He used his thumb to gently wipe away the lone tear that had begun to trickle down her cheek. “I wouldn’t have begun to know how to fake it,” he assured her. “And I sure as hell never faked anything with you. Being with you in Big Sur was the most real and true thing that I’ve ever felt. And the decision to leave that morning was without a doubt the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I never, ever want to have to make a choice like that again.”
Lauren took his hand in hers, squeezing it tight. “So why did you? Why did you break my heart, you rotten bastard?”
Ben laughed in spite of himself. “I didn’t want to leave. Believe me, even while I was riding away all I could think of was turning that motorcycle around and heading back to you. Back to that cabin that felt more like home to me than anywhere else I’d ever lived. And back to you, who made me feel happier and more alive than anything else I’d ever known. But I kept on going and didn’t let myself look back because I knew I could never be enough for you. And I couldn’t bear to think of what would happen to you – to us – when you eventually realized that.”
She shook her head. “I don’t get it. You were everything I could ever want. I know I never told you back then – maybe I should have, considering what happened – but I was crazy in love with you, Ben. Still am. Never stopped. Not even when I was cursing you in three different languages.”
His laugh this time was genuine. “Now that I have no trouble envisioning. God, how I loved that about you! How honest you were, how much you felt, how you never held anything back. You were the brightest, most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and the fear that I’d be the one responsible for dimming all that light was what made me run from you. I didn’t want to ruin your life, Lauren. The life that you were always meant to live. A life that I just couldn’t give you back then.”
“What life?” whispered Lauren brokenly. She felt tears fill her eyes again, but she was too dazed by what she was hearing now to brush them away. “A life without you? Why would I have ever wanted that?”
“Because I had nothing to offer you back then, sweetheart,” he told her earnestly. “God, how can you forget so easily? Everything I owned in the word – including a piece of crap camera, as some smart-ass girl once called it – I was carrying with me on my equally crappy motorcycle. I had no place to live, didn’t own a single piece of furniture, had no real job, barely enough money in my checking account to pay my bills. Whereas you - ” his voice trailed off as he shook his head.
Lauren frowned. “Whereas I – what?”
Ben heaved a sigh. “You were just about the most down to earth, unpretentious person I’d ever met. But that didn’t mean you weren’t used to having nice things, hadn’t grown up with a certain standard of living. I knew your parents had money – a lot of it – knew that just the land both of their houses was built on was worth a fortune. And I figured they wouldn’t be too happy if their precious daughter brought someone like me home for dinner. I could just imagine what they would have thought – especially your father.”
Her gaze narrowed dangerously as she gave him a ferocious scowl. “My parents would have welcomed you with open arms,” she told him sternly. “Because that’s the sort of people they are. Yes, they have money, money that they’ve both worked very hard for. But they’re also kind and generous and just about the most open-minded people I know. They also trust my judgment implicitly. And if I had brought you home to meet them, told them you were the man I loved – the only man for me – then they wouldn’t have questioned me for one second. And they sure as hell wouldn’t have cared how much money you did or didn’t have.”
He shook his head. “I didn’t know that at the time, did I? All I could see was this world you’d grown up in – a world so different from mine it might as well have been on another planet. You’d been loved and cherished and protected, while I’d never once known any of those things. And – God – you were twenty years old, Lauren. Twenty. You’d seen nothing of the world yet, had never had to fend for yourself or make tough decisions. I knew you had all these grand plans to become a professional photographer, to see the world, have all these amazing adventures.” He paused, closing his eyes for a moment before finishing his thoughts. “And I couldn’t bear the thought of holding you back, of keeping you from realizing those dreams. Because I knew how talented you were, how capable of achieving everything you’d ever wanted to do. And I wouldn’t let myself be the one who prevented you from doing all that. Or worse, to one day blame me for ruining your life because I held you back.”
With each word, each confession, her heart had begun to ache a little bit more as it finally dawned on her what the real reason had been for Ben to leave. It hadn’t been because he didn’t love her or want her enough, or that he’d been afraid of commitment. He had left for her, because he’d been afraid of keeping her from living her dreams.
“You silly, stupid man,” she scolded, pushing her chair back in order to climb aboard his lap, her arms twining about his neck. “Don’t you realize, Blue Eyes, that you were my dream? Or that by leaving me the way you did, my life was already ruined? Nothing has ever been the same for me since that summer, you know. I’ve never come close to being as happy as I was during those ten days. They were the best days of my life, too.”
He cuddled her close, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Leaving you was the biggest regret of my life,” he told her solemnly. “There wasn’t a single day that went by when I didn’t wish I had made a different decision. Though I still don’t know what I could have done differently.”
Lauren gave him a playful punch on the arm, grinning when he winced. “For starters, you ass, you could have tried talking to me. Could have been honest. We would have figured something out.”
“Can you really say that, though?” he questioned. “If I had stayed with you, maybe followed you back to L.A. for a year while you finished college, taken some job just to get by for a year – what would have happened then? If you had won the photo contest and the job at National Geographic Travel – would you have still taken it if I was around? I’m guessing you would have turned it down so that you wouldn’t have had to leave me behind. And that was exactly why I left you – so that you’d be able to have those sort of opportunities.”
