Song Chaser (Chasers)

by Kandi Steiner

  “Exhausted,” I agree, though I know sleep isn’t going to come any easier tonight than it has the last few weeks. I can’t deny that Kellee being near me doesn’t make me happy, but Mariah’s death hasn’t fully set in. I’m not looking forward to my dreams tonight.

  “Kellee, I made up our guest room for you. It has its own bathroom and there should be everything you need in there but don’t hesitate to ask if you need something.”

  “I’m sure it’s more than enough,” Kellee says, smiling again. “I would be happy to help you in the kitchen tomorrow, Mrs. West, if you’d like to let your husband sleep and relax with Tanner.”

  “Well bless your heart!” Mom says, delighted. “You are just the sweetest. I might take you up on that.”

  Mom leads the way inside and after I finally convince her that we have everything we need, she turns in for the night and Kellee and I are alone again. She’s slowly wandering the edges of the house, looking at photos and I’m sure she’s falling deeper into her thoughts than I want her to.

  “You okay, Freckles?”

  She nods, not taking her eyes off a picture of me and Dad from a golfing event a few years back. “I love this house,” she finally says, her voice just above a whisper.

  “It’s better in the daylight. I’ll take you down to the dock tomorrow morning and show you the boat. Actually, you’ll have a pretty nice view of it in the morning from your window.”

  “You guys have a boat?” she turns to me, eyes wide.

  “We do live on a lake for a reason,” I tease.

  “Can we go on it?!”

  I laugh, “Yeah, we can go on it.”

  “I’ve never been on a boat!” She whisper-screams before throwing her arms around my neck. Almost instantly she realizes what she did, her face falling as the lightning fires in the space between us. She swallows, her lips parting slightly, then suddenly she pulls back and crosses her arms. “Sorry, I just got excited.”

  “Me too,” I mumble as she turns back to the picture.

  “Is this your sister?” she asks, pointing to another picture, this one from my undergrad graduation at UCF.

  “Yeah, that’s Taylor. And that handsome little guy between us is her son, Caleb.”

  Kellee smiles, “Will they be here tomorrow?”

  “No,” I sigh, running my fingers through my hair. “She lives in Germany right now with her husband and Caleb. Her husband does government contracting over there. I miss them like crazy, but they’re supposed to come home for Christmas.”

  Kellee’s eyes soften, “I’m sorry, I can’t imagine not being able to jump in a cab and get to my brother in a couple of hours.”

  I shrug, “It’s okay, she’s happy over there and the good thing about contracting is that it doesn’t last forever.” I smile and try to lighten the mood, “Have you really never been on a boat?”

  She shakes her head, “Nope. I almost went on a cruise for spring break last year but changed my mind at the last minute.”

  “Why?”

  She shrugs, “Needed to work.”

  I chew my lip, hating that Kellee has given up so much to do what she thinks will make her dad happy – what she thinks will make her different than her mom. I wish I could make her see that she doesn’t have to try to be a good person, she’s already amazing without effort.

  “We should probably get some sleep,” she says before I have the chance to speak.

  “Okay. Let me know if you need anything. Shampoo, more pillows, a hot piece of man candy to cuddle with.”

  Kellee rolls her eyes, but I wanted to make her smile and it worked. “Oh? You know where to get me some hot man candy? I’ll leave my window cracked. Just tell them to sneak in.”

  Even though I know she’s kidding, anger flares in my fists and I clench my jaw. The thought of someone else touching her literally makes me want to throw an imaginary man through the wall. The worst part is, he won’t always be imaginary. She drew a line for us, a line that puts me in strict friend territory, which means just like with Paisley – I’ll have to watch her fall in love with someone else eventually.

  I shake the thought from my head, deciding to just deal with that later.

  “Are you going to be able to sleep?” she asks seriously, her gray eyes searching mine.

  I shrug, “I don’t sleep much lately.” The sincerity of that statement seems to soak in and Kellee just nods softly.

  “I know the feeling.”

  We both stand there, her arms still crossed and my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out to touch her. Finally, she closes the gap and lifts up on her toes to plant a small, light kiss on my cheek.

