She would show this one woman, the only woman she had ever truly wanted, what it was to be treasured.
"I don't believe there is a world for me without you," Vance murmured, reaching around to open the tiny row of buttons that closed the back of Mae's dress. She laughed quietly. "Did you choose this particular dress just to test me?"
Mae circled her arms around Vance's narrow waist and rested her head against her shoulder. She was already half lost in the hungry timbre of Vance's voice, and she hadn't yet felt those delicate fingers upon her skin. She wondered if she would be able to stand the intensity of that moment without tears. "I wore it because no one else has ever seen me in it. No one else has ever seen me take it off."
Vance's chest filled with a terrible ache, with a need so great she feared she would choke on it. She buried her face in the curve of Mae's neck, her hand pressed tightly to Mae's back. "You honor me."
"How is it possible that you don't see me the way everyone else does?" Mae laced her fingers through the thick dark hair that brushed Vance's collar and pulled her head up so she could search her face.
"Does it truly not matter what I am?"
"What matters, my dearest Mae, is who you are," Vance said, her voice steady and her eyes as gentle as the first breath of spring, "and how tenderly you have taken me into your heart, when I have such great need for you."
"No greater need than mine for you."
Vance smiled and brushed her lips over Mae's. "I think you still do not know me, or my needs." With swift, delicate precision, she opened Mae's dress. She bent to kiss her bare shoulder, then smoothed her palm over her collarbone and down her arm, pushing the dress away. She repeated the motion on the opposite side, until the garment pooled in folds of lush green around Mae's feet. Vance traced a fingertip along the lacy edge of the chemise that peeked above the black silk corset that cradled Mae's breasts. Then she kissed the path her finger had taken, lingering over the spot where Mae's heart beat frantically.
"Your mouth is so soft, so warm," Mae marveled, trembling beneath that terribly gentle onslaught. She braced her hands on Vance's shoulders for support as her legs grew steadily weaker, but she was determined to stand as long as Vance wanted to touch her. She had never wanted to give so much to a single person in all her life.
"I love the way you smell," Vance murmured, closing her eyes as she rubbed her cheek over the swell of Mae's breast, her fingers busy with the hooks that held the corset closed. As it fell away, releasing the full beauty of Mae's breasts, she gasped. "So beautiful."
Unable to contain the ache of pleasure that filled her, Mae grasped Vance's head and guided Vance's mouth to her taut nipple. "Please."
Vance drew her in, rolling her tongue over the small hard peak, closing her fingers convulsively around the soft weight in her hand.
Mae's head dropped back, and eyes closed, she moaned. The sensation was pain and pleasure, too exquisite to distinguish. "I need you so."
Panting, Vance straightened, drawing trembling fingers down the delicate column of Mae's throat. With infinite care she plucked the pins from Mae's hair, watching it tumble like a golden sunrise around Mae's pale shoulders. "I must have you soon. I fear that if I wait, something inside me will break and I will hurt you in my hunger for you."
"No," Mae soothed. "You will not hurt me with love." She spread her hands over Vance's chest, then stroked downward over her stomach. She tugged at the buttons on her trousers. "But let it be soon."
Looking down as Mae opened her clothing, Vance felt the beast inside her slip its restraints. She caught a handful of silken curls in her fist and tugged until Mae let go of her clothing and stared up in surprise.
Then she covered Mae's mouth, catching her swollen lip between her teeth, tugging it between her own and sucking until Mae whimpered and dug her fingers into Vance's back. Vance pulled away and, with an arm curved around Mae's waist, half carried her toward the bed. "Help me undress. I can't manage now with one hand."
"You've been managing just perfectly," Mae said unsteadily even as she pushed the shirt from Vance's shoulders. She grasped her undershirt and lifted upward, baring the scars that made her want to weep and the beautiful body that took her breath away. She smoothed her palm over the arch of Vance's shoulder and down her left arm, tenderly touching the terrible wound. "Be careful of this when we're together--"
"You needn't worry." Vance edged her fingers beneath Mae's chemise and drew it gently over her breasts and off. "The only thing that I will know when we lie together is joy." She reached down and pushed the covers aside on the bed, then motioned for Mae to lie down. She leaned over and whispered, "Will you take off the rest for me now?"