She shook her head emphatically. “As much as I love my job, Ben, I loved you more. We would have found a way to deal with things. Even if it meant being away from each other for a couple of weeks at a time. I would have always come back to you, you know.”
“I know you, Lauren,” he told her lovingly. “You wouldn’t have taken this job in the first place, in spite of what you say now. You would have sacrificed your dreams in order to stay with me. And I would have wound up hating myself because of it.”
“No.” She stubbornly denied his declaration. “It wouldn’t have happened that way. I wouldn’t have let it. We would have come up with some solution. And at least we would have been together. Instead, you broke my heart, you stubborn, pigheaded idiot, and made me hate you at times – even while I still loved you more than my own life. You should have trusted me, Ben. Should have talked to me.”
He sighed, then gave a reluctant nod. “I realize that now. But you have to understand that I wasn’t used to having someone to confide in. For so many years I’d been forced to look out for myself, make my own decisions. And in spite of how tough you were, how capable you seemed, you were still so damned young. I was terrified that I was just a summer fling for you, and that when push came to shove you’d choose your career over me. And that would have broken my heart into a million pieces.”
“We’ve wasted so much time,” she fretted. “Years we could have been together – should have been together. And then, when we finally met up again, somehow found each other, you were – with her. With Elle. And you broke my heart all over again.”
“Hush.” He caressed her cheek. “That’s all over now. Should never have happened in the first pl
ace. Elle was a good friend, a nice person, but that’s really as far as it went for me. She knew there had been someone else, someone I was still in love with, and I think it drove her a little crazy to think about it. Especially since I always made it clear that I didn’t love her that way. She’d fly into these jealous rages simply if another woman said hello to me. And she was always suspicious of you, accused me more than once of having an affair with you.”
“Me, too. It was at the holiday party last year, the night you and I danced together. Guess maybe we got a little carried away with the whole staring into each other’s eyes bit for her liking. Enough that she actually threatened to go to Daddy’s friend the big boss and have me fired if I didn’t leave you alone.”
“What?” Ben stared at her in slack-jawed disbelief. “You’ve got to be joking. I never imagined her paranoia would go to that sort of extreme. Is that why you seemed more distant than usual towards me after the party?”
Lauren gave a little shrug. “Maybe. Mostly, though, it just seemed sort of hopeless at that point. And you know what? I really don’t want to talk about Elle anymore right now. I’ve just had two of the worst days of my life, only to have all of that forgotten the second I saw you waiting for me at the airport. So I’d really rather just focus on that instead. Okay?”
“Totally okay,” Ben whispered, pulling her head down to his for a long, searching kiss. His hands drifted to the belt of her robe, spreading the sides apart and pushing it off her body. Almost reverently, he traced a finger around one taut pink nipple. “And these are still the most sensational tits I’ve ever seen.”
“They’d better be,” she gasped as he lifted one breast to his lips and tugged the nipple between his teeth.
Ben rose up from the chair in one fluid motion, picking her up as he did so. He practically tossed her on the bed before quickly pulling off his clothes and joining her.
“And nothing, nothing,” he whispered in her ear as his hands roved greedily over her body, “has ever felt as good, as right, as this. And every time I’d remember how good it was between us, what I’d walked away from, I died a little bit more on the inside.”
Lauren clutched his head to her breasts, stroking his hair soothingly. “It was the same for me,” she murmured. “It’s like I was half alive for six years. So, come on, Blue Eyes. It’s way past time for us to be whole again.”
He kissed a path down between her breasts to her belly, his hands stroking over her hips, thighs, ass, as he did so. “Let me, sweetheart,” he urged, spreading her legs apart. “I’m dying to taste you after all this time.”
At the first lick of his tongue against her clit, her hips bucked up off the mattress as she clutched handfuls of the sheets. “Mmm, ohh, that’s sooo good,” she panted, as his fingers began a slow steady rhythm, pumping in and out of her slick, tight pussy. At the same time his tongue fluttered delicately against the inner folds of her labia before his lips closed over her clit, sucking hard. That was really all it took for her to climax, her lower body thrashing wildly to and fro as he kept at her, refusing to give her a respite from his unselfish attentions.
But as she was finally coming back down to earth, his finger began to trace over a spot on the tender flesh of her inner thigh.
“I, ah, think I’ve found one of those mysterious additional tattoos of yours,” he chuckled. “And now I know why that gigolo Franco thought my own ink looked so familiar. You had him make a duplicate.”
“Yes,” she confessed. “It was my own personal little reminder of you. One that only I would recognize. A way to keep a tiny part of you with me forever.”
As his tongue traced around the tiny mark, she flinched a bit. “That tickles,” she giggled.
Ben lifted his head and gave her a wry smile. “I’m just guessing it didn’t exactly tickle when that bastard inked you, though.”
She nodded. “You’d be right. Even with the numbing it still hurt like fuck.”
