he turned and Auryn raised the elephant to end the confrontation before it even began that I realised I recognised him.
“Wait!” I shouted and both men froze. “I know him,” I explained to Auryn.
“That’s weird, but he’s still here to rob us,” Auryn replied, keeping the elephant raised high.
“No I’m not!” the burglar protested.
“He’s Tiff’s boyfriend, Darius,” I explained. “Although I’ve no idea what he’s doing here.” I hadn’t actually met him before, but I’d recognised him from the Facebook profile picture Tiff had shown me.
“Tiff’s boyfriend is a burglar,” Auryn said, lowering the elephant slightly. “That does sound plausible.”
We exchanged a knowing look. Tiff was my best friend and a close friend of Auryn’s, too. I often thought that perhaps her only flaw was her terrible choice in men. She was the kind of woman who thought that with a little kindness, waifs and strays could change their ways. While that tended to be effective with the animals she rescued, she didn’t have such a great track record with the men.
The man standing in front of us was probably yet more proof of that.
“Whoa, I’m not a burglar,” he said, raising his hands. “I just thought I’d make some coffee and wait for you to get back. I thought you guys were out.”
“I know you did. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have tried to rob us!” Auryn jumped in, staring down the intruder.
“Why are you here?” I asked, figuring that it was a little unlikely that Tiff’s current boyfriend just happened to be a burglar operating in the particular area of Mallorca we were staying in. The last job I’d known he had was working with my old publishing company, right before MI5 had made their move on them.
His turning up here, mixed with Katya’s casual call last night, did not bode well.
“It’s a funny story,” Darius began, and then lost the smile when we both glared at him. “I’ve been looking for work since the publishing company went bust and cut and run with all the money.”
I nodded, keeping a straight face. That was what had been promoted by MI5 when the press had moved in, asking questions. My unexpected success had been bad for both the fake publishers and the sting operation to catch them.
“Anyway, it’s a tough market out there and I finally got a job, but it’s out here in Mallorca. I speak Spanish like a native and my English is perfect, too, so I was right for it.” He shrugged with false modesty. “I told Tiff about it and she said you guys were out here and hooked me up with where you were both staying. I thought it would be cool to drop in and say hi. Maybe we could go out for a drink one night?”
“No,” Auryn said, quite rudely, but not unfairly. He sighed and walked away to return the elephant to its place in the bedroom.
Darius watched him go with a blank expression on his face.
“How are you finding the island? Have you seen any cool sea life yet?” he asked, as if Auryn hadn’t just delivered a final putdown.
“It’s nice so far. We haven’t seen much in the wild,” I said, keeping my reply succinct.
Darius nodded. “Yeah, it’s sad, but all of that’s been suffering recently, is what I hear. I don’t like to blame the tourists but…” He shrugged.
I frowned. He was just as much a ‘tourist’ as we were…
“Have you checked out the marine parks on the island? They’re pretty cool. I heard one of them is keeping a great white shark in captivity at the moment. That’s pretty controversial, isn’t it?” He tilted his head at me.
“It is a controversial choice,” I agreed.
“So, uh, do you think it’s irresponsible and that anyone doing that should be shut down, or anything?”
I did some more frowning at him. This casual line of questioning was getting a heck of a lot more specific all of a sudden. “I didn’t know you were interested in animal care.”
“Oh, sure! I’ve learned a ton since being with Tiff. She loves animals!”
“And that’s why you’re asking me about the shark at The Big Blue Marine Park?”
Darius’ face lit up. “You’ve seen it! That’s awesome. What do you think… you know, as someone who knows a lot about animals?”
I bit my lip before I replied. “I don’t actually know a lot about marine life. If you’ve visited Avery Zoo, you’ll know that land-dwelling animals are the speciality. I have pretty much no practical experience with large marine animals.”
“Oh. That’s weird,” Darius said, looking deeply puzzled. “I must be getting back to the new job! Nice seeing you.” And with that he walked back out of the villa and down the path towards the beach.
I pulled my phone out and called Tiff. Five minutes later, I’d confirmed that she had told Darius where we were staying, but had not expected him to break-in to the place. The other four minutes were taken up with hearing an update of how Lucky was doing. Tiff had been taking him into work at the new zoo and he had been having a great time in the spring weather. Spring had apparently finally moved in to the South East and Lucky was enjoying a taste of freedom, although mostly on the end of his harness. The yet-to-be-named zoo included some pretty daunting animals. As brave as Lucky was, I didn’t want him to pit himself against a lion or tiger. Something told me he would give it a go.
It was only when I hung up that I realised I hadn’t asked Tiff about the exact nature of the job her boyfriend had miraculously landed out in Mallorca. Then I remembered the oddly specific questions he’d asked. He’s something to do with the documentary! I realised, putting two and two together at last. Apparently my brain was on holiday, too.
It also appeared that he hadn’t dropped by for a social call. He’d known I’d been dragged into the documentary and had weirdly assumed that it was because of my animal knowledge, and not because of some stupid PR stunt. His surprise at my lack of opinion was actually making that annoyingly clear.
“He left?” Auryn asked, coming back into the kitchen and looking surprised.
“Yeah,” I said. “What were you up to?” He’d been gone for a while.
“I was trying to find out if he had any underworld connections.”
“How?”
“Oh, you know… I Googled his name. Or at least… the name on his Facebook page. Surprisingly, nothing bad came up.” Auryn’s mouth tweaked up at the corner to show he was kidding. “Seriously though, I dunno. I thought it was worth a shot just in case.”
“So, you left me alone with the potential serial killer while you Googled him to find out if he really was a serial killer.”
“At least one of us would have survived,” he said, soothingly.
I rolled my eyes at my fearless fiancé with his bad sense of humour.
“Hey, I think the reason Darius ca
me here is because he’s somehow got a job working on the documentary,” I confided, steering the conversation back towards the serious.
“Yeah? What was it he did at the publishing company?”
I frowned. “I think he was the manager of something. Maybe selling merchandise?” I shook my head. “I don’t know how it would be relevant to the documentary, but from what he was saying, it sounded like he’d been struggling in the job market. He said about being fluent in different languages. Perhaps he’s changing careers.” I vaguely remembered mentally describing Darius as an Italian dreamboat when I’d first seen his photo. Either I’d got his nationality wrong, or he had quite a few languages up his sleeve.
Auryn shrugged and turned on the coffee machine.
“I’m pretty sure he only came here because he knew that I’m now involved in this documentary. He was fishing for a comment on the great white shark they’ve rescued,” I said, still frowning.
“Are you sure he’s something to do with the documentary?” Auryn asked, looking concerned.
“Why else would he ask?”
“Because he’s working for the press? You said you thought he worked selling merchandise. That’s kind of like PR, right? It’s not a huge stretch that he might jump across to journalism and use his connection to you in order to lull you into a false sense of security and then encourage you to share a controversial opinion and net himself a scoop. What did you say to him?”
“Nothing! I said I’m not an expert on marine animals so couldn't possibly say.”
“Okay, that’s a pretty good response.”
“You really think that people are out to get me like that?” I asked, shocked by the idea.
“I just think we’ve underestimated your popularity,” Auryn replied, looking about as amused as I felt. Which wasn’t very.
“I kind of wish none of this had ever happened,” I said, feeling all of my blues suddenly hit at once.
“Madi, you deserve the success. I thought your comic was great the first time you showed it to me years ago! It’s nothing to do with you that people are reacting this way. And you said it yourself - this will all blow over. The press aren’t going to be interested in watching you go about looking after animals everyday. People will get bored!”