Jaguar tensed. He wasn’t sure he wanted honesty from Henry. He sure didn’t want to hear anything negative about his mother. “Sure?” he said, the skepticism in his voice.
“I’m not sure I know how to build that playhouse. The directions are in Chinese.”
Jaguar barked out a laugh and Henry joined him.
CHAPTER 17
The Bourbon Brothers Barbecue was an old fashioned barbecue joint owned by two brothers, Dwayne and Daryl Ford. Dwayne’s daughter Tallah worked for Zion at the Caffeinator. As always, the restaurant was crowded with people standing in line to place their orders or occupying the high-backed booths around the periphery of the room.
Muted music was piped in through speakers in the ceiling, competing for attention over the sound of conversation and laughter. The smells made Jaguar’s stomach rumble and he realized he hadn’t eaten all day. He searched the darkened interior for Tate and found him holed up in a booth, nursing a glass of soda.
He crossed the restaurant and took a seat opposite his friend.
“Hey,” said Tate with a jerk of his chin.
“Hey, what’s your position on playhouses?”
Tate gave him a bewildered look. “I wasn’t aware I had to have an official position, but I guess I’ll say I’m pro-playhouses as a general rule.”
Jaguar laughed and looked up as Dwayne’s pretty wife, Cheryl, stopped by the table. He half-rose and hugged her.
“What’ll you have to drink, baby?” she said.
“Just water, Cheryl, please.”
“You know what you want to order?”
He looked at Tate.
“I’m already taken care of. I don’t even have to place an order anymore.”
Cheryl twisted her lips to the side. “Mmmhmm. I just put in an order for a heart transplant and Dwayne knows Tate’s here.”
Jaguar laughed. “If it’s good enough for Tate, I guess I’ll take the same thing.”
“Pulled pork sandwich, coleslaw, and extra sauce. I have a gluten-free bun in your honor.”
Jaguar’s stomach grumbled and he nodded. “Sounds amazing. You know me too well.”
She shook her head fondly and walked away.
Jaguar turned back to his friend. “Pops bought Sophia a playhouse on the internet, but when it arrived it was in pieces and the directions are in Chinese.”
“Hard to follow, huh?”
“No, I mean real Chinese.”
“Oh, right. Yeah, that would be a problem. I can come out tomorrow afternoon and take a look if you want.”
“I really appreciate it. Lunch is on me today.”
“I’m not gonna turn that down,” said Tate, holding out his empty hands. “I already owe Dwayne the pink slip on my car.”
Jaguar frowned.
“Because I eat here so much.”
“Oh, right. Sorry. Got a lot on my mind.”
Tate leaned back in the booth. “What’s going on?”
“Just stuff, you know? Life and shit.”
“Spill.” He picked up his drink and took a sip.
Jaguar grabbed the pepper shaker and twirled it in his hands. “My manager wants me to come back to LA tomorrow to talk about the tour.”
“That’s a good thing, right?”
He glanced up as Cheryl set a glass of water in front of him. “Thank you,” he told her.
“No problem, baby,” she said and hurried off to wait on another table. Jaguar felt a little disappointed. He wouldn’t mind having her opinion. She and Dwayne had raised Tallah to be a straight-A student, who was also centered and conscientious and an all-around great kid. He admired their parenting style.
“I guess it’s a good thing. I mean, yeah, it’s a good thing. Shadow Eyes is number one on the music charts, but Sophia just started school and Pam’s going to be starting classes next week. I promised her I’d help out with the afternoon pickups. I mean, I’m the one who suggested she go back to school. If I go on tour, what’s she gonna do?”
“Can your dad help her?”
“He said he would, but that means I miss out on Sophia’s first year in school. I miss out on time with her in the afternoon.”
“So don’t go on tour.”
Jaguar set the shaker aside. “And do what? Being a musician’s all I know how to do. What exactly do you think I’m qualified for?”
Tate held up a hand. “There must be something.”
