by Fox Brison
“How much does one cost?” I asked.
“It varies. We were quoted a coupla hundred a week.” Robbie tuned me out after that point. As far as he was concerned the subject was over, but I couldn’t let them suffer, not when I could help them out. My father could ignore me till the cows came home, but I wouldn’t ignore them, nor their sons.
“I’ll transfer the money as soon as I get back to the island.” Good. I had something to do instead of the impotency I was swathed in. “I’ll put a grand in the bank. That should keep you going for a few weeks.”
“No,” Angie said with a sad sort of smile. “Skye…”
I knew what she wanted to say. He didn’t deserve my money and the truth was she was right. But the ties that bind us to the past are strong and even if my father didn’t deserve my help, Angela and Robbie did. The last decade melted away. Robbie’s face as a ten year old flashed into my mind. He’d only been two years older than Jamie was now and if anyone deserved a helping hand, it was him, if only for that brief moment in time. I’d held tightly to the past, to the seething hatred I felt whenever I remembered the day of my mother’s funeral. But the eighteen years before that, that was what I should have focussed on, in my brother’s case at least.
“Yes,” I argued.
“It’s not worth it, we can cope.” Angela sounded resigned. Normally she was the glass is half full of champers type of gal, rather than the glass had a cuckoo’s spit of water barely covering the bottom.
I finally recalled where I’d heard the tone Robbie had used earlier and it shook me to the core. It was the night my father had beat the shit out of him. I’d crept into the room he and Cameron shared with a bowl of warm water and helped clean the blood from the back of his legs; they were already bruising. He let me hold him whilst he cried. “I’ll never be free,” he’d whispered. And it was that tone, the tone of a person who knows it is futile to hope, futile to wish, but it was also the tone of a brother who needed a hug from his little sister.
The back door swung open and Jamie dragged Natalie in. “Hey, Mam, did you know Natalie plays soccer?” We chuckled at his exuberance, a strangled chuckle, but a chuckle nevertheless. Natalie walked over to Angie and hugged her, gently. My sister-in-law looked like a warm summer breeze would send her to the floor.
“I know she does. I pointed her out on the telly. Don’t you remember me telling you I was at school with her?” Angie ruffled her son’s curls.
“That was you? Playing for England? On telly?” Jamie stood, awestruck.
“Uh-huh,” Natalie looked mildly embarrassed.
The sweet moment was ruined when my father deigned to join us. “We don’t need yer money, nor yer perversions darkening the door.” He was trailed by a long tube. “I need the bog.” Angela immediately went with him and closed the living room door, but I heard her voice through the paper thin walls of their new build.
“Jamesie, this is my house and Skye and Natalie are more than welcome here as long as I have a breath in my body.” Angie had never taken any crap from her father-in-law, something which I think, deep down, the old goat liked. And unlike the rest of this small minded town, she didn’t care about image.
Robbie stood tall and I saw my brother from a decade ago. “Skye, I’m a proud man, but I’m also a desperate man. I love my family more than words can ever say. I cannae,” his breath hitched.
“Come on little man, I’ll show you my keepy ups,” Natalie took Jamie and his younger brother Malcom out into the garden.
“You can’t what?” I asked softly, dangerously so. “Do you agree with Dad? You can’t accept help from a pervert? An abomination? A murderer?” And I left before I said something I really regretted.
I leant against the sooty brick wall outside, my eyes brimming with tears. I was so conflicted. My family hated me, but I still loved them and wanted to help. Natalie and the boys were counting in the back garden and their cheerful cries made me give a genuine smile. However, before I could join them the back door slammed open and my father stood in its gaping maw. He glared at me, angry, hungry for some respite from the ghosts that haunted his last lonely days. His breath was rasping, a wracking rattle from deep in his chest. He barely retained enough strength to go to the toilet without help, but he’d managed to drag himself out here to berate me.
“You little cow,” he grated. “Yer nowt but a Jezebel.” My father wasn’t a religious man, but I knew what was coming next. “Yer a sin, an aberration of nature.”