With her eyes on Vance, Mae removed her remaining garments.
"Now you."
Vance felt Mae's gaze warm her skin as she stripped, baring far more than her flesh. She came to Mae with every emotion exposed, nearly helpless in her need. She lowered herself gently over Mae's body, leaning on her right arm to keep her weight from being too much.
Because she had no other hand to explore Mae's body, she used her mouth, slowly, thoroughly, kissing Mae's forehead, her eyelids, her lips, before moving down to her throat, the valley between her breasts, the dip at her navel, the arch of hipbone and delicate curve of her thigh.
It was a journey of discovery and adoration, and she did not hurry.
Mae's hands on her face and shoulders guided her, fluttering urgently when her mouth found a particularly sensitive spot, stroking languidly as the pleasure ebbed and flowed. When she reached Mae's center, Vance pushed up to her knees, leaning back between Mae's parted thighs and lifting her gaze to Mae's face. She barely recognized her own voice when she rasped, "I want only to please you. I want to be inside you, but if you would rather I not--"
"You are the only one I've ever wanted there," Mae whispered brokenly, "if you desire."
Vance gently cupped Mae's sex and stretched out upon her again, her hand between their bodies. She kissed her tenderly as she slipped into her, then closed her eyes and went completely still. In the faintest of whispers, she said, "I feel your heart pulse all around me. Even the beat of a new life in the palm of my hand has never felt as wondrous."
Mae cupped one hand behind Vance's head, drawing Vance's face to her breasts as she lifted her hips to take Vance even deeper. She moved with a rhythm as natural as life, as pure as love, and held Vance to her heart as she offered her own. Dimly she sensed Vance following her lead, stroke for stroke, knowing instinctively that Vance would fear to take more than Mae might want to give.
"Vance," Mae breathed against Vance's ear. "Make me yours. Please."
With a cry, Vance shifted her hips and rested her weight on her left shoulder so she could free her arm. She drove faster, harder, calling Mae's passion to hers. "Come to me, dearest. Come to me now."
Had Mae been able to think, she might have worried about Vance, but she could do nothing but give way to the fierce pleasure that blossomed with every thrust. She pressed her face to Vance's breast and let the wild beating of her lover's heart take her home.
* * *
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
"Did I fall asleep?" Mae asked. She had no memory of having been asleep, only of being delightfully free of fear or worry.
Her body felt warm, soft, loved. She rubbed her fingers lightly down the center of Vance's chest, then kissed the base of her throat. "You're quiet. Are you all right?"
Vance nodded, her cheek brushing the top of Mae's head. "Yes.
Just thinking."
"I'm not sure that's such a good thing at a time like this," Mae said, laughing lightly. "I believe I'd prefer that your brain be too addled to be entertaining any heavy ideas."
"You needn't worry. My head and body are nicely addled." Vance kissed Mae and smiled. "I thought I knew what it was to be happy, until these moments with you. Now I understand that happiness is not merely the absence of sorrow, but the presence of joy."
The tears
that Mae had been able to contain earlier escaped now.
She closed her eyes and savored the comfort and security of Vance's embrace.
"Have I upset you?" Vance said worriedly, feeling the tears against her skin.
"No," Mae whispered. "You've made me very happy, and apparently, when that happens, I cry."
"Then it seems we are in similar circumstances." Vance sighed.
Judging from the light sifting through the spaces between the shutters on Mae's window, it was close to dusk. "I need to find Caleb and make sure he doesn't need me."
Frowning, Mae sat up. "I know you haven't been to bed for more than a day. You can't think of working tonight."
"I won't unless it's necessary, but," Vance said hurriedly, "if it is, I'll be fine. Believe me, this kind of work is nothing compared to weeks on end with no shelter, no food, and no hope."
