by Reana Malori
“Hey, Adele?”
“Yeah?” the tiny woman responded with a knowing smirk on her face.
“Janae and I are gonna step into the other room for a minute. Can you keep an eye on Nicole?”
Nodding her head at him, she pointed towards a room down the hallway. “Stefano’s office is a quiet space. He had it soundproofed. You know, just in case,” she smiled.
Noah shook his head at Adele, “Get your mind outta the gutter, woman.” He and Janae began walking down the hallway so he could get her in a private space. Doubting his intentions at the beginning was one thing, but he needed them to get past this if they were going to have a future. He couldn’t be on foreign soil, focused on his mission, trying his damnedest to come home alive, if Janae was still worried about this kind of shit.
“It’s always in the gutter,” Adele yelled at their retreating backs.
He turned his head to look at Nicole, “Ignore her.”
Laughing, she shook her head. “Nope. I like your sister. Hell, I like all the wives. Even Monica, who’s kinda mean.”
Opening the door to Stefano’s office, he led her inside before closing and locking the door behind them. “Monica’s not mean.” Nicole gave him a look, and he put up his arms in surrender. “Okay, I take that back. She’s mean as hell, but she loves Tyler, and she loves being part of this family. Plus, she’s pregnant, so we’re giving her a pass.”
“Yeah, okay, if you say so. This is a nice office.” Her eyes took in the space, the family pictures, the military photos, and the dark paneling.
Seeing it through her eyes, it looked like a normal home office for a successful businessman. Well, Stefano didn’t do anything normal. Behind the façade of family photos and memorabilia, was a man who did whatever was needed to keep his clients safe, the money flowing, and his business growing. His methods weren’t always… clean, but they were effective. Noah knew going into business with Stefano was something he wouldn’t pass up. The brothers had discussed it after he and Adele had gotten married. Tony had already paved the way for them, testing the waters so to speak. When Stefano approached them about joining the business as partners, they’d been surprised. Global clients, some in countries they’d visited as part of their military duties, some who lived in palaces with so many servants, they hardly needed to wipe their own asses. If walls could talk, this office would have many tales to tell, including some that were better left secret.
“It is. Stefano likes to be surrounded by only the best.” Both in his personal and business life. Noah leaned up against the large desk, folding his arms over his chest. “Janae, we need to get past these issues you’re having. We need to get through whatever concerns are still going through your head. I won’t have you second-guessing me, or my commitment to you, while I’m gone.”
Sighing, she looked up at him, a small frown over her face. “I know.” She paused before walking over to him, stopping just inches away from his larger frame.
He didn’t move or adjust. If she needed to get something off her chest, this was the time to do it. Life was too short to have all these fears and hang-ups. Hell, his own family had gone through enough shit. Adele’s abusive ex-husband coming back to try and kill her. Ethan’s sister killed by her abusive ex-husband. Vanessa losing her first husband while he was fighting in another country. The stalker who terrorized Monica for months. Anyone who joined the family had to be all-in. He knew Janae would get there eventually, but something told him he needed to speed up the timeline.
“If I told you it was my completely unjustified anxiety that you were still embarrassed by us? That even though every woman in the other room is a black woman, that your brothers still won’t accept us because of the color of our skin? If I shared my irrational concern with you, what would you think?”
Noah’s heart stopped. Shaking his head, he looked at Janae with a puzzled look. “I’m confused. You’re going to have to explain this to me as if I’m a child. Even though three of my brothers are married to black women, you somehow think they won’t accept you and Nicole because you’re black?”
The woman had the nerve to look embarrassed. Yeah, she should be. What the fuck was this crazy shit? “Why?”
After a few moments, she began pacing in front of him. “When you’ve been raised a certain way all your life, it’s hard for those lessons to disappear. I know it’s stupid, and you’ve never made me feel as if you’re ashamed of me. Living in a place saturated with stories of white men and how they treated black women, the lines begin to blur. Old fears return. Stories shared with me as a child, and even as an adult, return to mind when I think about the two of us making a future.”
