by Max Walker
When the moment was over, Crow collapsed onto Ethan, his cock popping out of Ethan’s ass. They were both breathless and giggling like they were naughty teenager all over again. That was the kind of rush that came over the both of them. It was the type of rush that took you to a completely different time and place. Crow was everything to Ethan, and he was so fucking excited to have this every single day of his life.
“I love you so much,” Ethan said, kissing Crow as they laid down on the pillow of shirts. “You were thanking me earlier, but I should be the one thanking you.” Ethan swallowed back a sudden cry. The range of emotions he was currently riding were pretty extreme. He felt so relaxed, laying across from Crow and looking deep into his eyes, his body feeling like jello. That also brought other emotions. Intense relief and a powerful happiness. “I don’t know how much longer I would have been able to keep things together. I’m positive I was on the road to becoming an alcoholic physician. Someone who ends up getting their sad lives’ discovered because they were secretly drunk when they made a mistake on one of their patients. No exaggeration, that was where I was headed.” Ethan took a breath. He had never said that out loud. It was one of his biggest fears, and during the time, he was blind to see that it was happening. He would come home from a long shift and knock out an entire bottle of wine by himself. It had started as only a weekend activity until it began creeping into the weekdays. “I was just so damn sad. I didn’t know how to handle it. I thought there were no second chances and that I’d never be happy again.” Ethan smiled, a real, true smile. One that wasn’t propped up on a bottle of pinot. “You showed me that happiness is only one random bar performance away.”
A tear rolled down Crow’s cheek, wetting the white shirt underneath him. “Jesus, I’m sorry, Ethan.”
“It’s ok,” Ethan said, feeling for once in his life that things were truly ok. Hell, they were way better than just ok.
Whenever Ethan looked into Crow’s big brown eyes, he could see that things were truly perfect.
29 Crow Kensworth
Three Days Later
Ughhhhhhh.
Dizzy. Nauseous. Feverish. Crow felt sick. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but the motion of the bus wasn’t helping. Ethan had him take two aspirins before he crawled into bed and knocked out.
30 Ethan Winter
Ethan was lounging on the couch in the living area. They were two stops away from finishing off the tour. They still had to perform at a college in Georgia and then move on down to Miami to close off the show. Ethan couldn’t believe that it was almost done. He tried remembering how he felt on that first day, way back when, on the day he walked onto the bus and saw the man he thought he’d never see again. He was used to that. Ethan wasn’t used to getting his happy ending, though, and this was certainly a happy one, but it wasn’t necessarily an ending. Ethan felt like it was quiet the opposite. He felt like as soon as the bus dropped him off back in LA, an entire new story was about to begin, and Ethan couldn’t wait.
Frankie, who had been arguing with Troy about that damn golden dress from years ago (Frankie swore to his unborn children it was blue and black), seemed to have decided he had enough and shuffled over to the couch. He plopped down, the cushions sinking in with his weight. Ethan sat up a little, looking out the window across from them as they drove through Asheville, North Carolina. There were mountains bordering them on every side and bright green landscaping that popped off the rocky backdrop mixing in with the busy streets and small town rustic feel of the bracketed buildings and wide streets.
“What a trip, huh?” Frankie said, shaking his head. “Can’t believe it’s almost over.”
“Me neither,” Ethan said. “Three months never went by so fast.”
“And you and Crow, huh? You two are good for each other.” Frankie patted down the back of his head, controlling his thinning hair. “I’ve been working with him for years now and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy. He’s constantly smiling and joking, even his singing has changed. It’s more… I dunno, soulful? Like he feels the words now. You’ve done him good, Ethan.”
“He’s done me even more.”
Frankie arched an eyebrow, a smile playing on his face.