Jaguar shook his head. “I barely graduated high school. The thought of going to college makes me have heart burn.”
Tate laughed.
“I can’t pull espresso shots for the rest of my life and if I don’t find something, my father and I will likely kill each other.” He sighed. “I want to show Sophia that I’m something other than an absentee father.”
Tate considered, chewing on his inner lip. “That is a pickle,” he said.
“What’s a pickle? You want pickles on your sandwich?” asked Cheryl, setting two baskets down in front of them.
“No, we’re trying to figure out what Jaguar can do with the rest of his life,” said Tate.
“Instead of touring around the country,” added Jaguar.
Cheryl put her hand on her hip. “That’s easy.”
“It is?” asked Jaguar, his brows lifting.
“Open a music store.”
“What?”
“What do we need in this town? We got almost everything, but we don’t have a music store.”
Jaguar thought about it, but Tate leaned forward nodding. “It’s brilliant. You can sell musical instruments and give lessons in the back.”
“What do I know about running a business?” he asked them.
“Same thing as the rest of us. You learn,” said Cheryl.
“And we’ll help you. We’ve all done it before,” said Tate.
Jaguar felt a wave of excitement rush through him, but Hifler wanted to do a tour while Anaconda was at the top of the charts. If he quit now to open a music store, he’d be letting his bandmates down. They were all on board. He was the only hold-out remaining.
“Where would I open a store?” he said. He hadn’t felt this exhilarated in a long time, this entranced by the possibilities before him.
“There’s an empty storefront between my hardware store and the Cut & Print,” said Tate. “It’s been sitting empty for years.”
“He’s right, and I think it has some back rooms you could use for lessons,” added Cheryl.
A store next to Jim Dawson would be a boon. He knew Dawson would help him set up the business.
“You could call it All That Jazz,” said Tate.
“The Disk-cotec,” said Cheryl.
Jaguar laughed, then a thought popped into his head as if it had been there all along. “Fret No More,” he said.
“Bingo,” answered Tate, punctuating with a jab of his index finger. “Perfect.”
Cheryl smiled at him. “I’ll get you the name of the relator for the building.”
Jaguar felt a wash of panic, followed by a sense of elation. He leaned forward, dropping his voice. “You think I could do this?”
“I know you can. And we’ll all be there, supporting you,” Tate said.
Jaguar leaned back, his mind whirling. Could he really open his own business? Teach music lessons? Be the captain of his own destiny?
He had the capital for it, he’d been so careful with his investments. He knew music, and Tate was right. He had support. Pops might even be willing to work in the store. It would get him out of the house and let Jaguar have the freedom to spend time with Sophia. Not to mention, it was a way for him to stay in Sequoia, a way to get off the rollercoaster of touring and waiting breathlessly to see if the public liked their latest record.
He gave Tate a wild-eyed look. “This is insane, you know that?”
Tate shrugged. “You’re the multi-platinum rockstar, buddy. Seems like insane’s your middle name.” When Jaguar frowned at him, he added, “Because you’ve already beat the odds. You know? Rockstar?”
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Jaguar nodded in a patronizing way and they both burst into laughter.
* * *
As he climbed behind the wheel of his father’s car, he stared out at the street, studying the empty building between Tate’s Hammer Tyme and the Cut & Print. He tried to imagine it with a marquee over the door, instruments in the display windows, people wandering down the sidewalk and stopping inside. A wave of panic followed by a wash of excitement swamped him. He wondered how a person could feel two conflicting emotions like this.
He pulled out onto the street, headed for home. Hakim had the day off and his father had said he could use the car as long as he stopped at the grocery store for a few things. He turned to get on the freeway and his phone rang. Pressing the button on the steering wheel, he connected the call, glancing at the car’s display to see who it was.
Pam.
“Hey, Pam, I’m…”
“Jaguar, listen to me.”
He stopped speaking, hearing the panic in her voice.
