by Amy Clipston
Now she’d missed her chance to talk to Timothy, and he’d seemed so intent on speaking to her. Whatever he had to say must’ve been important.
I’ve made a horrible mistake.
“What do you think that was about?” Zach asked, breaking through her thoughts. “He left in a bit of a huff, ya?”
“I’m not sure what he wanted.” Miriam bit her bottom lip and tried to stop the regret rising in her soul.
Taking her hand, Zach gently turned her toward him. “I’m so glad you called me.” His expression was intense, causing her heart to thump with anxiety. “I was beginning to think I’d scared you off the other night.”
She forced a smile. “You didn’t scare me. You’re harmless, Zach.”
He gave a bark of laughter. “I’m not so harmless.” He lifted her chin with the tip of his finger. “I’d be honored if you’d court me, Miriam Lapp. What do you say?”
Alarm slammed through her. She was at another crossroads. Should she make a commitment to him? How did she know if this was how her life was supposed to go? But she couldn’t risk losing Zach’s friendship either.
“How about this,” she said, the words escaping before she could stop them. “I care for you, Zach, but I want to take it slow. I’ve had my heart broken, and I don’t want to experience that again.”
He smiled. “We’ll take it as slow as you’d like. I’ll never hurt you, Miriam. You have my word.”
Closing his eyes, he leaned down, and her hands trembled. He was going to kiss her, and she wasn’t ready for it. It was too soon!
As if on cue, Edna’s voice rang out. “Food’s gettin’ cold! Get back in here, you two!”
Stepping back from Zach, Miriam gave a nervous laugh. “We better go back in before she comes looking for us.”
“Ya.” He took her hand and led her back into the kitchen.
“Who was at the door?” Edna asked as they sat down at the table.
“Oh, it was nothing important,” Miriam muttered, more guilt poking at her as she spoke the words.
Raindrops splattered Timothy’s hat and shirt as he approached Naomi’s porch. Lifting his trembling hand to knock on the door, he stopped, closed his eyes, and breathed a deep sigh, willing the anger to leave his heart. Miriam wasn’t meant for him, but Naomi was. Now was the time to come clean with Naomi and ask for her hand before she changed her mind and decided not to wait for him.
He tapped on the door and mustered all of his courage from the depths of his soul.
A few moments passed and then the door opened, revealing Naomi. She stared up at him, her eyes wide with wonder. “Timothy?” Her gaze raked over him. “You’re soaked!” Taking his hand, she pulled him toward the foyer. “Come in and get dried off. We just started supper.”
“No, I’m fine. Really.” Grasping her hand in his, he gently stopped her from walking. “I was hoping we could talk. Alone.”
Her smile transformed into a frown. “It sounds serious.”
“It is.”
“I guess I knew this was coming. I’ll save you the trouble. It’s over. You don’t love me, and you want me to move on and find someone who does.” Tears filled her eyes. “I understand. Danki for the time we spent together.”
She attempted to yank her hand back, but he held onto it, pulling it to his chest.
“You got it all wrong, Naomi.” He shook his head.
“I do?” Her eyes widened, and her expression softened.
“Absolutely. I didn’t come here to break it off, but I understand if you want to end it with me.” He braced himself, awaiting her rejection, the second of the night.
“No, no.” She stepped toward him. “I don’t want to end it.”
“Gut.” He paused, collecting his thoughts. “I’m here to apologize.”
“Apologize?”
“I’ve thought about what you said in the buggy yesterday, and you’re right.” He took her other hand in his and squeezed them both. “I’m sorry for taking you for granted. You were right about Miriam—I did still care for her, but I’ve realized I was totally wrong.”
She studied his eyes, her expression anxious.
“I spoke with Miriam, and I thought I still wanted to be with her. But what she and I had years ago is over. We both agreed the past is the past, and it’s gone.” He ran his thumbs over her palms. “She’s seeing Zach Fisher now. At first I was angry when I found out, but now I see I’m not supposed to be with Miriam. I’m supposed to be with you. I’m sorry for not seeing that before.”