“Done me more good,” Ethan said, chuckling as he realized what he said. “I was in a bad place when I said yes to this. I, well, I lost my husband a couple of years ago and I had a really difficult time. I didn’t know how I was getting out of the hole I dug myself. At one point, I didn’t really even care about climbing out. Exactly what Adam wouldn’t have wanted, but I was so deep into the dark, I didn’t care. And then Crow came along. It wasn’t dark anymore.” Ethan took a deep breath. He had never really spoken about Adam like that without being asked. He would always hold his death close, like a fucked-up secret that was only meant for Ethan. It was weird and messed up and the weight of it had clearly affected Ethan, but no more. Ethan had to honor Adam’s memory with endless smiles and belly-busting laughs, unforgettable dates and uncontained love.
“Sorry about Adam,” Frankie said. “I lost someone, too. A long time ago. That ache never goes away, but the world does regain its spark. It took me a while to find it, like you. I don’t know, it also makes me love in a different way. Stronger, almost. Not that I loved Lisa any less than I love Cristina, but there’s something different. Like I learned how to love in those years I thought I was an empty husk. I appreciate every damn second of my time with her, and I don’t care about the little shit nearly as much as I used to.”
Ethan nodded his head, understanding where Frankie was coming from. He had no idea he had experienced something similar. The big ol’ jolly drummer always had a smile on and a joke at hand. He seemed like one of those people who were lucky enough to never be touched by tragedy. “Same,” Ethan agreed.
Just then, Troy came out of the bathroom, drying off his hands with a paper towel before throwing it out. He came over to the couch and sat down between Frankie and Ethan.
“How’s Crow been feeling, doc?” Troy asked.
“He’s been ok. After a bit of nausea, he said his head’s been killing him so I prescribed him some heavy duty aspirin and a few hours of seclusion inside his dark bedroom.”
“Sounds like a solid plan.” Troy reached for the Wonder Woman comic book on the table. “Sucks that he got sick at the end of the tour.”
“Yeah, I think it’s something he ate.”
“But we haven’t had much, except those pancakes Angela made us and then the sandwiches Jordan put together. Maybe we’ve just got stomachs of steel.”
“Maybe, although he did have also have a leftover taco from last night,” Ethan said, his phone buzzing in his pocket. “He’s a garbage can when it comes to food sometimes. I don’t know how he still has the body of Adonis. Although I’m not complaining.” He pulled his phone out, realized it was another depressing political headline, and put it back in his pocket, turning his attention back to Troy. They continued to talk for a while, the bus rattling on down a particularly rocky North Carolina road. Ethan would constantly find himself looking out the window, getting lost in the beautiful scenescape that unrolled like a film camera opening up to them as they drove on through.
Angela pulled aside the curtains from where the bunk beds were. She walked out to where the boys sat, an anxious look on her face. For the past week, Angela had been on permanent anxiety mode. More so than usual. Ethan considered taking her aside and asking her if she wanted to talk, but he didn’t think Angela was the type of person to respond well to those kind of things. She seemed like someone who would gruffly say she’s fine and then storm off, offended that she was offered help. As if it were a sign of weakness or something. So, Ethan just gave her space. He figured that closing off a cross-country tour and having it go without a hitch, all while some crazy stalker fan kept popping up, was most likely extremely stressful. It had also become a little awkward between them after Crow had confronted her.
“Guys,” she said, a h
and running through her hair. “I’m sorry, I totally forgot to get all the stuff we need for the surprise party. Can you all run out and grab some stuff while I get to work setting up. With Crow asleep, now’s a good time as any.”
Ethan sat up, excited to help. Angela had brought up the idea of a surprise congratulatory party so that they could lift the morale up and show Crow how much they appreciated him. He was already getting a tour-closing party, so this one was meant to be more intimate with just the crew and cake and party games.
But, apparently, they were missing most of those things.
“Just tell us what you need,” Troy said.
“Perfect.” Angela handed him a list, “I’ll tell the bus driver to take us to the nearest supply store.”