“Sophia isn’t at the school. They went out for recess after lunch and she asked to go to the bathroom. Miss Rose says she never came back.”
“What?” White noise suddenly filled Jaguar’s head and he tried to process what she was saying. “What do you mean Sophia isn’t at the school?” The tires on the right side of the car made a squealing noise and he yanked the steering wheel back to correct it. He hadn’t even realized he was drifting.
“Where are you?” Pam’s voice trembled.
“I’m coming back from Main Street. I’ll be at the school in a few minutes.”
“Hurry!” she said and disconnected the call.
Jaguar drove as fast as he dared to the school, his mind a whirlwind of panic and attempts at reason. He didn’t bother to park in the parking lot, but pulled into the driveway and threw the car into gear, jumping out. Sam Murphy met him at the entrance, holding up her hands to stop him.
“Now calm down!” she said.
He walked past her, ignoring her comment and turned the corner, nearly running to the kindergarten class. Kallista and a sobbing Miss Rose stood outside the classroom with the principal. He hadn’t met her yet, but he’d seen her in passing. Standing with them was Sheriff Wilson. As soon as she saw him, Pam ran to him, her hands clasped before her. She held Sophia’s cardigan.
“We’ve searched everywhere,” she said, bursting into tears.
Jaguar looked beyond her to Kallista. “How did this happen?”
“It’s not her fault,” sobbed Miss Rose. “I was watching the class while she was at lunch.”
“We issued an Amber Alert,” said Sheriff Wilson. “My deputies are scouring the streets.”
Jaguar’s head just wasn’t processing this. “Hold on. How can she be missing?”
The principal approached him. “I’m Velma Martin, Mr. Jaguar. I’m the principal here.”
“Where’s my daughter?”
“This is what we know. Miss Rose read the children a story, then they went outside for recess. Miss Adowani takes her lunch at 11:30 and returns at noon to see the children off for the day.”
Jaguar nodded, trying to get his head around why any of this was important. Where the hell was his daughter?
“Sophia asked to go to the restroom. The restroom’s visible from the playground and Miss Rose saw her go inside.”
“I watched her the whole way,” sobbed Miss Rose.
“When she didn’t come out at an appropriate time, Miss Rose went to look for her.”
“She was gone!” said Miss Rose.
“She was gone,” repeated the principal.
“Where? How did she disappear from the bathroom?”
Kallista started to speak, but the principal held up a hand, stopping her. “We aren’t sure. Miss Rose was distracted by a child who fell and hurt her knee. We think Sophia left at that time.”
“Left? What are you suggesting?” Jaguar took a step forward, his fists clenching.
Sheriff Wilson laid a hand on his shoulder, holding him back. “Now, just calm down a minute, son.”
“Calm down! Where the hell is my daughter!”
“We don’t know,” said Wilson.
“Jaguar,” interrupted Kallista, ignoring the quelling look the principal shot at her. “You need to know the book Miss Rose read before she disappeared.”
Jaguar’s attention zeroed in on her. “What book?”
“It’s about a baby bird who’s been abandoned and is searching for his mother.”
Pam whirled, her red, swollen eyes widening. “What?”
“I didn’t think about it,” sobbed Miss Rose. “It’s a sweet book. I didn’t think about it.”
Jaguar stepped closer to the aide. “Did Sophia seem upset by the book?”
“She didn’t say anything. No different than usual. She’s been quiet all week.”
“Is there anywhere she might go if she felt upset? Anywhere she thinks is a safe haven?” asked Kallista.
Jaguar’s thoughts fell into focus. He turned to Pam. “The fort. I told her I went to the fort I’d built when I wanted to think about things, when I wanted to be alone. I’ll bet she went home.”
“Let’s go!” said Pam, turning toward the entrance.
“No!” Jaguar stopped her. “Let me go. You stay here in case she comes back.”
Pam looked like she might argue with him, but Wilson motioned to Sam Murphy. “Deputy Murphy will escort you to the house. Pam, you wait with me. I want to see the surveillance tape outside the school again, Mrs. Martin,” he told the principal. “We might have missed something.”
