“Thank you,” he said.
She pointed to the chair on the other side of her desk. “Sit down. Can I get you something to drink?”
“No, I’m good.” He sat and she went around the desk to her own chair. “I don’t mean to bother you when you’re working.”
“Nonsense,” she said, waving him off. She tucked her leg under her and clasped her hands on the blotter. “I know the funeral’s Saturday. I’ll be there.”
“Thanks. My father’s having people back to the house afterwards. I hope you can make it.”
“Sure. Is there anything in particular I can bring?”
“Just yourself.”
“I’ll bring some baked goodies too and I can supply the coffee. I can bring a couple of big electric urns.”
“That would be great. I’ll pay for them.”
“No, you won’t. I’m bringing them one friend to another.”
“Thank you, Zion,” he said and stretched out his legs, clasping his hands on his belly. There was something about Zion that put people at ease. She had a soothing demeanor.
“Have you made any decisions?”
He thought about that. Had he made any decisions? He didn’t think he had. He shook his head. “Pam asked me to see Nancy Osborn.”
“She what?”
He nodded, smiling at Zion’s lowered brows. “She asked me to go see her sister in the hospital.”
“Why? What reason could she possibly have for that?”
“Nancy asked for me. She wanted me to forgive her before she dies.”
Zion leaned back in the chair. “Forgive her? Is she serious?”
“I did it.”
Zion tilted her head, but she didn’t say anything.
“I forgave her. She had a seizure when I was there and I saw how much she’s suffering. I thought it was the least I could do.”
Zion scrutinized him. He wanted to squirm. “That’s amazing, Jaguar,” she said. “I don’t know if I could have done that.”
“You would have. You definitely would have forgiven her. It’s your nature.”
“That must have been hard.”
“It wasn’t easy.”
“What about Sophia? What are you going to do about her?”
“Pam wants me to take her once Nancy dies. She said she’d sign off on custody papers for me.”
“What do you want?”
Jaguar lifted his hands and let them fall. “That’s the question. I don’t know.”
“What about your career?”
“I don’t think I have one anymore. They’re putting out a greatest hits album. That happens just before the band members go their separate ways.”
“But you’re Anaconda, Jaguar. You’re the front man. You can have a solo career.”
He thought about that for a moment, staring at the stack of papers on her desk. “I don’t know if I want it.”
Zion didn’t immediately answer.
He looked up at her. “I don’t know if I want to do that anymore. It suddenly doesn’t seem very meaningful.”
“What would you like to do?”
He held up his empty hands. “That’s the problem. I don’t know. I don’t have an education. I’ve never worked in an office. I don’t think pulling espressos is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Not that it isn’t a worthy goal.”
She laughed.
“This is all I’ve ever known.”
“You’re what? Twenty-something?”
“Twenty-nine.”
“There’s an entire world in front of you. You’ll find something.”
He bit his inner lip. “What do I do about Sophia?”
Zion exhaled heavily. “That’s hard. She’s about to lose her mother. She needs stability and patience.”
“In other words, not me.”
Zion gave him a warm smile. “That’s not what I said, now is it?”
“No, but it’s what you were thinking.”
“Well, that’s where you’re wrong. When you first came here, I thought you were an arrogant ass.”
Jaguar gave her an amused look.
“I still think that.”
He laughed.
“I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know.”
“I worked your demon espresso machine.”
“You snapped your fingers at people.”
Jaguar acquiesced that one with a nod.
“What I was going to say is after working with you, I saw so much more. I saw a man not afraid to do hard labor. I saw a man who looked after his friends. I saw a man with great loyalty.”
He realized he needed to hear these things. His mother had always been his biggest cheerleader, but without her, he’d begun to feel alone.
“I saw a man who is talented and gifted and has a lot to offer the world. I also saw a man who has patience. I think you can be all those things for Sophia if that’s what you want. I think you can be a father to her.”
He considered that. He still didn’t think that ripping her away from her aunt was the best idea. She didn’t even know him and she was expected to suddenly address him as her father. “I don’t even know how to go about this.”
“Well, I think you start with meeting her. Then you spend some time with her. I’d take it slow, Jaguar. I wouldn’t expect her to suddenly call you Daddy the first day.”
He nodded, taking it all in. Zion was right, but then he’d already figured this out himself. “You know, you’re a good friend.”
She smiled, her freckles standing out against her pale skin. “I consider you my friend too, Jaguar.”
“If you ever need anything, you know where to come.” He pushed himself to his feet. “I’d better go. I’m sure there’s some last minute things to take care of before the funeral.”
Zion rose also and came around the desk, putting her hands on his shoulders. She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “You’ll figure it out. I believe in you,” she told him.
He hugged her and he realized he needed someone who believed in him because he wasn’t sure he believed in himself.
CHAPTER 9
The day of the funeral dawned sunny and bright, no clouds to mar the beauty of a blue sky, no wind to toy with clothing or hair. Hakim picked up Jaguar and his father in front of their house. Henry had been quiet most of the morning, until he saw the taxi.
“Waste of money. We can drive the car.”