  “Goodnight, Tanner.”

  “Night, Frecks.”

  She turns and walks up the stairs to the guest room and I fall onto the couch, my cock throbbing in my sweatpants almost as hard as the ache throbbing in my chest. I close my eyes and try to relax, to focus on something that brings me peace, but my mind just alternates between flashbacks of Kellee’s stone eyes and Mariah’s sweet smile. I focus on my breathing, the in and out and the rising and falling of my chest, and soon a sort of calm that only home can bring me falls all around.

  And though I’ve been driving for twelve hours and I know my mind isn’t the sharpest right now, just before I drift off I swear I hear the sound of a window opening upstairs.

  Chapter 16

  No Butterflies Allowed

  Kellee

  I wake up early, mostly because really I didn’t sleep at all. Part of me wanted to stay up with Tanner last night because I knew neither of us would sleep easily, but I didn’t want to take the chance of blurring the already very light line drawn between us. It’s already hard enough as it is to keep my hands off him, to keep myself closed off – I’m not sure I could have lasted with a tired mind. It feels like the line we drew is in pencil, which makes it really tempting to just erase a little section and see what happens.

  Shit. I need to find a Sharpie. And fast.

  After I walked upstairs last night, I spent at least half an hour looking at the photos hanging in the guest bedroom. Every photo told a story, and I found myself asking questions as I looked around. What lake was this? Why is there a Band-Aid on Tanner’s knee in this one? Who’s this woman with the silver hair? I wanted to know everything. I love the way this house feels, the way it smells. I can’t explain it, but it’s like the most perfect little life happened here and I feel special to be able to be a part of it.

  I walk to the large open window and watch as the sun starts to touch the lake behind Tanner’s house. I left the window open last night, letting the cold air sweep in and cool the heat that had started building downstairs before I came up. I might have also left it open hoping someone might crawl through it and hold me in his arms, but I guess that’s the young fairytale dreamer inside me creeping through.

  Thinking of Prince Charming makes me think of Mariah, of what a devastating Thanksgiving this must be for her family. I don’t know much about them, or really about her, but I know that Tanner adored her and that she is the only reason I wasn’t completely unstable the night I met Paisley. Even though that night turned out to be horrific, Mariah had calmed me that afternoon. Even that small amount of time with her showed me that she was a hell of a lot smarter than me, and probably than half the adults in the world, honestly.

  I pull the towel wrapped around my hair down and start gently dragging my fingers through the wet strands, still mesmerized by the sun’s glow on the water.

  “I told you it was a good view,” Tanner says behind me. I turn and find him standing in the door frame, still dressed in his NYU sweatpants and white t-shirt, his hair tousled from sleep – or maybe lack thereof. The way the pants hang on his hips is more distracting than I care to admit, and I almost forget that I should probably say something. “Though I have to admit, you make it better.”

  I ignore the last half of his sentence, crossing my arms. “Probably not a smart idea to walk into a
lady’s bedroom without knocking. I could have been naked.”

  Tanner flashes his sideways smile and I think my panties melt a little, “You’d love it if I caught you without your clothes on.”

  I bite my lip, wanting to play into his banter so badly but knowing it’s trouble. I open my mouth to remind him he can’t say those things to me anymore but he cuts me off.

  “Come on, I have someone I want you to meet.”

  “My hair is still wet,” I point out, using the towel to dry it a little more.

  Tanner smiles again, “Trust me, who I’m introducing you to won’t mind.”

  I sigh and toss the towel on a small chair in the corner before following Tanner out of the room. He leads me downstairs and from the kitchen I can hear his mom and what is probably his dad conversing. The entire house already smells delicious, like stuffing and pies. I wonder how long they’ve been awake cooking. Maybe no one slept in this house last night.

  Instead of heading to the kitchen, Tanner turns and leads me through a small hallway to a back door.

  “Aren’t we going to say hi to your parents?”

  “In a minute. First, you have to meet Jack.”

  “Who’s Jack?” I ask as he opens the door, but I don’t need a response because as soon as the words leave my mouth a large golden retriever jumps up and nearly knocks me over, his huge tongue enveloping my face.