Noah took a deep breath. Rubbing his fingers across his eyes, he wanted to yell, scream, tell Janae to let that stupid shit go. But he knew it would be the wrong thing to say. This wasn’t about him. This was about her moving forward and shedding the heavy cloak of bigotry that dogged her for years. “Baby, do you love me?”
“Yes.” No hesitation.
“Do you believe I love you?” Janae paused to look at him, opened her mouth to speak, then closed her lips again. Noah stood up straight, unfolding his arms. He stopped her pacing and grabbed her hands within his. “Janae, answer me.”
“I believe you want to love me. I believe having Nicole in your life is the most important thing to you right now.”
“Baby, you and Nicole both are the most important things in my world. Without you in my arms, nothing else fits.”
Sighing, she looked at him with those light brown eyes that did him in every time. “What if this feels right because you’re trying to force it? In reality, we’ve been together one-year, yet we have a four-year-old little girl. Everything is so different. What if Nicole and I move here with you and you fall in love with someone else? Someone who doesn’t look like me. Where will Nicole and I be then? Out on the street and out of the family?”
His head was about to explode. Janae was thinking of every reason he wouldn’t want her, except for looking at the reasons he did. Closing his eyes, he tried to come up with the right words to say. How could he make her understand what he was feeling right now? Focusing again on Janae, he saw the nervousness she felt reflected in her eyes. The fear that he’d abandon her again. He’d done that. His actions were what made her feel this way. It was his fault. Not hers.
Pulling her into his arms, he leaned against the desk again. It was his turn to share something he never thought would be spoken out loud. Slowly, he began to tell her his truth, expressing feelings and actions he never thought he’d share with her. “These past few years, I lost myself. The Navy had always been my job, my employer. While I knew what needed to be done to complete the mission, I always kept a piece of me back. A piece that I could pull out when I needed to be normal. Because let’s face it, at the end of the day, my job is to kill people.” When she tried to pull away, he held on just a little bit tighter. “No, let me finish. I’m not trying to scare you, but I need to get this out. We’ve never talked about my job in detail, which was by design. But I need to tell this story so I can better explain what you mean to me. Okay?”
She squeezed her arms around his waist tighter and nodded her head.
Noah continued speaking. “I get my orders, pack my shit, and I go across the ocean, desert, or wherever the mission takes me. Sometimes I rescue people. Families. Children. People important to the US Government. Other times I’m sent to neutralize a threat. All in the name of Uncle Sam. Bad people or not, someone loved them once. Mothers, fathers, siblings, children, spouses. They were loved. Yet, when I come into their lives, that person ceases to exist. There was always a part of me that knew and understood that.” He took a deep inhale, the scent of coconut from her hair relaxed him as he rubbed his hands along her curvy form. “When I met you six years ago, you gave me peace. You gave my soul a place to rest when I was home. With you, I didn’t think about the mission or the lives I’d taken. None of that mattered because you took car
e of me so damn good.” He heard her laugh as her body shook.
“You took care of me, too,” she whispered against his chest.
“Yeah, I did. But the call came, as it always does, and I had to leave. But something was different that time, and it scared me. No longer was I focused on the mission. My dreams were filled with your smile and the way your nose crinkles when you laugh. All I heard was the whisper of your voice as I slid my dick inside you. The only thing I felt was the softness of your skin as our naked bodies lay in bed. Every smell was laced with the aroma of your scent. Hell, I could even taste your essence on my tongue. I forgot to be a Navy SEAL and could only focus on being your man.” He took a deep breath before he continued. “The memory of you became so much of a distraction that I took my eyes off the ball. I was wounded. Shot.”
Her head whipped back, her eyes wide with worry. “What? When? Where?” Her hands began lifting his shirt to feel his bare skin.
“No. No. No. That’s not the point of this story.”
“But you were shot, Noah,” she whispered. Fear evident in her tone.