“No, Dad,” I replied, “I’m just me, the same me I’ve always been. It’s you that’s the aberration of nature.” I kept my voice low, I didn’t want anyone to hear us arguing, it wasn’t what they needed right now. “How can any loving father turn his back on his only daughter? How can any man,” I stressed the word, “how can any man cut off his daughter from her family? Leave her to grieve for her mother-”
The sharp crack split the tension and I raised my hand up to my cheek, the same cheek Natalie had so lovingly cradled earlier. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of crying. I wouldn’t. His sneer of disgust and vicious slap ended any hope I ever had of reclaiming a relationship with him. He grabbed my upper arms, surprisingly tightly for someone so frail, and pushed me against the wall, his angry spittle peppering my face; suddenly I was eight years old again.
Hatred clearly gave a dying man more strength than love did.
“You are no daughter of mine, you haven’t been since you were thirteen and I saw you with Melanie Travers. You scunner me.”
So that was why. He caught me kissing our next door neighbour. His words showed me what a petty, deranged little man he remained, yet I was no longer the scared little girl who hid underneath the bedclothes; no I was a strong, accomplished and successful woman whose life was filled with love from a family I had made myself.
“Yeah?” I snapped back. “Well guess what? I don’t give a rat’s arse anymore. Now let go of me, or I swear last legs or not, I will have you charged with assault and you can spend your final days staring at the four walls of a prison cell.” My father had never seen this side of me, mainly because I’d never stood up to him before. He dropped his hands and staggered back into the house.
“What did ye do to him?” Robbie asked as our Dad pushed passed him, his breathing now so laboured it sounded as if he had just finished the Kalahari Marathon in world record time.
“Nothing, he did it to himself.”
“Why didn’t you just stay away? Dad’s right, we don’t need you nor yer money.” That hurt me more than anything. I always thought Robbie and I could eventually repair our relationship, especially because Angie pushed for it.
“You might not need it but think of your wife and children. Christ, Robbie,” I rubbed my face where I had been slapped, “it’s bad enough my father loathes my very existence, how do you think it makes me feel when you treat me like this? What have I ever done to you? Apart from being me?”
“I don’t deserve a sister like you,” he said coldly.
“You bastard,” I said. “You know what, Robbie, you’re right. You don’t deserve a sister like me. You deserve…” I shook my head angrily. “Forget it. I’ve had enough drama for a lifetime, enough of the men in this family being so fucking condemnatory over something that I have no control over…” Words failed me as they often did when I was angry and hurt. “Damn it Robbie! I’m your sister.” My vision blurred. I wondered what I had done in a past life to warrant this hatred freely bestowed on me by my own family. “I’m your sister….” I whispered. Wiping my eyes I straightened my back and stood tall. “You know what? I’ve tried, goddamnit I’ve tried. But enough is enough. There’s only so much shit you can heap on a person before they call it a day. My offer still stands and if you care a jot about you wife, you’ll not leave it too long to take it.” I walked away, my head held high. I didn’t turn around so I didn’t see Angie pull Robbie back into the house, but apparently the kids and Natalie did. They headed towards me, Natalie with
concern in her eyes, the boys with anxiety in theirs.
“Go on inside,” I bent down and hugged them both tight. “Your Mam has lunch ready.” I watched them trip over their feet as they ran inside, but Jamie stopped at the door, his hand gripping the jam tightly. A small boy shouldn’t be this uptight, I thought seeing his white knuckles.
“Are you and Natalie not stopping? It’s fried egg sandwiches. Dad makes the best ones ever.”
God I loved that boy. He was so caring it made my heart ache to see the confusion every time I left, every time I was excluded from the family. He may have been young but he wasn’t stupid. “Not today,” Natalie saved me from the lies constricting my throat. At least I thought it was lies. It could have been disappointment, disgust or even disillusionment. “We don’t want to get caught by the tides, Jamie.” She ruffled his hair and he smiled, weakly, but it was a smile that reached his eyes. He ran over and gave me another of his patented ‘I love you no matter what,’ hugs and then slammed the door shut.