  “Jack!” Tanner exclaims, pulling him off me and tousling his fur. “What’s up, buddy?”

  Jack is wagging his tail and panting furiously as Tanner pets him, like he hasn’t been in contact with a human being in his entire lifetime. He licks at Tanner’s face and Tanner just lets him go to town, clearly not fazed.

  “So this is Jack?” I ask, bending down to pet him. His shaggy golden hair is shiny and soft, his chocolate brown eyes taking on a copper tint that reminds me of Tanner’s when he looks up at me and the sun catches them.

  “Yep, the most important member of the West family.”

  I smile, scratching behind his ears and watching his leg go crazy. “Is this how your love affair for Jack Daniels started?”

  Tanner laughs a little, “Surprisingly, no. I got Jack when I was fourteen, a few years before I discovered my love for whiskey. Although it does kind of make sense, now that you mention it.” He turns to grab a tennis ball in the corner behind him. “Want the ball, Jack?”

  Jack jumps to attention at the word “ball” and sits down properly, looking up at Tanner’s hand with his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth.

  “Good boy. Now lay down.”

  Jack complies.

  “Roll over,” Tanner instructs, and Jack does.

  “Go find a pretty lady,” Tanner says, and I’ll be damned if that dog doesn’t walk over to me and start softly whining, almost as if he’s begging me to follow him somewhere.

  “Good boy!” Tanner laughs as he throws the ball. Jack goes barreling across the yard toward the lake to retrieve it and Tanner turns back to me. “That was my favorite trick when I wanted to get a girl in the dog park back in high school.”

  I shake my head, a smile breaking through even though I don’t want it to. “Partner in crime, huh?”

  “What good is a dog if he can’t score a chick for his human?” Tanner smiles and I roll my eyes. “Come on, my dad is going to think I named my bed Kellee if I don’t show him you’re a real living girl.” I cock my head at him in confusion and he throws his hands up, “Don’t ask, okay?”

  He grabs my hand to lead me inside but I pull away, pretending I need to fix a strand of my still damp hair that fell out of place. Tanner turns back to me and I know he knows that I don’t want him to hold me, even though that technically isn’t true. But wanting it and knowing it’s nothing but trouble and heartbreak are one and the same, and I have to listen to the latter part. He gives me a small, tight smile before opening the door and letting me slide through first.

  Tanner’s parents are at the kitchen table when we walk in, each of them holding the handle of a coffee cup in one hand and each other’s free hand in the other. The rising sun is casting a soft glow across the kitchen, illuminating the white tile and light blue accents on the walls. They’re sitting close, both staring into each other’s eyes as they talk and it might be the most romantic thing I’ve ever walked in on and interrupted.

  Tanner’s mom startles, as if she’s just seen us walk in even though we’ve been there for a solid ten seconds. “Oh! Looks like everyone’s up,” she jumps up and pulls me into a hug, followed by kissing Tanner on the cheek. For being so small, she gives a pretty great hug. It kind of reminds me of my mom’s hugs. “Are you kids hungry? I can whip up some scrambled eggs and bacon. Or some hash brown casserole. Or waffles?”

  “Sharon, I’m sure they can eat a bowl of cereal. They do have to save room for the buffet you’re preparing,” Tanner’s dad says, shaking his head as Tanner rolls his eyes. Even without connecting the obvious dots of him holding hands with Tanner’s mom, I would be able to tell he was Tanner’s dad in a crowded room. He looks just like Tanner, except just a little older and just a smidge taller. He has the same honey eyes as Tanner and the same adorable grin. “You’ll have to excuse my wife,” he says, standing. “She has a bad habit of thinking everyone in the world is starving and in desperate need of her cooking.”

  “Hey!” she exclaims, popping him lightly with the dish towel in her hand. “You boys wouldn’t be as strapping as you are if it weren’t for my cooking.”

  “Oh yeah Mom, I’m sure all the butter you put into everything really helps with my six pack,” Tanner says and they all laugh. I can’t help but smile, too. A little at the joke, and a little at the thought of seeing Tanner’s abs.