Looking down at her, he kissed her soft lips. “Which is why I walked away. My head was all fucked up. I thought if I left you, my need for you would dissipate. My mind had it all twisted. I believed thinking of you was a bad thing, that I’d lost my edge because I’d been so caught up in you. When I stopped returning your emails and cut off contact, I buried myself in the job. I accepted every mission I could. Some without my unit, which Ethan and Daniel were part of. I was reckless as fuck and the family began to worry about me. Until about a year ago, when I realized I’d lost all emotion when doing my job. That piece of me, my humanity, that I kept sealed away and protected so I could come home and be a normal person with my parents, with the guys, and Adele? It was gone. Somewhere along the way, I’d lost who I was. Killing the enemy was like putting gas in my truck. Necessary. Required.”
That was the hardest part of this confession. What if the man he truly was would never be good enough to measure up to the man she thought he was when they’d first met?
CHAPTER 23
Noah
Janae’s sniffles reached his ears before her whispered words, “I’m sorry, Noah.”
“No need to be sorry. You didn’t cause it, Baby. It was me who did this. It was my own skewed thoughts about what you meant to me that got me in that position. I buried my feelings for you, and it took away so much more. When I got the call from Heath about Nicole, my focus was on making you pay. Hurting you for keeping my daughter away from me. Then I saw you. I saw her. All the screwed-up shit floating around in my head disappeared. The only thought in my head was how beautiful you still were. How much I’d missed you, kissing you, making love to you. When I saw Nicole’s face and how much she looked like me, I could only thank God that I’d found such an amazing mother to have my child.”
“Hmph. I didn’t see any of that. You were kinda upset when you showed up at my door.”
Shifting his hold on her, he rested his hands on her plump ass. “I was more upset that I’d cut off contact with you while you were pregnant with my child. My parents didn’t raise me to be that type of man. I was filled with shame about what I’d done to you, to Nicole, and even to myself.”
“You’ve made up for it with Nicole. She knows how much you love her. You’re her hero, and nothing can change how she feels about you.”
“But have I made it up to you? You still doubt how I feel about you. I’m not sure you believe me when I say my life isn’t complete without you. So, this is what I want from you. Tell me what I need to do to convince you that you’re the only woman for me.”
“Tell me why you and the guys were fighting.”
Noah knew that question was coming. That’s what had prompted this conversation in the first place. “They didn’t understand why they were just meeting you and Nicole today. They were hurt. Ethan, the tall blond married to Vanessa, has known me the longest. He thought I would have told him first. It wasn’t that he’s upset about you being here. Hell, he’d be the first one in line to protect you if I’m not around. He’s already claimed his role as first uncle to Nicole.”
Janae gave him a side glance. “What does that mean?”
“All good stuff. It’s like a godfather, but since all the guys serve in that capacity, we have an order to things. Ethan’s relegated Stefano to sixth uncle, the last in line,” he laughed.
“Adele is going to get enough of you guys fucking with Stefano. Why don’t you ever give him a break, Noah?”
“Awww, hell. We like the guy.” At her look of disbelief, he smiled wide. “I promise. He’s one of us, and if Adele has anything to do with it, he’ll always be part of this family. If he hurts her or leaves or cheats on our sister, then that’s another story. But since he’s a smart man, that’ll never happen. Don’t feel bad for him, Janae. That fucker gives as good as he gets, then he smiles at all the women and pulls out that damn Italian accent to get them on his side. Just wait, you’ll see soon enough. Trust me, that’s the kind of shit he gets from Ethan on a regular basis. It’s all fun and games. Those two would kill to protect each other.”
“I thought it was because of me.”
“I know.”
“I was wrong.”
Tilting his head, he kissed her deeply. “You were.” Looking to the door, he whispered softly, even though he knew no one outside could hear them. “Janae, you can’t leave me. I need you too much. You and Nicole are a part of me now. I lost a piece of myself when I left you the first time. I’m not willing to let you go again.”
Just as she went to speak, the door handle jiggled, and a loud knock sounded on the door. Tyler’s muffled voice could be heard. “Quit doing grown-up stuff and come out!”
