“How could you?” asked Elle brokenly, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. “How could you lie to me that way, Ben, cheat on me - ”
“I haven’t cheated on you,” he interrupted. “I told you more than once that I wasn’t having an affair with Lauren and that’s the truth. Those photos – most of them, anyway – are six years old. I knew her back then, met her one summer in Big Sur. But I left and we didn’t see or hear from each other again until I took the job at National Geographic Travel.”
“That’s why you took the job, isn’t it?” she accused. “So you could be near her again. So you could start your dirty little affair back up.”
“No.” Ben shook his head firmly. “When I accepted the job I had no idea she already worked there. I hadn’t looked her up at all over the years, had no idea where she was living or working at the time. And what we had, Elle, was about as far from a dirty little affair as you could possibly imagine, so stop calling it that.”
Elle gasped, a hand flying to her throat. “My God,” she breathed. “It’s her, isn’t it? Lauren is the girl you were so crazy about when I met you, the one you were so broken up over. Oh, God, how did I never see that, never guess?”
Ben wondered wildly how much shittier this day could possibly get, and ran a hand wearily through his hair. “Yes,” he told her quietly. “Lauren was the one. She’s the woman I told you about, the one I fell in love with.”
Elle was shoving her hands into her hair, pulling strands out haphazardly from its previously tidy knot. “I knew it,” she mumbled, as though to herself. “I knew there was something going on between the pair of you. And both of you lied to my face. You and that bitch.”
Ben’s jaw clenched in annoyance. “When did you speak to Lauren about this? And should I assume you were the one to tell her that we were as good as engaged?”
Elle’s bottom lip trembled as she raised teary eyes to his. “We should be engaged,” she murmured. “We’ve been together long enough, it’s the next logical step in our relationship.”
“Except that I don’t feel the same way, Elle,” he reminded her gently. “I’ve always been honest with you about my feelings, have offered time and again to move out, let you get on with your life, and find someone who can love you the way you deserve. I was never going to be that man, and you know it.”
“Because of her!” she burst out. “You couldn’t let yourself love me because you were still in love with that awful woman! And I don’t believe either of you, Ben. I knew, just knew, that you were sleeping with her for months now, maybe ever since you saw her again.”
“I haven’t,” he denied tiredly. “There was one time – just one – when we kissed. But that’s as far as it went.” He didn’t add that the kiss would, in fact, have gone a whole lot further if Lauren’s queasy stomach hadn’t provided a timely interruption.
Elle shook her head. “I still don’t believe you. If there wasn’t anything going on between you, then why didn’t you tell me you’d known her before? I gave you plenty of opportunities, Ben.”
He sighed. “I know you did. And believe me, I thought about telling you many times. But then you’d get upset when a waitress or a store clerk smiled at me, would become hysterical even. And I couldn’t even imagine how you’d react if I told you about Lauren. But I can see now that I was wrong. Regardless of how upset you might have been, I should have told you about her a long time ago, and for that I apologize. I was just trying to protect you, to spare your feelings.”
“Spare my feelings?” Elle spat out. “Well, if you were so intent on doing that, then why in hell did you keep all these photos of her on your computer? And – oh, God – the ones in the bottom rows. They’re more recent ones, aren’t they? This one here – it was just taken in December at the office party.”
Ben was almost ready to collapse with fatigue by now, too wrung out to have this particular conversation with Elle. But he knew there was no hope for it now, that there was absolutely no way she’d let it go until she had the answers she sought.
“Yes, some are recent,” he acknowledged reluctantly. “Which brings up another point entirely. Why are you even looking at my computer, Elle? Especially since you’re the one who insisted we always respect each other’s privacy and leave the other’s computers alone. And I know I didn’t leave this on this morning. I haven’t even used this computer for almost two weeks.”
Elle had the good graces to look guilty, and she avoided his gaze as she mumbled an excuse. “I was looking for the photos you took in Spain,” she explained sullenly. “I was telling Antonia all about our trip, and since they’re thinking of vacationing there next spring I promised I’d send her our pictures. And I knew you kept all your photos stored on this computer and didn’t think you would mind. But instead of pictures of our lovely vacation, I find this – this pornography.”
Ben shook his head. “Christ sakes, Elle. By no stretch of the imagination are these photos pornographic.”
“Really? What would you call this then?” she demanded, enlarging a photo of Lauren as she lay sleeping, her lush little body completely nude.
His anger and irritation were beginning to reach the boiling point as he snatched the mouse away from her and abruptly powered down his computer. “I’d call it a gross invasion of my privacy and none of your business,” he bit out. “You had no right to go searching through my files that way, Elle. And I know you would have had to dig deep, since that particular file was very intentionally given an obscure name. There was no possible way you could have thought our pictures from Spain were contained there. By the way, I haven’t had the chance to even upload them from my camera yet. You were snooping, quite obviously, something you’ve made a huge deal out of not doing ever since I moved in. Or are the rules different for me?”
