by Anna Schmidt
The words that she would have hoped to hear uttered sweetly and softly came out as if he had reached the end of his patience. She bristled at his tone.
“I wouldn’t wish to upset your plans,” she replied and turned away.
John caught her forearm and held on. “Just yes or no, Liddy.”
“How do I know that you won’t decide that God has called you into the outside world yet again?”
“Because my purpose in leaving—both then and recently—was the same. To find a way that we might build our future together. I have secured that for us now.”
“And what about George Stevens and his plans? How do I know that one fine day he won’t show up at our door wanting you to join him in yet another business venture?”
John closed his eyes, his lips working in exasperation. “How many times do I have to explain myself, woman?”
She felt her heart soften at that. After all, because of her father’s actions she was every bit as much at fault for the lost years they had endured as he was. “I suppose you will have to start over—go to Levi Harnischer and seek his approval and then call on my sisters and...”
Slowly John opened his eyes and looked at her. Doubt and hope flickered across his handsome features. “Do not tease me, Liddy,” he pleaded. “Give me your answer.”
She cupped her hand around his cheek. “Yah, I will marry you, John Amman.”
With a victorious yelp of joy, John picked Lydia up and spun around the room with her. He stopped just as Luke Starns stepped inside the school.
“Here we go again,” Luke muttered as he retraced his steps and started pushing the loaded cart up the path to Lydia’s house.
Lydia giggled and rested her forehead against John’s. He was still holding her so that her feet did not touch the floor. Somehow she doubted that even after years with this incredible man she would ever again feel as if she were standing on firm ground. The feeling gave her such a rush of joy that she threw back her head and laughed.
John grinned up at her. “Why are you laughing?”
“Because I have never been happier.”
“Just wait,” he said, and sealed the unspoken promise with his kiss.
* * *
John certainly understood what Liddy meant when she said she had never been happier. The pure joy that seemed to flow through his body in the place of normal breathing was remarkable. How could he ever have thought that going away and leaving her was the answer? He had been a fool and he saw now that because she never received or even know of his letters, and her own to him had also been destroyed, they had not had a chance to work things out. Oddly he understood her father’s actions, his need to protect Liddy from hurt and perhaps harm if she had chosen to follow him into that world of outsiders. If she had been his daughter he knew he would have done the same.
But he had not allowed for such possibilities then. He had, instead, permitted his hurt and disappointment to dictate his actions. Making the money he needed to start a proper business had become less about getting the stake he needed and more about proving to Liddy that he could be a huge success. He had seen the way his partner lived and he had recalled the way that Levi Harnischer had once lived in such luxury when he owned the circus. Once he and Liddy had taken their bikes all the way to the place where Levi’s former mansion was set on the shores of Sarasota Bay. The house had been huge and beautiful.
But he recalled now that Liddy’s only comment as she stood next to him staring at the house with its stained-glass windows and tower that soared three whole stories into the blue sky was, “It must take days to clean that place properly.”
Still, John could not get the image of such wealth out of his mind. He told himself that it wasn’t some grand mansion he wanted for Liddy, but he did want what that mansion represented—security and a future. What he had refused to remember was the story well-known in Celery Fields of how truly miserable Levi had been in those days and how deeply happy he was now that he had turned his back on all of that and married Hannah. He had not sold his worldly goods for money. The story was that he had given everything away to his former employees. He had returned to the people of his youth empty-handed, needing nothing more than Hannah’s love.
And now that Liddy had agreed to marry him John was determined to follow the example that Levi had set. He would take whatever time necessary to build a business that would support her and the children he hoped they would have. Twice he had left her, with his only thought being gathering enough money to set them up for the future. Twice she had taken him back. He would not risk testing her a third time.
* * *
Later that evening, when Levi Harnischer came to call on Lydia and her family—this time at Lydia’s house, Pleasant seemed more than a little reluctant to give the proposed union her blessing. “He has left you twice already,” she reminded Lydia as the two of them stood in the kitchen preparing glasses of sweet tea while Greta waited in the front room with Levi.
“But now we understand why,” Lydia protested. “The letters that our dat destroyed without either my knowledge or John’s and more recently the letter that George Stevens returned without even so much as showing it to John. You were the one who encouraged me to write to explain everything.”
“This is not about letters, Lydia.” She held up her hand to stop further protest. “Hear me out, for I have given this a great deal of thought. This is about the fact that John left in the first place. Against everything his family and the elders taught him, against the very foundation of the faith in which we were raised he went out into the world—and stayed there.”
“Yah, but he had his reasons. He thought that he was doing what God was leading him to do.”
Pleasant shook her head. “That might be forgivable for a lad of seventeen, but what I cannot ignore is the fact that John is a grown man now and still he left you again.”
“He did not leave me,” Lydia argued, although deep inside she could find little fault with Pleasant’s reasoning.
