“Wednesday? What?” Hifler’s disbelief was obvious in his voice. “Wednesday? Why not tomorrow?”
Because I have to go for pizza tomorrow, he wanted to say, but he knew Hifler would not appreciate that. He’d scoff some more at him.
“I can’t.”
“Okay, but why Wednesday?”
He could go Monday or catch a redeye tomorrow night. Why not? Pam planned to take Sophia to school on Tuesday. He didn’t need to be there. It’s not like it was a life changing event, but he knew it was. Sophia’s first day of school. He didn’t want to miss it. He’d missed so much in her life – her first word, her first step, her birth. He didn’t want to miss this, especially since her mother couldn’t be there.
“I have things to do between now and Wednesday, but I’ll come down on Wednesday. I promise.”
“We need you here before that.”
Jaguar sighed. “Okay, what if I catch a redeye tomorrow night.”
“That works. You want Maddog and Bruno to meet you.”
“No, I’ll bring my driver.”
“Don’t let me down, Jaguar, you hear me.”
“I won’t. I’ll be there, but I’m leaving Monday night. I’ve got to be back here Tuesday morning.”
“Give me Monday night too and I’ll get you a flight out early Tuesday morning. And bring me anything else you’ve written. The public will gobble up whatever we throw at them right now.”
Jaguar wanted to protest. He couldn’t chance missing Sophia’s first day, but he also had a career to think about and a band that depended on him. He hadn’t been giving them much lately. “Okay,” he said, not bothering to tell him he had no other songs to offer. “Make sure you get me those tickets for Tuesday morning.”
“I promise. See you tomorrow night,” said Hifler and disconnected the call.
Jaguar blew out air and stared at the display. Number one on iTunes. That was huge. He couldn’t believe this had happened, and over a song he hadn’t been sure he should be writing.
Henry cleared his throat behind him.
“Sophia wants you to tuck her in,” said his father, disapproval in his tone.
“Sure,” said Jaguar, moving toward the hallway.
“So you’re going back to LA tomorrow?”
Jaguar hesitated and turned to face him. “Only for a few days. The song hit number one on the charts.”
“That’s great,” said Henry, little enthusiasm in his voice. He clearly didn’t think it was great.
“I’ll be home in time to take Sophia to school on Tuesday morning.”
“He wants you to go on tour?”
“Yeah, he thinks it’s time.”
Henry nodded, then walked over to his recliner and sank into it, reaching for the television remote. Jaguar glanced at the TV, then back to his father. Was Henry angry at him? Why? He knew Jaguar had been waiting for something to happen with Anaconda for a long time now. Henry hadn’t expected him to stay here permanently, had he?
He started to say something, then decided it wasn’t going to do him any good. Henry was usually disappointed with him in some way all of the time. He might as well not worry about it now. Shoving the phone back in his pocket, he headed for Sophia’s room to tuck her in, dismissing Henry from his mind.
CHAPTER 16
Hakim turned into the driveway of the elementary school. Children and parents were making their way inside, the little ones in their new clothes, new shoes, sporting new backpacks. Jaguar searched outside the SUV’s window, looking for Pam and the kids. Pam had promised to wait in front of the school for him, so they could walk into together, but he was late.
His plane had landed in Fresno just three hours ago and Hakim had driven as fast as was safe to Sequoia. Jaguar’s head felt muddy and his eyes burned. He’d had about a half-hour of sleep on the plane from LA and he just wanted coffee and a shower.
“There! There!” he said to Hakim, pointing to the front of the school.
Hakim had gotten caught in a cue of cars trying to drop off their precious bundles right at the door. “I’m trying to get closer,” he said.
Jaguar strained to see Sophia. She was clinging to Pam’s side, her hand curled under her chin, her other arm wrapped around the duckling he’d given her. She looked so little, so lost, wearing Maryjane’s, knee socks, and a plaid skirt. She also wore a white blouse with a navy cardigan over it, her brown hair in a high ponytail. He could see she was afraid.