Laughing, Noah looked at Janae. “Ready for round two?”
Mouth open in shock, she pointed at the door. “Did he just say…?”
“Yup. That’s Tyler. If I didn’t like him so much, I would tape his mouth shut.” Grabbing her hand, he stood in front of her. “I love you, Janae Hayward. Maybe when I make you my wife you’ll believe me.”
“Wha—?”
“I’m gonna tell Stefano you two are in his office doing nasty stuff and making another baby!” Tyler laughed.
“Damnit, I thought Adele said this room was sound-proof. Fuck that, I’m taping his damn mouth shut,” Noah growled before walking them to the door. Disengaging the lock, he flung it open, ready to take Tyler’s head off. What he found instead was the entire group standing outside. Well, Stefano was off to the side and Monica had another full plate of food in her hands. Ethan stepped forward, his cheeks red with embarrassment. Vanessa stood next to him, arms crossed, eyes glaring at her husband with the promise of retribution. Uh oh. She must have heard about Ethan’s reaction in the backyard.
“I’m sorry.” Stepping closer, he wrapped Janae in his arms, giving her a huge bear hug. “Welcome to the family, sis.” Pulling back, he looked at Noah before giving him a cheeky grin. “Did Noah tell you I’m first uncle?”
“What the fuck, Ethan? You can’t just declare yourself first uncle,” Tony yelled out.
“Yes, I can. I called dibs on the ballerina, so she’s mine. Isn’t that right baby?” Ethan looked over at Vanessa.
“Oh, no. That’s between y’all. Come on, ladies,” she said to the women. “Let’s go, wobble-wobble. We need to get your ankles elevated. You’re beginning to look like an oompa-loompa.”
Pushing through the crowd of men, Monica approached Tyler. “Baby, does your big head baby with the ginormous appetite make me look fat?”
Noah wanted to laugh but knew it would probably make Monica cry. Daniel and Stefano had sudden coughing fits. Tony and Ethan looked at the paintings on the wall as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Noah just stared at Tyler. He wanted to see how he talked his way out of this one. Because, yes, if he didn’t know better, he’d think Monica was having
twins.
“Honey, nothing could make you look fat. Our baby is strong and healthy. He just wants to make sure you’re eating enough to keep the both of you that way. But, because you’re carrying the future of our family, I agree with Vanessa. You should relax and rest. Don’t worry about anything, Sweetheart. You sit on the couch and be the queen you are.”
Smooth move, man. Noah smiled as he gave a head nod to Tyler.
“Okay, thanks Ty,” Monica replied before turning to the women and sticking her tongue out. Noah almost laughed at the childish gesture.
She turned and began making her way down the hallway to the family room before pausing to look at Tyler. “Um, can you bring me some ice cream when you finish?”
“Ano—Um, yes, absolutely. What kind?”
Her eyes cut back at him, as if trying to figure out what he hadn’t said. “The pralines and cream one.”
“You got it, baby,” Tyler replied with a smile.
After she’d walked away and was out of sight, the guys all walked into Stefano’s office, closed the door, and burst out laughing.
“Man, you were quick on your feet,” Daniel praised with a two-finger salute.
“Monica will probably make Vanessa feel guilty for calling her that crazy name,” Tony responded with a smirk.
“Adele calls her that, too. I think it’s because Monica’s usually so hyper-focused on her weight and fitness due to the military. With that big head baby growing in her stomach she can’t,” Ethan stated as if he was an expert on the matter.
Tyler threw a pen at him. “Don’t call my baby Big Head, dude. My baby’s going to be perfect.”
“Yeah, he’ll have a perfectly Big Head,” Stefano teased with a smile.
All the guys started laughing and pointing at Tyler. When Stefano joined in on the joke, you knew you were done. That guy was too damn serious if you asked Noah. Stefano grabbed a bottle of scotch from a hidden shelf and poured everyone a drink. The house had enough rooms for all of them to stay over, and the living room could be converted to a kids’ zone, so no one was worried about drinking.