The principal nodded and motioned toward her office, while Jaguar and Sam started for her patrol car. Pam reached out and caught his arm.
“Please call me if she’s there,” she said, her fingers tightening on him.
“I will,” he said, then followed Murphy out of the school.
* * *
Jaguar never remembered being so afraid. The few blocks it took to drive to Pam’s house seemed like miles and his heart pounded the entire time. He didn’t have a key for the house and he knew Sophia didn’t either, so he jumped out of the patrol car as soon as Sam stopped and went around to the side of the house.
He closed his eyes when he saw the gate was slightly ajar and braced a hand against the house. He felt dizzy with relief. Pushing the gate open, he could see Sophia’s ponytail through the window of the fort. He looked back at Sam.
“She’s here.”
“I’ll call the sheriff,” she told him, blowing out air.
He waited until she walked back toward the patrol car, then he pushed the gate all the way open and stepped inside. He climbed the short ladder and peered into the opening of the fort. Sophia’s head snapped up. She was sitting on the floor of the fort, holding her duckling in her lap. She looked small and lost and alone.
He climbed in beside her and sat, his back pressed against the wall. “You scared me, little girl,” he said, trying to keep the scold out of his voice. “You scared your aunt and Miss A. Poor Miss Rose is in tears and the sheriff’s at the school.” The relief he felt was unlike anything he’d ever felt before.
She blinked up at him with her big blue eyes. “The sheriff? Is he going to arrest me?”
Jaguar let out a shivery laugh, then lifted her onto his lap and hugged her. “No, but this can’t ever happen again, Sophia. You can’t leave school by yourself. It could be dangerous.”
She nodded, holding the duckling closer. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make people cry.”
He rested his chin on the top of her head. “I’ve never been so scared, Sophia,” he said. “I couldn’t stand the thought that I might have lost you. You have to promise never to do anything like that again.”
“I promise,” she said, snuggling into him.
He held her for a moment, just allowing himself to accept that she was safe. His heart gradually returned to normal. “Can you tell me why you left?”
She shrugged,
keeping her eyes averted.
He leaned over to look in her face. “I need you to tell me what happened. I thought you liked school. I thought you liked Miss A and Miss Rose.”
“I do. And I like Dharia.” Dharia was the little girl she’d met at the Open House. Kallista said they’d become fast friends in the first few days.
“Then why did you leave?”
“Miss Rose read a story.”
“About a baby bird looking for his mother?”
Sophia nodded. “It made me sad.”
Jaguar sighed, tightening his hold on her. “I know, baby. I know you miss your mama.”
“Why’d she have to go?”
Jaguar thought about that. How did you explain death to a five-year-old? How did you keep her from being afraid? He decided truth was all he had. “I don’t know, Sophia. I wish I did. I’d give anything if I could bring your mama back to you.”
She didn’t respond.
“But this is what I do know.”
She leaned back and looked at him.
“She would want you to go to school. She’d want you to learn your alphabet and be friends with Dharia. And she’d want you to have fun at recess. And most of all, she wouldn’t want you to ever run away from what you’re feeling.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to miss her. It’s even okay to cry sometimes.”
Her eyes searched his face.
“But it’s also okay to be happy and this I know, pretty soon you’ll have more happy times than you’ll have sad one.”
“I don’t want to forget her.”
Jaguar smiled, touching her nose. “You can’t. You will never forget her, but after awhile, it won’t hurt so bad to remember.”
It won’t hurt so bad to remember.
He could almost hear his own mother saying those words as he sat in the fort and held his daughter. It won’t hurt so bad to remember, and it didn’t, he realized.
* * *
Jaguar walked out of the girls’ room after tucking them in for the night and found Pam sitting in the kitchen, a bottle of wine and a full glass before her. She picked up the bottle, her chin braced on her other hand. “Want some?”
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