“Maybe I should have snooped a long time ago,” she retorted. “At least then I would have known the truth.”
He exhaled deeply. “If I had thought for one minute that you’d be able to understand and accept the truth – that you could trust me – I would have told you everything. But you’ve got to admit, Elle, that your reactions in the past haven’t exactly been rational.”
“And apparently I had good cause to react that way!” she cried. “Tell me, Ben. Is she the reason you’ve been avoiding me these last few weeks? Why you’re still sleeping here in your own room?”
He thrust a hand through his hair in abject frustration. “Should I remind you that – once again – it’s been because of your rules that we haven’t shared a room for so long? Because of your parents who’ve been our unofficial roommates for so many weeks? And, yes, I know they’ve been gone for awhile now and that I’ve been spending more time at the office lately. But that has nothing to do with Lauren. It has to do with us. It’s been my way of gradually bringing things to a close, Elle.”
Her skin paled even more noticeably, her mouth hanging open in shock as she shook her head in emphatic denial. “No. You don’t mean that, Ben. How can you even think of breaking up with me? I love you, Ben,” she pleaded tearfully. “I’ve loved you from the start. And I’d do anything to keep you with me.”
He scoffed. “Including spying on me? Breaking your own rule to go searching through my files? But that isn’t even the point right now, Elle. The point is that I should have never moved in here with you, should have never become involved with you. I’ve tried to be honest with you about my feelings, but I can see that hasn’t made any difference. And I wanted to do this slowly, to talk about it with you calmly, and for both of us to agree that it’s better to go our separate ways. This is not the way I wanted all of this to unfold. But, unfortunately, there’s not much else I can say right now except – I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you, Elle. I never have. You’ve been a good friend to me, but that’s all it’s ever really been for me. And it’s over now, well and truly over.”
He couldn’t talk about it for even one more minute, badly needed some time to decompress from the hellish
day he’d had, and he turned and marched into his bathroom to take a shower. He needed to grab whatever sleep he could manage before his early morning flight, and hoped like hell that Elle wouldn’t insist on continuing with this scene tonight. He quickly toweled off, pulled on a pair of track pants and a T-shirt, and walked into his bedroom – only to find Elle there staring in shock at the duffel bag he’d left on top of his bed.
“You’re leaving already?” she said brokenly, her eyes swimming with tears. “You – you’ve already packed?”
“No. I mean, it’s not what you think,” he clarified. “Yes, I’ve got a bag packed but it’s only for a quick trip to London. My flight leaves in the morning, and I’ll be back in a couple of days.”
She sniffled. “London? Why on earth are you going there? And on such short notice.”
Ben honestly didn’t know how much longer he could remain upright at this point, scrubbing a weary hand over his face. “I’m going there to meet the crew,” he told her, not especially caring at this point how she would take the news. “They’re flying to London from Chennai and staying there overnight until they can get a flight back home the next day. And I’m going to meet them there, make sure everyone is all right after the ordeal they just went through.”
“Why?” asked Elle, looking confused. “You told me everyone was okay. Why do you have to go all the way to London for what sounds like barely a day, and then turn around and fly back here?”
“Because I’m responsible for them,” Ben told her firmly. “They could have died today, Elle, they came within five or ten minutes of being on that flight. And I need to be there for them. For my sake as well as theirs.”
“You mean for Lauren’s sake, don’t you?” asked Elle bitterly. “You’re only flying there to see her, Ben, not the others.”
“I’d be going regardless, Elle, no matter who it was,” he replied tiredly. “Look, I’ve got an early flight and I really need a few hours of sleep. Can we please finish talking about this when I get back?”
Elle straightened her spine, lifted her chin proudly, and gave him a decidedly unpleasant look. “If you go to London tomorrow, Ben, then don’t bother talking to me ever again,” she told him coldly. “You make your choice right now – me or her.”
Ben shook his head sadly, then threw a few more things into his duffle before picking up his laptop bag. “I’m sorry, Elle,” he murmured. “I never meant for it to happen this way. But there’s really no choice to make anymore.”
He placed his keys on the dresser before walking down the stairs and out of her life.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Heathrow Airport, London
“I’m not sure which one of us looks the worst right now,” Chris commented as the crew began to slowly make their way towards baggage claim.
Lauren looked at her three co-workers, then at her herself, before giving a little shudder. “I’d call it a four-way tie, Christina. All of us look like we’ve been through the wringer, and then tossed around awhile for good measure. And we all need a shower the minute we get inside our hotel rooms. Thank God Nadine booked us someplace close by.”
Their rooms had, in fact, been reserved at the Hilton right here at the airport. And according to the detailed email Ben had sent to Karl, there would even be a private hire car waiting to take them to the hotel. It seemed, thought Lauren wryly, that coming within five minutes of being killed in a plane crash had its perks, for the higher-ups at the magazine seemed to be going out of their way to cosset the crew after their ordeal.