He scowled. “And you had to have it put right here? The thought of his hands on you here, so close to - ”
Lauren laughed and tweaked his nose as though he was a pouting child. “Relax, honey. The whole time Franco was working on this his wife was sitting there chatting with me. And if that doesn’t sound like enough of a cockblocker, both of his kids were playing in the room at the same time.”
“I guess,” replied Ben sullenly. “But do I even want to ask what – and where – tattoo number six might be?”
In reply she promptly flopped over onto her stomach and gave a little wiggle of her ass. She knew the second he found the tiny, almost indiscernible mark by his hoot of laughter.
“Lips?” he chuckled. “What’s the reason behind this one?”
She tilted her head up at him inquiringly. “You don’t remember? Well, allow me to refresh your memory. We were in bed, just like this, and I’d had my wicked way with you about four times in a row. You were kissing my back and then my butt, and you said - ”
“That I wish I could leave an imprint of my lips right here because you had such a perfect little ass,” he recalled. And then his mouth covered the exact same spot as the tattoo before traveling a slow path up her spine to the nape of her neck. “And do you remember what happened after that?” he whispered wickedly in her ear.
“Hmm. Let me think,” she said teasingly. “Did we take a nap? Watch the baseball game? Or did we – ow!”
She flinched as he gave her a quick smack on the ass, his voice clearly amused. “No, you little witch. That is not what we did. What happened next was - ”
Lauren gasped as he pulled and pushed her thighs apart, bending her legs out to the side as he slid the full, hard length of his cock inside of her body with one hard thrust.
“Ohh,” she moaned. “Oh, yeah. It – it all comes back to me now.”
***
The sun had set, and they had barely ten minutes before they had to meet the others for dinner. Lauren was calmly digging through her bag for clean clothes, stark naked and completely unselfconscious, while Ben could only stand there and try his best not to drool.
“Okay. Found them. My very last set of clean undies. I have no idea what I’m going to wear home tomorrow,” she fretted.
He stepped in behind her, the fabric of his jeans rough against the bare skin of her thighs. “If you can hustle this cute little butt up, we can make a quick stop at the gift shop in the lobby.”
“Deal.” She pulled on her clothes in record time, ran a brush through her hair, and took him by the hand. “Let’s go.”
Ben shook his head in amazement as they began to walk towards the elevator. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone get dressed that quickly. I guess the thought of buying new lingerie is a great motivator.”
Lauren grinned, patting his cheek. “It isn’t that, honey. I’m starving again, so the faster we run our little errand, the faster I can start shoving breadsticks into my mouth. And tequila.”
He slid an arm around her waist, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “As long as its not that extra expensive brand you like so much, especially since this meal is going to be on the magazine. And I was actually thinking that champagne might be more appropriate tonight.”
“You’re right,” she agreed. “I guess we do have a lot to celebrate, don’t we? Like not dying in a plane crash for one.”
“Well, there is that for sure,” he drawled. “And then, of course, there’s the fact that you and I are back together since you finally agreed to listen to my explanation.”
Lauren gave him a meek smile. “I know I was an obstinate brat to keep refusing you. But I was angry and hurt and you know I’ve got a problem with holding grudges.”
Ben rolled his eyes. “Who, you? Never. But you’re forgetting to mention all the other things we have to celebrate.”
She cocked her head at him. “Oh, yeah? Like what?”
“Let’s see.” He began to tick them off on his fingers. “Karl and Tamsyn’s wedding. Her pregnancy. Oh, yeah.
My new job. The new apartment we’re going to find together in New York since I’m essentially homeless right now. And there was one more thing. Ah, I remember now. We need to drink a toast to our engagement.”
Lauren blinked rapidly. “Huh? Come again?”
He grinned lasciviously. “Maybe after dinner, sweetheart. You’ve sort of sucked me dry for the time being – literally, after that really incredible BJ. And of course we’re getting engaged. Just like we’re getting married – as soon as possible. Like next month maybe.”
She stared at him in disbelief, her eyes wide. “Do you really mean it?” she whispered.
Ben slid his arms around her waist and swung her around in a circle several times before setting her on her feet. He cupped her face between his palms and gazed down at her with so much pure love in his eyes that her heart felt like it might burst with joy.
“Yes, I really mean it,” he told her passionately. “Now, listen carefully, sweetheart, and pay attention. I want to marry you on the beach at Big Sur. Nothing elaborate like your sister had, something simple and quick, but just as beautiful. Then I’m going to take you away someplace on a honeymoon where we can lie on a beach or climb a mountain or ride horses, maybe all three. After that I’m going to finish out the last couple of months on my contract before I join your crew as the new travel writer. And then you and I are finally going to see the world together.”
She nodded enthusiastically, tears of happiness glistening on her lashes. “And then?”
He gave her a sweet, soft kiss. “And then we live happily ever after.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Six Weeks Later – Big Sur
Julia stared down at the beach just below the cabin in wonder. “I still don’t know how you managed to pull all of this off in just over six weeks. Nathan and I had six months and it was still barely enough time.”
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