  God, he has amazing abs.

  “Well, I don’t have a six pack and I love butter. Feel free to feed me whatever you want,” I say.

  “Ah! Don’t encourage her!” Tanner says at the same time Sharon throws her hands into the air and pulls me into another hug, laughing.

  “I knew I liked this girl!”

  Tanner’s dad reaches out his hand to shake mine, “Kellee, I am so relieved that you’re not a mattress. I’m David.”

  I laugh and Tanner buries his face in his hands. “Thanks?”

  David smiles, “Tanner will have to explain that one to you later. Would you like some cereal?”

  “I’m not really hungry yet,” or should I say, I haven’t really eaten much other than beef jerky in the past twenty-four hours because your son has my stomach tied up in impossible knots. “But I would love a cup of coffee, if you have some left.”

  “I just put on a fresh pot!” Sharon says, hurrying over to the fridge. “I’ve got regular cream, milk, vanilla creamer, and pumpkin spice creamer. And there’s sugar on the counter.”

  “Jeez Mom, you’re a barista now, too?”

  “I’m whatever the occasion calls for, hon.” Sharon winks at me as she pulls down a coffee cup.

  As I make my coffee, Tanner and his parents joke back and forth, occasionally talking about Tanner’s classes and residency. I stand leaning against the counter and sip the hot liquid, letting it warm my entire body. The smiles on their faces are so big, so genuine – and I can’t help but feel homesick. Not just for Mee Ma and Seth and even Dad, but for the home I used to have. The complete one. The one with my mom making coffee in the kitchen and holding my dad’s hand.

  Tanner slides up beside me and pours himself a cup, “You okay, Frecks?”

  I nod, smiling. “Yeah, I was just thinking about my family. I should probably give them a call.”

  “Want to use the house phone?”

  I shake my head, “No, it’s okay. I have my phone upstairs.”

  Tanner takes a sip from his mug, “Okay. Well Dad and I are going to take Jack for a walk and check a few things on my car before football starts. Do you want to come? I know my mom can be kind of overbearing.”

  “I love your mom,” I smile, being sincere. “She’s
awesome.”

  This time it’s him who shakes his head, “Don’t let her hear you say that, she’ll get an even bigger head than she has now.”

  “I heard that!” Sharon says, crossing to the sink with her and David’s cups. “Kellee sweetie, you are more than welcome to stay here with me. I could use the help in here, anyway.”

  “I would love to, actually. I’m usually the one cooking on Thanksgiving at my house, so I’m feeling a little strange with nothing to do.”

  “Well I’m just the person to help with that!”

  Tanner helps his mom with the few dishes in the sink before he and his dad head outside to get Jack. I excuse myself for a few minutes and run upstairs to grab my phone, finding Mee Ma’s number and hitting the green phone button to call.

  “Happy Gobbler Day!” she yells into the receiver after a few rings. “How is my sweet girl? Are you letting your hair down and having fun yet?”

  I smile at the sound of her voice, letting it calm my nerves as I try to convince her I’ve let my hair down like she wanted. “So much fun. I’ve already lost all the clothes I brought so I’m just walking around in my bra and underwear. I think I might smoke some pot tonight, too.”

  “That’s my girl!”

  I laugh, “I miss you guys. Are you okay? Did you get everything started in the kitchen this morning? Did you remember to get the ingredients for pecan pie? You know it’s Dad’s favorite.”

  Mee Ma sighs on the other end, “Little girl, if you don’t shush and let your old Mee Ma take care of Thanksgiving I’m going to have to pop you. You’re supposed to be focusing on that boy.”

  I sit down on the guest bed, letting out a huff of air. “I don’t want to focus on him, Mee Ma. I’m just here to help him with Mariah. I think being with his family is really helping, too.”

  “If you say so, dear. Has he said anything else about the color of your eyes?”

  Her question confuses me just as much as it did the first time. “No, he hasn’t said anything about my eyes. Why?”

  “Hm,” she pauses. “Well, I think he just needs to get a little closer, is all.”