Naomi gasped, and a single tear trickled down her face.
He swiped the tear away with the tip of his finger. “I’ve spent the past four years pining for Miriam, convinced God had wanted me to marry her. I blamed myself for our breakup, thinking I’d driven her away. Yet I see now I haven’t been listening to God at all. You’ve been right before my eyes, and I didn’t see it. I’m so sorry for not treating you right. You deserve someone so much better than me.”
“Stop,” she whispered, taking his hand in hers. “You’re talking narrisch.”
He chuckled. “Funny, I keep hearing that word.”
Leaning down, he brushed his lips against hers, expecting to feel the electricity that had flashed through him when he touched Miriam’s hand last night.
Instead, he found her lips warm and sweet, but no spark. No explosions. No heat. Perhaps that was how love was supposed to feel—warm, comfortable, complacent, and nothing more.
Meeting her gaze, he found her eyes wide and sparkling.
“Would you allow me to court you, Naomi?”
“Ya,” she breathed.
“Would it be too bold to ask you to marry me in the fall?”
“Ya!” She squealed, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I mean, no, it’s not too bold. Of course, I will marry you. I love you, Timothy Kauffman.”
He held her close. “I love you, too.” As he spoke the words, they felt like a lie. He hoped he could say he loved her and mean it —soon.
13
Saturday night, in keeping with Kauffman family tradition, Timothy, his brothers, brothers-in-law, and father leaned against the fence surrounding Eli’s pasture and listened to a story his brother Daniel shared about one of the young workers at the furniture store. Timothy laughed at appropriate times, but his thoughts were tied up with his future.
Ever since he’d proposed to Naomi on Wednesday, she’d been different. She seemed to cling to him every time he saw her, and she was even bubblier, chatting endlessly about their wedding. She’d arranged for them to meet with the bishop next week in order to obtain his blessing and begin their plans.
Timothy longed to ask his brothers if they too had felt such a heavy load on their shoulders when they were planning their weddings, but it was an Amish tradition to keep upcoming weddings a secret, until they were “published,” meaning announced at a worship service closer to the wedding.
He suspected deep in his heart that he wouldn’t feel this aversion to her behavior if they were truly meant to be together. Yet, he couldn’t face that fact. He didn’t want to even consider breaking Naomi’s heart—not after the way Miriam had broken his. He couldn’t bear inflicting that pain on sweet Naomi, who longed to have a family with him. Miriam had told him that she was his past, and it was time he faced that reality.
He wished he could get Miriam out of his head and concentrate on his new life with Naomi, but Miriam’s beautiful face still haunted his dreams at night and his thoughts during the day.
The screen door leading to the kitchen banged shut, drawing Timothy’s eyes to the back porch across the dirt driveway.
Beth Anne stomped down the stairs as if on a mission. She stalked across the dirt lane and stood by the fence. After nodding at the group of men, she trained her eyes on Timothy. “May I speak with you in private?”
“Ya.” He followed her through the fence, and they strolled toward the large barn across the vast field. “Wie geht’s?” he asked when they were out
of earshot of the group of men behind them.
“Don’t play coy with me,” Beth Anne said.
He stopped and gave her a confused look. “What did I do?”
“I hear congratulations are in order,” she said with a knowing smile.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
She folded her arms in front of her chest. “I hear you proposed to Naomi.”
He groaned, covering his face with his hand. “She told you?”
“She told all of us while we were doing the dishes. She said that she was so excited she couldn’t wait until you were published.” Beth Anne frowned. “You don’t love her, Timothy. Why are you marrying her?”
He glared at her. “It’s my decision who I marry. I don’t need your permission.”
“You don’t love her.” Beth Anne enunciated each word. “You’re going to be miserable and make her miserable too.”
“How do you know I don’t love her?”
She wagged a finger at him like a schoolteacher. “I just tested you, and you failed. You groaned when you found out she told me. If you loved her, you’d be overjoyed right now.”