Jaguar opened the back door. “Just humor me. You don’t like my driving, I don’t like yours, and Hakim drives better than the both of us.”
“Good morning, Mr. Jarvis,” said Hakim with a smile. He wore a dark suit today. Jaguar hadn’t asked him to do that, but it was a nice touch. “I know this is a difficult day. I’m happy to drive you, so you don’t have to worry about it.”
Henry gave a noncommittal grunt as Jaguar climbed in beside him.
“Thank you, Hakim,” Jaguar answered, fussing with his tie. He never wore one and he hated the way it pinched his neck.
Hakim pulled the car around and headed for the entrance to the gated community. Jaguar brushed a bit of lint off his suit pants and straightened the coat, trying to smooth out wrinkles. He’d bought the suit off the rack in Visalia and hadn’t had time to have it altered. He hadn’t expected to need a suit.
He forced his mind away from what was going to come today. Staring out the window, he watched the redwood trees go by. Once in a while, it struck him how beautiful his hometown was. There was a serenity here, a quiet, as if everything was hushed in the presence of so much majesty.
“Stop fussing!” growled Henry beside him. “You act as if you’ve never worn a tie before.”
Jaguar glanced over at his father in surprise. He could see Hakim’s dark eyes watching them in the rearview mirror.
Jaguar thought about it. He didn’t ever remember wearing a tie very often. His mother hadn’t been big on going to church or other places where such attire had been necessary. Once she’d gotten him a tie
to wear to the symphony, but that was the last time he could remember putting one on.
Rather than bristle at his father’s surly tone, he laughed. “I guess I haven’t. Not often. I looked up how to tie it on the internet.”
Henry’s scowl deepened, but Hakim’s eyes crinkled at the corners in amusement. “Me too,” he said, laughing with Jaguar.
Henry’s features softened and he gave a ghost of a smile. “Probably should have taught you myself,” he said and Jaguar had to admit it was the first time his father had ever admitted to a parenting lapse.
Jaguar shrugged. “I’d look pretty silly in a suit and tie, writhing around on a stage.”
Henry’s smile broadened, then faded and he went back to looking out the car window. Just when Jaguar thought they’d made a connection, it passed.
Henry surprised him when he suddenly cleared his throat. “Your mother always wanted to go to one of your concerts.”
Jaguar wasn’t sure he heard him correctly, Henry was still facing the window. “Why didn’t you?”
“I told her it was devil music.”
Jaguar frowned at that. Henry hadn’t been overly religious when Jaguar was growing up, but he’d always called Jaguar’s music devil music.
“I caught her watching a video online one time. I wish I’d let her go.” He glanced over at Jaguar. “I should have let her go.”
Jaguar didn’t respond. He didn’t think Henry wanted a response.
They fell silent and a few minutes later, they pulled up before the Methodist church where Henry had arranged to have Ida’s memorial service held. The front of the building was covered with reporters, cameras, and news vans.
“Shit,” whispered Jaguar, knowing this was the sort of circus Henry would not want. He was relieved when Tate Mercer pushed his way through the scrum and came to the taxi, opening the door for Henry.
Behind Tate was Sheriff Wilson and Deputy Emilio Vasquez, holding back the reporters, while Deputy Samantha Murphy came around to his side of the taxi. Jaguar got out and Sam clapped a hand on his elbow, directing him toward the entrance.
“I’ll park the taxi and meet you inside,” called Hakim before Tate slammed the door shut.
Jaguar didn’t have time to answer as reporters called out to him for a statement or snapped pictures, or shoved video cameras in his face. Wilson and Vasquez closed in behind him as they jogged up the stairs.
“You shouldn’t have released your bodyguards,” snarled Sam in his ear. “We don’t have time for this.”
Jaguar wasn’t sure what she wanted him to say. He hadn’t expected this. Then they were inside the church and the doors were shut behind them. However, the vestibule was filled with people, milling around in their finery. Jaguar recognized a number of them, but the bulk separated to welcome Henry with quiet hugs and whispered words of condolence.
Sam released him and Tate moved to his side. He gave Jaguar a sympathetic look. “You okay?”
Jaguar drew a deep breath and blew out. “Sure,” he said.
Zion detached herself from the crowd and came over to him. She and Tate exchanged a look that Jaguar wasn’t sure he could interpret, then she hugged him. He hugged her in return, aware of the man standing next to him.
“Thank you for coming,” he said to her.
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
Jaguar looked up and saw Deimos and Tallah with her parents, the hulking Dwayne Ford and the stunningly attractive Cheryl. He lifted a hand to them. They returned the gesture. A moment later he found himself engulfed in a hug by a blue cotton-candy haired Dottie.
“I’m so sorry for your loss,” she whispered in his ear, hugging him tighter.
Jaguar gave Zion a surprised look. He’d gotten the impression that Zion’s baker hated him. “Thank you, Dottie,” he said, patting her back. “I appreciate you coming today.”
She released him, smoothing her hands over the lapels on his jacket. “You clean up real nice, young man,” she said, then she squeezed Zion’s hand and went over to Henry.
Zion smiled after her. “She’s a tough cookie to crack, but once you’re in her inner circle, she’ll stand beside you no matter what.”