The nearest supply store was a small supermarket in Asheville, a historic-feeling city tucked away in North Carolina’s Blue Ridge Mountains. Ethan had stepped off the bus and immediately started taking photos of the tall brick buildings set in front of breath-taking green mountains that cut across a dimming orange sky. Even the supply store was photo-worthy, causing Ethan to stop at the front and snap a few before running in to catch up with the gang. They had all walked around the block from the parking lot to the store, leaving Angela behind to set up with whatever little things they did have.
They were immediately greeted as they stepped inside of the supply store, something Ethan wasn’t totally used to yet. In Los Angeles, you barely got an acknowledgement unless someone thought you were there to steal from them. But Asheville felt so different in that regard. Everyone was genuinely warm and willing to say a hello.
Honestly? He wasn’t entirely sure which one he liked more yet.
“Ok, let’s split up?” Troy asked, looking at the list and then up at the aisles. All of them were labeled by hanging wooden plaques, letters scrawled in dripping white paint.
“That’s the first thing you’re not supposed to do,” Frankie said.
“Yeah,” Troy’s eyebrows drew together, “if you were in some horror movie? Which this is not. So I’m going to go right, you go left.”
Frankie shook his head and raised his heads. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Stop being stupid,” Troy said, both the guys breaking into laughs as they walked their separate ways. Ethan took the center aisle, looking for the chips and salsa Angela had asked them to bring. Of course, the store carried none of the brands Angela suggested, so Crow settled for one that seemed like it would be close enough. He turned back around, ready to go and find the guys, when he saw someone that surprised him. “Hey, Rod, what are you doing here?” It was the security guard that had been following the bus down the East Coast leg of the tour. Ethan was curious. He knew that Rod was supposed to be shadowing Crow at all times. He normally drove behind the bus and slept in hotels whenever they stopped since there weren’t enough beds on the bus. Ethan had gotten pretty close to the security guard over the last couple of weeks, and he knew that Rod wasn’t the type to slack off on the job.
“Huh? Oh, Ethan, have you seen Crow? Angela said he snuck off to hang out with you guys, but I haven’t seen him. Haven’t seen Jordan either, thought they came here together.”
Ethan narrowed his eyes. “No, the last I knew, Jordan was taking a spa day for himself and Crow was in his room sleeping off a headache. Did you check in there?”
“No, Angela was practically chewing off my head, telling me to get the hell out and to find Crow. That she doesn’t pay me to stand outside of an empty bus.”
Something wasn’t making sense. Was Angela just mistaken? Did she not spot Crow under the covers? Or maybe he did sneak out and just didn’t go to where Ethan and the rest of the crew was?
Ethan took a breath. He reached inside his jeans and realized he was missing his phone.
Fuck.
It must have fallen out on the bus, probably slipped between the cushions on the couch.
“Can I borrow your phone?” he asked Rod.
“Sure.”
He grabbed Rod’s phone and pulled up his contact list. He still didn’t have Crow’s number memorized, but Rod had it already programed. He found Crow’s name and tapped. It immediately started ringing.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
“Hey, you’ve reache —“
Ethan tried again. And again. Nothing.
That was weird. Crow was really good about answering his phone, even when he was sleeping. Ethan had joked with him about it one day, calling it his lame superhero power. Everyone had one. Ethan admitted his was being able to write his name with his foot. Crow had just called that weird. They laughed and laughed, falling asleep in each other’s arms. Just like most nights had been.
“We need to get back to the bus.” Ethan turned and hurried out of the store, Frankie and Troy following behind them, neither of them knowing what Ethan was running for.
It took them three minutes to get back to the parking lot where the bus was parked.
Where the bus had been parked.
Ethan whipped around the corner, following Rod, to see the parking lot empty. The bus was no where in sight. Ethan double checked the street signs, making sure they were at the right lot. There was a guard’s booth but no one was in and the gate had been set to open.
Something was wrong. Something was terribly, terribly wrong.
31 Crow Kensworth
The world was hazy. Crow tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes, but he couldn’t move his arms for some reason. He blinked away the blurriness and looked down, trying to figure out why his hands weren’t coming up to his face. What he saw shocked him. Leather straps, tied tight around his bloody wrists, the material rubbing his skin raw as his seat jerked up and down with every bump in the road.