“Nor did he stay when you asked him—no, when you pleaded with him to do so,” Pleasant said softly. She placed her hand on Lydia’s and then picked up the tray and carried it into the front room. “My concern is for you. I do not wish to see you hurt.”
Lydia stood for a long moment staring out the window. It was a moonless night and she could only just make out the silhouette of the livery and a single lamp set in the upstairs window where she knew John was watching for Levi’s buggy to leave their house. After that he would wait until he saw Greta and Pleasant leave, as well, and then he would come to her. He would expect that nothing would have changed, that her sisters would have given their blessing, that Levi would be on his way to let the bishop know to announce their planned union the following Sunday at services.
But if Pleasant had doubts...
“Lydia Goodloe, I wonder if I might speak with you privately.” Levi stood at the door of the kitchen. “I have asked your sisters to wait for us in the front room.”
Lydia indicated a kitchen chair for him to sit and pulled out one for herself. “Pleasant is not...”
Levi held up one hand. “Please hear me out.”
Lydia nodded and folded her hands in her lap.
“You know, Lydia, there was a time when I was also drawn into the outside world, where I remained for years. I, too, thought that I would find happiness there. And, like John, I was wrong.”
Lydia smiled. The tale of Levi and his wife, Hannah, was well-known in Celery Fields. Levi had run away from his family as a boy and eventually became the owner of one of the most successful circus companies in all the land. Years later Caleb, Hannah’s son from her first marriage to Pleasant’s brother, had also run away to join Levi’s circus. Hannah had been beside herself and she, along with Pleasant and Lydia’s father, had boarded the circus train with Levi to go bring th
e boy home again. Along the way Levi had fallen in love with Hannah. More to the point, he had realized that all the financial success and material wealth he might gain in that outside world could never satisfy him the way the plain and simple ways that Hannah brought back to his life did. Eventually he had renounced his former lifestyle, sold his company to his business partner and come to Celery Fields seeking Hannah.
“Your story is different from John’s,” Lydia reminded him. “You ran away as a boy. John had already joined the church when he left.”
Levi chuckled. “Some would say that I had the longest Rumspringa ever.”
Lydia could not help but smile. The very idea that a successful businessman could be seen as enjoying the time set aside for Amish teens to test their wings before joining the church and renouncing all things connected with the world of the Englisch was ridiculous. “Still, John made his choice.”
Levi nodded. “That he did and it seems to me that in both cases his choice was his desire to do what he thought best for you, for the two of you to build a future.”
“He tells himself that now, Levi, but the first time he left...”
“He has paid for that, Lydia. He has sought and been granted forgiveness.”
“And this time?”
He took a swallow of his orangeade. “Times are changing, Lydia, and if we are to remain strong in our beliefs and practices we must face the fact that we will be tested many times over.”
“So, you are agreeing with Pleasant? You believe that this is a test for me?”
“I believe that you must look into your heart and open yourself to God’s will. If you truly are convinced that marrying John is the path God wants you to follow then take it. As for Pleasant...” He smiled as he stood up and carried his now-empty glass to the sink. “As I recall she made her own journey, one no easier than the one you face now. It seems to me that it has turned out well. Now come, your sisters are waiting.”
Lydia followed Levi back to the front room, dimly lit by the single lamp on the table by the window. Both Greta and Pleasant looked up expectantly.
“Well?” Pleasant asked.
“Here is what I propose,” Levi said, taking the chair that Lydia had placed by the window with the idea that in time it would be John’s place. “We will spend some time now in silent prayer, each searching our hearts for God’s guidance. We will not dwell on what we as individuals might think best but open our hearts to receive His will.”
Greta nodded and sat upright with hands folded, prepared to bow her head in prayer.
“And then?” Pleasant pressed.
“Then we will all accept the will of God when Lydia Goodloe gives us her answer as to whether or not she wishes to marry John Amman.”
Lydia met Pleasant’s gaze and saw her half sister purse her lips as if about to protest. But then she nodded and took her seat.
“Let us pray,” Levi said softly, and a silence settled over the room, interrupted only by the steady ticking of the clock on the fireplace mantel.
Chapter Fifteen
John kept a watch for Levi’s buggy to leave but the time stretched from minutes to over an hour and he was still there. What could be taking so long? It wasn’t as if Pleasant and Greta didn’t know what was coming. Was Levi expressing doubts of his own, perhaps making Liddy think twice before agreeing to marry him? Pointing out that she would not wish to do something rash simply to fill the hole left in her life by the closing of the school?
These were all things that John had certainly considered. The idea that Liddy still wanted to marry him after all that he had put her through was sometimes a mystery to him. But in spite of everything she had accepted his proposal—again. Almost from the moment she had learned that he had bought the schoolhouse and its land and planned to open his business there she had enthusiastically joined him in planning the space, in planning the future they would share.