"Why did you stay?" Mae asked quietly.
"After a while, I wondered that myself," Vance admitted. "But I'd made a promise to serve, and when I was able to think clearly, I knew that the cause was just. I didn't leave because I was needed. And part of me needed to be there."
"Whatever comes of us in the future," Mae said seriously, "I want you to stay only because you need to be here. Not because of what you think my needs--"
Vance sat up, her eyes glittering sharply. "Have I loved you so poorly just now that you can't feel my need for you?"
Mae took a shuddering breath. "I never thought to be loved the way you do." She pressed her hand to Vance's heart. "But sometimes feelings change--"
"Not mine. Not about you." Vance circled Mae's shoulders and pulled her roughly against her chest. She kissed her hard with a mixture of frustration and affection, and didn't release her until she was breathless. "I can see that you do not trust my feelings as of yet. I'll have to work harder to convince you."
"If you work any harder," Mae whispered, pressing trembling fingers to Vance's mouth, "I don't know that I'll survive."
"I'll see that you do." Vance smiled and was about to kiss her again when frantic knocking at Mae's door interrupted her. She threw back the covers and leapt up, reaching for her holster, which she'd left on the floor with her clothes. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mae pull on a robe and start toward the door. "Wait for me."
"Who is it?" Mae called without opening the door.
"It's me. Sissy."
Mae glanced back and saw that Vance had her pants on and was working her shirt over her shoulders. She pulled the door open several inches. "What's the matter?"
"It's Lettie. She says the baby's coming."
"Lord, it's too soon."
"Only by a few weeks," Vance said as she stepped up beside Mae.
"Let me take a look at her."
Sissy stared from Mae to Vance, but made no remark about the fact that they had clearly shared a bed. "I'll take you."
After Mae hastily threw on her dress, she followed. Vance leaned over Lettie, murmuring in a calming voice as she palpated the girl's swollen abdomen. Lettie's pale face was beaded with sweat and her eyes were wild with fear. Mae went to the head of the bed and stroked her hair. "Don't worry, honey. Everything is going to be all right."
"It hurts and I'm so scared."
"I know you are. I know." Mae looked at Vance over Lettie's head and saw her nod sharply to confirm that the baby was indeed on its way.
"You're going to have this baby tonight, honey, and it's going to be a beautiful baby. You'll be just fine."
"Don't go. Please don't go."
Mae shook her head. "No, of course I won't." To Vance, she said, "How much time?"
"Hard to tell. A few hours at least." She smiled at Lettie. "You're going to have some work to do, but I know that you'll do a fine job.
There's nothing to be afraid of." She stepped close to Mae. "I need to get my bag. Have the girls boil some water, bring fresh towels. You know what to do. I'll be back shortly. Until then, just stay with her."
"You go on ahead. I'll be here."
Vance smiled. "That's good. I'm counting on that."
v When Kate arrived nearly three hours later, it was well after dark and Mae, Vance, and several of the girls were huddled on chairs around the bed. Mae held Lettie's hand.
"I got here as soon as I could. Thank you for sending word for me to come," she said to Vance as she removed her bonnet and cloak.
"You've arrived in plenty of time," Vance said. "She's doing a wonderful job, but we've got a ways to go yet." She stood and led Kate to the bed. "Lettie, I'm going to show Kate how to tell what the baby's doing. It won't hurt you."
Panting, Lettie nodded, her face strained, but her eyes calm and trusting. "Okay."
After both Vance and Kate washed and dried their hands, Vance lifted the sheet and nodded to Mae to hold it up. "Thanks." She took Kate's hand and placed it on Lettie's lower abdomen just above her pelvic bone. "You can feel the head here, as it descends into the pelvis and the birth canal."
Heart pounding, Kate pressed gently. The smooth, firm curve of the infant's skull was easy to appreciate. She raised shining eyes to Vance's. "Yes."
"Now, I'm going to show you how to judge the progression of labor by the amount the cervix is open." She lifted the sheet to block what she and Kate were doing. "Mae, would you hold this, please."