“What the…”
He looked up, out the bug smeared windshield. He was sitting in the passenger seat of his tour bus. It was dark out, and they were barreling down the highway, headlights beaming bright and wide ahead of them.
Why were they going so fast?
He looked to the side.
“Angela?” Crow couldn’t believe it even though there was no doubt. Angela was sitting in the driver’s seat, her hands on the wheel, her hair pulled up in a ponytail. She looked oddly comfortable for someone hijacking a bus, in a pair of black sweat pants and a loose white t-shirt.
“Oh good, you’re awake.” Angela gave him an unnerving smile, lit up by the streetlights whipping past them. Crow felt a wave of nausea hit him. What the fuck was going on? “I wasn’t sure I could do the rest of this drive by myself… I also wasn’t sure if I put too much Benadryl in your pancakes this morning.”
“What drive? Where are you taking me? Wh — Holy fuck… it was you. It’s been you this entire time.” The dawning hit Crow like a wrecking ball.
“I’ve had such a difficult time keeping it from you, Crow. Hiding my feelings. I’ve been trying to be professional, hell, I even tried stopping for a little while. I swear, I got so close to quitting you, Crow. But then you’d take the stage and sing your songs and god damnit, I wanted you all over again. All to myself. Crazy, huh? You guys almost had me, too. Had to make up some stuff on the spot. Couldn’t let you figure things out that way.”
“What other way did you want me finding out? Angela, what are you thinking?! We’re friends, you’re my tour manager, I’m gay.” Crow could think of a million other reasons why it would never work out between them, but his tongue got twisted as his throat tightened with fear. He was strapped to a seat inside a bus that was racing down a dark highway with increasingly sharper twists and turns as they drove through the mountains.
I’m fucked.
“I know all that, and I don’t care, Crow. I feel something deeper than all that bullshit. You know, when my husband cheated on me with my sister, I swore to myself I was through with men. After almost marrying a man jailed for attempted murder, and then marrying another actual monster, I decided I was finished. I was done with men. And sisters, too. Everyone. I was finis
hed. I didn’t care. Then, I find out that my niece was his daughter this entire time. Can you imagine that? Married to the man for three years, meanwhile my sister gets pregnant at the same time, a week after our wedding day if I’m getting the dates right. A week. That was all it took for him to come inside my sister. So yeah. I hated men. Didn’t want anything to do with anyone.” She chuckled and shook her head, looking over at Crow while still keeping the bus at a heart-pounding eighty miles per hour. “Then, the same day I decided to kill myself, I get a job offer to be your tour manager. You saved me. We had been friends for years, but it was then that I really saw what we were meant to be. And then your music spoke to me. It changed me.”
Crow had his eyes pinned to the front of the bus, expecting a car to get in their way at any moment, causing them to crash and burn and end it all. Angela would slow around the curves but pick up speed on the straightaways. The curves were beginning to come more frequent as they climbed.
Ethan.
Crow’s heart swelled, cracked, and disintegrated. He couldn’t do this to Ethan. He couldn’t sit back and not fight. Ethan’s words came into his head like a loudspeaker clicking on from far, ‘our love is too strong for any other outcome’. And it was true. So fucking true. There was no way Crow would let this be the end of their story. Not when everything was clicking into place so damn well. Crow found someone who fulfilled him on every single level, while Ethan found someone who reminded him how good it was to love and be loved.
Another thought struck him like a brick across the face. “Where are they? Where’s Ethan?” Did she do something to them? If she had even touched a hair on Ethan’s head, Crow was sure he would have found the strength to rip right through the leather binds and tear her apart.
“They’re fine,” she said, shrugging it off. “I sent them away.”
A truck blared its horn at them as they blurred past, going much faster than a bus should be, especially since the roads were beginning to get more and more narrow, ready to wind through the mountains that bordered whatever town they were currently in.