He blanched as if she’d struck him.
She’s right.
“The poor girl is nearly turning cartwheels in there. She’s so young and desperate to be in love and have a family. I remember being that immature and lying in bed at night imagining what it would be like to be in love and getting married. She’s a sweet girl, but she has a lot of growing up to do. I was really stunned when I heard the news.” Beth Anne gestured toward the house. “I snuck out while she was surrounded by our sisters and Mamm. Everyone is thrilled. Naomi said she knows she should’ve waited to tell us when you’re published, but she’s so thrilled she can’t keep it to herself. She told Lilly Lapp yesterday, and it was so easy to share that she wanted to tell the whole district.”
He grimaced. “She told Lilly?”
Beth Anne raised an eyebrow. “Are you afraid Miriam might find out?”
He stared at her, speechless.
“Miriam will know soon. In fact, with the way Naomi is celebrating, I’d wager she knows already.” Beth Anne clasped her hands to her hips. “Why didn’t you just speak to Miriam instead of taking the coward’s way out?”
“I did speak to her,” he began through gritted teeth.
“And?”
“She said I’m part of her past, and she’s moving forward. She’s courting Zach Fisher.”
Beth Anne’s expression was surprised. “Zach Fisher?”
“Ya. Zach Fisher. He was at her house for supper Wednesday when I went to see her.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Why wouldn’t it make sense? Miriam has moved on, and so have I.”
“But just the other day, Miriam asked me if you’d ever cheated on her, and I told her you hadn’t. Then she explained about Lilly’s lie.”
“What?” He shook his head, shocked. “When did she ask you that?”
“Wednesday. I told her God could give you both a second chance, and I said to have faith. But she said you were courting Naomi. I thought you and Naomi were only friends, but I felt it wasn’t my place to tell her your business.”
Again, he groaned. “How did things get so confused?”
“I don’t know.” Beth Anne bit her lip. “I guess I should’ve told her that you and Naomi were only friends. And I should’ve told you that she was asking about you. However, I felt it was better to leave things in God’s hands.”
“But why was she asking about me if she was courting Zach?”
Beth Anne threw her hands up with frustration. “I have no idea. She never mentioned Zach to me.”
He folded his arms in front of his chest. “It doesn’t matter. She’s made her choice. She has Zach, and I have Naomi.”
Beth Anne scowled. “It’s all my fault. I should’ve stayed out of it and maybe now you and Miriam would be together.”
“It’s not meant to be.” His expression softened. “I know you mean well, but God doesn’t see us together.”
“But you love each other. You are supposed to be together.”
“You think she loves me?” He studied her eyes. Could Beth Anne be right? Does Miriam love me?
“Timothy!” a voice yelled behind them. “Get over here!”
Turning, he found Elizabeth, surrounded by his sisters, waving to him.
“I bet they pulled out the ice cream,” Beth Anne muttered as they started toward the crowd.
“We need to celebrate with some ice cream,” Elizabeth called, beaming. “My last kind is finally getting married.”
“Told ya,” Beth Anne whispered, smacking his shoulder.
The men and children joined the group of women, and Timothy wished he could crawl under a rock. He forced a smile as his gaze met Naomi’s wide grin.
“It’s about time,” Daniel called, his arms wrapped around his wife.
“We were beginning to worry about you,” Robert chimed in, and the crowd laughed in response.
Timothy and Beth Anne stepped through the fence and were swallowed up into the crowd. He approached Naomi, and the knot of relatives began to clap.
“I just couldn’t keep it to myself,” Naomi gushed, taking his hand in hers.
He gazed down at his bride and pushed a flyaway lock of hair back from her face. How could he hurt this woman, whose eyes shone with love only for him? He was meant to be with her and to forget Miriam.
“I’m so froh,” Naomi said.
“Me too,” he replied, praying that statement would come true.
