by Iona Rose
Leaning back, I try to compose myself, but another cramp hits and I find myself hanging over the toilet, retching and retching, even when there’s nothing left to come up. I try to tell myself its food poisoning, but I know better. I’ve worked myself up into such a state while thinking about facing Brett that I’ve actually made myself physically sick.
I stay on the ground for another couple of minutes, but the nausea seems to have faded. I still feel a little lightheaded and I sway slightly on my feet as I move to the sink. I swill my mouth out and brush my teeth again. I look at myself in the mirror. I look pale and sweaty and my head is still spinning. There is no way I’m going in to work to face Brett looking like this.
That makes me feel slightly better, as I leave the bathroom and go back to my bedroom in search of my phone, I even start to feel hungry. It makes sense. I have just lost my breakfast and I didn’t eat much yesterday, so the nerves were already starting to kick in then.
I call the office and speak to one of the receptionists. She asks if I want to be put through to Brett,
“No,” I say, a little too quickly. “I mean no thank you. He’s a busy man and he won’t need me bothering him. Please just let him know I won’t be in today.”
“Ok, feel better soon,” she replies.
“Thanks.” I end the call and sit down on my bed, wondering what to do with my day. Now I know I don’t have to face Brett today, I feel better, but I can’t risk being caught out and about. I shrug my shoulders. A pyjama and movie day it is then.
My phone rings and I pick it up. My stomach cramps again when I see the number. It’s Mr. Connell’s personal office line. That means it’s Brett. I debate ignoring the call, but I know I can’t do that and expect to keep my job. I press answer and bring the phone up to my ear tentatively like it’s a bomb about to explode at any minute. “H-hello,” I stutter.
“Opal, it’s Brett.” His voice sounds formal, even kind of angry. He’s not calling to see if I’m ok, that’s for sure.
“Hi,” I say.
“I’m not sure what’s going on, but I just got a message from one of the secretaries saying you won’t be in today. I’m sure that’s a misunderstanding right?” he says.
“Actually no, it’s not. I think I’ve got a touch of food poisoning and I won’t be in today.”
“That’s not an option Opal. No offense, but my father had a heart attack and he was still working from his hospital bed. I’m sure you can come in feeling a little bit sickly.”
I want to tell him it’s more than that, but I don’t want him picturing me with my head down the toilet, throwing my guts up. I really don’t want to go in though. If I thought facing him before would have been hard, this incident has only made it ten times worse. I never should have allowed myself to bail in the first place. “I—ummm.”
“Opal, this isn’t open to discussion,” Brett says, cutting me off. “We have a busy day today with a couple of important meetings and I need you in. I’ll expect to see you in this office within the hour.”
He hangs up leaving me staring at the phone open mouthed. I am so angry. How dare he just dismiss my illness like that and demand I come in. And then to not even wait for an answer. I was wrong about Brett. He might be drop dead gorgeous, but he’s not a nice man. It doesn’t matter that my illness isn’t exactly real. He doesn’t know that.
I sit on the spot, fuming for a moment. I could just not go in and when he reports me to HR, I can explain I was ill and then tell them what happened. Mr. Connell would take my side when he hears what happened, I’m almost certain of it.
Thinking of Mr. Connell sends a rush of guilt through me. He trusted me to help Brett run his company in his time of need, and I am letting him down greatly. I got drunk, seduced my boss and then called in sick because I freaked out at the thought of seeing him again, so soon after it. And I know if I did have a touch of food poisoning as I had claimed to have, that if Mr. Connell had called me and told me he needed me in anyway, I would have gone in without any hesitation. Of course, he wouldn’t have been such a dick about it, but still, I would have done it with no complaints.
I need to put my personal feelings about Brett to one side and just treat him like my boss. And that means going in to work, even when I don’t feel one hundred percent. Perhaps it means that even more so than ever now, considering my illness is only a result of my nerves at my own stupid actions catching up with me.
With a sigh, I stand and grab my purse and keys. I dash back into my bedroom and fix my lipstick and then I head out. I head to the office telling myself to let the anger go. I am showing up. I’m showing Brett I am a professional and can still be relied on. I just have to get through today and then everything will be fine.
I reach the office quickly and go straight up to my office. Brett said he expected me in within the hour and I am here within half of that time. Surely, that shows dedication. I still feel kind of angry and although I’m trying to contain it, in one sense, it’s a good thing, because the anger has gotten rid of my nerves and at least, I don’t feel sick anymore.
I boot up my computer and begin responding to emails. I have been working for about ten minutes when my desk phone rings. The light is on to show me the call is coming from Mr. Connell’s office, and the nerves come back with a vengeance. I swallow hard and pick up the phone. “Hello.”
“Ah Opal, you’re here. Good,” Brett says briskly. “Can you come to my office please? Now.”
“Right away.” I hang up the phone and stand up on slightly shaky legs. Please let it just be a query about a client account I think to myself as I make my way to Brett’s office. I tap on the door and Brett shouts for me to come in. I take a deep breath and push the door open.
Brett is sitting in his father’s chair looking at the computer on the desk in front of him. He glances up at me as I step in.