He threw the door open and started to get out as Hakim tried to pull forward. “Jaguar!” Hakim scolded, but he was already out of the SUV.
“I’ll find you in the parking lot,” he told Hakim, shutting the door, then he bounded up on the curb and wended his way through the parents and kids toward his daughter.
She saw him and pulled out of Pam’s hand, racing to him. He caught her and lifted her as her little arms snaked around his neck. She pressed her cold cheek to his, holding him tight. The weather had taken a turn toward fall and the air was crisp.
“I thought you weren’t coming,” she whispered in his ear.
“I promised you I would. I will always be here when I promise,” he told her, closing his eyes and hugging her in return.
Pam and Amanda walked up. “It’s about time,” said Amanda, giving him an arch look. “I’m gonna be late.”
“Manners, Amanda,” scolded Pam, then she smiled at Jaguar. “You look like hell.”
He gave a laugh. “I haven’t slept more than a few hours.”
“How’d it go?”
He shrugged. “We hit some daytime talk shows and met with backers. Then we laid down some dates for the tour.”
“So you’re gonna do it? You’re gonna go back on the road?”
“I think so, Pam. I don’t know what else I’m qualified to do.”
She nodded, her eyes shifting to Sophia.
“We can talk about it later,” he said, lowering Sophia to her feet. Pam didn’t respond, turning toward the school entrance.
Sophia curled her hand in his and they started walking into the school. They first took Amanda to her class, but Amanda was anxious to greet her friends from the previous year, so after kissing her mother, she urged them to leave.
Pam gave Jaguar a bemused smile. “I sort of miss when she needed me.”
Jaguar laughed. “I’m convinced Amanda’s going to be president some day.”
Pam took Sophia’s free hand and they walked her to the kindergarten classroom. Kallista was waiting at the door, a broad smile on her pretty face. She hunkered down in front of Sophia and stroked her hand over the duckling.
“I’m glad you brought a friend. Will you tell us about him at show-n-tell today?”
Sophia nodded, her grip tightening in Jaguar’s hold.
Kallista rose to her feet. “We’ll be dismissing at noon today. Will Sophia be going to after school daycare?” she asked Pam.
Pam shook her head. “I’ll be here to pick her up.” She looked at the little girl. “Let’s go get you set up in your desk.”
They entered the classroom.
Jaguar watched them, feeling a wave of uneasiness.
“She’ll be fine,” said Kallista, putting a hand on his arm.
His gaze shifted to her face and he couldn’t deny the flush of warmth that went through him. “I believe you,” he said, but he didn’t sound convinced.
She laughed. “I promise you.”
He nodded, forcing a smile. “I’ve never done this before.”
Kallista looked into the room. “Neither have most of these parents. You’ll see a lot of tears in the parking lot on your way out.”
Jaguar jutted out his chin. “Not me,” he said, making Kallista laugh. He smiled at her, thinking he liked her calm demeanor. She was different from a lot of the women he’d dated in the past, but he couldn’t deny she drew him in. Still, her brother would definitely not approve of his interest and he was pretty sure it was a social no-no to date your daughter’s teacher. “I’ll
just say goodbye.”
“Of course,” she said, turning to greet the next student to arrive.
Jaguar walked over to where Pam and Sophia were arranging her desk and hunkered down next to his daughter. Sophia’s eyes tracked around the room and came back to him.
“I don’t want to stay here,” she said.
“Sophia, you’re going to have a great time,” said a young woman, overhearing them. She couldn’t have been older than her early twenties with blond hair and large brown eyes. She held out her hand to Pam and Jaguar each in turn. “I’m Miss Rose. I’m Miss A’s assistant.”
Pam shook her hand, then stroked Sophia’s hair. “If you need me, please don’t hesitate to call.”
“We’ll be fine. Why don’t you tell your folks goodbye and we’ll go pick out some books for story time.”
Sophia’s blue eyes bore into Jaguar’s and she wrapped her arms around his bicep. “I don’t want you to go.”