Lindsay sank onto the swing and smiled at the scene unfolding in the pasture. “They sure are happy about Naomi’s announcement.”
“They get riled up about weddings, don’t they?” Jessica chomped her gum and fingered her necklace.
“I think Englishers are the same.” Lindsay leaned back and pushed the swing. “Everyone gets excited about weddings. Aenti Rebecca once made a comment that Elizabeth worried Timothy would never settle down.”
Jessica frowned. “You always talk about ‘Englishers,’“ she began, using her fingers as quotations as she said the word, “as if you’re Amish. Linds, you’re not Amish. You’re a poser.” With hypercritical eyes, she gestured toward Lindsay. “You’re trying too hard to fit in. You need to just be Lindsay Bedford and not try so hard to be Lindsay Bedford, Amish girl.”
My own sister doesn’t get me. Or maybe she’s just not listening!
Lindsay gritted her teeth to stop the angry words from escaping her lips. Taking a deep breath, she silently counted to ten.
“What?” Jessica asked, still chomping her gum. “You look like you have something to say.”
“I don’t want to fight with you, Jessica,” Lindsay said, enunciating the words. “You’re going back to Virginia soon, and the last thing I want to do is let you leave on bad terms.”
Her older sister shrugged. “I’m not mad at you. I’m just stating the obvious.”
“That’s just it.” Lindsay angled her body toward her sister. “You keep saying that I’m posing as an Amish person, but this is who I want to be. You need to respect that this is my choice.” She pointed toward Jessica. “You do what’s right for you.” She then pointed to her chest. “And I’ll do what’s right for me. I don’t plan to join the church until I’m certain that this is the life I want to lead. But right now, it feels right, and you need to accept that or we’re going to have problems between us.”
Jessica’s expression softened. “You’re right.” Reaching over, she squeezed Lindsay’s hand. “I’m sorry for not respecting your decision.”
Lindsay smiled. “I forgive you. Just don’t do it again.”
“Deal.” Jessica looked toward the dirt road leading up to the house. “Jake decided to show up after all.”
Lindsay glanced toward the headlights as the pickup truck rumbled toward the house. The truck stopped in front of the barn and Jake climbed
from the driver’s seat. The passenger door opened, revealing a tall, slender Amish man.
“I guess Jake has Matthew with him tonight,” Jessica said.
“Who?” Lindsay asked.
“He just moved here and started working at the furniture store.”
With Jake talking and Matthew frowning, they strolled toward the porch. Lindsay’s gaze was glued to Matthew, taking in his tall, lean physique. As he approached the porch, she was struck by brown curls escaping from beneath his straw hat. His eyes met hers and then darted toward the fence, where the cluster of Kauffman family members congregated.
“Hey there,” Jessica said, standing. “What are you guys up to this evening?”
“Not a whole lot.” Jake climbed the porch steps and leaned back against the railing. “We thought we’d come over and see what was going on at the Kauffman homestead.”
Matthew’s stare moved from the Kauffman clan to the toes of his boots. Lindsay longed to know why the man was so quiet. He looked to be approximately seventeen, and his clean-shaven face told her that he was single. She wished she could see his eyes.
“How’s it going, Matt?” Jessica asked. “Long time no see, huh?”
Matt looked up, his expression somber.
“I don’t think you’ve met my little sister. Matt, this is Lindsay.” Jessica gestured between them. “Linds, this is Matt Glick.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Lindsay said, hoping his eyes would meet hers.
Matthew’s eyes met hers, and her pulse leapt. His eyes were a light shade of brown that was nearly golden. “You too,” he said, looking back toward the pasture.
Lindsay opened her mouth to speak but was overshadowed by Eli’s voice booming from the pasture.
“Matthew!” he called. “It’s so good to see you. Come visit with us, son!”
Matthew gave Lindsay another quick nod and then loped toward the fence. His slim body moved with a grace mirroring a gazelle.
“He doesn’t talk much at all, does he?” Jessica asked, as if reading Lindsay’s thoughts.