“We could perhaps add a porch to the front of the building,” she had suggested. “A place to display your rocking chairs. The tourists will be drawn to those, I’m sure. Perhaps you could even design a smaller version for children.”
“I can see that you are going to have me working round the clock,” he had teased. Now as he stood on the loading dock of the hardware store after closing up for the day he wondered if perhaps Liddy was having doubts.
He could hardly blame her and yet when, on the night that he’d returned, they had sat on her porch talking until the sun streaked the eastern sky, he had thought she had accepted his reasoning for leaving a second time.
“I cannot deny that everything seems to have worked out,” she had told him, and he had ignored the hesitancy in her voice.
But what if she had had second doubts through the day while he had been at work at the hardware store and she had been occupied sorting the materials that she had taken to her house from the school? What if instead of dwelling on the future, she had spent her time reliving the eight long years when she’d had no word from him?
The familiar creak of Liddy’s front screen door brought his attention back to the moment. He saw Levi standing on the porch and Liddy was there with him. Their voices were muffled, but he did not need to hear their words to know that something was missing. At a time when their voices should have been filled with the joy of a happy event, there was no lightness in either their tone nor their posture. Liddy stood rigidly on the porch, her arms folded into her apron as she watched Levi walk to his buggy.
“You are certain?” he called before taking up the reins.
“Yah.”
Levi drove away and Liddy continued to stand on the porch watching him go. After a moment Greta and Pleasant joined her. The three women talked in low tones and then Pleasant walked away and Greta hurried after her, catching up to her on the path that led into town. Greta seemed to be making some point, her hands fluttering around the way they did when she talked. Pleasant strode along looking neither left nor right and seeming to have nothing to say.
John turned his attention back to the porch and saw that Liddy had gone back inside the house. His heart thudded with apprehension. Something was not right here. Without bothering to take off his work apron, he jumped down from the loading dock. After only a few steps his pace quickened to a run. Please, he prayed as he covered the distance between the store and the house. Not now.
The front door was closed and the house was dark when he reached it, but he was undeterred. He hammered on the wood with his fist. “Liddy?”
The house was silent.
“I know you’re in there,” he said more softly, pressing his face close to the door. “Please, Liddy, open the door.”
After what seemed like forever he saw the knob turn.
“The door is not locked,” she said, her voice heavy with weariness as she opened the door and then walked away from him toward the kitchen.
He saw that a single lamp burned in the back of the house. Some of the dishes she had used for serving Levi and the others were soaking in the dishpan while the rest had been washed and set to drain on the side counter. He followed her to the kitchen and pulled out a chair at the table while she returned to her chore.
“What happened, Liddy?”
Her shoulders lifted and then collapsed in defeat. “It’s Pleasant,” she said softly, her hands pausing midmotion as if she had momentarily forgotten what she was doing. “She has had a change of heart concerning...us.”
“I am not marrying Pleasant,” John replied. And when Lydia said nothing, he added, “The question is, am I to marry you?”
She let the dish slide into the soapy water as she turned to him, her eyes wide with surprise. “Oh, John, yes. We will marry. It’s just that I had hoped for ours to be such a happy day.”
He went to her and wrapped his arms around her. “And it will be—the happiest of days
in our life together so far,” he promised. “Pleasant will come around.” He did not need to ask what Liddy’s half sister’s doubts might be. After all, Pleasant had known all along about the destroyed letters and never said a word. “You do not need her permission, Liddy.”
“It is not her permission I was seeking. I want her blessing. She is family as much as Greta is, and you and I are not in a position to take such ties lightly, John Amman.”
She turned back to her washing up.
John picked up a dish towel and began drying the glasses and plates, setting each carefully on the open shelves that ran along one wall. He rummaged around in his brain for words that might offer comfort but decided against trying to make things better when he might make them worse.
“That was unkind of me,” Liddy murmured as she placed the last glass on the counter and then wrung the soapy water from the dishrag before turning to wipe the table. “I am sorry, John.”
“Perhaps if I spoke to Pleasant, gave her the chance to state her concerns, maybe I could put her doubts to rest,” John said, choosing his words carefully.
Liddy took the towel from him and dried the last of the dishes. “No. Greta has tried that. I have tried that, as has Levi.”
“Levi is on our side, then?”
“Oh, John, there are no sides in this. It is not some schoolyard game we are playing. Pleasant is concerned and that concern comes from her love for me. She wants only the best.”
“But Levi...”
She told him then about the silent prayer that Levi had counseled and how when it was done Levi had asked each of the three sisters if she approved the union. He had begun with Greta, as the youngest, and her endorsement had been enthusiastic. Then he had asked Lydia.
“I love this man with all my heart,” she told him she had said quietly. “I believe God would not have brought him back to Celery Fields not once but twice were it not His divine will that we should spend our lives together from this time forward.”