Jaguar nodded, but his attention was distracted by the appearance of Barry Bonds in the inner doorway. He held up his hand for silence and the room quieted. “We’re ready to begin if you’d like to step inside.”
Jaguar hesitated. He didn’t want to go into the church. His father had opted for a closed casket and no viewing, but it still seemed awful to go in there and say his last goodbyes to the woman who’d given him life.
Zion moved to his other side and looped her arm through his and Tate laid a hand on his shoulder. Henry glanced back at him briefly as he was guided into the room by a group of woman who’d played Bunco with his mother.
As soon as Jaguar entered the church, he saw nothing but the casket. He didn’t notice the stained-glass windows depicting Bible scenes, or the white pews with their royal blue seat cushions, or the altar with a royal blue cloth draped over it.
Henry had picked a white casket. Flowers had been placed on all sides of the casket with a drape of blue carnations over the casket itself. He and Henry had picked that out in Barry Bonds’ office the other day.
The photo of his mother with the butterfly had been blown up by Jim Dawson at the Cut & Print and placed on an easel to the right of the coffin. Jaguar’s steps faltered and he felt Tate shift his hold to his elbow. Zion looked up at him, moving closer to his side.
“She was a beautiful woman,” she said softly.
Jaguar looked down at her, not sure he understood what she was saying.
“Your mother,” she said, jerking her head toward the picture. “She was beautiful.”
He nodded, unable to speak. He watched as the women deposited his father in the front pew on the left. He drew a deep breath and forced himself to follow, taking a seat next to his father. Zion and Tate slipped into the pew behind him and he could see Sheriff Wilson take up a position on the side of the room. Henry had his head bowed, his hands clasped in his lap, his breathing labored.
Jaguar wanted to loosen the tie. He felt like he was suffocating, but he forced his hands to still on his thighs. He looked up as a man in an ornate white robe stepped up to the podium behind the casket and cleared his throat for attention. The Reverend Paul Blanchard was a tall man with broad shoulders and a bald crown. A wreath of hair ran across his head near the line of his ears and his bald pate gleamed in the light bathing him from above. He shook back his long sleeves and his hands were enormous. He might have been a linebacker in a previous existence.
“Welcome everyone,” he said when the crowd had quieted. Jaguar shifted and looked over his shoulder.
Every pew was filled and people stood around the perimeter of the room. His eyes lighted on Hakim, sitting a few rows behind him. The taxi driver gave a nod of his head. Behind Hakim were Jim Dawson and his wife, Minnie. They held up a hand to him and Jaguar felt warmed by the gesture and their presence. He faced forward again.
“On behalf of the Jarvis family, I want to thank you for attending Ida Jarvis’ celebration of life ceremony. Mr. Jarvis would like to invite everyone back to his house for refreshments after the interment at the cemetery.”
Henry’s hands tightened until his knuckles went white, but he kept his head bowed.
“I’d like to read a few passages of scripture.” Pastor Blanchard cleared his throat again and opened a Bible on the podium. Jaguar stared at the casket, wondering at the utter incongruity of sitting here in a church with his mother’s mortal remains just a few feet from him. The pastor’s droning faded to the background as Jaguar thought about a time when he’d been about eleven.
He’d failed a test at school and had been hiding in the backyard, avoiding his father. He knew the man would be furious with him once he found out and he always found out.
Some previous owner’s child had built a makeshift fort far back in the yard under t
he redwood trees and he’d only discovered it a few months before when he’d been exploring. A box hedge had been planted before the redwood grove to distinguish the lawn from the rest of the yard and he’d crawled through a break in the hedge and found it.
He sat on the particle board floor and strummed on his guitar. He’d dragged his sleeping bag out here the day before so he’d have a cushion to sit upon. He could hear the wind chimes his mother had hung from the eaves of the house tinkling in the breeze and he used that to guide his fingers on the strings.
He’d lost himself in the music when he heard a rustling in the box hedge. His fingers stilled and he stared at the opening to the fort, his heart tapping out a staccato rhythm beneath his ribs. Henry had never struck him, but his shouting made something inside Jaguar cringe.
He breathed a sigh of relief when his mother’s head appeared and she crawled into the fort next to him, sitting down on the sleeping bag. He stared at the guitar, not daring to look at her, afraid he’d see reproach in her eyes.
“I wondered when you’d find this place,” she told him.
“How did you know where I was?”
“I heard the music.”
He didn’t answer, just ran his fingers across the strings.
“You’re improving every day,” she said, brushing back a lock of hair that had fallen over his eyes. “I like to listen to you play.”
He gave her a half-smile.
“Any reason you’re hiding out here?”
“I put the test on the table like he told me,” he said. “You saw it, right?”
“I saw it.” She sighed and stroked his hair above his ear with her nails. He wanted to press into her touch, but he was too old for that now. “It was downright awful, wasn’t it?”
He looked at her in surprise.
She was smiling.
“Yeah, it was awful,” he agreed.
“You’d think just guessing you might do better.”
They both laughed, then he sobered.
“He’s going to kill me.”
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