"I have it," Mae said, watching as Vance gently placed Kate's hand between Lettie's legs and instructed her on what to feel for as she examined her inside. Mae had seen Doc Melbourne deliver babies before, and she knew the basics. He'd always seemed to do a good job, but there was a tenderness about the way Vance did everything that was just...special.
When Kate hesitated after slipping her fingers into the birth canal, Vance murmured, "You'll not hurt her. The nerves are stretched by the baby's head coming down, and not very sensitive right now."
"I feel something pounding," Kate said anxiously.
"Those are the uterine arteries, which are very large at this point because they're supplying blood to the uterus as well as the baby."
For the first time, Kate realized that she recognized this rapid pulse that beat against her fingers. It was a powerful sign of life and she'd felt it before, under different but just as miraculous circumstances.
Reverently, she nodded.
"Now you'll feel a thick ring and then the smooth crown of the baby's head. That's the cervix opening to allow the baby to exit the uterus. When that ring is open five inches, she'll be very close to giving birth."
"It feels like it's about halfway there," Kate said, keeping her voice low.
"Good," Vance said. "You're right."
Carefully, Kate withdrew her hand. "What do we do now?"
Vance smiled. "We wait."
Four hours later they were still waiting. Lettie slept fitfully on and off, while Mae or Sissy sponged her hot, sweaty face with cool water.
Vance and Kate sat on opposite sides of the bed, watching and checking the time between the contractions.
Mae squeezed Vance's shoulder. "You should have something to eat. It's closing in on midnight."
Vance smiled up at Mae. "I'm all right. Thanks. You can take a break, though. We might be in for a long night."
"It's hard when they're so young," Mae said, glancing up to where Lettie lay with her eyes closed. "Hard anytime I guess, when you're alone."
Vance caught Mae's hand and clasped it gently. "She's not alone.
She has you and the others. She has more family than most."
Mae moved her hand to the back of Vance's neck and caressed her softly for a few seconds. "I'd forgotten how much you understand."
"I know what you mean to them. To all of us." Vance stood and stretched, then said, "Let's see how she's doing." When she pulled back the covers once again, she frowned. A trickle of blood pooled between Lettie's thighs. "Kate."
Kate jumped up and followed Vance's gaze. She caught her lip between her teeth but made no sound, merely looked into Vance's face questioningly.
With a trembling hand, Kate probed gently the way she had been shown. She moved quickly, but carefully. "I don't feel the head where it was before," she said in a low whisper.
Vance repeated the examination and nodded, her face expressionless now. She looked over her shoulder to Mae. "I need my instruments and the basin with carbolic nearby. Will you lay them out for me like you did when Jed was injured?"
"Yes," Mae said. "What's happening?"
"I'll tell you in just a moment." Once again, Vance sat on the edge of the bed and carefully inserted her hand into the birth canal.
She closed her eyes to focus her attention completely on the details she could discern with her fingertips, then withdrew her hand and stood.
"The baby's shifted position. It's breech. I can feel an arm at the very top of the birth canal."
Mae's face went white. She glanced quickly up at Lettie, who did not appear to be listening, or, if she was, did not understand what was happening. Mae did, however. She'd seen women die trying to deliver a baby that was coming feet first or with just a hand or shoulder without the head preceding it. She'd never seen the baby delivered alive. "Oh Lord."
"The instruments, Mae," Vance said gently.
Wordlessly, Mae complied as Vance motioned Kate to step away from the bed.
"The baby's head is no longer in the birth canal, and if we can't change that, the baby or the mother will die."
"What can we do?" Kate asked through a dry, tight throat.
The wonder and excitement of birth had changed in a heartbeat to a terrifying tableau of fear and desperation. She understood that there would be times when it was up to her to change that balance, and she was determined that she would not fail mother or child for lack of knowledge or courage. She looked to Vance for the answers and was reassured by the steady certainty of her gaze.
Radclyffe - Promising Hearts Page 22