It was a familiar sight and a familiar feeling. My family shutting me out, my family letting me down. “Do you want to talk?” Natalie asked softly, turning the key in the ignition. The quiet purr of the engine did little to drown out the thumping of my heart. I couldn’t answer, so I shook my head and she pulled away. As we drove further away from Berwick, I kept thinking of the saying, ‘you can’t choose your family.’ As we got closer to the island I realised that’s what I’d essentially done. I snuck a glance at Natalie, but her eyes were hidden behind her sunnies. The people who couldn’t look me in the eye weren’t my family. The people who watched as I was emotionally and physically beaten weren’t my family. The people who stopped loving me when I showed my true self weren’t my family. The Jeffries clan was my family. I chose them and they chose me and I wouldn’t do anything to fuck that up.
They were all I had left.
Chapter 21
Natalie
Hey Sis,
Dinner’s off tonight. Skye found out her father is dying this afternoon. We went to see him at Robbie’s place. Jesus, it was rough.
Nat
Well not everyone’s lucky enough to have a family as supportive as yours.
Sara
I know, but seeing it first hand – wow. It was heart-breaking.
Nat
Maybe now you understand why I’m so protective towards her?
Sara
I do, which is also why I know you’re not going to be impressed when you hear what I’ve got to say next. Apparently the deal is still on. They’ve seen my x-rays and are happy to go ahead.
Nat
Have you told Skye?
Sara
I literally got home then we went into Berwick, so I never got the chance. Besides, she’s got enough on her plate right now. She told me her father never hit her, grabbed her, yes, but hit, no. Yet this afternoon after they’d been talking she had a mightily suspicious red mark on her cheek.
Nat
It wouldn’t be the first time but you didn’t hear that from me. Are you thinking of running lil sis?
Sara
Not at all. Things have just got a little more complicated than I anticipated, that’s all, but I’ll figure it out, I promise x.
Nat
Chapter 22
Skye
The rain was a never ending torrent that suited my mood. Natalie had gone back down south to her club; I guess with her injury on the mend they wanted to keep a closer eye. She said she would have made some excuse to stay with me after our disastrous Berwick excursion but I wouldn’t hear of it. I needed a few days to gather my thoughts, to process what had happened in Berwick and what was happening on the island.
She was due back today and my time was up. I wanted Natalie so much, was falling so quickly, but I couldn’t allow myself to feel for her. Seeing my family brought that reality crashing down around my ears. How could she possibly want to be with someone like me anyway? I’d already been ostracised from a family who couldn’t bear to be in the same room as me, which some might suggest was unlucky. If I screwed up with Natalie, as I was wont to do, I’d not only lose my heart I’d lose my second family, which would be downright careless.
The phone ringing woke me from my reverie. I ignored Natalie’s picture, the adorable one of her standing in the bow of her boat, the wind blowing her hair every which way but down. The phone gave a sharp beep; she’d left a message, but I chose to ignore that too. I clicked down the switch on my kettle as the phone gave another ring. This time I answered because no matter how bad I was feeling, I couldn’t ignore Angie.
“Oh, Skye,” she had been talking quietly for ten minutes, telling me about the boys sports day, and the football camp they would be attending the following month. She’d resisted mentioning Rob or my father up until this point. “Skye, it’s hard. Too hard.” My chest constricted. God what was she saying? Was she going to leave Robbie? It would kill him.
“Shh, it’s alright Angie. We’ll think of something. I’ll try to talk-”
She interrupted with a heavy sigh of frustration. “You can try all you want, he won’t listen. Your father has him all twisted up inside. I thought I could make him, persuade him… but Robbie’s being swallowed up by fear, guilt and grief. I’m losing him, Skye.”
The door to the cottage opened and I nearly jumped through the roof.
I really must start locking the damn door!