I feel my heart sink. He is as cold and distant as he’s ever been, but beneath that cool professional exterior, I can see he’s pissed off with me. Great. He looks like a totally different person to the guy I had sex with in my kitchen on Friday night. A different person to the one who laughed with me at the party before we went back to my apartment and ruined everything. He even looks more distant than he did before the party, and I really didn’t think that was possible.
This is all I need.
“Sit down please,” Brett says.
I stand just inside of the door fidgeting my fingers together in front of me. I move towards his desk and take a seat, keeping my hands away from each other. Whatever this is, I don’t want to look nervous. It will make it look like I have something to hide and I haven’t. “What can I do for you?” I ask brightly, hoping his anger isn’t at me and we can just get down to business.
“You can start by telling me why you thought it was appropriate to call in sick today,” he says, dismissing any notion of this just being pushed under the rug. “I really thought better of you after my father’s recommendation of you, and I didn’t expect you to be the type of person who pretends to be ill to get out of work.”
If only it was as simple as me wanting to get out of work. That I could have easily ignored and came in anyway. “That’s quite some accusation,” I say. “And for the record, it’s a baseless accusation. I wasn’t lying. I have come in because you said you needed me. I still feel under the weather and I would appreciate it if we could get to the point, because clearly there’s something important you want to discuss with me to ask me to come in when I’m not feeling very well.” My voice comes out steady, my tone cool and professional and I surprise myself. I was half expecting my voice to break and give away how utterly nervous I am.
Brett raises an eyebrow at my little lecture, but he doesn’t lose his composure for even a second. “I asked you to come in because it’s your job to be here Opal. I am a little disappointed that you’re being so immature about this. Yes, we fucked a couple of nights ago, but that shouldn’t be affecting your work.”
I just
stare at him, my jaw hanging open. I can’t believe he just said that. I don’t know whether to be angry, sad or amused by his bluntness. My body decides for me and a little laugh squeezes out of my throat. I try to cover it with a cough, but I’m too late.
Brett glares at me. “Is something funny?”
“Just your assumption that me being ill is anything to do with what happened between us.”
He waves away my words and shakes his head. “It clearly has everything to do with it Opal. If you think I can’t see that, then you’re either deluding yourself, or you’re hugely underestimating me. What happened between us was a mistake. I should never have allowed myself to get caught up in the moment like that, and for that I apologize. It won’t ever happen again.”
I open my mouth to respond, but Brett just keeps on talking like I’m not really there, “Now that’s out of the way, let’s move on shall we? I do have a business matter to discuss with you. I have a meeting with Brice Newcomb later on today. I know you said his company is in the IT sector, but can you elaborate on that? I’d like to know the ins and outs of his business before I put together a package for him.”
I’m still reeling at how this worked out. First Brett scolded me like I was some silly school girl and now, he’s back to work talk like it’s normal to talk to an employee that way? I can’t believe how easily he just brought up what happened between us, and then just dismissed it equally as easily. I mean what the actual fuck is that all about?
I manage to hold my emotions in check though and I give him the run down on Brice Newcomb’s business, including the bits I know he won’t find on any official documentation.
“Thank you.” Brett nods when I’m finished talking. He has been taking notes.
At least I know he’s serious about the business. My anger has mostly fizzled out now and I just want to get through today and then have things go back to the way they were between us before any of this happened.
Brett peers at me as though he’s studying my face, looking for something there.
“What?” I ask, reaching up to touch my mouth, self conscious that I have something on my face or something.
“Nothing,” he says. “I was just thinking you do look a little pale, and if you need to go home, then just go.”
Somehow, that is the final insult and I feel my temper flaring up again. If that is his idea of an apology for accusing me of lying to get out of work and acting unprofessionally, then he’s in for a shock, because it doesn’t even come close to making me want to forgive him. “It’s fine,” I snap. “I’m sure I can make it to the toilet in time if I need to. Is there anything else you need?”
Brett shakes his head, watching me with amusement again.
11
God, he’s so fucking arrogant. I can’t believe I ever found him attractive. He’s just a massive douche bag. I get up and leave the office without another word, no longer caring anymore if he knows I’m annoyed at him. I kind of want him to know. It’s not okay to treat people like this. I don’t know what he’s used to at his own company. Mr. Connell might be formal, but at least he always treats his employees with respect.
I sit at my desk, anger running through my veins as I go back to my emails. It’s going to be a long day if I can’t let go of this anger, but try as I might, I just can’t do it. It takes me a while, but I realize that for all Brett has been so high and mighty about the whole thing and pissed me off, it’s not really him I’m annoyed at. It’s myself. Because everything he said was true.
I did call in sick and although I was actually sick, it wasn’t like I was ill, it was just nerves and I knew it. I called in sick because I didn’t want to face Brett after what happened on Friday, just like he said I had. I hate that he sees through me so easily.
Somehow, I get through the rest of the day. I’m polite, pleasant and friendly to Brett when he comes in, and whenever any other staff members are around, but when we are alone, I don’t speak to him. I barely even look at him. I know he notices, but he doesn’t care enough to ask me about it, and that suits me just fine.