Karl sighed tiredly. “Yeah, a shower sounds pretty damned good right about now. So does a hot meal and about twenty straight hours of sleep. We haven’t had any of the above for more than forty eight hours. And as much as we all want to get home and see our loved ones, we really need this little layover for once.”
George, who still looked like he was about to collapse from illness and sheer exhaustion, nodded eagerly in agreement. “After an eleven hour flight here from Chennai, I’m not sure I could have handled another eight hours or so to New York without having a break in between. I guess it was a blessing in disguise that Nadine couldn’t find a flight home for us until tomorrow.”
Lauren thought that the delay in their return to New York was proving to be a blessing for a very different reason – at least for her. She hated to admit it, but she was more than a little terrified at the prospect of seeing Ben again, especially after she’d finally taken the plunge and sent him that soul-baring email minutes before leaving the hotel in Port Blair. When her email service had finally come back up just an hour or two before they had flown out of Chennai, she had forced herself to check her in-box for messages. But there had been no reply from Ben, which really shouldn’t have surprised her. He’d been busy, after all, dealing with this whole episode, and she’d sort of figured that the subject matter addressed in her email probably called for an in-person response.
But exactly what that response might be had left her uncertain, on edge, and more than a little jittery ever since she had boarded the flight in Chennai. The thought that she would have at least another day or two’s reprieve before facing the truth had brought a sense of relief.
A relief that was very short-lived, however, as the escalator continued its long descent down to the baggage claim area, and she instantly spotted the man waiting at the bottom. He caught and held her gaze, and the sides of his handsome mouth slowly began to curve upwards into a wide smile. Lauren’s heart began to beat a little faster as the escalator brought her that much closer to him, and she could only stare back in bemused wonder. She noticed that he was wearing what appeared to be the exact same outfit he’d worn the very first time they had met – well worn jeans and a faded T-shirt, though his old biker boots had been replaced with a pair of trail running shoes.
But it didn’t matter what he was wearing, because what really mattered was that he was here – now – and she knew instinctively that he was here for her. He’d come for her, she could tell by the gleam in his eyes, and the tenderness of his smile. And suddenly, just like that, all of the fatigue and stress she’d endured over the past few days simply disappeared as she realized he was waiting for her, had come to her when she needed him the most.
“Hey, what’s Ben doing here?” asked George in surprise. “Karl, did you know he was going to be here to meet us?”
Karl nudged George in the ribs. “He isn’t here for us, dummy.”
“What – oh.”
But Lauren didn’t wait to hear what else George or the others might say next. Instead, she wormed her way down the last few steps of the escalator, dropped her bag, and flung herself into Ben’s waiting arms. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he boosted her up, and then, not giving a damn if the entire world watched the show, she kissed him with every bit of pent-up love and lust and passion inside of her.
Ben kissed her back just as fiercely, his tongue tangling with hers demandingly. There was no finesse whatsoever to this particular kiss, nothing the least bit smooth or practiced about it. This was a kiss of raw, desperate hunger, shared between lovers who’d been parted for far too long, and for whom this was a homecoming, a reawakening of a passion that had never died.
When he eventually broke the kiss to come up for air, he whispered raggedly, “By the way, I got your email. Thought I’d deliver my reply in person. Oh, and in case you didn’t realize it, I love you, too. Always have, sweetheart.”
Lauren actually giggled, a very undignified sound that she probably hadn’t made since she was about three years old. And then her giggles turned to squeals of delight as Ben spun her around, both of them oblivious to the indulgent smiles directed their way by the other passengers, or to the shocked expressions on the faces of two of their co-workers. The third – Karl – merely stood back a ways and observed the whole scene with a very satisfied grin.
Ben set her down reluctantly as he greeted each of the guys in turn, giving them enthusiastic hugs and pats on the back. But onc
e he’d spoken to each of them, he pulled Lauren to him once more, his arm firmly around her shoulders as though he was afraid she’d slip away. Lauren smiled to herself as she rested her head against his strong, comforting shoulder, because she knew that if it was left up to her she would never budge from this particular spot ever again.
Clueless, naïve George obviously had no idea what was happening, though Chris had seemed to figure things out rather quickly. As they waited for their luggage to arrive, George was still shaking his head.
“I don’t get it,” he said, staring at Ben and Lauren, who had their arms wrapped around each other. “I mean, you guys are together? When did this happen? And what about Elle? And I thought Lauren didn’t even like you, Ben. Some of the stuff she’s said about - ”
Lauren clamped a hand soundly over George’s mouth. “Not now, okay? To borrow a very British term – appropriate, since we happen to actually be in merry old England right now – I’m totally knackered. Ben and I will tell you guys about it after we’ve all had some sleep. And when the four of us don’t smell like a herd of goats.”
She removed her hand then, but evidently George was beginning to feel like his old self – his nosy self – and couldn’t give it a rest.
“So, Ben, does this mean you’ve broken up with Elle? I mean, that was a hell of a – oomph!”
This time it was Ben who placed a hand over George’s mouth, chuckling a little as he shook his head. “Later, George.”
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