He kissed her temple, but Pam gave him a warning look. He wanted to take her out of here. They could try school again next year, but he knew that was wrong. They both needed to do this. He sighed and turned her to face him.
“I have to go, but I’ll be here at noon to meet you with Aunt Pam. You’re going to make so many friends, Sophia, and you’re going to learn so much. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of how brave you’re being and to be honest…” He looked around the room. “…I think you’re going to have a great time. There’s so much to do and see and I wish my kindergarten had been like this.”
She didn’t look convinced, rubbing her cheek on the duckling’s head.
“How about this?” He pulled the leather wristband off his wrist and wound it around hers. “When you feel alone or nervous, you touch this and you’ll know I’m thinking of you.”
She drew a shuddering breath, then threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. “I love you,” she whispered.
He met Pam’s gaze over her shoulder, hugging Sophia in return. Pam offered him a smile and he blinked hard a few times. This little girl’s admission had just about crippled him. He pressed a kiss to her hair and held her off, looking into eyes so like his mother’s.
“I love you, Sophia, and I couldn’t be prouder of you.”
She stared at him a moment, then she turned and hugged her aunt. With a resigned nod, she accepted Miss Rose’s hand and walked with her over to the bookshelves. Pam rose to her feet and jerked her head toward the door.
“Come on, rockstar. I’ll buy you a cup of coffee. This gets easier if you just don’t look back.”
He rose with her and headed for the door, his mind still reeling from his daughter’s confession. In that moment, nothing he’d ever done had felt so right, so pure. Performing before thousands of screaming fans had felt like the pinnacle of his life, but he realized now, it hadn’t meant anything compared to hearing his daughter tell him she loved him.
* * *
When he finally arrived home, he wanted nothing more than to take a nap for a few hours before he had to be back at the school to meet Sophia at the end of the day, but as he carried his bag into the house and dropped it in his room, he realized he hadn’t seen his father.
Backtracking into the living room, he found the television cold and the kitchen empty. Motion in the backyard drew his attention and he walked to the door, pulling it open. Henry knelt on the lawn, trying to read a set of instructions, brightly colored plastic sections of something lying scattered about him.
He looked up as Jaguar stopped beside him. With a groan, he pushed himself to his feet, rubbing his lower back. “Getting harder and harder to crawl around on my hands and knees now.”
Jaguar surveyed the pieces. “What’s this?”
“I bought Sophia a playhouse. I remember you making a fort in the yard at our other house when you were about her age. You used to play guitar in there.”
Jaguar’s gaze shifted to him. He hadn’t known Henry was even aware he’d made a fort.
“I thought Sophia might like her own place. I was going to give it to her as a present for starting kindergarten.” He looked Jaguar over. “You look like hell.”
“Yeah, I haven’t slept much.”
“Come on,” said Henry, motioning toward the house. “I’ll buy you a cup a coffee.”
Jaguar cast a final glance on the pieces of playhouse scattered over the lawn. “Should I call Tate and see if he can stop by to help us?”
Henry waved him off, climbing the stairs into the house. “I can build a playhouse. It’s like a giant building block set. No problem.”
Jaguar turned and followed him into the kitchen. It sure seemed like a problem from where he was standing. Henry hadn’t even put a single piece together yet. Taking a seat at the table, he watched his father pour them both a cup of coffee.
“How’d it go in LA?” Henry asked, his back to the table.
“Fine.”
“What did you do?”
“We gave interviews on a few daytime talk shows and met over lunch with some financial backers. Then we talked tour dates.”
Henry set the mug in front of him and went to the fridge, opening. “You did all that in a day?”
“Things move fast in LA and hitting number one on the music charts gets things rolling.”
Henry set the milk on the table and went to get some spoons. “How’d it go at Sophia’s school this morning?”