I don’t want to give Brett any other reason to be annoyed with me, so when five o’clock rolls around and I should be finishing for the day, I stay and finish up the report I am working on. At 6:15 when it’s finished, I print it off and go to Brett’s office. I tap on the door and wait.
“Come in,” he calls.
I go in.
He looks shocked to see me. “I thought you’d left.”
I hold the report up for him to see and then put it on his desk. “I wanted to get this finished first.”
He opens his mouth as though he’s going to say something, but then he closes it again and just nods. “Thanks.”
Turning, I head out of the office.
“Hold on a second and I’ll walk down with you,” Brett says.
I can’t think of any good reason to say no. I already have my purse with me and Brett can see I’m clearly ready to leave. I wait mutely as he closes down his computer and grabs his jacket and briefcase.
Oh God, maybe he has a date, I think to myself with horror. Don’t even go there, I tell myself.
I think about asking him how come he’s leaving so soon, but he’d be perfectly within his rights to tell me to mind my own damned business. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of being able to do that. We walk to the elevator in silence.
Brett leans forward and presses the button and we wait.
I twirl a loose tendril of hair around my finger as we wait. I can feel myself getting nervous again. Why would he have asked me to wait for him if he didn’t have something to say to me? My stomach rolls and I will it to be still.
Please don’t throw up here, I think to myself, although if I did, maybe then Brett would feel like an asshole for dragging me in to work today.
Finally, the elevator car arrives. I get a sinking feeling when I see it’s empty. Great. More awkward silence. Why didn’t he just let me go and give me a couple of minutes to get out of sight before he left?
I press the button for the ground floor and the elevator begins to move.
“I’m sorry I was so harsh to you this morning,” Brett says quietly once we’re moving.
Shrugging my shoulders, I lie, “I’m over it.”
“Well, I’m not. I handled it horribly and I’m sorry. I guess I was just ashamed of myself. I don’t generally fraternise with employees like that, and I’m sorry for that too,” he adds.
I soften ever so slightly. “Believe it or not, I don’t make a habit of sleeping with people I work with either. Why don’t we just forget about it?”
“Yes,” Brett agrees. “My thoughts exactly. Which is why I think a temporary transfer for you would be a good idea. I’m only going to be here until my father is well enough to return, so it’ll only be for a few months. You can choose your department and I’ll make sure you’re well rewarded financially for the inconvenience.”
Anger surges through me once more. He thinks he can have his fun with me and then palm me off to another department once I become a problem to him? Well, fuck that. The offer of a financial reward too? I mean that doesn’t make me feel like a whore at all.
I open my mouth to tell Brett exactly what I think of his bright idea when the elevator stops and the doors ping open.
Brett doesn’t even look at me.
“Think about it,” he says as he steps out and hurries away from me.
At least now, I know why he wanted to walk out of the building with me. He would never have said that in his office, knowing I would likely yell loud enough for half of the building to hear me. Well, if he thinks I won’t do that in the lobby, then maybe he’s the one who has hugely underestimated me.
I step out and rush across the lobby to catch up with Brett. I am almost half way across the lobby when my phone rings. Dammit. I snatch it out of my bag and answer it without looking at the screen. I’m expecting it to be Rita, calling to ask me to pick up dinner, and I plan on telling
her I’ll call her back.
It isn’t Rita’s voice that greets me, it’s Gary’s, “I see you’ve switched your phone back on at last.” He sounds triumphant, like he’s won some sort of prize.
I sigh. I really don’t need this right now. “Gary when someone changes their phone number and doesn’t give you their new one, there’s usually a reason for that,” I say.
“Yes, I know,” he agrees. “And I know why you did it. You wanted me to prove my love for you by finding it for myself.”
“What? No. Not even close. Gary this is crazy. Just … just stop calling me and stay out of my life,” I snap.
“I just wanted to ask you something real quick,” Gary says, ignoring my anger.
“What?” I figure it might be quicker just to answer him than it will be to ignore him and have him keep bothering me. I’m still making my way across the lobby as I talk and I turn right as I leave the building, heading for the car park. I might still be able to catch up with Brett yet.
“Who were you with on Friday night when I called you? And don’t lie to me Opal. I could hear a man’s voice,” Gary says.
“It’s none of your damned business,” I snap. I should have just hung up. I should have known his question would be something ridiculous.
“Of course, it’s my business. You’re my girl Opal and I don’t like the idea of you with other men and making a fool of me. I’m willing to let it go this once, but just keep in mind that we haven’t broken up. We’re only on a break.”
“Oh my God Gary, listen to yourself. We’re not a break. It’s been weeks. We have broken up.”
“No we haven’t,” he insists.
He’s crazy and I know I can’t reason with crazy. “Just stay out of my life,” I say, ending the call and dropping my phone back into my purse.
It starts ringing again almost immediately, but I ignore it. I have reached the car park and I look around quickly, trying to spot Brett. I can’t see him anywhere. A silver car drives past me heading out of the car park and into the street and I curse when I see that Brett is driving the car.