Natalie stood next to the coat stand shaking the rain from her hair, she was an absolute vision. She raised her eyebrows in question and I mouthed, Angie, before I re-focussed on the pain I heard in my sister-in-law’s voice. Natalie kissed my head before she went through to the kitchen and returned with the coffee I’d started making for myself in one hand, and a green tea for herself in the other. She sat on the sofa and hey presto as if by magic, a bar of Galaxy chocolate appeared next to my cup. That’s when I had a moment of absolutely pur clarity. I couldn’t keep Natalie at arm’s length; it was a risk, but one that I had to take, I had to at least try to be with her, and damn the consequences.
“Skye?” I heard Angie’s voice lilted in question.
“I’m here. Look, Ange, I’m going to insist. Hire a nurse, I’ll pay for it. And how about if I take the boys for a couple of days? Don’t say anything to Rob, tell them your parents are having them or something.”
“I don’t know…” There was hesitation but also relief in her voice.
“Yes you do. I’ll be by in a few hours, have the boys packed.” I only hoped Robbie had the sense he was born with and didn’t allow my father’s hatred ruin his marriage.
***
“I’ll drive,” Natalie said. “We’ll take my jeep, it’s bigger. If the boys are anything like I was on a sleepover, they’ll be bringing everything other than the kitchen sink. We’ll do some shopping first. I can’t be sure, but in my experience children don’t seem to be overly fond of kippers, bruschetta or Parma ham.” She said everything so matter of factly that I was momentarily stunned. “The weather’s set fair for tomorrow and I’d already arranged to take Sara’s two fishing, so Malcom and Jamie can join us, that way you can work on your thesis for a few hours.” She took a sip of her tea and waited for my objections.
There weren’t any.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” She smiled. “I didn’t notice the bright lights in the sky last night.”
“Huh?” I asked, totally lost.
“You know, the mothership.”
“The mother… what are you on about Jeffries?”
“The alien mothership that brought you here. I’ve never known you relinquish control quite so easily.” She nudged my shoulder.
“Oh I don’t know,” I said with a smile as I took a sip of my own drink, “this Skye Donaghie kinda likes it when a gal takes control.” I kissed her on the mouth. “Five minutes?” She nodded, dumbly, her thoughts plainly still focussed on the idea of being in control of me. I liked it too, at least the blood rushing
south liked it. And who was I to argue with biological imperatives?
***
Angie let us in the back door, and we were welcomed by twin tornadoes of excitement. They each took one of Natalie’s hands and dragged her into the garden. I winced. The amount of rain we’d had recently would have turned the back into a quagmire, but Natalie didn’t seem fazed by it. I guess as a professional soccer player she was used to being covered in mud.
“She’s good for you,” Angie said as she poured the tea from the pot.
“Hmm. Well my nephews definitely approve, that’s for sure.” I added milk to my cup and slowly stirred. “Is he?” I twitched my head towards the door.
“Asleep. I spoke with the agency about a nurse and she’ll start tomorrow. The boys are packed. Are you sure about this, Skye?”
“Very.” I rubbed my cheek; the bruise had darkened and was painful, both physically and mentally.
“I warned you,” a voice growled from the back door, “to stay away from my family.” Robbie stood in soaking coveralls. Clearly he’d returned home early to change and the betrayal he felt was written all over his puce face.
“Rob…”
“Get out.” He grabbed my arm and pushed me towards the door. I tripped over the lip and fell. “How dare you go behind my back?” He loomed over me and I was frightened, not that he would hurt me, but that the boys would see this side of their father. I was also terrified he was about to throw away the one good thing to happen to our family in forever.
Angie was beside me in seconds and helped me to my feet. “You okay?” she asked quietly and I nodded. “Robert Donaghie, get inside.” She spoke through gritted teeth, barely keeping her tone civil or her anger in check. I leaned against the wall and caught my breath several times, desperate to stop the tears. It was too late, my brother, instead of being my Luke Skywalker, had become Darth Vader, no sign of compassion in his throaty breaths, no hint of love in his growing anger. I heard the door inside the house slam and heavy footsteps running up the stairs. I shook my head and set off to fetch Natalie from the back garden. He’d finally made his bed.