Jaguar reached for the milk and poured a little into his mug. He’d already consumed way too much coffee, but it didn’t look like he was going to get to bed anytime soon. “She was scared, but her teacher and the teacher’s assistant seem really sweet.” Jaguar accepted the spoon from his father and stirred the coffee. “Her teacher’s Hakim’s sister.”
“Really?” said Henry, taking a seat.
Jaguar nodded, sipping at his coffee. “She told me she loved me.”
“The sister? Wow, you really do have a way with women.”
Jaguar and Henry both laughed and Jaguar realized the tension was gone between them. “No, Sophia told me she loved me.”
Henry curled his hands around his mug. Jaguar studied those hands, the large knuckles, the prominent veins, the neatly clipped fingernails. “You have a way with people. Like your mother. You have her charisma.” He lifted the mug and sipped. “Good thing too because you didn’t get anything like that from me.”
Jaguar looked out the window at the pieces of playhouse. He didn’t know how to respond to that.
“You’re going to be a good father, Jerome.”
Jaguar turned back to his father, giving him a bewildered look. “Based on a weekend visit and seeing her off to school? I missed five years of her life. I missed the big things.”
“No, you didn’t,” said Henry, his eyes going distant as he also looked out at the yard. “I missed the big things, but you haven’t. You still have time.”
Jaguar fingered the handle on the spoon, not sure how to respond to his father. They didn’t talk like this. Ever. They made pointless comments or they fought. They didn’t have deep conversations.
“You were right about me,” Henry said. “I wasn’t a good father. I wasn’t available. I wasn’t accessible.”
“Pops…”
“No, please.” Henry held out his hand. “Let me talk, okay?”
Jaguar nodded. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear this. He’d always wanted Henry to open up to him, but now that he was, Jaguar wasn’t certain they should open this box.
“My dad was a real bastard. I mean, he was a product of the times. He worked, Mom stayed home, and then he went to the Elks Lodge or golfed when he wasn’t working. The only time we’d see him was when he’d come home to eat dinner and sleep. Mom would save up all of our infractions and tell him about them, then he’d take a belt to our asses and send us to our rooms.” Henry met Jaguar’s gaze. “That was my relationship with him. To be honest, I wasn’t much closer to my mother. I resented her for saving up everything until he got home.”
“I’ll bet.”
“I swore I would never lay a hand on you.”
“And you didn’t.”
Henry’s gaze was unwavering. “Yeah, but I substituted the belt for criticism. Sometimes, your mother would tell me I never said anything good to you, but I didn’t know how. And sometimes, I heard myself, going after you like I did and I thought what the hell am I doing. I knew I was gonna make you hate me the way I hated my own father.”
“I don’t hate you, Pops.”
Henry looked down into his coffee. “That’s only a matter of degrees, son.”
Jaguar didn’t respond. Henry was right. There were times when Jaguar couldn’t deny he didn’t like Henry very much. “It just seemed like we were always at cross purposes, you and me. Like I never lived up to your expectations.”
“You didn’t,” said Henry with a laugh.
Jaguar narrowed his eyes on him. “Okay?”
Henry laughed again. “I mean it. You didn’t live up to my expectations, but the truth is my expectations were bull shit. I mean, I still think school could have been more of a priority, but that’s just because I was afraid you were going to wind up driving a forklift like your old man and I didn’t want that, but you found your own way. You are a hell of a lot more successful than I ever was.”
Jaguar smiled.
“I just wanted more for you, but I went about it the wrong way. I thought I could bully you into it and that was never going to work for you. I wish I hadn’t done that.”
Jaguar thought about Henry’s words. He could understand wanting more for a child. He hadn’t been a father for very long, but he sure wanted Sophia to achieve more than he had. “I get wanting more, Pops. I get that now. I want Sophia to have so much more.”
Henry patted Jaguar’s forearm where it lay on the table. “But you do it the right way. You encourage, but you also listen. You talk to her and let her tell you what she wants.”
Jaguar covered Henry’s hand with his own. “I will, Pops. I promise you.”
Henry nodded and released him. “Can I be honest with you about something?”
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